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Original poster

So upset about school report. feeling like a shitty mother

396 replies

Harriet220909 · 11/07/2015 22:50

Had my son's school report back yesterday and I'm really upset
He hasn't met any of the targets for he's year. Not one.
I know I should have done more with him at home but I have an extremely demanding toddler, I'm stuck in a one bed flat so there's nowhere for him to go to do he's homework and I feel so shit.
He's such a bright child bit completly lacks confidence due to him being behind. He's writing is unreadable and when he asks me to read he's writing I try so hard to and he's little faces just crushes when I get it wrong

I feel awful and like I am failing him. He's got an awful father who never helps there's just little old me trying to do everything

And now he's behind and he knows it. Today he told me he feels stupid after attempting he's homework. I can't afford a tutor, how can I help him?

I just wish the school had told me he was behind instead of me having to read it on the report at the end of the year. I would have pushed him harder and tried to do more

OP posts:
BookSnark · 11/07/2015 22:52

School should be feeling shitty if the first you've heard of it is the report!

DustBunnyFarmer · 11/07/2015 22:55

How old is your son?

Original poster
Harriet220909 · 11/07/2015 22:56

He's 5

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 11/07/2015 22:56

Before school holidays make an appointment at school talk to his teacher ask what supoirt they have in place for new term as you struggle to help him see if there is a homework club at school ask how you can help at home and go from there please dont beat yourself up about this you were under strain at home tell school this. I am sorry you are going through a rough time btw its up to school to help him not just you.

Mrsjayy · 11/07/2015 22:58

In fact dont tell them you struggle to help him they should be helping him

buffersandbumpers · 11/07/2015 22:59

You aren't a shitty mother. A shitty mother would have ignored the report completely.
How old is DC?
I would probably start by making his homework part of a routine - you should be able to find 10mins to read with him at some point, most days.
Encourage him and don't worry too much. Everyone learns at different paces. Also try having a chat with the teacher and work out a strategy with them to help get him back on track (if needed). Good luck :)

Lweji · 11/07/2015 22:59

What is the school doing to address this?

I'd be asking them why they haven't mentioned it to you before.

And asking them what is the plan for next year.

On the other hand, and meanwhile, you could encourage him to think of what he can't do, as can't do yet. Just because he is behind, it doesn't mean he can't get there.

Lweji · 11/07/2015 23:02

And he is so young!

Remember that children develop at different rates.

DS is fairly bright and one of the best in his class, but he only started reading at 6 and his handwriting could be a lot better.

yellowcurtains · 11/07/2015 23:02

You don't need a tutor, even with a demanding toddler, honestly. Make sure you know the correct letter formations (ask school which handwriting style they use, e.g. Nelson, Marion Richardson etc), find some resources on the internet (though tbh, when you ask school, they'll probably offer you some photocopied sheets or similar!), get him to do a little bit every day over summer. Play other things with him to make sure his motor skills are developing- playdoh is good IIRC, lego for fine skills. Get him to draw little circles, freehand, zigzag lines, wavy lines, etc. If you can find some cheap maze books (like in pound land or the works) they're good too for pencil control.
If you can find some posts by mrz, she always has lots of advice on writing skills, that aren't just about 'writing' IYSWIM.
I'm fairly sure she recommends using a lever arch file as a slope too.

BrucieTheShark · 11/07/2015 23:02

This might be to do with the new curriculum. I've been told child is doing ok through the year, quite bright, bit lazy etc.

'New style' report comes home and includes the gem that she has covered

BrucieTheShark · 11/07/2015 23:03

Am sure mrz is male btw yellow. Just a feeling I have Wink

yellowcurtains · 11/07/2015 23:04

Oh really? Blush How have I never realised that! I thought it was Mrz, as a pronunciation for 'Ms'!

It's Mr. Z?

Original poster
Harriet220909 · 11/07/2015 23:05

Just wish I knew how far behind he was, I knew is was a little bit (August baby) but was utterly shocked he didn't make one target.
At the last parents meeting they told me they were not worried. But I am. He's been faking illness and wetting the bed and I didn't know why. After the report I asked him if he was finding school hard, he told me yes and that he was stupid and he can't learn anymore it's to hard. I just feel like the worst mum in the world right now. Why didn't I pick up on it? In parent morning I could see the other children's writing was better so why didn't I push him?
He completly clamps down with me at home and I admit I've lost patience with it.
I don't get any time without my littler one and he is so demanding it's really hard to sit and do any rwadong/writing practise.
Everyone else seems to manage it why can't I? Have I done something wrong he was doing fine the year before so what's gone wrong?

