Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

Thanks. She’s not totally vegan, she does have a milkshake with cows milk in the day, she will also eat eggs, tonight I’ll going to make a frittata and I will add grated cheddar the top egg mix without her knowing. I’ll also put feta on top.

I’m not sure if the veganism is a symptom of the anorexia or not, I suspect it is, but DD and her dad are vegetarian and I don’t cook meat at home and only occasionally eat it if I’m out.

If I could add cream without her knowing or even use full fat milk, I 100% would, but she’s on it every time and once she had a massive meltdown over it saying she couldn’t trust me anymore.

She’s at this really defiant stage where she’s shouting and stroppy and thinking she knows what’s best.

Her tummy hurts a lot too, which must be upsetting for her.

Betty link re ED and veganism.

https://tabithafarrar.com/2015/12/veganism-and-eating-disorders-lets-be-frank/?fbclid=IwAR0NfyR3hZ96kDr1o-iizCCO7OCtEYCgCwd7EbU3GxCIyYhEg0mzrMThcSUU*

Anyone else get pissed off with companies that stick the bloody calorie content on the front of packets like this 😡 do any of you sharpy over them? I'm wondering if I should start as dd struggles much more when she knows the calorie content...

@NCTDN breakfast is pretty much sorted. She will eat it with little fuss now, sometimes she’ll fidget and shake but mostly it’s fine. BUT she will only have that for breakfast, prepared in exactly the same way every morning … gone are the days she would enjoy porridge.. for now as we’re so desperate for weight gain I’m sticking with what I know she will eat. Our meal plan from the ED team includes two pieces of toast on top of that would you believe!

I debated using a sharpie on all the nutritional info, but in theory dd should be at uni in a year so I can't cover everything up forever can I? I think I would if she was younger though.

Thanks @Girliefriendlikespuppies I’ll have a read.

I take snacks out of boxes and wrappers when I give them to DD which seems to help, but yes… it’s really annoying and something I never would have though of before all of this.

That's an impressive breakfast Betty. DD will have one piece of toast with one weetabix. She does eat a very good evening meal though and snacks and much better now. Lunch could be better.

Betty I think getting her onto ff milk for breakfast would be a battle worth fighting, does she like porridge? I'd push for that as well as it's so much easier to pack the calories into!! Keep reminding her this is what is required to get her well and back to school etc.

I think you also need to push the pudding after dinner, my dds pudding has to be a minimum of 500 calories, she actually knows that now and when we went out for dinner she looked at the menu and said I can't have ice cream sorbet can I?! No love you can't please pick the cheesecake or sticky toffee pudding.

It's taken a year to get to this point but small incremental steps in increasing portion sizes and picking the battles that count are the way to go IMO.

@NCTDN I know, she does well with breakfast. It’s taken a long time but she’s got there.
Our evening meal is not that great to be honest.
Lunch today was half a tub of Sainsbury’s tomato and basil fresh soup and a sandwich thin with grated carrot and hummus, with a quarter of a cucumber sliced up and grapes and yogurt (oat yogurt 🙄) for pudding. If I give her cows milk yogurt she starts shaking and jittering her leg and then spends the afternoon crying.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies she loves porridge but I struggle to get her to eat it now. Once I mentioned porridge for breakfast and she didn’t sleep the whole night worrying about it. I really need to be firm, she’s walking all over me, or the anorexia is I should say!

One snack which we can get her to eat is a plain butter scone with clotted cream and jam but she will only eat half of it and I end up eating the rest.
I’ve put on a stone or more through all of this.

I'm back at a and e. Complete food refusal at lunchtime. La la la

ED clinic phoned and we are on enhanced pathway which is five contacts a week starting next week.

Until then.....

I hope you get the help at a&e

Betty there's something called distress tolerance, if lots is lurking she can probably describe it better than me, I think she may have even done a course on it!! Basically it's about learning to manage the extreme distress that comes with having an ED, staying calm and strong but not backing down. I think as parents we always try and ease our child's distress but with an ED that will not work. I wouldn't tell her re the porridge just put it in front of her (with the ff milk and double cream in) and deal with the distress and fall out.

Once she has managed it once the next time will be slightly easier and so on.

I do get how hard it is, my dd once ran out the house in her socks in the middle of winter (no coat either!) because I asked her to eat a sandwich. I thought I'd have to ring the police but did eventually find her and convinced her to come home. I've also had her screaming, head banging and scratching her skin when presented with food.

