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Original poster

Bullied...and then this happens!

232 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 07:42

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:
badkarma · 29/09/2006 11:44

Marmaladesun, are you sure that the other girls parents are not school governors or something like that? It seems fishy to me that the head keeps wanting to lay blame with your dd too.

m1m1rie · 29/09/2006 12:08

.

Reading your post has brought back the last year with my DD. She has not had to suffer quite such bad provocation as your poor DD, but her tormentor was a more quiet, clever little b**ch. She was by far the cleverest kid in the class - prodigiously clever, in fact. She was also spiteful, manipulative and relentless in her pursuit of my DD. She would go out of her way to cut her down with smart remarks, make her feel like a moron and constantly bitch about her with the other girls DD was friends with. Unfortunately, many girls of that age (11) are pretty spineless, and (with the exception of one, true friend) cowered before her 'superiority'. I gave DD some verbal ammo to use when this girl began on one of her attacks, but it unfortunately backfired. She came home from school in tears because the girl's mother had written to the teacher to complain that my DD had 'upset' her poor baby. This girl could turn on the waterworks whenever she felt she didn't have the upper hand, and turning the tables to make it look as though they are the victim is a common trait of bullies to get themselves out of trouble. I really do feel for you and agree that schools are far too interested in protecting their precious reputation than with properly dealing with problems. Ironically, any school that could admit its problems and deal effectively with them would have far more kudos than any woolly-minded stats-chasing school.
p.s I too lived in Suffolk - do you think it was the same school??!!

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 12:59

Firstly - RESULT!!!!! The head has just phoned and told me he has excluded the bully until Monday afternoon. ot long I know, but their hands are tied as to how long they can exclude for in one go. he asked my DD again what the girl had said, she told him and gave him the names of witnesses. They were called in independantly and completely corroborated DDs story, so even though the bully denied it, he has no choice but to believe DD! I did feel angry about the fact that 'he had no choice but to believe her', and told him it's a shame that he didn't believe her at the start, as now she has a bloody record. I am looking into getting that wiped though; I have been given the number of a specialist solicitor.
He has also phoned the parents and told them that she has GOT to leave DD alone, or he will have her removed from the bus and she will have to take an alternative route, to which the mother whinged that she can't get her daughter to another busstop as she works. Hang on....no...no....nope, can't summon any sympathy at all!
I am still pressing charges; after all the suffering and humiliation DD went through I hope they burn in hell.

Anyway; thankyou all so much for all your lovely comments. It really has been a boost to know I ahve people on my side.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 13:00

m1m1rie - DD's school is a middle school - let's say on the way to Colchester. Does that sound familiar? Although i don't know why I should protect them by not using their name!

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batters · 29/09/2006 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CJinSussex · 29/09/2006 13:41

Marmalade Sun - you are a great example of how to tackle bullying at school. And a great example to your children on how to deal with the unpleasant things in life properly. Bloody marvellous!

PS. As usual, excellent advice from MNs [proud emoticon]

Marina · 29/09/2006 13:42

Missed the earlier developments but fantastic result and good for you for sticking to your guns.

katierocket · 29/09/2006 13:44

MarmaladeSun - glad to hear you seem to be getting somewhere. Bloody disgraceful and I'm so on your behalf.

mumblechum · 29/09/2006 13:44

Glad to hear the head is finally doing his job. What a cheek, though, to say he had no choice but to believe your dd - he ought to be apologising at this point imo. Some people just can't admit they're wrong. Keep us in the loop, obviously a lot of people are very interested and sympathetic at your situ.

Miaou · 29/09/2006 14:36

Oh that's brilliant MarmaladeSun! I am so pleased you are getting somewhere. But it does leave a nasty taste in the mouth wrt the "no choice but to believe her" - what a crap attitude!!! And I'm really that other kids are getting involved and targetting your son too.

Like the idea of going to the governers. I would also request a meeting at some point and ask questions such as, "What steps are you going to take to ensure this never happens again?" and "How do you intend to reassure other parents that their children will be kept safe and secure?" etc.

edam · 29/09/2006 15:11

So glad you are getting somewhere Marmalade. Will look up the article I wrote when I get a chance (rushing around today but will definitely do it). Do you accept CATs? We can always swap email addys so I can send it to you. Although it sounds as if you have got things moving anyway - fantastic.

