Would you spend everything you had to educate your children privately or settle for a perfectly OK state school (at secondary level)?

[Enid]

dh and I having this discussion atm

when i say everything it would mean me working full time, no holidays etc

interested to hear mumsnet's take on it

Enid, how happy would you be about your in-laws paying for your children's education? If you feel they'd expect complete fawning deference from you for ever after over the matter, I'd fight hard against it now. (My situation is similar, though the in-laws have never actually offered, much to my relief )

Well maybe you can guess why I am preparing to harness the mumsnet hive mind

I'd go for state school even if we could afford private - must admit that this is mainly based on my loathesome public school experience - full of tory boys and bitchy girls who felt that poor people obviously weren't trying hard enough.
Also huge amounts of class A drugs being consumed by bored rich kids.
I'm sure not all private schools are like that blablabla...............

Habing said that, I guess if the state schools were really dreadful I'd have to choose tory boys over gang members as classmates for my children though....

lol @ tory boys over gang members

hard decision though [vom emoticon at notion of clutch of tory boys]

geekgrrl at the tory boys and bitchy girls. they had those at my school too. not too many class As though I don't think.

I do agree about not sending private unless the local state is really bad though. my siblings all went to state schools of varying quality (from quite bad to good) and have all done at least as well as me in life stuff. well, they all have jobs they enjoy and seem to be doing OK so far. None have been to prison. otoh I suspect some of the tory boys have.

not 'totally and utterly against it'

but I don't like it and wouldn't feel happy with it for my own children. I enjoy criticising it

dh is another kettle of fish however

"however there are TONS of private schools nearby and I think there is a bit of a 'brain drain"

Don't forget that children are put into sets according to their ability. If your dds are bright, they will end up in the top set and most likely be amongst other pupils who are willing workers too. It would be helpful if you could speak to some pupils/parents who currently attend that state school so that you know that top set classes aren't disrupted by pupils who do not want to learn.

I think the fact that the school has a good 6th form is a key advantage to the school.

no, not everything not when alternative was perfectly ok. If it was a sink school, that wd be a different matter - wd do anything to get ds into a private one.

Having been educated myself at a private school from age 6 but transferred to a state school aged 12, I would say try the state school first, and if not happy, send to private school if you feel it is that important. I would strongly discourage anyone from sending a privately educated child into the state system. I found the contrast between the two stark, to say the least, and spent my entire 5 years at state school defending myself against those who thought I was a snob because I had been to a private school (which I most definitely wasn't, even if I am now ). Even teachers got their two penn'orth in. I am having same problem with my two DDs. DD1 is in no way academic and I know money spent on a private education may improve her grades a bit, but would not benefit her in the long term, but DD2 is very bright and needs challenges that I feel she may not receive from the state schools in my area. But that is another dilemma - can you privately educate one and not the other (Sally Webster moment)

Might it be worth pointing out the family politics of the matter to your DH? That his parents might expect more of their own way over your family's lives if they're paying the school fees? It's just possible he might not have thought about the matter in that light and that it might horrify him just as much as it does you!

we moved area last year when my girls were 4 & 6 for better schools. thats by far your best option imo. it costs us a lot more to live here than where we used to & the house is slightly smaller, but the benefits far outweigh those extra costs. & when the girls have left school we can cash in & move somewhere cheaper again if we want to.
however, if it was financially viable for us id send them private like a shot.

Hi Dino - looks like we both missed dinner last night.

I'm glad lots of parents are happy with what is on offer in state schools in Hackney, but as you know, many are not, hence a third being educated outside the borough.

And from personal experience we have seen an exodus of families moving just prior to 2ndary transition, expressing education as the prime reason.

Maybe we should just lower our aspirations? but I do think that if the local state schools are not good enough for our local MPs son, they are certainly not good enough for mine.............

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I don't feel uncomfortable because I think I am somehow 'worse' that they are! I feel uncomfortable because I think some of them are idiots!

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haven't read whole thread - so sure someone has already suggested this - but what about scholarships and bursaries and don't forget sibling discounts, if you have lots of independent schools to choose from you can negogiate hard and expect 10-25 % discount on child2 and 30-50% discount on child3 ( i do know people with 4 boys who are basically paying full fees on 1st, 75 % on second, 50 % on htird and 4th is free and that is at a top boarding school, they really pushed 2 schools very hard against each other as to whom offered the best discount) . But in answer to your question i would do whatever it takes to privately educate ( at moment dd1 aged 6 1/2 in private prep ) . Though i am only prepared to pay for something excellent ( and i don't mean necessarily academic) , we have a local private secondary which has poorer facilities and worse results than some comps - so why pay for that ?

State school all the way for me. I went to a medicocre state school, but did really well (lots of A's etc), got into top uni, have a good job.
Brother did the same.
I have a grounded view of the world, never felt 'inferior' because I was poor in a rich man's world. and my parents didn't go bankrupt and had enough cash to take us on nice holidays
Have the confidence to go state I say- if kids are going to do well they will do well virtually anywhere.

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I know socci, but I know I would have felt poor if I'd gone to Rodean

My inlaws offered to pay half for our 2 to go private and we said no thanks. I just couldn't face the influence they would think they had to have over the boys. they sent dh and his brother to boarding school and have totally different values to us. We were going to stretch ourselves but then the local church primary phoned and said that due to a low birth rate there was a place for ds1. I had applied last year and given up when I saw the point system for getting in. They still had my details thank god. We are thrilled with it and made 100% the right decision.

State school for me.

I want my children to mix with all types of kids, they wont get that opportunity at Private school.

Also, I really value family time, and resent anything that cuts down on our family time, so going without holidays would be a big no no for me.

I want my children to have a good education, but I dont want to pressure them to much, and I'm afraid that if I was paying out that amount of money they would be under pressure.