if you could afford to go private, should you?

[tankerdale]

Sometimes I worry that we've got our priorities wrong. We've ended up in a lovely large home with high running costs, we've got some but not loads of savings, most of our 'wealth' is in our house. Income is very good on paper but month to month we only manage to save a small amount, if any. I work 2.5 days, DH is full time. We have a nice lifestyle and I guess eat out a bit but I don't think we're otherwise extravagant, don't spend much on holidays, run 1 car, don't spend loads on clothes etc.

3dc, 2 already at primary school. We live in the catchment of what is considered a very good non selective state secondary but it is massive.

As it stands we couldn't afford to put 3dc through private secondary (there's a nice one nearby). But have we got it wrong? Should we move to a more modest home and prioritise paying for their education?

Feeling a bit guilty that we're not putting them first. Dc1 seems v bright and will probably be ok anywhere, dc2 I'm not so sure about and too early to tell with dc3.

If they go to the state school and have any problems I'm going to wish we made a different choice I think.

So - in principle, if you can pay for private - should you?

"why do it Bert, does it not make you feel a bit wrong?"

We can choose our friends. We cannot necessarily choose our social circle.

I would be very bored if everyone in my social circle shared my values! Diversity makes for great debate

We had a Trump voter to dinner on Saturday

Hillview which just happens to have broken a record , of being the only 'Secondary Modern' school in history to get the 'Tatler' approval.Hillview School for Girls
Kent

Pupils 1,205 girls (77 boys in sixth form), aged 11-18

Kent is jam-packed with grammar schools and 15,000 tetchy 10-year- olds sat the anxiety-inducing 'Kent Test' last year. The spotlight on grammars is ever increasing in this corner of the country, fuelled by Nicky Morgan's controversial approval, in 2015, of a new site for Weald of Kent Grammar School. The cracking news is that Kent's state secondaries are catching up nicely and Hillview School for Girls is one of the best. 'Strong results from bright kids,' says our spy - these sparky girls are infused with confidence by the time they leave. Hillview is a specialist School for Performing Arts, and last year's production of Cats, below, was a sellout over all three nights, and girls scored distinctions all round in their singing exams. The zinging new sixth-form facilities, designed by the girls, are super-stylish. A-level results are looking good - 75 per cent A*-C last year - and most pupils swish off to their first choice of university. Another success story is the Skinners' Kent Academy in Tunbridge Wells: 'A new school on a rapid rise with an outstanding head making a big difference,' says an insider. One to watch.

It does go to prove that Bertrand's long time hatred of the damages of selective education are yesterdays news

The second school mentioned 'Skinners' Academy under its old designation of Tunbridge Wells High school was one of the worst in the country.
Now its being mentioned by a 'magazine' that up until the banking crisis of 2008 believed 'state' school were the 'great unwashed.

The cracking news is that Kent's state secondaries are catching up nicely.

Whilst what you say Enormous Tiger is true, Watford Grammar or the Jewish Secondaries are hardly representative of comprehensives, as a whole. They're mostly populated by middle class children or at least children with interested and engaged parents with high expectations and in many case those are the only state schools their parents would have considered. Their general outcomes aren't really that much different to many of the independent schools and lots of the children at both the schools have siblings in the private sector. But, I do agree with you, I'd be horrified if I ever heard any child of mine or their friends refer to other children as scum.

The top ten most 'un- Comprehensive schools' in England.

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/secondaryeducation/11816128/Top-10-comprehensive-schools-for-GCSE-results.html?frame=endScreen

Firstly, there are private schools who do specialize in the rich but thick.

you know what Bertrand, one of my daughters isn't very academically bright and doesn't do that well in school (a private school as it happens although not in the UK). And we are rich (as I suspect you are).

Do you think it is a good thing to refer to children like my daughter as thick? Is that how you refer to those children in real life?

And why is it desperately unfair to access private education but absolutely ok to send your children to state school and then pay for tutors, extracurriculars, and "cultural capital" stuff to give them a leg up over their classmates?

