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Education

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Original poster

Would you spend everything you had to educate your children privately or settle for a perfectly OK state school (at secondary level)?

182 replies

Enid · 17/07/2006 13:13

dh and I having this discussion atm

when i say everything it would mean me working full time, no holidays etc

interested to hear mumsnet's take on it

OP posts:
Reginald · 17/07/2006 13:14

I would go for the state school. I wouldn't be happy to put myself in a situation where I would have to work full-time, have no holidays and so on in order to afford the fees.

expatinscotland · 17/07/2006 13:15

i'd go for the state school.

tortoiseshell · 17/07/2006 13:16

If it was perfectly ok, would go for the state school. We are thinking about this atm, as there is only 1 state school that is a possibility, and it is extremely hard to get into, the others are shockingly awful! But again, for us, it would mean throwing everything into it, so it would be a last resort.

southeastastra · 17/07/2006 13:17

i'd go for state school even if i could afford private, i'd like my son to mix with all abilities and feel everyone should support the local school. if a child has got the drive to do well they will do well

hulababy · 17/07/2006 13:17

In those circumstances I think I'd give the secondary school ago first. The trouble is school fees are rising greatly each year, much more than by inflation rate. So if you are pushed the first year it is only going to get worse.

I think you also need to look at the lifestyle balance - FT work when you don't want to, no holidays, no treats...these are all important things if you are used to them.

Give the state ago. If realy bad and your child doesn't settle/develop etc. then think again.

Original poster
Enid · 17/07/2006 13:19

it isn't the 'best' in the area by any means but it is pretty good

however there are TONS of private schools nearby and I think there is a bit of a 'brain drain'

OP posts:
mummydear · 17/07/2006 13:20

State school - what if the job doesn't work out, what if one of you fall sick( God forbid )and then only one wage comes in, alot of what ifs that could land you in finacial problems.

Plus then all the extras that the private school would want, the extended school holidays ,

Not forgetting the stress that you would put yourself under.

hulababy · 17/07/2006 13:21

"if a child has got the drive to do well they will do well "

Sorry but sadly, after working in a not so great (special measures) school for several years, this is not the case. It should be, but in reality it isn't. I have seen bright and able pupils fall by the way side or not get the challenge they need to reach their true potential because of the situation they are in. A teacher in some classes has to spend so much time dealing with class management issues that the good kids lose out.

However not all state schools I like this I know. Many are fabulous, including ones that may not alwasy be seen as excellent or good in the eyes of OFSTED.

As I said, I'd give state ago and reconsider if things start to go worng.

Original poster
Enid · 17/07/2006 13:22

to send three girls (11-18) to the local private school would cost in the region of £250,000

OP posts:
mummydear · 17/07/2006 13:22

Enid , sounds like you live in an area similar to me, alot of private schools etc . the two state scenodary schools that re near to us , I don't hold out much hope , we will probably move by then unless they improve.

Original poster
Enid · 17/07/2006 13:23

basically the school is a bit pants up until 16, the sixth form is very good tbh

I have worked with kids from the school during art projects and they are lovely in the main

OP posts:
pesme · 17/07/2006 13:24

i think it can be bad for a childs self esteem to have parents crucifying themselves for their childrens education - thats alot of pressure. also you need a life too.

hulababy · 17/07/2006 13:25

Have you visited the school? You may well get a great feel for it when you go. What do other parents with children there think of it? What are its key strengths and weaknesses? is the schoo addressing these and how? - Allt hings you can trya nd aska nd find out.

southeastastra · 17/07/2006 13:26

well in my experience hulababy, in fact i am quite mad at they way people have written off our local school without even visiting it, i think my son is in the minority by going to the local school and not the religious/private schools that are sprouting up. if more people used the local school standards would improve

niceglasses · 17/07/2006 13:28

Err, no - now way. Really, even if I could afford it, I would not send my kids to a private school, esp if the local schl was fine. Its a bit of a no brainer for me am afraid.

bran · 17/07/2006 13:29

I think it would depend on the child. Some children definitely benefit from smaller class sizes and better facilities that a private school can offer, eg a child who is lazy/unmotivated and tends to sit at the back and do nothing or a child with special interest/talent (maths/music etc). However academic achievement doesn't seem to have that bearing on happiness in adult life and many private schools are bit over-keen on doing well in exams and the kids sometimes seem a little lacking in life skills, so a middle of the road type of child would probably do just as well in a state school.

