Would you spend everything you had to educate your children privately or settle for a perfectly OK state school (at secondary level)?

[Enid]

dh and I having this discussion atm

when i say everything it would mean me working full time, no holidays etc

interested to hear mumsnet's take on it

Isn't their peer group a critical factor in determining their success? So are you paying to put them into a better social pool? In theory..

only if you're talking about eton, robin.

Turning this on its head, if it makes no difference at all to your lifestyle whether you pay school fees or not (unlikely I know esp with 3 kids!) then should you really send them to private school?

Surely if everyone who currently sends their kids to private school opted for state, the system would combust!

You'd have to be really unhappy with the state alternative IMO. If you were, and there was no alternative, then yes I would consider it, but really as a last resort and only if I felt that the state school was having a signficant negative impact on my child.

I'm really pleased with ds's school, and think that it is just right for him. But couldn't face returning to work full-tiime to pay for it.

State school. Can't even see this as a dilemma to be honest.

state school. if - as I suspect - you are an educated mum who enjoys a variety of activities in the holidays with your children, who could be around to help with school work, and who can play an important role in instilling in them a love of learning then any "shortfall" the state school may have compared with the private will be more than compensated for by you working less. parents are one of the most important influences on the education of children

ah thats a nice post WHTSWAH

not really a massive dilemma, just something dh and I have been discussing (he went to public school, I was sent to the local comp (single sex ex-grammar school)

Have not really enjoyed the 'social' aspect of dd2s private prep school, much prefer the broader mix at dd1s state primary (feel more comfy there) so I suspect this would be the same at secondary level (judging this so far only on myself rather than thinking about my children )

ks no I dont mean small sacrifices, we'd be crucified sending three kids through the private sector (dh yet to realise this though)

Speaking as one who went to a private girls' school in your neck of the woods I would say state, for sure V. pleasant environment, couple of good teachers but large number of extremely crap ones. We have gone for state for ds (just), in a very similar situation where the private schools drain off huge numbers of children. I feel happy with the choice so far, and I would definitely give it a try, at least, in your situation.

Definitely would go for the state school rather than miss out on all the other family stuff like holidays etc which are educational and valuable in themselves

I wouldn't exactly call our local secondaries perfectly OK, more like just OK to be honest but we are going for the private route.

It means cutting down on all non essential spending such as holidays etc (though we are lucky to get free caravan holidays from my parents). It also means me having 2 part-time jobs and dh having 3 part time jobs which includes our own business. We often work evenings and weekends.

I feel it is worth it because the school dd and ds will go to is wonderful.

I am so glad this thread is here, as it is similar to my dilemma. So here goes

We cannot afford private eductaion, but my parents can. I went to a state (ex Grammer) until 16 and then private, my bothers went private, dh went private. Currently my neice goes to a private school as paid for by my parents, and I believe that this could be an option for us.

DD1 is a lovely little girl, but not HUGELY academic. She is about average nationally, a little below average for her primary school. However I get teh feeling she would benefit from more 1 on 1 help at school. At home she flatly refuses to do homework and will barely read to us, it leads to all sorts of tantrums. But at school she repects the authority and does try (at home she doesn't even try). I believe in some ways that if she goes to a state school where approx 50% get 5 GCSE's then this is all she will expect to get, if that. If however she goes to a school where 95% get at least 5 GCSE's she will expect that she can do it, and will IYKWIM. She isn't the brightest, but with application could do so much better. She excells at things taht are creative and there is a local private school that does loads of dance, drama, and art which is where her talents really lay.

So do we go private, relying on my M&D to pay we will still be able to afford holidays etc, so it won't be the same struggle as ENID. We will see our children just as much as now. Or do we go state where I am sure she will do OK, but perhaps only OK. Most of her friends will be going to the state school, but we live in a village, she will only be a day pupil, and she will still have loads of time for local friends IYKWIM.

Hmmmm

Help me think about this

BTW DD2 is a bright little bunny who I thoink will do well wherever so I am less worried although she would follow her sister wherever

We are considering moving for secondary education - children are 5 and 3, but needs thinking about/planning now (yawn).

State. I believe we have a reasonable income but we certainly don't have an extra 30K (Ktp's figure) which would be 60K for us, for four children, to spend. We used to live in a town which had several private schools roundabouts yet almost everyone I knew sent their children to the state schools. Many, if not most, of the children at the private schools came from outwith the area and a large proportion of the boarders from Hong Kong, Malaysia and Mexico so I don't think there was any sort of brain-drain effect.

Enid, even with you working full time, no holidays etc, could you actually afford private education for three? You mentioned on another thread iirc that you couldn't afford to keep your job because of the cost of childcare for three.

I'm interested in your answer as I have three myself; I'm not being snide! Furthermore I think it's fairly clear which way you'd rather go on this; if you could just tell your DH the private route can't be done, perhaps it might make your position easier.

I am intrigued to know what has brought this on - you usually come over as one of the more staunch defenders of the state system - but if you don't want to say, I won't be offended.

It's not just the fees though is it?It's the uniform,the extra music tuition(and instruments),the extra sport tuition(and kit) the school trips abroad etc etc.
That's a lot of extra £££ to be found from somewhere.

ah hallgerda all very observant

the fact of the matter is that dh could probably raise some of the money from his family (they are keener on private education than subsidising me going back to work )

I would go with the state school if it is of a good calibre but ensure they have the extra sports/music tuition so it appears they've had a private education

Seriously, if you think their private education will cost in the region of £250k arent you better off moving into an area which offers excellent state education? or going down the scholarship route?

Dd's school is one of the best (state schools) in our borough, its in an affluent area and many of the children do extra sports/music/drama etc which does help filter through to their work ethics. I know some will disagree but the facts are that the better the area the better the schools (round here at least).

Then there'll be university and you'll have to toil for that, too.

Nah, think I'd save the money for their uni fees and any extra tutoring they might need.

Or move to the better catchment area - that would probably be cheaper in the long run AND your property value would remain high, helping you financially over the long term.

jampots we have looked at that, there is an excellent state secondary school about half an hour away, however it is massively oversubscribed and houses around it are like gold dust, just can't bear to uproot us from our lovely home on the offchance the kids will get in...

I agree w/jampots. I chose to go to a state secondary school - although in my native city, spaces were alloted on the basis of merit rather than where you lived. I had all the poncey extras, though - music, dance, art lessons, tutoring for standardised tests, trips abroad, etc.

My sister went private all the way - her choice.

We got into the same uni.

Enid it is worth checking the birth rate for the year that your oldest dd was born and also their selection criteria. The school dd is at is oversubscribed every year from catchment but for dd's year there was a dip in the birth rate which meant they had sufficient places for all catchment children. After I had mentally discarded some into the KE and private schools I calculated I would be able to apply and of course once applied if the criteria fits (distance from home) then they (the LEA) have to offer a place.

We do not live in the aforementioned affluent area.