So upset about school report. feeling like a shitty mother

[Harriet220909]

Had my son's school report back yesterday and I'm really upset
He hasn't met any of the targets for he's year. Not one.
I know I should have done more with him at home but I have an extremely demanding toddler, I'm stuck in a one bed flat so there's nowhere for him to go to do he's homework and I feel so shit.
He's such a bright child bit completly lacks confidence due to him being behind. He's writing is unreadable and when he asks me to read he's writing I try so hard to and he's little faces just crushes when I get it wrong

I feel awful and like I am failing him. He's got an awful father who never helps there's just little old me trying to do everything

And now he's behind and he knows it. Today he told me he feels stupid after attempting he's homework. I can't afford a tutor, how can I help him?

I just wish the school had told me he was behind instead of me having to read it on the report at the end of the year. I would have pushed him harder and tried to do more

Lweji the evidence from the U.S. where academic "red shirting" has been around much longer
www.wsj.com/articles/should-children-be-held-back-for-kindergarten-1410536168

[[http://www.wsj.com/articles/should-children-be-held-back-for-kindergarten-1410536168]{

www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/09/academic_redshirting_what_does_the_research_say_about_delaying_kindergarten.html

www.wcer.wisc.edu/news/coverStories/pros_cons_holding_out.php

Red shirting is not the same, plus we have our own studies that are pretty clear on the issue.

IFS on Summer Born
Department for Education: Month of Birth and Education

Holding your child back a year isn't the same as holding your child back a year?

Some fabulous advice here for you Harriet! especially from mrz, who is always a gem on these threads. And asking the school for advice before the summer is a really good idea.

I just wanted to say that my dd is in year 5 now and ten years. She took a while to 'get' school but is now doing so very well in terms of her effort and enthusiasm and she is right where she should be.

It's a long journey of ups and downs and as long as you keep working with the school and keep his enthusiasm for learning good then you will be fine.

You are a brilliant mum

In the UK there is no "holding back" for summer born children. It is starting on time. On time. At CSA. Compulsory school age. If people want to start them a year EARLY that is ok, but legally (as in primary legislations "legally") starting school at CSA in reception is not "holding back".

Actually there is holding back in the UK but we'll leave that for now since you're arguing about the language used rather than the practice.

So delaying your child's start to school by a year (educating out of year) is different to delaying your child's start to school by a year (educating out if year) ...

I'll just add that whatever parents decide for their child they won't do lightly and will still have sleepless nights wondering if they made the right choice. Even when your child is fully grown you will wonder if you should have done things differently. We can only do our best within the constraints imposed upon us.

It's a parents lot I'm afraid.

In Scotland you can absolutely hold back. No child would be starting school at just 4 either, ridiculous.

I have a child with a Feb birthday, could have started school at 4 1/2 but decided not to start her till 5 1/2.

All boils down to age-appropriate curriculum and it is not age-appropriate if one has to work for fine motor skills and cannot keep up with the curriculum and not meeting up any of the targets. Sorry, but the targets are wrong if a normal healthy child who just started school has not met any of them. As OP said "Not one." And she feels bad about her parenting, but she really needs to feel bad about the system that says her 5 year old is already failing. And teachers who fail to communicate with her.

The whole world starts formal structured learning from 6+. Only in a handful of countries children start at 5, including the USA, where the parents have an OPTION to start age 6. And some do, for various reasons, but mainly because they want to have an advantage of another year to succeed in sports.

In the UK summer born children start school at 4 and turn 5 only just before the next year start. Legally, they have to be in full-time education at CSA (compulsory school age), which is term after they turn 5. Nowhere does it say that they have to start at 4, although a lot of do, for various reasons, not least because this is the norm that was pushed onto them or because the admission authorities say they will force the children straight into year 1.

I think we should agree to disagree Mrz.

The OPs child has been in school for two years and is still experiencing difficulties how many more years should she wait before helping him?

I'm sorry if you think monkey bars and climbing frames aren't age appropriate activities. I'm sorry that you think rolling pastry or kneading bread are cruel and unusual activities. I'm sorry you believe that blowing bubbles and bursting them by clapping isn't appropriate. I'm sorry you consider using a plant spray and water colours or a large brush and easel to paint is wrong. I'm sorry the OPs dilemma is a political point scoring exercise

Bemybebe you do realise the OPs child is almost 6?

What???

She should be helping him now and your suggestions on working on fine motor skills are great.

I do find it puzzling that you post ideas for OP on how to play with pegs, LEGO and buttons (something in normal countries they will do in nurseries when they are still 5/6/7), so clearly understanding that the curriculum may not be appropriate for this child, yet branding a practice of summer born children starting school at a CSA, where they fit better developmentally as "holding back".

And I do realise that the OP child is almost 6.

In MOST countries children START school at 6.

Bemy, they do these things in reception in the UK as well.

What do you think happens in a reception class?

"Political point scoring exercise" what is this about?

And they happen in Y1 and beyond if necessary for the child

Shipwreck, I will spell it out for you.

I "think" in a reception class in the UK children learn how to read and write when they are four years old. Some may be ready, a significant group are definitely not ready for this. Unfortunately, those who are not ready made feel bad because they don't meet targets. I think this is wrong.

How is that relevant to the OP?

Op' I th ink that the most important thing to get across to the school is how your son feels about learning. Any child with an ounce of intelligence who is given something they're interested in will learn. Our brains are designed to learn, otherwise we'd never get to walk, talk, use a toilet etc. at home focus on all the ways to get him engaged, some of those activities will work with your toddler as well. The difficult bit is transferring that learning into a school environment. If he feels bad about himself hell give up. For a teacher that can look like he can't won't do things rather than that he feels bad and is giving himself a hard time.

Maybe at the end of the holidays try to do some things where he is going from active learning to paper learning. E.g. Go for a walk, count the red cars and silver cars. Add together to get an answer. When you get home, write it down as a math problem, so he is doing the thing in real life, then doing it on paper. He already knows the answer, knows that he can do it, so should feel confident. All he is doing is writing it down to help him remember. Keep feeding him the positives.

Remind him that he is young, and if he is just one step ahead of kids in the year below him, he is doing well.

And be prepared to go into school in Sep and tell his new teacher aboup the lack of confidence and how he worries about things. A teacher knowing why he doesn't want to try can make a huge difference to how they approach the problem.

That came across unnecessarily rude. Did you mean to be so?

Op, I agree with posters who suggest that you should not worry too much,
However, I believe that a combination of learning by play and some written work ( using worksheets) would be of use .
One has to remember that when he returns to school he will be using worksheets and workbooks and thus if you only focus on learning through play he may find it difficult to adapt to a more formal learning environment.