why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

Nah, now I've taught my 7 year old the RIGHT way, she can do it!!

and i work full time and have a 2 yr old, dp is away a lot and i was on my own for the first 18 months of her life so i got used to doing everything and i really dont mind doing it, i think its my job to make sure the house is nice etc

but nulnulcat - you haven't told us whether you're isolated and obese

I am a bit obese, if truth be told

But it's better than being an arrogant arsehole

hrh afraid not, im a size 8 and lose weight without trying - please dont hate me as i would love to put some of my weight back on! and my life is far from dull!!!

I am so glad others are now coming to my side, I was starting to think I was the only one with teh problem with BAWC.

I can see where you arguement is coming from BAWC, BUT I feel that the rationale you have given today is flawed. Yes some SAHM are likely to be fatter, have less self-worth, be depressed etc, BUT It doesn't make them lesser people. That is my point. We shoudl support people to make their choices, yes better childcare and more flexible work, but also more support and praise for the mums who do stay at home. This should be seen as a valid CHOICE and not 'beneath' highly educated women etc.

Which you can see by my spelling I obviously am not (see other thread for details!!! - I did read that llittle row last night PF)

hehe nulnul - I know the feeling 8 months ago I was a size 14 - now some shops size 8's are too loose

You've obviously been dozing, Tutters, I mentiioned the research at the beginning of the thread here 'And there's that recent research which suggests women who do (paid) work are healthier. Isolation and obesity are real problems for many long-term SAHMs.' I just though it might be helpful if it wasn't just coming from me.

Greensleeves, I've also taught a lot of kids who couldn't write their own name. Some of them told me their mothers were too busy cleaning their houses (the way that requires knowledge and skill as opposed to the walk round with the hoover way) to show them how.

And I'm wondering what exactly it is about my 'conduct' you don't like rabbit. That I take more interest in the financial, emotional security and job prospects of SAHM than many seem to themselves? If I'd realized that that was going to cause so much offence I would never have started. Bye.

You may have a good education and (in your view) a worthwhile job, cat, but you have no manners. My children, thankfully, are much better brought up than you That's good enough for me.

Have only read the irst 20 or so posts and I'm sure things have moved on since then, but......

I do the majority of the housework. Before I had children I swore I would never ever fall into the traditional 'housewife' role, but your outlook on life changes totally once children arrive. I want to stay at home with my boys, I don't want to go to work, therefore DP has to go to work. That means I do the cooking/cleaning/shopping etc. This is just the way things have turned out.

It has worked the other way pre-LOs, he was unable to work, so I was at college and a p/t job, he did the housework. Its not that I enjoy the housework, or even particularly want to do it, but I want clean clothes, a tidy house, to eat cooked food etc, so I have to do it, I can't expect him to work a 60 hour week in a physical job, then come home and look after me, and vice versa if I was working.

sorry blackandwhitecats - too much tripe to wade through. too busy doign everything for DH to doze i'm afraid. must go - floors to scrub!!

"Some of them told me their mothers were too busy cleaning their houses"

Bet some of them had mothers who were out at work doing 'favours' for other people.......

"That I take more interest in the financial, emotional security and job prospects of SAHM than many seem to themselves?"

You assume that the majority of SAHM's have no financial 'back-up', that they all feel worthless, and all are wanting a fantastic "career".

Well you know what - I may have been thrown back into work sooner than I'd have hope to have been - but I'm quite happy being a 'humble' carer. ATM I don't particularly 'fancy' a "career" - too busy being a mum (according to my mother that job never stops) and Director of Music at church on top of work.

Oh and I forgot, I should have 'researched' this. But IRRC women can now claim 1/2 of their husbands pensions if they divorce, if they have stayed at home looking after the kids, given up careers to do this they are getting bigger and bigger wedges of their husbands income. Oh and far from dying leaving women destitute, these women need LIFE INSURANCE for their husbands, not being forced to go out to work!!

my mum was a sahm and both my sisters are, if things had been different and i hadnt ended up a single mum i would be a sahm, i am not obese and none of my family are none of them are isolated they have better social lives going out to see other mums than before and even though i work my social circle has grown as we now have other friends that have familes and do stuff with them

houses in all our family are spotless and there is no way my mum neglected any of us to clean and my sisters certainly dont, my 7 year old neice had a reading age of nine when she went to school think that might have something to do with the amount of time my sister has spent sat down with her whilst she was wasting her time being a SAHM!!!