You just keep going, the ED has a gun to your dds head and you have to show that you're in control not them.

@myrtleWilson

Hi *@alexiavalentine* welcome, although sorry you have to be here. It does sound that there may be an issue with your DD. Many 'start' restricting by turning to 'healthier' foods - soy/oat milk instead of dairy milk, announcing interest in being vegetarian/vegan. I would book in with her GP asap to get baseline observations done (weight - blind if needs be, stats like blood pressure and bloods). Not letting them restrict even a little bit is key I think. BEAT and Eva Musby are good resources to give you some pointers but stick around as there will be lots of advice...

@DarkBlueEyes - it is incredibly tough, honestly the 9 months we were in a similar place to you was hell on earth. Being really strict & consistent, reassuring her that you love her, trying to find a modicum of space between her and the ED that you can insert yourself - you're doing all of that. Don't be afraid to go back to A&E if needs be - I think that level of consistency is important in terms of showing the ED that you're not letting it take charge. Have you written down a timeline of your DD's progression - we found that helpful in terms of being able to 'evidence' the change.

Betty - do you feel able to share your DD's usual meal plan and we could add in suggestions. Is it worth doing some motivational work with DD - we did some exercises previously that I can dig out and share?

thank you so much! i will look into beat

Thanks @Girliefriendlikespuppies .. everyone on here sounds so amazing! I’m in awe of you all.

I totally get that and that’s why I’m thinking about time off work, so I don’t have the time pressure of getting back to work which is likely to make me the one to stand down against the ED.

I’ve booked on a Beat Raising Resilience course too. Hoping that’ll help.

Betty definitely get signed off, I did twice, it was absolutely essential.

Really, I feel guilty I don’t know why.. I know my daughter comes first though.

If your dd had leukaemia you wouldn't feel guilty 🤷‍♀️ the mortality rate is similar to anorexia. I rang my Dr and told him my dd was v ill with an ED and he didn't query it.

Thanks. I will call them tomorrow. You’re right. X

We're in the paeds ward. Finally. I hope like hell it's the start of something more positive.

Did those of you who had an inpatient experience sleep over?

I'm absolutely hanging and I don't want to stay over. I don't want to make it too pleasant if you see what I mean.

@Lougle how is DD1 feeling today - hopefully a bit better?

I was thinking as we're nearing thread 5 - shall we compile a list of useful resources that we could always include in the first post of any threads - so links to Eva, Tabitha, helpful websites, private provision like Orri, MARSIPAN, how to measure WFH etc etc That way any newcomers have access to a trove of resources to access as and when they need it?

@DarkBlueEyes - cross posted with you.

Whilst no-one wants to be there, am so glad you are there if that makes sense?

Dd had two inpatient stays and my DH and I did 24hrs each - we'd see each other in the car park to handover at 2pm each day. It was full on but manageable for 2 weeks at a time - not sure we could have coped beyond that. On our ward, DD had to have someone with her for all meals/snacks so if we weren't there a nurse was deployed.

Hello all ... can I join in? We've a Y13 daughter who is still 100% WfH apparently but with CAMHS and losing a kg a week at the moment. I've followed up some of your resources and links (thank you) but am just so scared. Now that term has started, we can't supervise all her meals. She refuses to eat at lunchtime, although her friends do, just has a snack when she gets home in place of lunch. What to do, what to do ...

@DarkBlueEyes I'm so glad for you. I stayed the first night but no others. Neither of us slept that night but she did sleep after that.

Welcome @reconsidering. The weight loss over time is more important than gross weight, so they should be worrying if she's consistently losing 1kg per week.

@myrtleWilson DD1 is still quite poorly. Coughing lots and feeling rough with a sore throat, etc. Eating hit and miss but getting a bit better.

Yes, links would be great.

@Bettybarkalot123 those Beat workshops sound really good. When are you doing it?

@DarkBlueEyes I’m so pleased you are finally getting some help! Well done for persevering and taking her back. Hopefully ED knows you’re in control and gonna kick arse!! 💪💪💪

Luckily DD was only in for a week. I did stay the whole time as the nurses made it clear a parent was expected to stay. And because of Covid you could only swap over once and then the other parent had to stay for the rest of the admission and DH couldn’t with work. How is your DD about being there?