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At what point is going private NOT worth it?

710 replies

lexlees · 05/11/2015 14:31

I was chatting to a friend recently and we got chatting about schools. Their only daughter goes to a top private school and it is a real financial strain on them. They reckon they spend 40% of their net family income on school fees and extras. All her wages go towards the school fees and even then only covers 2/3 of it - the remaining third comes from her husband's salary.

From my perspective I don't see how it is worth it. She maintained that it is not unusual. They just want their child to have 'every advantage' because both she and her husband went private.

Their girl is bright but didn't qualify for any bursary or scholarship and failed to get into the selective state school (they did try all three). Although the girl was top of her class in her state primary, she now feels so much pressure because she hasn't gotten an 'A' in anything yet. She is now no longer the bright one and it took two terms to make friends. I'd love to say she is a lovely girl, but honestly, she is an ungrateful and mean brat (she used to beat up/be cruel to my ds every time they were alone - then lie about it - hence I don't bring my ds anymore to their house).

They are putting minimal money into pensions and have only 'one term's worth' of savings. They haven't had a holiday for two to three years, never eat out and hardly buy stuff (except for stuff for their daughter - so she doesn't feel 'left out' at school) as they have a mortgage as well. They also don't have parental financial support or expect much of any inheritance either. I feel like my friend has changed into some penny pinching miser, always working out how to save pennies and she is just worn out from a low paid job!

It got me wondering if other people are just making ends meet to send a child or children private. Is she correct that it is normal? At what point does it become NOT worth it.

OP posts:
BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 19:53

Washediris - well, exceptional teachers, Oxbridge acceptance rates of 30-50%, the ability to coast through the degree once there. The usual things!

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 19:55

I couldn't care less about how many beds your house has. I care about the hypocrisy of financial elites decrying ... other financial elites, not to mention educational ones.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:01

Well you brought the subject of my house up SheStoops in a slightly odd way.

Having a lot of money is not the same as choosing to educate one's children privately.

Or is it and am I missing something.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:02

SheStoopsToConkers the ability to coast through the degree once there

Do all private educated children really coast through Oxbridge degrees? I would really love to see your source for that fact.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:03

SheStoopsToConkers I think you will find that having a million-pound house does not exactly put you in the financial elite anymore.

TheYahYahYah · 10/11/2015 20:10
Smile
BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:11

'I think you will find that having a million-pound house does not exactly put you in the financial elite anymore'

That really is a gem - it puts you very firmly in the top 1% of the British population by wealth. And yet you smirk at private school parents for their elitism?

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:13

MumTryingHerBest

'Do all private educated children really coast through Oxbridge degrees? I would really love to see your source for that fact.'

No, I was talking about the sort of private schools Cameron's daughter would otherwise have attended.

DeoGratias · 10/11/2015 20:14

The school Cameron's daughter is at is not in the legau of St Paul's or NLCS of course or a boarding school equivalent. We all know that.

If there are state school parents who think their state school is in the same league that's fine - they can think and we can all go merrily away into the sunset happy.

I never know what state school parents want to get out of these threads - admission by private school parents we are wasting our money, that if we sent the children to Hills Rd comp in Cambridge or some comp in a leafy suburb the school would equally as well meet our needs? Surely we just all make choices in life and if we're content with our choices that's fine.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:14

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granolamuncher · 10/11/2015 20:14

Pupils at Grey Coats get to have lessons in minority A level subjects for free at Westminster in 6th form. Perhaps Cameron's dd will benefit. Broadening access, reaching out to the community, the HMC calls it. Jolly wheeze, what?

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:15

SheStoopsToConkers And yet you smirk at private school parents for their elitism? Really?

1% of the population own million-pound houses? Really?

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 20:16

Living in a mortgaged house worth £1 million (and actually mine is not worth that much as you would know from the thread) is the very strange position that many hundreds of thousands of London families find themselves in. Perfectly ordinary families like mine, who are in this position through no reason other than stupid house price inflation.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:17

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:19

SheStoopsToConkers No, I was talking about the sort of private schools Cameron's daughter would otherwise have attended. OK, so you think the children going to NLC etc. are coasting through their Oxbridge degrees? Do they really have 100% success rate for their Oxbridge applications then?

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:19

MumTryingHerBest

Less than 1%, much less if we're talking ownership rather than simply occupation as a family member.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:21

MumTryingHerBest

'OK, so you think the children going to NLC etc. are coasting through their Oxbridge degrees? Do they really have 100% success rate for their Oxbridge applications then?'

Many of them do, and the success rate is the 30-50% I quoted, not 100%.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 20:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JasperDamerel · 10/11/2015 20:23

Most independent schools don't get 30-50% of pupils to Oxbridge, either. My local comprehensive got a higher percentage of pupils to Oxbridge last year than all but one of the local independent schools. If we are comparing state schools to Westminster and SPGS, then it seems not unreasonable to point out that those schools are extremely selective and that most independent schools are not like those schools either.

Dapplegrey1 · 10/11/2015 20:26

Mintyy if there was a topic for private education would you come on it to sneer?

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 20:26

Mintyy

'Living in a mortgaged house worth £1 million (and actually mine is not worth that much as you would know from the thread) is the very strange position that many hundreds of thousands of London families find themselves in. Perfectly ordinary families like mine, who are in this position through no reason other than stupid house price inflation.'

Yes, I know, and I'm not criticizing you for that - my own house is worth quite a bit more (not a stealth boast, just a boast). It's not even you I have a problem with personally, so much as the large numbers of the type I know in real life - achingly rich individuals flaunting their social conscience and moral superiority over 'elitists' who are often no better off than they are!

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 20:27

The disparity in firsts obtained at university is evidence of the need for further widening of access in the state sector not the superior quality of state education.

We currently have too many well qualified state schooled students in the less selective end of tertiary education and not enough at the other end.

A lot of work is done trying to bust the myth that only the exceptional need apply to Oxbridge et al.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 20:29

SheStoopsToConkers

Surely such schools should have 90%-100% success rate in their applications. After all the children are breezing their way through the degree, that's got to give some impressive results for Oxbridge to promote themselves on.

I'm quite curious as to which private schools you know have 30%-50% success rate for Oxbridge (I'm assuming you mean 50% of the entire co-hort rather than 50% of those who apply). Bear in mind you have stated "many" so I'm assuming there are cetainly more than 2 or 3.