here here Crunchie re Life Insurance - DH has it, and I know (god forbid) should anything happen to him it would be enough to pay off the mortgage and other debts - which would mean my pitiful carers wage would cover the bills.

oh God, same old, same old. why do we have to give each other such a hard time over this, doesnt the media etc do that for us??

personally looking forward to going back to work pt to have a break from kids but don't see it as easier option - it's bloody hard work juggling to fit both work and SAHM-dom in, but I know I can';t put up with the grind of being at home ft either. Each to their own...but i guess where would MN be without these debates?

B&WC - im really saddened that you have taken this attitude - having taken the last 1/2 hour to read the whole thread even you must admit to being controversial in some statements. I ended a 30K/year job to become SAHM to DD4 and DS2 and feel lucky that i was able to do so - all this so called research is a load of rubbish IMO - there is always an opposing batch of research commenting on how children miss out when they have WOHM and that no-one can replace the care given to there child by there own mother - am glad you feel satisfied that you have acheived something in your days at work as I couldn't feel any more satisfied than a day spent with my children just providing them support, stability and love amongst other things rather than dropping them off at a childminders or some after school club in order to IMO selfishly look out for my own needs rather than my LO's.

and to answer the quesiton, again I'm sure i'm not unique in saying it's partly because he won't/doesn't notice partly becuase he works ft and it's fairer that way. for some reason, tho we had it sorted pre-ds2, we;re fighting over territory again on this since he was born..

I@m selfish too then, AG - i (honestly) admire your sense of seatisfaction - I generally feel I'm muddling thro each day at best. I occasionally pander to my selfishness and put myself first, couldn't function otherwise, tbh!

martyrdom. some people like to "brag" - really they are moaning - some just moan.

i think people who get satisfaction from such things must be very dull.

crunchie I endured all this yesterday I was dealing with a reasonably ok if not extremely opinionated woman. Even earlier on this evening I thought the same. Having watched the threads today I realise that she is not actually dealing from a full pack ( my opinion ).
I have grown up with teachers all my life, I was one before having children. I have never met anyone with those attitudes to teaching. Sure it's an important job, like many others, but it'd still a job, no hero worship here. The government liked to put out that ad to get teachers to enrol, all along the lines of 'make a huge difference to someone's life. Great, that's a fantasy.
I chose to look after my many children full time. I am lucky enough to have the financial backing to do this. Staying at home is not the easy option, but I know it is important for my children that I am there to take them to school, pick them up, attend whatever meetings, sport's days, assemblies etc.
I know there are alot of women who have to work, but would love to spend more time with their kids. You are one are you not?
I feel very blessed that I can do this. You and I like so many others realise the importance of parental presence in childhood. I have read a book called " home by choice" by an American called Brenda Hunter . It made me realise that my presence wasn't just important with my preschoolers, but with my older children as well.
I have seen how children respond to parents who are very 'involved' with their jobs, it's not good really.

I was trying to get the point to B&WC how a sweeping statement can come across as controversial. Its not what she was saying but how she said it (well most of it anyway - of course we should be selfish and put our needs first sometimes - if i was honest i would probably rather be at work for at least some of the week but cant at the moment - it just shows how easy it is to be taken the wrong way - wasnt being smug so apols if it came over like that but for one person saying SAHM's are more likely to be fat there is always another saying children of SAHM benefit more because of x,y,z IYSWIM

Just before I go off to work I must just comment on the thread title

What are some women "CONTENT" to do all the housework

Content - Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.

So it's just an odd title - they're "content" because they're happy - and if they're happy who the hell is anyone else to tell them otherwise??

exactly!! i do all the housework because im happy to!! noone makes me or expects me to its my choice!

just curious, but why and how does it make you happy? drives me mad, wish in some ways it didn't but hate it that I'm somehow expected to do certain stuff because I'm the mum, since when did I choose the boring not the playful (dad's)role?? I know I'm being childish but still resent this even after several yrs of parenthood..