Would you spend everything you had to educate your children privately or settle for a perfectly OK state school (at secondary level)?

[Enid]

dh and I having this discussion atm

when i say everything it would mean me working full time, no holidays etc

interested to hear mumsnet's take on it

I've "done" both state and private for secondary schools for DS1 and DS2. DS1 highly academic went to local "premier league" independent and had good time (and came out with the required results), despite not being sporty. DS2 (less academic) goes to local highly rated comprehensive. Compared with the independent school the teachers are more variable, change more frequently and school/parent communication is poor. The advantage is that I can now afford to think of replacing worn out furnishings - and may be even my car - one day.

I would expect to give the decent state school a shot at first, provided it gave each child the right sort of education for their needs.
We are very fortunate to have a good variety of state secondaries not too far from us - selective and not.
We are sort of where you might be, now enid - me working f/t and economising furiously to send ds and dd to private primary. It is hard going on your wallet and your marriage to be 100% dependent on both f/t incomes.
We know it is worth it because of the really smashing school, but we didn't choose private on principle and we have no intention of staying in the private sector to 18. For financial and social reasons.
My colleague has made very different educational choices for his dds btw - you can successfully mix and match both sectors without causing sibling hatred forever.

Kind of depends on the private school IMO Enid. A lot of them are crap!

Also if you were SAHM you could then help them if the state school was lacking in certain areas.

You're right Puddle, I didn't think of that. I've shown myself up as the mother of a single child. I think I would consider sending my children (if I ever have another) to seperate schools if they had very different needs or interests though. My brother and I went to different primary schools, and would have gone to different secondary schools except that I changed to his school for my last 2 years because my original secondary school wasn't strong on maths or physics (an all girls school, but that's no excuse really) whereas his school was very good at the more techy stuff.

If the state school option was perfectly good I'd go with that rather than take on another financial burden.

I'd rather not have to go out to work full time and send mine to state school, have the time to spend with them on homework, taking to after school activities and have the money for luxuries. I would hate to be struggling/skint if I could avoid it.

I'm hoping and praying mine pass the 11+ or else we will consider private (our secondary option is not good!!).

absolutely not.

Remember that there can be some big disadvantages in terms of social development etc with some private schools. and if it's exams you're worried about, why not spend some of that time you would have been working in giving them extra help with their homework etc?

We've been having this conversation as well recently. It's a bit different for us as DD has dyspraxia and therefore slightly different needs. The thought of her in the local upper school which is about 1400 pupils gives me palpitations. The results are pretty good though, especially as a lot of children locally go privately or to the Grammar. Our decision at the moment is that we will wait until she has finished Middle School and then make a decision. If needs be we will go down the private route and pay for it somehow. I then feel if we do it for DD we would have to do it for DS, but sort of hope the Grammar might be an option for him if it still exists by then.

I am obviously in the minority here, as we are facing a similar dilema and will probably go private, but do think the child is a factor.

At the end of the day Enid if the 6th form is good then that's the most important thing if your children are going to go for Further Education. IME GSCE results have no effect on anyone's ability to get a job post university - as long as they are good enough to go on to do A Levels then all will be well. If the 6th form is good, then university entry shouldn't be a problem.

I would stick with the state school, and enjoy not having to work yourself into the ground.

Wish we had an OK state school..................

I would go with the state school if at all possible. If it didn't work out I would prefer to move house than pay for education. Even if the mortgage was a lot more you would at least have a more valuable asset in the future.

Thats my opinion but of course everyone is different.

State school definitely!!!!

Perfectly ok sounds fine to me. Schools are like parents, imo. Good enough is actually better than perfect.

I'd go for state school. If you worked as well but not full time think of all the extra opportunities you could give them. Lots of interesting places to go and great family holidays. Having the time and resources to let them develope their hobbies. And for you and your husband, you could actually enjoy the last part of their childhood as opposed to working like slaves

Really depends on what you mean by a perfectly good state school and your children's personalities/abilities. I live somewhere where a large amount of people go to private schools, but I think it can be a bit of a knee jerk reaction. I think 80% if children would get the same results whereever they went. I think you can do a lot to benefit a child's education with 250,000 and a bit of time. My dilemma would be what if one of my children was (in my opinion) for some reason really unsuited to going to a state school but the other one or two would cope perfectly well at the local state school. Would I feel that I had to educate them all privately?

I also think that quite a lot of universities (correctly IMO) are questioning whether private school's results are a result of cramming or genuine ability.

state school without a second thought

I wasn't particularly thinking of 1:1 tuition type stuff, ks as it goes because yes, some children respond to that better than others. but being there to help out with projects or debate things etc can really be a great help for kids. and it's probably why parental education is one of the best predictor of exam results regardless of school.

If the school met the kids' needs I would go state. If not I would go for the private option.

Thankfully we can cope with me doing 4/5 of a job and we do get holidays, all be it in a tent

god what are 'kids needs'?

will start thread

puddle, interesting that you raie the issue of it being 'for the kids'. Mt dd ended up in private and the local school wouldn't have cope with her. Ds went 'by default' but has some learning problems and has needed the extra support that the smaller private school could give him.....a 10;1 pupil teachet ratio, with extra help from the permanent TA and 2 hours with the SENCO each week. None of which he would have got in the local state primary.

Funny how things work out

Educational needs.

Do they get an education appropriate to their individual needs.

Other needs are obviously met by the parents