Anti-bullying week: how do you tackle homophobic language with your children?

[RowanMumsnet]

Stonewall's campaign against homophobic bullying, Education for All (which is our Campaign of the Week this week) aims to prevent and tackle homophobic bullying and language in the UK's schools.

YouGov polling for Stonewall shows that 95 per cent of secondary school teachers and three-quarters of primary school teachers report hearing the phrases 'you're so gay' or 'that's so gay' in their schools. And eight out of ten secondary school teachers and two in five primary school teachers report hearing other insulting homophobic remarks such as 'poof', 'dyke', 'queer' and 'faggot'.

We (and Stonewall) would love to hear your views on this. Do you challenge your child if they use these phrases? If so, how? Has your child reported hearing this language at school, or being the target of homophobic bullying? Do you think your school deals with these things well? What should schools do to tackle it?

Thanks,
MNHQ

Manathome - now you do know a 'real one' (me!) and I have two children, so you can tell her it does indeed happen!

demisemiquaver - yes, I do have people in my life with mental illness and I hate the casual use of the words you list. I think people with mental illness face social prejudice every bit as real and hurtful and damaging as homophobia, and I feel very strongly about it. It may be thoughtless but it is still destructive and thinking people have a duty to stand up to it.

My daughter has just had sex education at school, they watched a video but I didn't get to see the screening for parents before it was shown so don't know what made her think the world would end, maybe child talk in the playground, I could always ask her! I still don't understand how gay people have children, getting 4 people, two daddies and two mummies getting together and having babies sounds like a sex film or something . Any help would be appreciated.

Demisemiquaver- please could you answer the question I asked- if kids started to use the word "black" to mean pathetic would that be ok too because it's just another meaning of the word?

Manathome- use your imagination.

Hello again.

Two more quick links from Stonewall: their Education for All site has lots of free resources to help primary and secondary schools prevent and tackle the derogative use of the word 'gay' and to celebrate difference. Materials include DVDs, posters, reports, guides and lists of books for different key stages. There is also a website section with information specifically for parents and carers.

(And before anyone asks - no, Stonewall isn't paying for this thread! We just thought it would be a good way to mark anti-bullying week.)

Thanks,
MNHQ

seeker - sorry I honestly have no clue about what I should be imagining, maybe you could send me a PM if it is embarrassing as I am obviously missing something here, as for telling my daughter that 4 people get together to do whatever, she will not be hearing that from me and sounds disgusting!

Ok. I will assume colossal ignorance rather than trollery.

1. Just because somebody's preference is for same sex relationships does not mean that they cannot have sex with sombody of the opposite sex.

1. Artificial insemination is an option some gay people choose.

1. Adoption is another.

Manathome:

'My daughter asked me only this last weekend if the world would end if everyone turned gay'

Simple answer - people don't 'turn' gay.

Just in case you really don't know - put very simply, gay men use a surrogate woman to gestate the pregnancy - either her egg or a donated egg, or have children from previous relationships. Lesbian women use IVF or have children from previous relationships. Or they adopt.

x-posted with seeker.

OK, I understand that now, although never thought about No 1 !

So how would a gay man have sex with a gay woman to produce a child?

How do I explain all of this to a 9yr old, and what about the world ending scenario, would the above prevent that, how do I explain that?

Thanks for the help

Sorry, please delete how, in how would a gay man, it was meant to be 'would'

To be fair, Ricky Gervais listened - after a while - and apologised.

Manathome, the gay man would provide the sperm and the gay woman would insert it. Turkey basters are popular although that may be TMI for your DD. It worked for us.

I'd like an answer to that question too, demisemiquaver.

Not convinced of the sincerity of RG's apology- he was so vile while it was going on and so stupid it's put me right off him. I'm sure this is a grave concern to him.....

I know Ricky in real life. It's sincere.

I was thinking more about the black question.

Black mood
Black day
Black arts / dark arts

It's been going on for years

4 people raising and loving a child (one poss scenario) sounds "disgusting" to you manathome? You really need to start thinking beyond sex you know. Wondering if you're old enough yourself to be on mumsnet.

Mana A gay man WOULDN'T have sex with a gay woman.

There is ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION.

I am a gay woman expecting my 3rd child, each time me and my partner used a donor and the good old fashioned turkey baster method.

What is a turkey baster for goodness sake?

Here we go, are you having a laugh, investigate me for not knowing what a turkey baster is? Well investigate me all you want, I think there are some others on here hat need investigating for speaking in code!!

I am trying to understand this gay thing, but I might as well not bother, I had better investigate my daughter for asking me questions!

this entire dismissal of gay families, saying you've never met one, making us explain ourselves, is rather homophobic itself, imo. like we're not part of your world or like we don't matter.

tell your daughter people don't turn gay, they either are or are not (or are bisexual). but even if a whole generation of people grew up gay, sex is not the only way to make a baby and lots of gay people have families too.

if you are really interested in the mechanical details, see stonewall page and its links.

I was going to start a thread on this a couple of weeks ago. ds is just 10 and the playground talk is all "that is so gay" which drives me mad. He won't say it in front of me again but the peer pressure is huge. I told him that I wouldn't mind if he turned out to be gay. He was absolutely mortified. I told him there were probably boys in his class who were gay and they would be hurt by his careless talk, he really wouldn't believe me. I think he thinks that gay men are all like Graham Norton or Stephen Fry.

sorry, bad link. this stonewall page

trice, you could tell him about Gareth Thomas, Welsh international rugby player. I agree a wider range of gay role models is needed for children to understand the diversity in the gay community.

our children haven't yet reached the age where this is an issue, but I'm dreading it.

Black mood, black arts etc has fuck all to do with Black people. It's more to do with day and night.