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Original poster

why are some women content to do all the housework?

1143 replies

honeydew · 10/07/2006 01:31

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

OP posts:
Beatie · 14/07/2006 19:39

"The short answer is because I know them Beatie a slightly longer answer is because I've seen them in "masculine" and "feminine" roles and seen which makes them happier"

I still don't understand what you mean. What masculine and feminine roles are you talking about?

cleaninglady · 14/07/2006 19:51

just caught up on this one - but run out of steam to join in to be honest but "go beatie" !!! also wheresmyfroggy - your definately my type of man

kittywits -totally baffled by your attitude over this and to be honest think the emasculation is pretty silly but each to their own!

Beatie · 14/07/2006 19:53

I wonder if you have ever seen a model of a balanced household - where the husband and wife have absolute respect for one another and work as a partnership.

These 'emasculated' men you speak of sound as though they are something off 'Wifeswap'. There were some prime examples of unhappy dogsbody men on there who were happy but unhappy to be doing all the household chores AND childrcare AND paid work whilst their wives' contributions were to sit on the sofa watching TV and beautifying themselves.

kittywits · 14/07/2006 19:57

Blueshoes mr k is trying to get to a position financially where he can retire early, so I guess that is when he is going to stop.
TBH mr K doen't really know what sort of job he would do to make him happy. He would like to spend more time with the children, he spends alot already, as I said he works from home so is available more than most fathers. The children see more of him than my friends' children see their fathers.
We do family stuff at the weekend and he mucks in, DIRTY, CLEAN, UGLY, NICE, GOOD COP. BAD COP but HE DOESN'T CHANGE NAPPIES!

By 'pitching in' I assume you mean going back to work. Paying three lots of complete day care and then after school and holiday care for 5 would not make this financially viable.
But he doesn't mind. He is ok. with this position. There are very few people I know who like their jobs. They have to keep working to support the family. Despite wanting to retire he does drive himself hard.
I leave him to get on with it but get involved on a need to do basis. As I say I'm not really involved with anything but the childcare.
I support him not by providing money but by looking after him, Cooking for him, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, giving him cooked brekie every morning so that he has the right fuel to see him through 'till lunch when he comes in to chat with me and eat some of the dinner left over from the night before.
I support him by listening to his problems and offering help and giving solace where I can. Basically I try to reduce any extra stresses he might have so that he can give 100% to his work. Neither he or I are poor victims of our situation. This is what we have both chosen to do. We have both worked extremely hard to get where we are. We have both sacrificed and gone without and now we don't have to.

kittywits · 14/07/2006 19:58

Beatie, how amazing that you describe our house hold so perfectly.

sadandsickened · 14/07/2006 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

beckybrastraps · 14/07/2006 20:00

I think that is unfair beatie. A balanced household is one where both partners are happy with their share of the work, and, as I said before the POWER is balanced, where impoartant decisions are made together. It doesn't have to be one in which each nappy is accounted for. That is superficial.

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:02

I'm not buying that Kitty when you write the following....

"cleaning his house, giving him cooked brekie every morning so that he has the right fuel to see him through 'till lunch when he comes in to chat with me and eat some of the dinner left over from the night before."

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:08

BTW - I really wouldn't have had a problem with Kitty's position if she had started her posts here writing about her situation. But she started off by firstly slating all WOHmothers (I'm not one now but I once was and have many friends who are) and then slating any man who performs a cleaning or childcare task.

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:08

S&s was it not you who said that you were happy to emasculate yourself at home? I am not attacking you. It makes no difference to me whatsoever if that is how you chose to run your life and you and yours are happy.
If I don't find men who do house work attractive and if I find them emasculated and not very manly then that is how I feel.
If you feel happy doing these things then that's fine by me.
You might not like big, butch women who swill largers, work on building sites nad laugh like blokes. You might or might not find them very womanly. You might like women to be feminine, you might not care. There would probably be alot of men to argue in their favour. It's a matter of choice. I'm happy with mine, you're happy with yours. The choices and tastes are different.

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:09

Why ever not beatie? Whether you like it or not it is what I do, next please....

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:12

Why did n't you say our house?

beckybrastraps · 14/07/2006 20:12

Did she? This thread is far too long to read all the way through!

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:13

Thankyou Becky. I don't think Beatie is reading my posts very thouroughly.
I wish you would Beatie because you keep raising points that have already been dealt with.

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:14

What on earth are you talking about now?

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:14

Which bits am I not reading thoroughly?

beckybrastraps · 14/07/2006 20:14

OMG I've lost the thread now! Who's answering what?!

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:15

And where did I say each nappy needs to be accounted for to establish a balanced household?

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:16

Most of them!
I see what your mean now... our house if you like, makes no diff to me.

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:16

I'm beginning to wonder if you are real Kittywits....

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:17

Which posts?

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:20

Beatie you are now making no sense whatsoever and I am getting tired of deciphering your questions. I am going off to have a little drink soon, may I suggest others might like to do so? No, No please don't bite my head off I'm not telling you what to do ....blah,blah.
Becky you seem like a decent well rounded person and I thankyou for your common sense and rational Blimey I'm exhausted, fun though on the whole

kittywits · 14/07/2006 20:22

oh I am Beatie, I really am, Still gives you something to talk about eh?
You and I Beatie are a million worlds apart and judging by our different take on life i think that's probably for the best.

beckybrastraps · 14/07/2006 20:26

I apologise beatie. Things were rather hung up over nappies earlier, but it wasn't you.

Beatie · 14/07/2006 20:33

"You and I Beatie are a million worlds apart and judging by our different take on life i think that's probably for the best"

Yes I expect so. I will nbow go through life hoping my 2 dds never hook up with any of your sons!

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