why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

Message withdrawn

Bloss, I thankyou (woof, woof)

I got this idea earlier that Kittywits associates men who do housework with men who are hen-pecked. She has got this idea from some of her friends where she perceives this to be the case (and possibly the Mr Muscle type stereotypes I was talking about earlier which are quite helpful in putting both men and women off men doing housework?). I personally don't know any hen-pecked husbands who are forced into doing housework does anyone else? I'm sure they do exist but they must be a minority.

As most of us would agree it's not good for any one to feel 'pecked' in a relationship man or woman about housework or anything else but as Floating says many many men do housework because it's something to be done not because their partner forces them to. It's also so obvious that there are zillions more women than men who feel pecked into doing (often all or the majority of) housework than men which is what this thread started on.

Kittywits, you have said you don't understand those women who have pre school children but don't have to work. I and others have tried to explain why we do this but if you still can't understand then you probably never will. However it may help you to know that I do not leave my children 'in the care of strangers,' without 'a clue what's happening to them' any more than you do this when you leave your children at the school gate (I'm assuming that some of your 5 children do go to school and you don't home educate). I very much doubt if any other WOHM does this either ('abandon' their kids like 'dogs in kennels' without a clue what they're doing etc). We leave them at nurseries or with child-minders where highly qualified and trained staff who we know look after them according to Government rules and regulations. THey are inspected by OFSTED and we are all entitled to read these reports. There are staff at nurseries who are trained cooks and staff who are trained in Emergency First Aid. I know exactly what my kids do at nursery (including what and how much they eat, what activities they've been doing and how many wees and poos they've done because this is all documented or reported back informally). My kids have a great time at nursery and get opportunities to socialise with other children and do messy activiites they wouldn't get on a regular basis at home. A few days ago a fire engine came to nursery and the kids got to go inside and talk to the firemen. Before that a dentist came in and the kids played games which helped them learn about good dental hygiene and they got a free toothbrush and toothpaste. When I pick my kids up they are always happy and occupied with painting, modelling, cooking, dressing up or just chatting. They are always supervised at a ratio of 1 member of staff to 3 children (which I think is a better ratio than the 1:5 when you are alone with your kids) And I know and respect the staff and chat to them about my kids when I pick them up. It would help if you could do some research into what day-care actually means before you criticise it and the women and men who use it.

You also said 'that is not about men doing hosework it is about men trying to be women that feminises them.' Like others, I would really like to know who these men are who are 'trying to be women'. I thought they were called transvestites (am I wrong?? Hope I'm not offending anyone) and no, I probably wouldn't go for a man wearing make-up and dresses and spends all his time baking cakes either. But, as I think you're realizing now, a man stacking the dishwasher or changing a nappy is probably not trying to be a woman.

And no Mr Kitty, I have had a look through this thread and the answers to my questions about your hair and chest remain as obscure as ever. Is being enigmatic just another of your manly qualities? However, it's probably best to just leave it there. I have built up a very strange picture of you in my head which is very far from the vision of self-assured manliness which Kitty was painting earlier and I prefer not to dwell on it.

I don't mean that to sound offensive BTW Mr Kitty I'm sure you and Kittywit are devastatingly handsome just that whenever I see your name I now think about a huge, muscular man with long flowing hair and enormous breasts.

BTW, Kitty, what is it that you feel the need to be 'protected' from?

Oh, fuckaduck - the cat came back

Mr. Kittywits here:

BAWC, I give you an A for your written English but I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an F for comprehension.

Mr. Kittywits here:

No offense taken BAWC.
Got to go now, just off to get my bra fitted...

Greensleeves, what do you mean came back? She always slinking about in her feline fashion.

BAWC I feel I need protecting from the world, its nastiness and stresses of course!
I have found that since being shacked up with my dp for the last 10 odd years I have aged very little!
Others perhaps would chose to fight the world head on feeling that in doing so they kept their sense of self respect and independence.
I however, have found that I have kept all my self respect have given up only the freedom which is a by product of having children and I show little sign of having battled in our modern hectic world. This has enabled me to remain as 'devestaingly handsome' as I ever was!

Floating, I'll answer that first Q 'cos I have already answered the others and, forgive, but I can't be bothered ( no rudeness meant).
I pay for the help I have not my DP.
I have my own source of income generated from the days when I was working before the kiddies came along.

So we should only have children if we can afford paid help around the home or otherwise threaten our partners with emasculation by expecting them to help out? That seems to be the bottom line here.

Is that what YOU think then Beatie?

an aside, but would love someone to protect me from the world - feel battered and bruised with any previous comeliness blurred away into worry lines & grey hairs! WTF happened, did i miss out on a miracle cream or the dh of my dreams who could have kept me all pert and pretty?

and.... before I had this amount of children and the size of house I have, I had no paid help. I did the jobs I do now and dp did his jobs, the only difference id the increased work load, not the type of work.

Misschief: Well, perhaps indeed you have. Keep trying though, there ARE men like that out there you know, not just a figment of 'my barking mad' imagination.

not set for divorce (yet) so will have to convert him. he's not so bad...

Glad to hear it!

What kind of nastiness and stresses in the world do you need protection from? It's not like we live in Beirut or anything?

So, you are saying that in the world you inhabit there is nothing nasty and sressful? Blimey fairymum where do you live? I'll move there, but I promise to keep out of your way.

What sort of things? I think it's nasty and stressful to get on the hot tube today if it's the stresses of everyday life you mean. However, I am a big girl and cope going out in the big big world.

"Is that what YOU think then Beatie?" No, certainly not. I was simply trying to clarify your position.

You must realise that most people in the country aren't in your position. Most SAHMs don't have an extra income coming in from a previously owned property which they can use to employ staff so that they don't have to 'out upon' their partners/husbands.

You may well pat yourself and Mr K on the back that this is the position you are in but surely you can see it is not feasible for everyone in the country to live by your model, even if they wanted to. Why can you not be more tolerant of others ways of life?

You have said that a man shouldn't do housework if he works out the home and his wife is a SAHM and you have said that woman shouldn't be martyrs and work themselves into the ground (threatening their youthful looks ).

So, you ARE implying that people shouldn't have children unless they can afford paid help.

I would look about 85 if I was a SAHM. LOL