why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

Kittywits - "maybr they enjoy it, but they don't look very manly to me"......???????

I didn't think that anyone thought like that anymore. Does going out to work make me 'unwomanly'?

No joelallie, it doesn't atall.
I don't find men who do lots of stuff traditionally done by women attractive. I personally like a very masculine man. That is not to say that I like male chauvanists. Men and women have always worked, it's just their rolls were different. My bloke looks after me and really like the fact that I don't have to stress about finances, mortgages, rubbish day, diy. get on with looking after the house , kids and cooking. We both do what we are good at rather than both trying to do the same thing.
I find men who look after women in a protective way attractive. Each to her own

meantsroles not rolls. bread on the brain!

point taken. Don't really understand why i have to say IMHO or other phrases like that because everything I say is already my opinion! Do people need to hear this twice?

It really is such a novel idea to have children to care for them. The human species has successfully reproduced & it certainly hasn't been so that middle class western mummies could care for their children as a full time job!!!!

Perhaps the problem here is all the sweeping generalisations. All working mothers are bad, all SAHM's are good, but fat - life just isn't like that.

As I've said before I'm a SAHM that was our choice as a family and for us it works. I was offered some work recently and the money was great, but it meant just not seeing the LO's all week even though it was only for 4 weeks and even though we could so do with the cash we DH & 1 didn't feel it was right for us.

I have a friend who works who has the most badly behaved, insecure children who she can't/won't disapline because she wants their time together to be 'nice'. I have another friend who works who has lovely children and a really solid loving family. You can't make generalisations.

By the way, I also love the feeling of being looked after and protected by my DH. who is definately all male and that includes how it feels when he packs me off upstairs to have a bath while he cooks us a meal. When I come downstairs to a lovely meal, glass of wine and candles do I feel he's unmanly - no, even more manly for not giving a damn about sterotypes.

Hm...I cannot think of anything less manly than a man who cannot change a nappy, cook a meal or look after a sick child.

glassofwine - can i borrow your DH one evening

knew this would kick off with everyone defending themselves, but hey I'm no stirrer or nasty

each to their own I'd say!

"We both do what we are good at rather than both trying to do the same thing. "

My Dh is a much better cook than me. How come so many celebrity chefs are men? Would you like to tell Gordon Ramsay he is unmanly for cooking?

Changing a nappy? Erm, surely this is the same as changing someone's clothes. Does your DH not dress himself?

Taking the rubbish out vs hanging the washing out? I don't see a difference. Why is one manly and one womanly?

Pushing the lawnmower around the garden/pushing the vacuum cleaner around the living room? Nopw, I don't see a difference.

interesting thread though - its a shame that everyone feels they have to defend themselves isnt it? neither is best, neither is worst - there you go - end of arguement

What I am saying is that tasks should split. Some of the original( if somewhat lost) posts were to do with sharing work when dp got home. Some people were arguing that their dps should get stuck in once they got home, all sharing the tasks. I think we should do an equal amount of work but not necessarily the same work.
Beatie I don't think changinf a nappy is anything like changing clothes. My dp made it quite clear when we were discussing having children that he would never do this. many might think that a disadvantage. However, there are many trade offs for me , one of them being that he takes his role as father and provider exremely seriously. I have many friends who seemed to have great hands on partners and who buggered off and really weren't up to much. I'm sure that those of you who have hands on partners also have supportive partners too, that's fab. For me I am happy with our very defined roles

"Beatie I don't think changinf a nappy is anything like changing clothes. My dp made it quite clear when we were discussing having children that he would never do this. many might think that a disadvantage."

Ok - your DH doesn't like dealing with someone else's poo. I still don't get why changing a nappy is something a woman should do and a man can slink away from. It's fine if you're happy with that arrangement but you're saying everyone should think this way and you're accusing fathers who do change nappies of being unmanly.

What about scooping up dog poo? Is that a woman's job too? Or does it depend on the dog? Or can a man be seen to scoop up the poo of a big manly dog like a German Shepherd but lapdog poop scooping isn't allowed .

Oh if only the hardest bit about looking after children was changing nappies. If I could sort everything out with a baby wipe, life would be much easier. I find it very amusing that some men have a big thing about changing nappies. Imagine a big strapping farmer saying "I like cows but I am too squeamish to deal with manure".

Have no problem with Kittywit's division of labour - if she is happy great. Funnily enough I was under the impression that most women swooned when they saw a man with a baby (I know DH wasn't short of attention whenever he took baby DS to Starbucks}, but whatever floats your boat.

I think BAWC might have something to say about trusting your partner with all the finances though...

Thing is Pamina, you have no idea what my dp does to make him a good father, to suggest that he is not because he doesn't is ok in my book. How can you possibly define someone as a good father by whether they change nappies or not? Have you considered those men who change nappies but are s**t fathers in so many other ways!!
he takes his role as a father more ser0iously than I have seen many fathers do. He would never leave us in dire sraights no matter what, that for me is extremely important, much more so than changing nappies!! He supports me and provides for our family in more ways than I have time to mention.

Beatie please show me exactly where I said that? i never mentioned poo in my earler posts.
If your husband wants to clean up poo then that is your familiy's business.
Are you angry that I seem to hold old fashioned views. If I think men doing traditionally female roles makes them emasculated then that is my opinion. It is not wrong beacuse an opinion can never be wrong. You can disagree with it, but you can't say I am in the wrong for thinking this.

meant to say it's not ok. that you accuse him of being a bad father because he doesn't change nappies.

kittywits, are you seriously saying that if you got appendicitis, or hit by a car and needed to go to hospital, your DH wouldn't change your baby's nappy? Or if you were terribly ill and couldn't get out of bed, he would force you out to do it because he's too delicate to?

Never mind getting hit by a car - what if you want to pop out on your own? On thinking about it I am quite intrigued by this division of labour - you must be exhausted KW!