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Original poster

Are private schools worth the fees you pay?

424 replies

lupo · 11/11/2006 20:32

Hi

I was looking for some advice from those of you who send your kids to private school. I have one son and recently went to visit Staines Prep School and really fell in love with it.

The thing is we could just about afford the fees, but I will need to work more hours (full instead of part time)as well as few sacrifices along the way. not planning on having any more children, and would like to go private as classes seem smaller, and sounds like children get lots of help and support.

Just wanted to know of your experiences of independant schools and whether good ones are worth the money. Any advice much appreciated.

Like the school but am going on gut instinct, and it is one of the few we could just afford.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/11/2006 12:02

Well said Hula.

iota · 12/11/2006 12:12

Crackle - that was me - ds1 is in yr 3 at the mo.

He's doing well at school and I think he's do well at a good state secondary too, so what I'm really wondering is, are they any other significant benefits other than exams results to be had from the private sector?

Xenia mentioned contacts and work experience and getting jobs after university - but I have the feeling that that is more about who your parents know than what school you went to.

pupuce · 12/11/2006 12:12

The only thing I would add to what has been said is... if you have to work more hours to pay for private education, does it mean you spend less time with your child... is that what you want/think is right in YOUR circumstances?
Let's not assume that we don't teach anything ourselves when we spend time with our kids.
The thing that strikes me with some private schools* (and I live next to one) is how many mums pick up their kids (young ones too!) at 5h30 and I know they start before 9.... that can be a long day for a 5 year old... of course we do that too when we put kids in nurseries I guess! It makes me sad that these kids will probably spend 2 or 3 hours of their awake time with mum and 8 hours at school .

  • I am sure we're going down that road with state schools too though
SueW · 12/11/2006 12:26

I agree pupuce. A fast-growing area of childcare must be after-school and holiday clubs. After all the govt seems to be working hard to encourage parents to spend as much time as possible at work earning money and leaving their children to be cared for by someone else.

A local childcare company/nursery has a fleet of cars and minibuses that pick up from local - state- schools. The private schools have wraparound care. Children can be dropped off at 8am and collected by 5.30pm/6pm.

SueW · 12/11/2006 12:29

Government's 10 year plan for Childcare .

I don't see too much there about supporting families to care for their own children in their own home.

pupuce · 12/11/2006 12:32

And it is easy to fall in the trap that my kids need or want to do football, tennis, ballet, piano, swimming, tennis, etc...
It's (I think) a combination of them asking, other kids doing, giving them all these extra skills, competing with others, etc

As a doula a lot of my clients have their kids in private education and all of them (IMO) have too many after school clubs... I am not sure for whose benefit... especially when I hear the mum commenting "how tired they are"...
DS - 7 - has 1 activity - free football after school. We may start hm on piano after Christmas as he always wants to play with DH. It will be on a Saturday AM.
DD - 5 - has no after school activity... we may start dancing after Christmas IF i find the right place for her. Otherwise it will be next year when she is in year 2.

pupuce · 12/11/2006 12:34

Meant to say this means m,y kids ae home at 3:15 every day and can play or do things with us (cook for example).
Luckily my kids have not realised their is kids' TV after school ... so there is no argument there LOL

Blandmum · 12/11/2006 12:42

As ever it depends on the child and it depends on the family. Mine go to private school. They do considerably less after school clubs than some uber competetive families that I know who's kids go to state schools.

Private/state there are good and bad in both.
private kids/state kids, some are nice, some nasty, some relaxed, some over worked.

It varies.

Pick what you want, that suits your family.

It just riles me somewhat that there are some people on MN who naturally assume that if you choose private it is just because you are a raging snob who likes poncey uniforms.

Judy1234 · 12/11/2006 12:51

True. I think the GOvernment's aim is to give credit to clever children from bad state schools on university entrance and discriminate against those from private and also good state schools... a fun argument.
Working alone - depends on the school. Some private schools prepare well for university and private study and don't spoon feed. I have 3 at university and I don't find them struggling. In fact one has said the state school people she's in tutorial groups with are not good at argument and debate and disagreeing with the tutor and just don't seem to have opinions (or perhaps they haven't chosen to express them yet or may be she's just got a bad group).

Private school is a huge advantage which is why so many parents make sacrifices to buy it for their children. I am sure they're not all wrong. Surely market forces prove the issue. No one would buy places at private schools unless they felt they were getting some valueo ut of it even if it's only the Pimms on the lawns (which by the way I am more than happy to pay for).