PS I was bullied very badly at one school I attended so sympathise with your dd and ds.

pageturner · 29/09/2006 16:38

Great result MarmaladeSun, well done. Head sounds like an arse, but at least you've got a result. Hope you get your DD's record wiped. Sounds like you have a strong case for it!

sallystrawberry · 29/09/2006 16:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 21:34

Not such a happy result I'm afraid. After the excitement at action being taken, DD phoned on the way home to tell me that this girl ahd again stamped on her foot on the bus. I phoned the head and asked why was this kid on the bus when she had been suspended. He replied that it was an internal exclusion which basically means she is in school but not in her class. She was free however to travel on the bus which is where the bloody bullying takes place! I told him what had happened on the bus and he said 'that can't have happened, I was on that bus myself a moment ago.' I said that DD had phoned to tell me it HAD happened, and he said not possible. I asked was he calling me aliar; he said no, but it can't have happened. I aksed was he calling DD a liar, he said no but it can't have happened! he said that he will sort it out on Monday, to which I replied that DD will NOT be in school on Monday as I amtaking her to the GP over the effects this is having on her. DH then took the phone from me, and told the head that we were going to the papers, as he was totally ineffective at dealing with bullies, and that he was a magazine publisher who was doing an article on bullying in schools and would be featuring his school The head master put the phone down on DH!!!!!!!! So....we went to the papers! Gulp. The reporter was VERY interested, and is going to get back to us.
Can you believe this s**t???? I am now on the brink of pulling both kids from school and home educating them.

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sallystrawberry · 29/09/2006 23:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 23:27

Hi SallyStrawberry. I called the county council education transport dept today and explained the situation.
Their first response was 'you have 2 options. You can suspend your daughter's bus pass indefinately and take her to school by car until you decide it's safe, or you can drive her to the next village and get a different bus. We'll allow you to do that' I spluttered a fair bit, adn then told them that she should NOT have to get another bus, and why can the other child, the bully, have HER bus pass revoked? 'Oh, we can't do that really.' I said that actually they could, and after much deliberation they agreed to talk to the head, then write to the parents and issue a warning and if things continue they will suspend her pass and right to travel.

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themoon66 · 29/09/2006 23:40

This thread really does take me back to my DD getting bullied on the bus in year 7. School were totally crap. They have a policy, which would appear to be a document that sits in a filing cabinet. No use. The bus company (a Lincoln one) were very good however. They banned the bully off the bus for two whole weeks. No warnings or 2nd chances. Bully's mum went mad as she had to take him to school herself (9 miles)in the car, which involved her getting into problems at her work etc.

hunkermunker · 29/09/2006 23:42

Oh, MS, how horribly upsetting I was bullied on and off through school and I really feel for your DD She's got brilliant parents on here side - good on you!

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 23:48

themoon66 - the head apparently told the girl's mother that she would need to amke alternative arrangements to get her aughter to school if it continued but, as he said 'it's not really feasible as the mother has to work and can't get her daughter to school or to another bus route'. Like I care about the logistics - she should have thought of that when she allowed her she devil of a child to go off therails.

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AngelaChill · 29/09/2006 23:50

Don't send her back there, they owe her a duty of care and have really let her down IMO

themoon66 · 29/09/2006 23:55

M.Sun. Here in Lincolnshire, the bus company made the decision to exclude the bully from the bus, not the school. The driver was sick of having to sort out problems and fights. Perhaps if you spoke to your particular driver? Also, make sure DD knows to sit as close the driver as she can.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 23:59

Hi Angelachill - my only worry, or should I say my OTHER worry is my son, who is 9. He goes there also and at the moment Ihave noreal tangible reasonto take him out, although the bully does seem to be turning her attentions on him also. If I take DD out he will have to run the gauntlet alone.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 30/09/2006 00:03

Hi Themoon66...the driver is useless.He drives like a maniac and is so rude it's unbelieveable. I've tried to talk to him before over a differentmatter and he shut the door in my face! Giod it sounds like I am a real serial complainer but I'm really really not! I just want to protect my kids.

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AngelaChill · 30/09/2006 00:04

I'd take him out too, honestly I know i'm over sensitive but the times i sat with a bottle of paracetamol and jack daniels at 14 yo, the first sign of anything like this mine will be home educated.

themoon66 · 30/09/2006 00:11

M.sun. I think you have covered all options honestly I do. I would be reaching the stage of just taking both of them out of that school.

Could you go to a solicitor for free advice? I think most of them offer a free half hour. Or citizens' advice? I don't know much about law, but could you scare the bully's parents with a solicitors letter threatening legal action or something?

I really feel for you and your DD and DS, I really do. It's so horrible. Especially when they are away from you at THAT school and you are counting the hours till they return. Been there. You have my sympathy.