why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

and would't it be a lovely old country if every women with school age children could find employment between 9.30 and 2.30 in the day.

I'm working nights to fit round DH's hours as I couldn't find any work (that had enough hours to warrant working - ie 6hrs a week cleaning just wasn't going to be enough for us financially - and that's without any childcare costs) and that could fit round DH's hours.

"while their kids are at school (where I am the one looking after them by the way)"

Which you have chosen to do and get paid for.

"I also missed my colleagues and students and the feeling of having really achieved something everyday and hated being dependent on dp for money".

It isn't a favour for the children or parents it's what you wanted to do. Just as some sahm choose to give their energies to looking after their families and homes only they don't get any recognition for it or payment.

Totally agree,Tigermoth.

I thought it was about time I showed you this from Medican News Today but reported in lots of papers a while back:

'It appears that working mothers, when compared to full-time housewives, are less likely to become overweight, have a better level of health and a healthier relationship. The study also found that single mothers experience the worse health than working mothers who have a partner and children. Those reporting the worst health were stay-at-home mothers, followed by childless women and single mothers.38% of stay-at-home mothers were obese when they reached their 50s, for working mothers the percentage was 23%.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/healthnews.php?newsid=43421

That's interesting.

I think I make more effort to do proper exercise now that I'm working as I know I'm sitting down for most of the day. Also I eat less while I'm at work as I can't get away with getting a snack every few minutes!

More to do with social class/poverty than the actual fact of being a SAHM in my opinion.

It would be interesting to see the same study on women who are 26 now and to see how they are they are 54. I wouldn't be suprised if it was somewhat different.

The increased used of 'ready meals', more places for sahm's to go with their children - I'm sure lots of things which made life isolated and dull for our mothers are now catered for.

yes, and as widely pointed out at the time, was there any adjustment to reflect the social class of those SAHMs? How likely those women are to be overweight or slim anyway?

Personally, I currently weigh exactly the same as I did when working as a City lawyer.

I eat like a PIG at work - endless cups of coffee, slices of toast, biscuits, left over jam sponge with custard, cheese sandwiches - sweets the lot .

Like most statistics, it is quite meaningless as it leaves out vital information. It does not mention the background of those women. excuse me for being classist or something , but I would place a fair bet that alot of the women in that 'study' were poorer educated , unemployed working class would haven't been in a postiton to find a decent job even if they wanted one. You can't draw conclusions like that unless you have a fair control. How about studying all women of a certain background and situation?? THAT would make some sense. It does make a difference. There are SO MANY variables here.

Yes, it is my choice to teach Juule and I love it but actually I do a hell of a lot of 'favours' for my students and by extension their parents as do the vast majority of teachers and nurses, doctors etc. I help 100s of kids every year and not just cos I'm paid for it otherwise I'd knock off at 4.20 and that would be that. As it is, like many teachers I'm at work just after 8 which means breakfast club for dd1, work through breaks, lunches and when my own kids are in bed. I'll be going into work a few times over the holidays and doing loads at home. Dp is going on a 3 day residential next week with the EBD kids he teaches and will be paid nothing for this.

What do you mean " I thought it was time...." Cat this isn't a classroom where you are graciously imparting your superior knowlegdge you know. You are a card!

BAWC you're paid to do a job so just get on and do it and stop fantasising that you're doing "favours" for people.
You're not. You're being paid to provide a service. If you don't like it then get another job and stop worrying about what other people choose to do with their life.

Yes, the research may be flawed. But many sahms will tell you and have on this thread and otehrs that over-eating, isolation etc can be more problematic for them. That's certainly the case for me when I was on maternity leave and on my days at home. THe link is tehre if you want to have a look.

And no, although I love my kids and love being with them I don't feel the same kinds of achievements as I do at work. Different ones maybe like dd2 doing a wee in the potty or dd1 writing her own name. Not the same as knowing I've brought part of Hamlet to a bunch of 20 kids or written 30 UCAS references or written part of a text book which will be used by teachers thoughout the country. Not better or worse just different. But then there's the stuff I don't have to do at work like wipe up the wee where dd2 has missed the potty (as you'll have realized I don't like to clean) or have to deal with a tantrum in the middle of ASDA.

not read all of this but i do all the housework because i am so fussy that no one else would be able to do it to my standards!! if he does clean up for me i dont think its good enough and do it all again stuff has been ironed twice before when its been done to help me but i not been happy - and he is in the army so i must be fussy!

and i like cleaning! i get a really happy feeling when my house is all clean and sparkly

i need to get out more!

aha - nulcat - I bet you're obese and isolated though aren't you

You ae very different to many mothers on this thread then

You are starting to sound a teeny bit up yourself, cat. Teachers really aren't more important than parents, you know. Many of them come across as thinking they are - but they're not.

And Hamlet would be a fat lot of good to a child who hadn't been given the individual time and input to learn to write her own name. Sadly lots of children can't do that by the time they're 7 these days.

Men don't normally come up to women's standards at housework so women often give up and do it themsleves.

I think the answer is to drop your standards to the level that men can deliver at.

Would you tell that to your kids' teachers rabbit? How do you know I won't be one of them? I do get on with my job and I don't have to fantasise about doing people favours (unlike some people who don't seem to do anything much except clean their own house all day and look after their own kids) because I know I do and so do my students. Had enough actually. I've got better things to do and I'm sure you've all got floors that need mopping.

lol
And yes, should I be unfortunate enough to have a teacher like your good self then I would obviously take your conduct up with your superiors.
Be careful, we may only be parents but you don't want a total revolt on your hands now do you.

Have a good evening.

love the "i thought it was about time" remark

like you hadn't just been googling "mothers AND obesity" furiously

lol

pmsl

So basically you know you're great and anyone who looks after their own families are so much lesser creatures than you. Not your words I know but the implication is there. You may be a teacher but at heart you remind me of my teenagers and we all know that "if you want to know something ask a teenager, they know everything - or think they do". Fortunately for teens they will have time to gain experience and modify their outlook. Maybe one day you will too.

How utterly obnoxious

I'm very glad my son doesn't have teachers with your views. I would be very concerned about the attitudes you are imparting to other people's children.