OP posts:
Passthecake30 · 11/07/2015 23:05

Sounds like what I have with my son.The parents evening focus on his social skills/behaviour and then for the last 2 years I get a report similar to your sons. I've asked time and time again that I want to know if he's heading towards the same. .to no avail. Will see what happens when he gets his yr 2 sats next week...he's 7.

As for your son, he's only 5, don't beat yourself up too much. My daughter is very bright (and also 5) but can only concentrate for 15 mins or so, can u manage that?

BrucieTheShark · 11/07/2015 23:05

Now don't quote me, I have just always assumed I think

Lweji · 11/07/2015 23:08

Seriously, take it easy.
He's 5, FGS.

It's highly likely that the will suddenly pick it all up next year.

BiscuitMillionaire · 11/07/2015 23:08

Ah, good grief, he's only 5! What the hell kind of schooling do we have in this country that can make a 5-year-old feel like he's 'stupid' and make a mother feel like a failure? Surely he's just finishing Reception, which is all about getting used to school, being part of a group of 30, sitting still and listening, making friends in the playground, and maybe some reading and art. At my kids school they focus on writing much more in Year 1. If his writing is 'unreadable' then next year will be the time to work on it.

Tell him he's a star, tell him you're proud of him for what he can do, and what he's like as a person. And enjoy the holidays.

Zebda · 11/07/2015 23:09

You are not a shitty mother, a shit mum wouldn't give a shit about the report.

It's really bad that the school haven't communicated this until the end of the year as well. Really poor on the part of the teacher

The same happened to us with DD at end Y1. At the end of year parents evening I was asked if we ever read with DD and it was suggested we should buy some books. Me and DH are passionate readers and we have 100s of books for our DC which we read together every day since birth. Religiously.

Fast forward 1 year and I was much more proactive with the Y2 teacher, I met her 2 weeks into term and advised I felt she was struggling and why (dyslexia). In the past year she has gone from being behind/ barely able to read to being a free reader with 3as in her SATs. I've met regularly with her teacher and also ensured she's worked at home, even when she was reluctant.

You can turn this around and also you need to show the teacher you are engaged. Things will get easier with the toddler as well.

We don't do homework in a special room, everything happens at the kitchen table in our house. DD does her reading to me and her younger DS every evening

Lweji · 11/07/2015 23:10

In many countries, children don't even start school until they are at least 6.

I think it's quite harsh in the UK to expect so much of 5 year olds.

Zebda · 11/07/2015 23:11

Sorry just to add, DDs writing was very difficult to read - I used to get her to read it it me, to avoid her seeing I couldn't quite decipher it

FannyFifer · 11/07/2015 23:13

Bloody hell he is only 5, quite a lot of primary one is learning through play, no pressure like this, this is no way for a 5 year old to be at school.

Poor wee fella, my DS could only write legibly in primary 2/3, not being able to read his writing is absolutely normal.

Is changing school an option as it sounds awful for him.

AuditAngel · 11/07/2015 23:14

Harriet I would try not to worry too much. DS is also August born. If your DS is 5 I think he is at the end of year 1?

Our parents evening then told us that DS was reluctant to write, but it would come in time. His teacher was very experienced, and a mother of boys.

It did, eventually. DS is borderline dyslexic, his reading is unaffected, but writing is a chore for him.

We have just had his SATS results. He got a 4 in writing, 5 in every other subject, except maths which he managed a level 6. We are immensely proud of him.

Perhaps ask the school what strategies they are going to put in place for next year. Also ask for some learning games, so he can progress, but doesn't realise it is school work

yellowcurtains · 11/07/2015 23:15

Could you have a task that your smaller one does at the same time at the table? He could 'draw' too, to be like his big brother?

AuditAngel · 11/07/2015 23:15

In fact, it was really only in year 4 that DS was less reluctant to write.

BiscuitMillionaire · 11/07/2015 23:18

AuditAngel: my DS is just finishing Year 5, he's still reluctant to write! Grin

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