I think if you are making a big sacrifice to send them to private school it could make them feel a bit pressured to do well to "pay you back". Plus they will be mixing with lots of kids who come from very rich families so it might be tough on them seeing others having the latest toys/clothes/skiing holidays but not having that themselves.

niceglasses · 17/07/2006 13:29

er no way that should have been. Showing up my own patchy education here.

KTeePee · 17/07/2006 13:31

Enid, where I am, school fees are about £800 per month. For two kids I reckon you would need an additional income of around £30k before tax, to pay for the fees, uniform, extras and holidays clubs (because you are also paying for the privilege of your kids attending school for fewer weeks than state schools).

I personally would give the state schools a chance first, unless they are really dire, given the huge stress it would put on my family if I had to get a full time job to fund private schooling. If I was rolling in money I would probably seriously consider it though - the state school my dd will probably go to (girls only) is far superior results-wise than any of the co-ed or boys only schools here. To get similar results for boys you have to go private. (And before anyone has a go, I know exam results are not everything but I think they are significant at secondary level)

puddle · 17/07/2006 13:33

I do love the way people say 'it would depend on the child'. Isn't this something most people think about for their first child and then inevitably all the others will go to the same school? I know of hardly any families where siblings attend different schools, unless the single sex issue comes into play.

Also, don't you have to treat your children the same? So if you pay for education for one of them you'd have to do it for all of them.

I would go for the state option, but then I wouldn't choose to spend my money on private education.

PrettyCandles · 17/07/2006 13:34

We considered this recently. Dh went to state schools, I went to private schools. I am a FTM, dh works full time. I sacrificed my job because we felt that it was important for one parent to be as full-time a carer as possible, and, while I earned well, dh's earnings potential was vastly higher than mine. We have the same attitude to the state v private educations system. What's important to us is not what others can give our children, but what we can give them. Were I to find work on the same level as before children, then, with our two salaries and some scrimping, we could probably afford private secondary. But what would that give our children? A lot of childcare, and less time with Mummy and Daddy.

Instead, we have chosen to move out of the area we used to live in, where the state secondaries were dire, to an area where the general education level is good all round, primary and secondary. We feel that, if our children need more than we ourselves can provide, then what we save on private education we can spend on 'extras' - music, tutoring, travel etc.

Ultimately it's as much about the work/life balance as any aspect of family life.

Original poster
Enid · 17/07/2006 13:34

it seems such a waste to spend all that money on education

I'd rather go on holiday

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 17/07/2006 13:39

if it meant working full time and having no holidays to go private, I would send them to the ok local state school

how anyone could afford 3 kids in private school is beyond me anyway

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 17/07/2006 13:43

Would (and have) gone for the state school.

iota · 17/07/2006 13:46

when ds1 started school I looked at the option of:

  1. sending him to a local private school with its wrap around care etc and staying at work,

2.sending him to the local state and getting after school and holiday care from another provider and staying at work

  1. sending him to the local state and becoming SAHM.

I chose option 3.

If at any time I think he (and his little bro) would be much better off in the private sector, I would go back to work, but whilst he is doing well and is happy in the state sector, I will leave him/them there.

I know that your own school experiences can influence your decision, in our case dh went to a good state comprehensive and did well, I went to state primary and a private all-girls school for secondary and did well.

katierocket · 17/07/2006 13:49

If the state school was OK then I would go for that. Pretty miserable for the whole family to have the other option. No holidays would be horrible for the kids too. Plus, often when you put children into the private sector you are putting them together with children whose parents have a high disposable income and things like holidays etc can become very competitive. I knew someone whose mum scrimped and saved to send him to private school and he really resented it because with everything else they were skint and it was hard for him when his mates were going on fancy holidays etc. In an ideal world this aspect wouldn't matter but I think you have to consider it.