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At what point is going private NOT worth it?

710 replies

lexlees · 05/11/2015 14:31

I was chatting to a friend recently and we got chatting about schools. Their only daughter goes to a top private school and it is a real financial strain on them. They reckon they spend 40% of their net family income on school fees and extras. All her wages go towards the school fees and even then only covers 2/3 of it - the remaining third comes from her husband's salary.

From my perspective I don't see how it is worth it. She maintained that it is not unusual. They just want their child to have 'every advantage' because both she and her husband went private.

Their girl is bright but didn't qualify for any bursary or scholarship and failed to get into the selective state school (they did try all three). Although the girl was top of her class in her state primary, she now feels so much pressure because she hasn't gotten an 'A' in anything yet. She is now no longer the bright one and it took two terms to make friends. I'd love to say she is a lovely girl, but honestly, she is an ungrateful and mean brat (she used to beat up/be cruel to my ds every time they were alone - then lie about it - hence I don't bring my ds anymore to their house).

They are putting minimal money into pensions and have only 'one term's worth' of savings. They haven't had a holiday for two to three years, never eat out and hardly buy stuff (except for stuff for their daughter - so she doesn't feel 'left out' at school) as they have a mortgage as well. They also don't have parental financial support or expect much of any inheritance either. I feel like my friend has changed into some penny pinching miser, always working out how to save pennies and she is just worn out from a low paid job!

It got me wondering if other people are just making ends meet to send a child or children private. Is she correct that it is normal? At what point does it become NOT worth it.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 10/11/2015 15:22

"Posters were getting rather het up by the observation that DC uses state school for political expediency and that they won't see his ass for dust when he steps down."

If you're including me among "posters" then it was not that observation that caused me to be "het up". As well you know. Wide eyed faux innocence does not become you.

ICantSpellNoffink · 10/11/2015 15:25

SheGotAllDaMoves You have completely missed the point as to why I and I suspect the other posters were getting 'het up' over DeoGatiss posts. It was sweet of you to try and stick up for her but she is more than capable of doing that herself. Wink

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 15:26

I really do not know what you're talking about bettand.

You seemed to link what was said about DC ( fairly in controversial I would have thought) with some long standing grudge you're holding Confused

SheGotAllDaMoves · 10/11/2015 15:28

icant I'm not sticking up for anyone.

I'm surprised people seem to want to stick up for DC!

SettlinginNicely · 10/11/2015 15:31

I assume DC sends his kids to state school for political reasons. I don't actually care. I vote for people based in the decisions I think they will make for the country. Whether they are "nice" people, or "people like me" is irrelevant to me.

ICantSpellNoffink · 10/11/2015 15:37

SheGotAllDaMoves I'm impressed at how determined you are to not understand...

No one is sticking up for DC, as you well know. Hmm

DeoGratias · 10/11/2015 15:57

Loads of people make my point all the time so why is it worse coming from me than others? Diane Abbott who sent her son to City of London school for boys private was castigated. I would similarly castigate Cameron for not having the wisdom of Osborn. Cameron has decided votes matter more than the good of his children so he sends them to a state school even though that means a worse education and it uses up state resourecs when he could easily afford to pay school fees. That is a morally bankrupt stance on Cameron's part.

BoboChic · 10/11/2015 15:59

I think politicians' choice of schools for their DC ought to be off limits.

BertrandRussell · 10/11/2015 16:03

You are having a lovely afternoon, aren't you?

MrsUltra · 10/11/2015 16:06

I can't envisage many more worthwhile things to spend money on

Same here. I am not in the least interested in fancy holidays or designer clothes, or meals out.
Our DC have had the best education available, really amazing teachers and bright sparky peers, no time wasted in low level disruption.
Worth every penny, and many, many more.
Not for the 'destination' - eg grades/unis/jobs/money - but the 'ride' a great childhood and room to grow.

MumTryingHerBest · 10/11/2015 16:19

DeoGratias Cameron has decided votes matter more than the good of his children so he sends them to a state school

I’m sure Cameron knows that nepotism will help plug any gaps made from the, apparently, second rate education his DC gets in the failing sink school they attend.

even though that means a worse education

Nothing a bit of private tuition can’t help with, I’m sure. Throw in regular trips around the world and plenty of enrichment activities and they are likely to be well set for following in dads footsteps.

when he could easily afford to pay school fees. That is a morally bankrupt stance on Cameron's part.

Perhaps he's just being money savvy. With the money he saves on fees he will be able to buy them a nice little sports car, a house or two etc.

sleepwhenidie · 10/11/2015 17:16

a morally bankrupt stance...because he's depriving his children of a private education or because he's depriving a less wealthy child of a great state place? Or both? Confused At what level of wealth should private education be obligatory

Whereas a pp's position is that you are morally bankrupt if you don't opt for state regardless of your position...

Brytte · 10/11/2015 17:30

Kestrel - the points you have made reflect my experience of my dc's primary school. Only two teachers, one trained overseas and one trained decades ago, would actually say that my dc are bright. It's like a dirty word there. It hardly seems worth reading school reports or going to parents' evenings to receive the stock, robotic phrases from the band of late 20's teachers who remain at their school.

longjumping · 10/11/2015 18:02

I expect David Cameron will send his son to Eton, and why on earth shouldn't he since he can afford it. I agree with DG that, I'm my long experience of both types of school, private certainly is preferable for my family.
Lots of recourses, extra curricular activities, afternoons of games, highly qualified subject teachers paid a lot more than state schools pay, very little teacher absenteeism so no last minute cover or supply. And of course small classes of well behaved, motivated children with supportive parents. At least that is my experience of private schools.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dapplegrey1 · 10/11/2015 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DeoGratias · 10/11/2015 19:02

I've repeatedly said on the thread there are some good state schools. I have also said parents who have happy with their state schools and parents like I am who are happy with private schools are all in mutual states of happiness so what does it matter?

On the moral issue of when it is wrong to take a state school place if you could afford to pay, that is again up to the conscience of each parent. Ify ou think your chldren are so wonderful that their goodness and genius rubs off on to state school chidlren you might feel there is a moral case for allowing state school pupils into their hallowed presence by sending your children to the local comp. If you think that uses up precious state money and takes money from the mouths of the poor as it were by clogging up a state school place whereas if you got off your bottom and took a full time job to fund school fees then you'd take a different view. If you are sure your religion is right then your moral case will be a religious school or home schooling. Luckily we have some elements of choice in the UK. In Germany you are not even allowed to home school.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 19:19

Grey Coat Hospital is fine, but it's hardly the school she would be attending if Cameron were not Prime Minister - SPGS or North London Collegiate would be more like it.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 19:34

It's outstanding by state school standards, but not in the way the other schools I mentioned are outstanding.

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 19:37

Pmsl at Greycoats is "fine".

Honestly, the Preppers have their own talk topic.

Why can't we have a Mumsnet talk topic for Private School Parents (subheaded A Topic to bore ourselves into a stupor while we gloat about our dc's schools).

And then there could be a sub-topic for Winchester, Eton, Harrow And The Super Elite Only.

Then you could all yah yah amongst your 7% selves.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Washediris · 10/11/2015 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackToTheNorth · 10/11/2015 19:45

I'm pretty sure I saw a thread you started in which you asked for advice about selling your million-pound house, Mintyy. I wonder what percentage of the elite ownership of such an asset puts you in? Smile

Mintyy · 10/11/2015 19:52

I wonder what point you are trying to score about my million pound house SheStoops?

It is a 3 bed terrace.

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