Are private schools worth the fees you pay?

[lupo]

Hi

I was looking for some advice from those of you who send your kids to private school. I have one son and recently went to visit Staines Prep School and really fell in love with it.

The thing is we could just about afford the fees, but I will need to work more hours (full instead of part time)as well as few sacrifices along the way. not planning on having any more children, and would like to go private as classes seem smaller, and sounds like children get lots of help and support.

Just wanted to know of your experiences of independant schools and whether good ones are worth the money. Any advice much appreciated.

Like the school but am going on gut instinct, and it is one of the few we could just afford.

At primary around here, there seems not to be any fixtures against other schools in the state system. There may be at secondary level though.

There are so many reasons for me.

1. I like very clever primary children to be in an academic environment where the whole class works at the same level and no one has a low IQ as I think they can forge ahead better and not get bored. That of course requires an academic prep like Westminster Under School or whatever, not Mrs Jones's prep school for thick but nice young ladies.... In other words I'm paying for academic selection. That is not the traditional take them all and select at 13 years at common entrance model of many prep schools of course.

2.Better teaching - I know state school teachers will disagree with me on that. My daughter was taught one of her A levels by the lead examiner I think in one subject etc etc, higher pay so teachers tempted over because they alos like the fields, free use of swimming pools at weekends, nicer parents and environment so of course better teachers are tempted over and competition often leads to getting the best people. Not crippled by having to follow nat curr and also I would have problems with a prep school that didn't offer latin, french, specialist teaching in particular subjects. No SATs - what a waste of time they are. Some private schools choose to do some of them.

1. You're not likely to have disabled and disruptive children and children from homes where the parents can barely get them to school on time in most academic prep schools. I am not convinced it helps other children to have those children with problems in the same school. Someone said more drug taking in private schools - may be in boarding schools (which I don't like) but drugs are so cheap these days they aren't something you take if you're rich really.

1. I like single sex schools. My sons are taught with other boys in boy orientated lessons which interest them with a lot of male teachers around. It's good for them given my divorce that there are a lot of men in their lives too.

1. Food. No packed lunches., Compulsory school lunch which is lovely and healthy. No sweets allowed in school. Snack has to be fruit or veg. No fizzy drinks.

1. Sport every single day, cricket and rugby pitches, swimming, matches, teaching staff prepared to stay late every single day to get the children to matches and very committed to training.

1. A primary level better preparation for entrance to other schools when they leave in the private sector - they're prepared for entrance exams which most state schools don't do.

1. Other soft stuff I mentioned before - parents you might know socially, less bad language, no graffiti, smart uniform ( they are so cute in shorts and blazers and it toughens up their knees shorts in snow etc), good manners, standing up for teachers, saying "sir", effective discipline in school.

1. Loads of clubs to choose from, music teaching and activities good, as I said below, from Mandarin to chess, CCF (when they're older) to Hindu society or whatever you're interested in. May be more school trips.

Probably a lot more other reasons too.

wow, you really do have some 'issues'. And I'm posting as a mother of two kids in private school!

'No disabled' kids!? Wow, could you be a little more offensive, I'm sure you could if you tried!

The school mine go to have the same number of kids on the SEN regester as the national average. In fact many parents choose it as they are so good with kids woth ASD ADHD, learning difficulties. Part of the reason my two are there!

LOL - MB you beat me to it

Intersting thread. We have been considering it for DD who has dyspraxia and hypermobility. It took me ages to persuade DH (who was privately educated) to consider it as he hated school. However having spoken to a lot of people locally who have used both sectors, we have decided to stick with state at the moment.

I did ring round a few schools and found myself a little dismayed when I had to give a lecture on what dyspraxia was to the first, then reassure the lady at the second that hypermobility did not mean that she couldn't sit still for more than 30 seconds. Dyslexia they were pretty well informed on, but Dyspraxia is clearly another story.

My conclusion is that it depends entirely on what you want for your children and the choice of schools that you have available. Got to say, floating round in floaty dresses and heels is my idea of hell and to be avoided at all costs! If I find that DD is unable to cope at Middle school (there is a lot of support available to her for the transition) then I might have to reassess the situation but for now she is staying in the state sector.

I was ignoring the "no disabled kids" bit as it really didn't seem worth dignifying with a response.

We wouldn't want those pesky disabled children getting in the way now would we?

Xenia seems to be giving good reasons as to why you wouldn't want to send your kids to private school!

In response to the OP I would say pick the school that suits your child and family life best. Ignore whether it is private or state and just go for the one that feels 'right'.

There are pluses and minuses to both and many depend on the school itself rather than a generalisation of private vs state school.

I agree totally Coppertop - your child could develop a social conscience as a result and opt for a career involving some kind of welfare and limited chances to earn over 70k.

It really depends on the individual school. Dhs old boss sent his 2 girls to a private primary but pulled them out 2 years later because he felt they weren't learning anything.

Two of my kids went private courtesy of the Assisted Places scheme. The school they went to took a lot of Army kids so wasn't as academically selective as a lot of private schools. Even so, the level of work they were expected to do at primary level turned out to be considerably higher than at the state primary they left- DS did work in Y5 that Y8 of his selective state grammar school did.

I agree with whoever it was mentioned self confidence and knowing how to speak to people. My DD also found it a door opener when visiting Unis to mention which school she'd been too- very useful as she'd transferred back to a state school for 6th form and did appallingly badly at AS level (having got all As and A*s at GCSE at the private school).

For her, the main benefit was that having been a major handful until she was 11 (tantrums and sulks every day and endless arguments) she started at the private school in Y7 and tranformed overnight into the little girl she'd never been. I think we were lucky with the school and it seemed to keep them little girls for a lot longer than the state system. It stopped any arguments about piercings or hair dye because it just wasn't allowed.

