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At what point is going private NOT worth it?

710 replies

lexlees · 05/11/2015 14:31

I was chatting to a friend recently and we got chatting about schools. Their only daughter goes to a top private school and it is a real financial strain on them. They reckon they spend 40% of their net family income on school fees and extras. All her wages go towards the school fees and even then only covers 2/3 of it - the remaining third comes from her husband's salary.

From my perspective I don't see how it is worth it. She maintained that it is not unusual. They just want their child to have 'every advantage' because both she and her husband went private.

Their girl is bright but didn't qualify for any bursary or scholarship and failed to get into the selective state school (they did try all three). Although the girl was top of her class in her state primary, she now feels so much pressure because she hasn't gotten an 'A' in anything yet. She is now no longer the bright one and it took two terms to make friends. I'd love to say she is a lovely girl, but honestly, she is an ungrateful and mean brat (she used to beat up/be cruel to my ds every time they were alone - then lie about it - hence I don't bring my ds anymore to their house).

They are putting minimal money into pensions and have only 'one term's worth' of savings. They haven't had a holiday for two to three years, never eat out and hardly buy stuff (except for stuff for their daughter - so she doesn't feel 'left out' at school) as they have a mortgage as well. They also don't have parental financial support or expect much of any inheritance either. I feel like my friend has changed into some penny pinching miser, always working out how to save pennies and she is just worn out from a low paid job!

It got me wondering if other people are just making ends meet to send a child or children private. Is she correct that it is normal? At what point does it become NOT worth it.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:29

Oooh how much is YOURS worth then SheStoops?

Am all ears!

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 20:30

Westminster has around that mark of successful Oxbridge applicants.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:31

JasperDamerel

That's absolutely right, but again, I was talking about alternative education prospects for Cameron's daughter specifically, not the private school mean.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 20:32

50% of the cohort, I mean ( plus a good tranche of other highly selective universities - LSE, Imperial, Ivy League etc).

JasperDamerel · 10/11/2015 20:34

I do actually much prefer it when rich people send their children to state schools. It's good for children to know children from all sorts of backgrounds. If all the wealthy and successful people send their children to independent schools, then thrir children get to form useful connections while the majority of state pupils miss out unless their parents are well-connected but not wealthy.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:35

Mintyy - haha, nice try Wink.

MumTryingHerBest - the Sutton Trust has compiled an excellent document (www.suttontrust.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/UniversityAdmissions.pdf).

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:38

SheStoopsToConkers the Sutton Trust has compiled an excellent document

Thank you, I've already read it. Perhaps you can refer me to the page that lists the "many" private schools who have children coasting through their Oxbridge degree.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:39

MumTryingHerBest - on that, I'm afraid I have no statistics, only personal experience.

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:40

Haha! couldn't give a fuck Wink

You are the one with the weirdy interest in the value of other people's houses.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 20:50

I teach at Oxbridge.
I hope no one coasts on my watch.
But conversely, it's not meant to be a struggle of Herculean proportions.

Students from private schools are often more used to the intensity of workload and the one-to-one aspect of tutorials. But that still shouldn't mean they find it a breeze.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:50

SheStoopsToConkers only personal experience so you mean you went to a private school and then went on to coast through your Oxbridge degree and got a first.

Or perhaps you mean your DCs went to a private school and then went on to coast through their Oxbridge degree and got a firtst.

Or perhaps you mean that you know 100 or so children who when to private school and then went on to coast through their Oxbridge degree and got a first.

Perhaps the point you were trying to make initally was that Oxbridge degrees should be much harder. Perhaps they should have and idegree for those from private school.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:53

SheGotAllDaMoves thank you :-)

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:56

(Purely as an aside I'm surprised that anyone who works at a college of Oxford University or Cambridge University would refer to their job as working "at Oxbridge" - I know its a convenient shorthand for the rest of us, would never have guessed that the people directly immersed in that world wouldn't differentiate between the two).

But you learn something every day.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:56

Mintyy - since the value of housing underpins pretty much everything in Britain, you have to be somewhere on the outer margins of wealth or poverty not to be a little bit obsessed with it. Fine, I'm deeply sorry for bringing up your 3-bed London mega-mansion. I mentioned the mansion once, but I thought I got away with it Wink

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:58

Whatever it is you are trying to say SheStoops, it is passing me by. Probably my lack of private school education Wink.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 21:04

mintyy I've no intention of saying which one on here!

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 21:06

SheStoopsToConkers you can't buy a mansion in any part of London for a million-pounds even if you paid upfront with cash. You might get a nice three or four bedroom semi though.

SettlinginNicely · 10/11/2015 21:17

Only in the outer suburbs tryingherbest!

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 21:22

SettlinginNicely Only in the outer suburbs tryingherbest! feel free to give an example of a mansion for million-pounds in the outer london area.

SettlinginNicely · 10/11/2015 21:35

No, no, trying! You can only get a four bedder for a million in the outer suburbs, I mean!

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 21:37

SettlinginNicely sorry Blush, I misunderstood your post.

SettlinginNicely · 10/11/2015 21:39

Smile trying

NewLife4Me · 10/11/2015 21:45

What I don't understand is why these threads always turn into a debate on how many students go to Oxbridge.
Of course every parent wants their children to reach their full potential, but I've met several parents who for them it isn't on the horizon.
They pay for private because the school is most suitable for their child not the claim of potential for Universities that might not be fitting to them at all.
They pay for a whole host of reasons.

BabyGanoush · 11/11/2015 07:04

Yes, and similarily other parents (state or private) don't see Oxbridge as the pinnacle of success. I know I don't.

people can have such a narrow viee of what success is.

All my friends who send their kids to private school want them to go to Oxbridge and become a doctor/lawyer/banker. Not kidding. Not exaggerating. To them only that path equals "success" and the school having been worth its money.