Tween:
I went on my first holiday at age 13 thats when parents could afford it. Looking back, yes I wished for nicer fashionable clothes, holidays abroad, but to be honest. I am happy it was spent on education, now I can take my DC anywhere I want, do what I want. Sometimes parents sacrifice things for kids.
Whats wrong in forgoing holidays for 4/5 years if it means kids can benefit from that later on? Most young kids don't remember holidays when they are young anyway, even when looking through photos.
Roll:
I can state some "mediocre" in comparison to other top performing fee paying schools and the comparative grammars from my old neck of the woods. Consistently, the grammar as it does takes on the top academic pupils, gains better GCSE and A Level results.... YET the mediocre schools gain more passes to Redbrick (or Russell Group) and Oxbridge uni's why that is?
Because of my background and not being private all the way through, I still lack in some areas, might be silly things to some, but not the best in spelling, handwriting is a mess, can talk about my subject areas and area of work, but, arts, classics, other conversation starters, just don't know.
When I go to many posh events, people love to hear about my background, and how my parents must be proud. They are, their sacrifices HAVE changed the way my siblings and I live, the partners we met and married, the opportunities our own DC are having. But in mine and my brothers professions, we are few and far between.
I also don't agree that uni's are discriminating towards those from private schools, its media bluff to take the heat over those do choose to send their kids to the right school for them.
Until employers change the way they employ, the grades they require it will still be those from elite uni's and private schools.
OwlCapone:
Fine your choice for your kids, but if you had friends who questioned your choice and called you stingy would you not get offended, maybe if you were a stay at home and they said you could work for it?
Thats my point, my people, my friends, think I am wasting good money on these kids for primary and should only do it for secondary or other view, if I could maintain my own luxuries. Whereas I have happily given them up.
Happy, I get some of this too from friends. I guess I should just ignore the comments, hard to though. Word, thank you. I am getting used to these comments now, better get ready.
If I can say, my mum and dad now have moved, but I still go to visit family who still live on the estates back in SL and when I drive through ( came from a Peckham Estate) I can honestly say, I am glad I do not live there anymore. I know some fab clever people who are kids were who were brill at maths, sport or drama or knew something about everything, but alas are still living in Peckham, working in the local shops or unemployed. Many of the schools we would have gone to had DM not work her arse off, have closed down, or changed to Academies, some rough old schools where the kids wanted to succeed but the teachers treated the place as a stop gap, and WOULD tell kids they'd amount to nothing. Not sure that could happen now, they might be sacked ( I'm 34), I feel humbled that I have the DM I do, if I my Dad was my mum and vice versa, not sure where I'd be.
This is why when some tutors or teachers say bright kids will shine wherever and with supportive parents is nonsense, those kids slip through and are few and far between.
When some say to not spend my money on luxuries, but on education for primary is a waste of money, does anger me, thats where I see the value.
I feel they are waiting for the time for me to make a complaint about the school, or an issue, so they can say... see, private was a waste of money etc.
catkind:
You don't know my background if you think I think people who don't choose private education don't value their childrens education. I am saying I have very good friends who I am now questioning our friendship as I get it all the time I am wasting my money, stopping having a full life by giving up my pleasures just for private school. Yet these same mothers have said they want private school, primary is a waste and they can't afford it and they do many of the above and more. My DF said, she would/should do as her DS loves sport but the current school is lacking, but not enough to stop going to the gym, eating out and getting her hair done, plus the odd Ted Baker dresses. What am I to say to that? Nothing, but defend my ground, because I came from nothing and now my future has changed, and that of my childrens.
Have you grown up with the light going off because the electricity key has finished and your DM has not got the money till charge the electricity, always being told we were poor white trash because we lived on an estate and parents were uneducated, we had dreams, DM had dreams, but no one to help her, till she was an adult and mum and did not want us to live a life of poverty. I am grateful, because clever children will not do well anywhere, the right environment and encouragement makes the difference.
hmc:
Thank you, I think you are right. Of those that I know that make the snide comments etc, many have said to me before they could afford fees, but felt, their own ways were too hard to change i.e. too used to the gym. GP liked hair done and professional retouching, highlights and blow dries, need the weekly eating out with the other mums/ friends for a break ( expensive places, not a Costa or MD or the like), likes dry cleaning all her clothes even ones bought cheaply, personal trainer once a month, need the weekly cleaner, taxis to the station instead of the bus or walking. I do not judge them, but find it hard to hear that because I have given up the following to comfortably do so:
Expensive gym membership 300 per month
Hairdresser who used to do home visits once a month 100-150
Monthly dry cleaning (80) as less often no and hand wash delicates
L'Octtaine and Berts bees products monthly (45)
Make up - changed from YSL to Bobby Brown
Wait till I visit family back in SL before mending DH and my shoes, costs 12 where I live to have stilettos done and 4 per pair in SL
Eat out with the kids once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, get presents for kids friends birthdays in advance (buy nice stuff at knock down prices)
Eat out with DH once every 2 months for a nice meal, tend to go during the day, so no need for additional babysitters, and use groupon and deals for nice places in London at fraction of cost
Family holidays where kids go free or using accumulated points or book year in advance.
When I got up what I used to spend on the above, now that was a waste of money as I don't miss it. Yes I do appreciate some people may not have nothing to cut back on, but my issue was friends think I am wasting my money and foolish to give up the above just for private education, one would send private in a heartbeat if she could still do the above and the other wants to educate privately from Y3/Y4 but does all of the above and states she cannot afford it?
Zoe:
clever, motivated kids with supportive families will probably shine wherever they go to school.. nope. Have you lived on a South London Council Estate where the local school has demotivated teachers who think all kids will end up as teenage parents or jailbirds by 21? We knew some really clever kids with supportive but uneducated parents, who did not do well as they did not have the "support in terms of knowledge" and contacts to help them get along, choose subjects wisely etc. So they just did not reach their potential and now work in min wage jobs now.
Lessons learned, cannot change people's attitude towards your choice, you just have to continue to do as you do.. Maybe I need to distance myself.
Thanks for the comments