And for the record my DS has ADHD and the school had never come across it. But because the classes were small and there was a very strict routine he thrived, and didn't cause problems in class, as he had been doing at the state primary.

I'm sure there was a very important point I'd intended to answer but I've waffled long enough now.

Good lord Xenia. What an excellent post - has completely made my mind up that I want dd and ds to go to the local state school! Thanks for that.

Still chuckling about the statement that drugs are so cheap these days that rich people don't bother taking them!

PLease, please, pleas, can we avoid the comments that ever parent who sends their children to private school is an asocial snob???

They are as valid as Xenas' comments about state school apernt being drug addled incompetents!

Stereotyping is hurtful and pointless whichever way it goes, IMHO.

no disabled children! are these bad elements?

is my academically bright 6-yr-old, who can't walk without a walking frame, worth paying thousands of pounds a year to avoid?

I can't believe what a bigoted woman you are, Xenia. You never cease to amaze me.

Thank god I'll never meet you.

What made my mind up in comparing the local selective prep and pre-preps with the state primaries was the social side of things. From a personal perspective I want my children to mix with other children regardless of how much money their parents have/how bright they are/how large their houses are.
I admit that we are fortunate to live in an area where the state primary provision is good and perhaps if this wasn't the case I would be resigning myself to socialising with a homogenous group of middle/upper class parents with enough money to opt out. I thank my lucky stars that this isn't the case.
I think that there are advantages to each type of education system, paid and unpaid. I do take issue with posters like Xenia who state that the quality of teaching is better in private schools. However I agree that sometimes a private sector education suits some children more than a state education.

Is Xenia for real? Sounds trollishly ott, no? If real then vile.

It's a total myth that state primary schools don't play competitive sport against other schools, btw. I have no idea where that idea comes from but it's definitely untrue in this area.

Xenia is real afaik. She posts a lot on these types of threads and on SAHM/WOHM threads.

I think she's scary but definately real.

I did not go to a private school myself & as yet my dds are too young for school but my dh works at one so have seen and heard a lot about private schools.

If you really do not think your local primary school is up to scratch then go for it. From what I have seen the extras, and the smaller classes really do make a diffence. less students not only mean more individual attention but also much better discipline. Also even at the prep stage they are often taught by subject specialists. The exposure to subjects and activities beyound the curriculum is also good and affords them more opportunities in the future.

However, if your local primaly school is okay, then I would not send them to private and instead pay for the extras such as music, dance, sports and acadmemic tutors. The main advantage of going to the local primary is having local friends for yourself and your son. You can then save and spend it on private secondary schooling which is where it really matters in my opinion!!! Good luck whatever you decide, I know it is a hard choice.

I'm finding some of the comments on this thread absolutely repulsive. Thank goodness that my boys go to a lovely 'normal' private school where the disabled are included. What a shame that overt snobbery and lack of social conscience aren't seen as a disability. It's certainly being displayed here as a form of mental retardation.

Going back to the original post where 'just about affording the fees' is mentioned. I would really not advise starting down the independant education path unless you are certain that your financial situation will improve. Seniors cost so much more than Juniors and the extras really do mount up. Scolarships are rightly very hard to get and those thinking that music or drama might do the trick will need to start grooming their kids from a young age to build a good portfolio. It could put a huge strain on family life if your finances aren't organised from the get-go.

xenia, I honestly thougth that your message was ironic. Is it?

"but drugs are so cheap these days they aren't something you take if you're rich really"

Are you serious?

or just really, really ignorant?

trying, my ex husband taught in both sectors. You just have to look at how many teachers who send their children to private schools to see that those in the know do know which is best (obviously I'm generalising because it depends on the area, your income etc).

It is not repulsive to say I don't want mmy chidlren taught with children whose IQ is 90 or who can't sit still or who can't keep up with the work of the class. I believe in selective education and why could anyone want a class disturbed? How can that be in the best interests of your children? My sister had down's syndrome and my father worked for years in the NHS with the disabled. I am a Catholic and believe all people are equal but tha tis a very different issue from wanting a classroom in which real work for clever children can't be done effectively because little johnny has ADD or bill can't sit still and the other chidlren can't hear what is being said.

I like whole class teaching at the same academic level. I think children learn better that way.

Snobbery... not sure that's fair. I did say I like them to speak properly, pronouce their consonants, get their grammar right and they're more likely to pick that up if everyone else speaks like that too although even at their private school their teacher has had to bang on some recently that it's not haitch, it's aitch.

I'm happy to discuss any of my comments. It's fun. People are so different. It's one of the nice things about the UK... particularly when I'm spending a Sunday afternoon typing bills.

it is repugnant to group all 'the disabled' together as if not admitting the possibility that a great proportion of them are actually as clever, if not cleverer, than you or any of your kids

disabled doesn't automatically mean learning difficulties, you know

but I know that you like things to be black and white

I wasn't. I have no problems with a bright child with a club foot in the class. What I meant was children who can't do the same work. I don't think it's as easy to study and forge ahead if you have pupils in the class doing different work so I exercise my choice to avoid it, a choice parents who earn less can't exercise. There have also been a lot of problems with abolition of special schools and integration when some parents actualyl would prefer the special schools. I think David Cameron amongst others has lobbied for their preservation. Some private schools have brilliant resources for children with various special needs and I'd certainly look for the best provision if I had a child like that. I don't and I want the best for my children.

I am not prepared to sacrifice my children on the altar of political correctness because of some marxist belief that we can pretend all children are the same and then the world will be some kind of better place.

Are we so PC we aren't allowed to talk about the impact on a classroom of a disabled child in it? For goodness sake.