Bullied...and then this happens!

[MarmaladeSun]

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

Sallystrawberry - the only chaperones are year 8 kids. And they are as bad - they called my DS a little s*t and when my DD asked him not to, she was told f*k you!

You are probably sick of having to fight, but I would seriously get on to the managing director of the bus company. They should not be allowing a person with a record of violence onto their bus.

MarmaladeSun - thank god your child has you to protect her. The head deserves sacking for such ineffectual management of the situation. Good luck in getting this sorted and best wishes to your DD.

Ms i know this is disheartning but dont give up, i am going through the same thing with DS1, his head is a t*at.
Go to the papers, and make sure you tell as many people as poss what a bad school it is, have you spoken to the goveners?
And the LEA?

Hi. Edam, I am phoning the bus company on Monday. Kimi, what is going on with your DS? How old is he? Are you fighting it? I wake up ina sweat some nights over the enormity of it all.

MarmeladeSun, I really feel for you and your dc. I was bullied at school from age 13 - 18 and it was the most miserable experience of my life.

It sounds like all the children at that school bus are less than desirable.
The school may have a great acedamic record, but if it's pupils are this awful and allowed to get away with this behaviour, are you sure you want your dc to remain there??

Even though the other school nearby has as you say a bad rep acedemically, perhaps your dd and ds will be happier there, which in turn means they will learn so much better....

MarmeladeSun, I really feel for you and your dc. I was bullied at school from age 13 - 18 and it was the most miserable experience of my life.

It sounds like all the children at that school bus are less than desirable.
The school may have a great acedamic record, but if it's pupils are this awful and allowed to get away with this behaviour, are you sure you want your dc to remain there??

Even though the other school nearby has as you say a bad rep acedemically, perhaps your dd and ds will be happier there, which in turn means they will learn so much better....

oops, sticky mouse

Monday update: I kept DD off school and took her to the doctor, who is writing a letter to the headmaster to 'add weight' to the debate. DD is not eating, not sleeping (and subsequently falling asleep during the day), having mood swings etc. I wrote a letter and sent it in stating what had happened on Friday afternoon. He called me today to suggest (and he seemed really pleased with the idea) that the girls sit down and discuss what's happening, and try and find an amicable way to sort it out! I told him we've been down that route twice and it didn't work. He then tried to turn it around to me not trying to find a solution! he still maintains that the incident on Friday didn't happen, and if it did why didn't DD tell him here and then. I said that I'm not surprised she didn't, as so far every single person in authority has let her down and not listened. he denied this. he kept saying the girls need to find their own solution! I am continuously amazed at this school.

Did you manage to make any headway ringing the bus company M.Sun?

OMG That head sounds like a piece of work . I wonder if he was the victim of assault or verbal abuse whether he would like to sit down & have a chat with his attacker! Make sure you keep a record of everything this twerp says so you can tell the LA and the board of governors about him - he sounds like he has absolutely no idea about how to prevent bullying

Tuesday: I have kept DD off school again today. She was horrified at the thought of having to even be in the same room as this kid again, let alone be forced to talk to her and explain how she feels. I can recall one story where the school got a child to write down what effect the bullying had had on him: crying, clingy, scared etc...the school (in this ridiculous politically correct world) then showed it to the bullies thinking it would make them feel some kind of sorrow for their actions. Did it hell...they tormented that child twice as much, so no...I wrote to the head explaining that it's not accceptable and that this child has either NOT been spoken to clearly enough, or she just has a blatant disregard for authority. DH called the police again last night, and tore them off a strip for taking a week to send someone out to see DD - we first told them we wanted to press charges last Tuesday. The police finally called and are sending someone around today to take DD's statement but it took DH threatening to go and deck the girl's father to get this far!!!
This girl and her henchmen have started on DS again; taunting him and calling DD all kinds of names in her absence. What brother can sit and listen to his sister being called a whore and not do something about it? So I am now forced to drive him to school and pick him up which is an hours drive, twice a day.
I'll post again after the police go.

This is terrible! It's one of these things that really wind me up! This other girl obviously deserved what she got, and her parents do too IMO. It is terrible that her parents won't even do anything about it, I would be sooo ashamed if it was one of mine!

Have you made a fresh complaint about your son being bullied as well. Surely the head must take some more action if there are multiple complaints about a child.

I hate bullying with a vengeance. My limited experience is that the bullied person needs to get away from the bully in whatever way that can be achieved. It is rare for the bully to be stopped. Authority usually backs the bully, and you can fight it, or lessen the agony by moving away. Whether that means home education or another school is another question.