I certainly agree with whoever said about that primary age children should not have too many clubs and activites. I like them to play outside in the woods and they need time to be bored so they can use their imagination to make up games. Perhaps the best thing you can do for a primary school child is not let it have a TV in its bedroom.

but I do think it's helpful for teenagers to be exposed to a wide range of things so they can make a choice about what they are interested in. That is possible out of school but my children have gained so very much from music and sport that I don't think they would have easily had in the state system.

Judy1234 · 12/11/2006 12:52

phwe, thanks for mb. I thought I was alone. May be my high heels and drinks on the lawn pandered too much to the stereotype.....laughing at myself as I type.

MaloryTowersBigHeadBigNorks · 12/11/2006 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 12/11/2006 13:14

Xenia - whilst I agree that many people feel that private education is advantagous, otherwise they wouldn't do it, I'm still not sure if it's a 'huge' advantage.

People send their children privately for many reasons - lots won't apply to me - e.g

1.the local state education is poor

  1. they need the wrap around aftershool care
  2. snob value (former friend of mine declared that she didn't want her children mixing with the local riff-raff at the state school)
  3. extra attention for a struggling child
  4. the parents are very rich and school fees are a drop in the ocean to them

none of the above apply to me, so I'm still wondering if their is a huge advantage to be had.

MaloryTowersBigHeadBigNorks · 12/11/2006 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 12/11/2006 13:20

and as for 'market forces' - people buy a lot of luxury items such as designer clothes when they could shop at Matelan - both would cover their nakedness, Mercedes instead of ford fiestas - both would meet their transport needs - big houses instead of 3 bed terraces - etc etc,

soapbox · 12/11/2006 13:21

Malory - that might be the case outside London, but not my experience in London at all!

Most parents I know are doing it because they believe it will give their children a better start in education. Smaller class sizes feature highly as to why they might think this.

Competitive sport, (and plenty of it), along with music and art, also scores highly amongst parents that I know.

Blandmum · 12/11/2006 13:24

It was never my plan to send mine to a private school. they went to the nursery attached. I left them in the school because I saw how happy they were there.

For me the three key things. My kids love the school and feel happy and secure there.
Small class sizes....essential for ds's progress IMHO
Wrap around care which allows me to go to my school, with the minimum of hassle, stress and faff for all of us.

batters · 12/11/2006 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 12/11/2006 13:27

well we belog to the local David Lloyd, so plenty of access to swimmming, football, tennis and badminton ( if only ds1 were interested) school also does football, swimming, ice skating, tennis and dance.

Music -school does violin and recorder ( again ds1 not interested)

still open to more suggestions

iota · 12/11/2006 13:28

we also have small class sizes - 16 in ds1's class, 15 in ds2's

soapbox · 12/11/2006 13:32

Well Iota - if your DS isn't interested in all of those things, then it probably wouldn't be the right choice for you!

For me it's not just that they do football, rugby, netball, cricket etc - it's that they play against other schools - the competitive aspect - which is what I used to do as a child! And I liked it then, and they like it now.

batters · 12/11/2006 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 12/11/2006 13:36

I just want to say that I am not against private education, I am honesttly wondering if I am doing the best thing for my children at the moment.

When ds1 went to school, I had a choice of staying at work and putting the boys into 1 of several private schools offering wrap around care, or sending him to the local primary which did not have an afterschool club, so would have beeen reliant on childminders ( very scarce round here) or similar.

I opted for the local school since it was a good one and gave up my job. But I have always thought that if the state sector were failing my kids, then I would send them private.

Gobbledispook · 12/11/2006 13:44

But don't the state schools do competitive sport?

Our state primary certainly competes with the other local schools in football, netball, basketball, athletics (we trounce them all too - consistently )

LIZS · 12/11/2006 13:45

ds isn't interested in many typical team sports such as football and rugby but he gets the opportunity to try these and many others like hockey and cricket which are more him. Later on they can choose sailing , climbing and so on. Every child plays for a school team at least once a term. His school is big on swimming with its own pool and he was a reluctant swimmer until he went there and found the enthusiasm was infectious. He may never be a good swimmer but he now names it as his favourite sport at school. His class cheered when he swam his first length.

Similalry he can do metalwork, textiles and woodwork on rotation as part of the curriculum in addition to regular art sessions. He has motor skill issues and used to choose to avoid arts and crafts but all these sort of activities have been very helpful and he enjoys them. Not sure many state schools can dedicate the time , room or staff to the likes of this regularly.

Blandmum · 12/11/2006 13:46

I think it depends on the schools GDG. Lots of state schools have sold off their playing fields to raise money. Thankfully where I work they have resisted the temptation.....the spors facilities are part ofthe reason parents choose us for their kids. Doesn't happen everywhere though

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