I suppose we just have a lot of choice down here. I just had a look at JCoSS and its results and it seems to be doing relatively okay for a fairly new school. One of their friends left for what I think is not a very good local comp actually and about 3 went to state sixth form places which we had a look at on line last year. I don't think they were all that good. London certainly has loads of different options whereas some parts of the country can hardly keep a private school going as not that many people earn enough to pay fees and then there will just be one or possibly two comprehensives locally.

Bertrand , out of interest, what do you think of GetaHaircut's comment about hearing through her outreach work that disruption is the no. 1 complaint from pupils? Of course it is her experience (and that of her colleagues) , but probably wider experience than many of us have had.

The comment about the "dregs" is just plain horrid IMHO. Do you think you remember it because it was singular? Of course others may think it rather than say it, but then trying to guess what people think is often treading in murky waters.

Perfectionism is complicated and is not completely wrong IMO. As someone who's has recently returned to horse riding after a 10 year break and low level competing it's the constant striving to get it better that is part of the challenge and the enjoyment.

I agree, happygardening. Getting things right is important - not everything is a moving, touchy feely feast. A lot of schooling is (or ought to be) about total mastery of the basics, such that they become a reflex, thus freeing up the brain to use its powers on the non-basics.

Sorry but I would never encourage either of my DC to insist on 100% in everything they did, that less than perfection is failure.

The people I know who live like that always seem endlessly disappointed in themselves or avoid doing anything out of their comfort zone ( with the concurrent risk of achieving a less than perfect result).

No one is suggesting that DC be encouraged to go for 100% in everything they do. Just pointing out that a lot of what school is about, especially in the early/middle years, is either right or wrong and we do our DC an injustice by pretending that isn't the case. Knowing when to go for 100% and when not to is a life skill in itself.

The perfectionists that I know well tend to be incredibly ambitious.

Ambitious but often exhausted.

Well it's a bit off topic but I would agree with some pp s here. Ds, who is doing well (thus far) at university thinks that he has more time to put towards other interests because he thinks he can recognise when enough reading around the essay is enough and then it is time to just think about it and write it. He does have friends who he thinks are a bit more perfectionist and have to read every single book suggested. May be he is winging it - time will tell. I certainly think he has a great pragmatic streak in him.

You'd not survive my industry without a healthy dollop of steely pragmatism.

Here's a classic Friday afternoon email.

Hi GetAHairCutCarl

Thanks for the MS. We really love it. I mean totally love it.

We just have a few notes, which we've attached in documents 1 to 156.

Could we have a turnaround by Monday?

By the way did we tell you how much we love it!

Well sure, GetAHaircutCarl. But when you are making complex financial models, winging it with hypotheses that aren't properly backed up can take you miles off course pretty damn fast and invalidate the whole scenario. And when you are playing in an orchestra, winging it will ruin the occasion for an awful lot of other people.

Yes I agree Bobo creative writing, where you're responsible only to yourself, is a rare example of where you can wing it with no possibility of detriment to anyone else. So many 'industries' have human beings relying on you not winging it - medicine springs to mind also law, but so many, many occupations where you could quite easily wreck someone's life if you winged it.

I used to write for a living. There was an awful lot less stress involved than in my previous roles (and I taught some of what I wrote to very senior execs who had paid extortionate sums of money for the privilege!).

The question is if you can afford it why would you not want a very good standard of education for your children ?

"The question is if you can afford it why would you not want a very good standard of education for your children ?"

There's another one!

Whats wrong with that question.

I am lucky i don't have to pay for the appropriate selective education for my two DDs .

I would without a heartbeat go private if there was no grammar school provision for my two DDs and the option was a 'comprehensive' school not listed in the 10 'non' Comprehensive schools listed earlier.

Bertrand Hillview is an other example of an excellent 'Modern' school proving failing the 11+ is not the edge of the abyss for a child you claim it is.

Just another example of the drip drip drip dissing of state schools that people claim isn't happening.

I want the best for my dcs. That's one of the reasons I won't send them to a private school.