The Trinity Whitgift Dulwich 11+/10+ thread 2014 pt2

[LadyMuck]

Anyone still out there?!

If I were you, I would take DS with me, this is where he will be spending the next 7 yrs of his academic life...however, this is my opinion, others may think differently.

I am taking DD to Alleyn's and JAGS. I have tons of questions, but am not sure what the format of the tour will be and if there will be anybody to answer them or whether it will be just a whiz around the school with a bunch of current pupils.

Ladydepp, I've just pmd you with some questions we asked - sometimes other people's questions help to spark off your own, IYSWIM. We went to DC last week. I still feel it's probably the right school for DS. Feels right. But we're still going to go to Trinity and Alleyn's. We're taking DS so he can feel he participated in the choice. We have asked if we can have five minutes with DS and whoever we're seeing (head of lower school or whatever), then if it's possible for us to finish the meeting without DS. Both DC and Alleyn's were obviously accustomed to this request. HTH.

kids do the get the tram from Wimbledon to East Croydon and then get a bus to school - not sure how many but a friend sees them on the 7.40 at Wimbledon every morning!

Ladydepp, I suspect MrsSteptoe's list will be fairly comprehensive.

These are all great schools, and if everything goes well a child will come out with a string of qualifications and experiences that will equip them for whatever they want to do next.

But for me it is the question of what happens when things don't go well that is in some ways most important. Trying to find out where a school is supportive or gives a second chance vs where there is a hard line is key, and in some respect quite hard to find out without being able to quiz a number of current and ex parents. But in general, what is the level of pastoral continuity from year to year, ease of home-school communication are things worth looking at. I would probably try to explore what happens with significant illness eg glandular fever or other viral things that seem to affect teens esp in exam years, and also mental health issues eg depression. Mainly because all of these schools are under so much pressure from league tables (whether real or the ones made up randomly at cocktail parties), and if we're not careful such pressure will mean that our kids are treated more harshly than we would want or hope for.

Equally what behavior is tolerated, and what is not seems to vary a bit. Parents will have different views on how tight or lax discipline should be (none of these places are undisciplined of course, but some schools seem to start off strict and then tighten up, whereas others let children settle in and then tighten up).

Anyway, good luck! It is still a nice position to be in!

I took the opportunity to sound out one of the heads on the offer process this year over the weekend [not one of the schools we personally applied to, but one in the mix as it were]. Numbers applying seem to be up across the board, but they reduced their number of offers (to roughly 2 offers per available place). The view seemed to be that the demand was strong enough that if they didn't fill their places from the initial round, they could go out to waitlist and beyond for further offers, and still be "forgiven" for not making an initial offer. Equally they didn't want to be caught out with more children than they had space for. Just in case this gives any hope to anyone out there who has been disappointed...

Mrssteptoe - you are so right, your questions have definitely helped me come up with some of my own (plus stealing some of yours ).

Ladymuck - I agree that the important issues are what happens if something goes wrong, I have no doubt either school will get the best out of DS academically but I am much more concerned about pastoral care and what happens if DS goes "off the rails" for one reason or another. Your question about support during physical or mental illness is a really good one. I might be throwing that one in if I get a chance!

The reason we don't want to take DS is that he is pretty ambivalent about the choice, I don't want a sudden last minute preference from him muddying the waters since we are now leaning towards Alleyn's and I have a feeling that DC may give us a better sales pitch on the day.....I could be wrong.

Another transport question...sorry!!

Does anyone know if the majority of the boys going from Clapham Junction get the 7.42am train? Just trying to work out how early DS would have to leave.

Thread is quiet today! Has everyone had enough? Shall we start talking about phones now ?

Had a long chat with DH last night about our Alleyn's vs. Dulwich decision and we ended up precisely nowhere. We have decided to stop agonising until we have seen both again. DH tried to hand over all responsibility to me on the basis that I chose our primary school and that's worked out well . I am not going to let him get off that lightly. Just wish I had a crystal ball so I could have a sneaky peek at DS in 5 years time at both schools......

ladydepp I remember being in your position last year re being undecided (we were vacillating between 3 around now). I remember the desire for a crystal ball! All I can say is that the return visits really did help; it really is very different when you have offers in hand. We took DS with us and by the time we'd seen them all again we all reached a consensus quite easily-the 'right' choice just seemed obvious where it really hadn't been before.

