So upset about school report. feeling like a shitty mother

[Harriet220909]

Had my son's school report back yesterday and I'm really upset
He hasn't met any of the targets for he's year. Not one.
I know I should have done more with him at home but I have an extremely demanding toddler, I'm stuck in a one bed flat so there's nowhere for him to go to do he's homework and I feel so shit.
He's such a bright child bit completly lacks confidence due to him being behind. He's writing is unreadable and when he asks me to read he's writing I try so hard to and he's little faces just crushes when I get it wrong

I feel awful and like I am failing him. He's got an awful father who never helps there's just little old me trying to do everything

And now he's behind and he knows it. Today he told me he feels stupid after attempting he's homework. I can't afford a tutor, how can I help him?

I just wish the school had told me he was behind instead of me having to read it on the report at the end of the year. I would have pushed him harder and tried to do more

The OPs child has been in school for two years and is still experiencing difficulties how many more years should she wait before helping him?

Because he is actually only 5? And many 5 year olds still experience difficulties with reading, maths, and writing?

Sorry I didn't realise you had a vast experience of teaching Y1

My mother does have a vast experience of teaching primary school. We discussed these issues.

And I can see how the other kids in DS's classes have been.

But there is an expected level for 5yos still which will take into account the fact they're only 5.

I don't think anyone is saying get a tutor and make him do hours and hours of work every day but I agree it's important to help him catch up. Otherwise you run the risk of him struggling, feeling like he's thick and switching off and giving up at school.

The ideas that Mrz has suggested sound like an ideal way of helping through fun activities where he won't even link them to learning/education/school.

So your mother is currently teaching Year 1? Could she offer some useful suggestions?

But there is an expected level for 5yos still which will take into account the fact they're only 5.

I don't think they actually do in the UK. It's not just me who think the UK is way too early. Entire countries agree.

My mother's main suggestion was to wait, essentially. DS still had a year of pre-school with encouragement rather than school work as such.

It may be very hard to sit on our hands, but sometimes letting children be and progress at their own pace can be the best approach.
Children normally progress in their capabilities in leaps, not gradually. And it can be detrimental to start reading too early.

But speaking with the teacher will shed light on what really is going on beyond the report, and to understand if she really has any concerns or not.

So your mother is currently teaching Year 1?
I didn't say that either. :)

How can it be detrimental to start reading too early? Not picking an arguement, I'm genuinely interested. I could read by 3 fairly fluently, was reading Famous Five books at that age. As was my brother. We never had problems.

I know otherEuropean countries don't start formal school till later.

Because SOME kids dont get it .... great if they all could by 5 ...job done ... early lunch..... do wish those able would recognise the less able ... less interested ... they are not less of a person because they didnt read til they were 7 or older..... we are raising adults.....

OP

See this old Dispatches programme and see if it makes any sense for your situation.

www.theguardian.com/uk/2007/nov/22/earlyyearseducation.schools

I remember reading years ago how if children ended up learning how to read too early, it could lead them to not read at a more advanced level (that allows better understanding and speed) and got stuck at basic reading (the exact terms escape me).
While many children will be fine, others won't and even those who are not disadvantaged don't get any additional benefits in relation to students in other countries where they start later.

But dents in confidence can have a much bigger impact, unfortunately.

Perhaps we should wait until they get their adult teeth

Or you could stop being silly. :)

Mrz you're clearly a committed and knowledgeable professional but do YOU believe we're doing it right?

It seems to me the current system does nothing to help children and everything seems to be about showing value per £ spent by the government.

What's your opinion on unschooling?

I think parents know their child best so the decision is theirs but it isn't really relevant to addressing the OPs situation as her child has been in school for two years already. Whether it would have been better to delay school starting age is impossible to say.

Not silly at all Lweji I assumed you knew the background to the Guardian report you linked to

I have not seen this report before. What is its background?

Unschooling is a lifestyle choice but not one I could wholly commit to

It's a news report in a newspaper bemybebe nothing exciting

By all means, do tell us the background as you did mention it.

And you could have been clearer. Did you mean the first adult teeth, or all adult teeth?

Delaying school is not the same as expecting children to master skills like reading.
I'd agree that some formal education is ok, but mostly to make sure that most children are exposed to a variety of experiences, that parents are not trained to or don't have the time to offer.

You haven't answered the question about whether you think the current UK system really is the most beneficial and why.

Not read all the replies but just wanted to say that in reception and year 1 my son was exactly the same even though I did a lot with him at home. I tortured myself about it.

Then in year 2 something miraculous happened and he just caught up, I think he just wasn't ready before.

Try not to stress.

Lweji,

Many comparisons of 'the age of starting school' are misleading because they conflate the age of 'entering a primary school-like building' with 'the age at which children begin formal learning of reading, writing and maths'.

France, for example, has a later 'age of school starting' in terms of 'entering a primary school building', but a LOT of formal earning goes on in the institutional stage before that. Equally many other European countries expect all children to be in nurseries or equivalent by the age of 3-4, and much of what in England happens in reception - play based learning with some input related to reading, writing and maths - happens in those settings too.

Rather than comparing 'age of school entry', it is probably better to compare 'age when children start to be taught to read, write and do some maths', even when this is mixed with quite a lot of play-based learning. If that comparison is done, the 'age of starting this learning' is much more in line with the English school starting age.

Yes, teacher.
But there is a lot less pressure to reach certain targets. At least where I live now. And compared to what was expected of DS in Reception while still in the UK.

Isn't it the school's job to teach him this stuff?

But the issue from the start is that regardless of what we can train our children to do, and how many years of training they have had, if their brain is not ready, then it's not ready, and there is little point in insisting that they reach those targets. They will reach the targets when they are ready.
And no need to assume that there is a problem until they reach an age when pretty much every other child has reached them, nor to let them feel that they are somehow lacking. Like for walking, talking, using a potty, and so on.

Early school should be about exposure, and getting pleasure from learning. Not leading to feeling stupid at all.