The bully here will blame your daughter for getting her into trouble with the police and school, and will continue bullying. If it is not in the bus, it will be in the playground.

This sounds dreadfully negative, but ceasing to attend that school may be the only solution.

this might help

Hi everyone. ClerkKent - I have pretty much reached that conclusion already to be honest and the decision to Home Ed them is a done deal. I cannot justify sending my children into a school every single day where theya re abused and nothing is done about it. The school has been spineless, and I can not see it changing.
The police came out today, and I have to take DD to the special unit tomorrow to be video'd as she gives her statement. I'm hoping that she will sleep tomorrow night as it will be the first time anyone has listened to her (apart from us of course).

Terramum; yes I have put in complaints about my son being bullied, both in person and by letter and nothing NOTHING has been done about it or said about it. My son now feels uncomfortable at school, as he says that the headmaster keeps giving him 'the look'. I asked what look and he said that if the head is talking and smiling at a group of kids, when his gaze falls upon my DS his smile drops and he glares. Now, whether this is the case or nhot, it's indicative of how the kids feel about the school and the headmaster and an atmosphere like that is not conducive to learning.

Thursday: DD had to give video evidence yesterday which was pretty horrific. She had to be alone in the room with the officer whilst I watched from a monitor room so was unable to help her or hold her hand. Anyway, it's done now and in the police's hands, not that I anticipate them doing a lot.
I sent DD back to school today even though every part of me was shouting 'no'. I was in danger of having a truancy order served against me. She phoned me to say that the school want DD to move french class! They have moved the bully to a different maths class, but told DD that they have to be fair! Fair???? What's bloody fair about any of this? She had to move her entire form, and so most of her classes. She had to change netball teams. She has a police record and they have to be fair???? I'm spitting angry. I am now waiting for the school to phone me. Bloody political correctness has made this world insane and a much more dangerous place to live in my opinion.
One good thing though; my MP has agreed to fight on my behalf over the bullying in schools issue, and also the police DNA issue. I'm so not a confrontational person, but the public HAVE to know what is going on in schools and the handling of juveniles by the police before the facts have even been established. and if parents don't fight for their kids no one will.

Marmalade Sun I have just read the whole thread and just want to add my voice to the many who are and on your behalf. You sound like a completely fantastic mum. I can't believe the institutionalised incompetence and absurdity you have been confronted with - particularly in the head, who sounds like a spineless worm who should never have been a teacher. Hope the arcticle leads to his sacking and a thorough reform of bullying policy in schools. Good luck. And hugs for your dd.

Deregister her asap, I think you've been patient enough.

I've been home educating my son for several years now and have found that it has worked out very well. If you need any help or information then I'm more than happy to help. For the past 9 months he has actually been going to an internet school called First College and is really enjoying it. The BBC recently did a piece on the school - I'm afraid I don't know how to do a link, but if you go on the BBC website and search for 'Virtual school'the article is there. I think you are making a good decision if you home educate - it doesn't have to be forever and isn't as scary as you think and it will give your children time to settle down after all this upset. Let me know if I can help and I'll give you my e-mail address.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/5382994.stm

Hi all and thanks for the support. The latest is this: the head finally committed something to paper and wrote to me. He suggested that as he had made the other kid move a maths set, that my DD should move up into the next french set and that way they are in no lessons together at all. When DD refused she was told they have to be fair! DD has had to change ALL her lessons as this other kid refused to move any, and now as a token gesture they ahve moved one of this kid's lessons and expect me to be grateful. Also they are moving her up a set in french, which she feels she is not able for; I wrote and told them this morning that moving her up a set purely to be seen to 'be fair' is wholly unacceptable. he also wants DD to sign an agreement outlining acceptable behaviour on the bus, to which I have refused. She has done nothing wrong, and in agreeing to her doing this I am actually suggesting blame and also should all of this go even further than it already is, that will be looked upon as me accepting blame on DD's part. This kid now, however, is STILL mouthing off, and telling everyone that me and DH keep having a go at her!!!! I cannot even trust myself to look at her at the moment, let alone talk to her! She's a compulsive liar.

No advice to give but just want to add my heartfelt support to you and your family. I think you are amazing. Shame the same can't be said of the useless tossers who should have helped you.
You're so right. Political correctness is reversing any sense of normality, morality and natural justice this country ever had.