And I really don't think you can make a 'wrong' decision between those 2 schools. Good luck!

dippingbackin I don't know anything about the precise train times, though hopefully someone else might. But I do know that a reasonable number of the 10+/11+ crew end up at school early for choir or swimming.

ladydepp commiserations at having to chose, but a very nice choice to have. I can't help you, but I don't think that you'll end up making a bad choice. I expect things to pick up this time next week when state schools offers come out and parents are faced with the reality of turning down a grammar for an independent or vice versa. But you're definitely on the money, as indeed phones are already being discussed!

Thanks marni23, that makes me feel better!

dippingbackin - the boys I know that go to W from near us get the 7.31 from Wandsworth common direct to South Croydon. If they miss that one they can get the 7.54 but its a dash at the other end (and possibly they are late - not sure). Wandsworth common is an easy drop off if that's any good for you? It's a nice small station, they literally walk onto the platform from the car park. There will be loads of W boys there.

ladydepp - yes I expect a flurry of posts next week, I look forward to hearing everyone's choices!

Ds assures me that if he misses the first train then the second one does get him to school on time (just) .., he's stuffed if that train's delayed though!

basildonbond have you made a decision about your (obv v bright) dd?

Still umm-ing and ah-ing ...

After much deliberation we have turned down KCS and Hampton and are going with Whitgift. Just posted the letter so no turning back! DS so thrilled...clearly made the right choice.

Thanks to all for the ongoing advice and information. Will be back for more details nearer the start date!!

Enjoy the calm, dippingbackin! We are still torturing ourselves, but DS is determined not to give it any more thought till we've had a post-offer trip to Alleyn's.

MrsSteptoe, torturing is the right word for us too. Waiting to see what 3rd March brings in for us and then make a decision.

frazzled forty, burnedoutdad - thank you. Yes it will be worth it, DS is so looking forward to leaving y6 and starting W!

Pooziepuzzle when I was at W I asked the same question as I had the feeling that the first teams or A teams would consist of academy/scholar boys. Mr M said in the main they do but there are plenty of exceptions. A reference was made to one boy in the A team that is not a scholar or at an academy but has such talent that he has earned the right to play in the squad and has accelerated in his development during his time at W from initial L1 entry. The view was if the boy has the will W will show them the way and for boys like the one referred to their drive will often see them developing at a fast pace at the school. The fact is W want to win and get the feeling that they will move boys up and down subject to performance. My DS does have a slight advantage being at academy level but will have to maintain his level and develop or else!

I think you are spot on keepingittogether, boys move up an down depending on performance and the coaching is excellent so they have the opportunity to develop. also bear in mind that some of the competitions like ISFA limit the number of contracted players to a max of 5 in the match team

Has anyone else found that choosing between several good offers has made their DC more miserable than they were doing practice papers? DS is just getting more and more stressed trying to decide. Of course we could just decide for him, but we wanted to include him.

I know he's inherited my tendency to worry, but not quite sure how to proceed. Anyone had this experience?

God help us if the email tomorrow night brings an offer of Cardinal Vaughan or the Oratory. I'm almost hoping for one of Westminster's unfab options to keep it simple.

I just read that post back and realised how it sounds. Sorry. Nonetheless, it seems a shame that instead of being delighted with himself, he's not enjoying the process!

My DS was exactly the same last year MrsS. At one point he said he didn't think he was old enough to make such a big decision! I think what helped was us telling him that we would make the final decision but that we just wanted his impressions to add to the mix. He seemed to relax after that and we all sort of arrived at the decision together after second visits.

Thanks, Marni.

Maybe we've overemphasised the extent to which we want his opinion so he feels the weight of responsibility on his 10 year old shoulders! He's a little derailed by the possibility of one of his BFFs going to Trinity so I think he's loath to give up the place there - but I suspect the mother of that particular boy will go with a state option when push comes to shove anyway, so I have to try to coax him to forget that aspect.

I feel the same mrssteptoe. I am really trying not to ask Ds's opinion too often but the last time I did he just said "you can decide" in a tired sort of way. I think this weekend we will sit down with him one last time, give our now stronger opinion (DC not Alleyn's) and say "so how does that sound" and see what he says.

Glad to hear everyone's going through the same with their DSs. Our DS is still in shock to have got into both DS and Whitgift, think he feels like he's done his bit so the pressure of choosing between them should actually be our responsibility. I naively thought he should be allowed to choose for himself but I really don't think he wants to!