Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

Anyone else noticed their DD is like a chipmunk? Several timeds tonight I've scraped my finger in her mouth to find lots of stored food. What has become of us?

ED clinic for us today. It’s not been the best of weeks but I’m keeping everything crossed for a gain. I compared a photo of her to one I took back in July, when we were in the early stages of the refeeding and wow, she really does look much healthier now. She’s was very toothy and gaunt and so pale. Now she’s much more like her old self. Thank goodness… still a looooong old road ahead though.

Hope clinic goes ok Betty

We've had a v tough week - return of self harming and a meal of crying and shaking and food refusal. It was like we had rewound 12 months.

the adult ED team are looking at DD's case today - I don't think they'll take her on because of threshold but we'll see. In some ways, perversely it will be better for her if they don't take her on insofar as having a weekly check in etc reinforces to her that she has an ED and she's trying to re-set her mind to behave in a non ED way.

I think this weekend has been hard for her with all her friends now moving on so a real sense of loss/grief. That said, I was so impressed with a decision she made this morning to come out to dinner with us & a visiting family member. We offered the choice for us all to be at home and she had the option of going to a friends house but she decided on dinner out - fingers crossed it works out

@myrtleWilson

I don't have a teenage with an ED; I post on the adults with ED thread, but lurk about on here.

I am surprised the adult ED team have a threshold, I thought they were doing away with those.

But what I mainly wanted to say was that if she is taken on, it won't necessarily mean weekly weigh-ins. The level of care is of course led by the team, but very much in discussion and with agreement of the patient, and also acknowledges that adults have different responsibilities and commitments than young adult/children.

It puts a lot of responsibility with the patient, which if they are in recovery or ready for it is obviously very effective.

Thanks @TheOrigRights thats really helpful. When she left CAMHS they did mention adults having a threshold (maybe it was a resource/pandemic thing or maybe it was a legacy that is evolving). That all sounds really useful and less worrying for DD I think - tbh I was a bit surprised that they were able to look at her case so quickly & the adult team have been texting her too!

@myrtleWilson I'm so sorry your DD is having such a tough time, it almost brought tears to my eyes reading your line "return of self harming and a meal of crying and shaking and food refusal. It was like we had rewound 12 months." I hope the coming days see her able to turn a corner and gain her strength back to fight the ED. She's so lucky to have such a supportive mum
As my DD is now WR (1 month WR only) it made me see just how tricky the coming months and possibly years might be. She seems to want time away from me at the moment, but it makes me worry that she might go backward in her recovery. Trust is so hard when you know the ED voice is impossible for them to fight alone.

Feeling completely devastated! According to the clinic scales she’s had a small loss. I’ve been weighing her before we leave for the appointment literally minutes before .. to calibrate our scales against theirs. Last week ours and theirs matched. This week theirs were a kg less than ours. We got 45.5 theirs 44.3. She’s now even further away from school.
I feel like giving up.. im exhausted and don’t feel I can take anymore. It sounds so selfish but she’s been nit picking all week and I feel so cross with her.

She’s never going to get back to school.

Oh myrtle 😢 that's heartbreaking to read, do you think she might have lost a bit of weight? I'm wondering if that might have be a factor especially seeing the difference a couple of kgs makes to my dds state of mind.

Sotired we're at a similar point and it is so hard, I tend to go by her weight checks. If she's gained or maintained I allow her some freedoms (hang out with her friends in town, going for a sleepover etc) I'd be tougher if she lost weight.

Dark my dd pouches as well 🙄 I can sort of tell as she finds it hard to do that and talk!!

Cross posted Betty oh no that is shit. How many calories is she on now? Is there any chance of purging etc?

This illness is awful, I'm so sorry.

We had a lot of up and down weights for about 6 months in the beginning, I think the body has so much catching up to do it just uses the food the minute it gets it iyswim. It does get better I promise 💗

Keep going.

Girlie - she may have done (lost weight) we agreed (and this may sound odd to others!) as a family not to know her weight from the GP appointment. We agreed that she shouldn't know and then agreed that if we knew and she didn't it may create an awkward dynamic and we're trying to focus on state not weight... She's been re-referred into the Affective Disorder team & they're setting up an appt. This is a better place for her as they will try to help her develop better responses to being vulnerable/expressing sadness - at the moment she does this by controlling eating.
SoTired I think if possible be alive to potential trigger points. We knew that September would be a trigger because she'd be experiencing loss/a grief for 'being left behind' in her words. But we didn't anticipate how a)how much restriction she'd put in place and b)how much more quickly it impacts. That said (ladder not snake) we've had 4-5 months of good recovery time so we know it is possible. In the words of Stevie G/liverpool FC "We go again"!

Betty that is so disheartening. Do the clinic always use the same scales - is there any chance their figure is out at all?

Lougle how was DD at school today?

Dark how has today been?

Waves to everyone else!

Yes I assume they do, it’s always the same room and they’re in the same place. I did ask her to re weigh DD to check but it came out the same.
As far as I know she’s not purging. We often make her stay with us after eating, not alway admittedly but if we do hear her go to the bathroom, we will often listen at the door. Sound awful but that’s what it’s come to. There are never any other signs such as cleaning the loo after she’s been in there.
She barely leaves the house other than to walk the dog around a field near our home. It’s basically a flat open, surrounded by houses dog walking field, we hardly ever go there without seeing someone we know so I can’t imagine she’d spend half an hour sprinting round their.

Maybe it is just her metabolism catching up.

Probably just a bad day. School have offered to let DD join lessons via teams which is kind of them. I’m not she will want that though but she might .
I’m going to ring camhs tomorrow.

Does your dd know she's lost Betty? Dd is blind weighed but I do tell her if she's lost so she's aware that I'll be upping her food portions!! I sometimes think it's helpful for them to know that even when they are eating 3 plus 3 it's still not always enough. I think in their unwell head they think they'll eat 3 plus 3 and suddenly balloon to 30 stone 🙄

Myrtle are you back to 3 plus 3 with supervision again? It must feel never ending but like you said you know it can be done so hopefully this will be a short lived blip.

I think in their unwell head they think they'll eat 3 plus 3 and suddenly balloon to 30 stone

Exactly how my DD thinks!

@myrtleWilson I'm so sorry your DD is struggling again. I guess recovery from ed isn't linear but the relapses get further and further apart over time until there just isn't another one.

@Bettybarkalot123 I'm so sorry your DD has lost again. Hang in there, you're making progress.

DD1 is unwell. She's got a cold, I think, but she seems to feel so generally unwell from them. Her tummy hurts, her head hurts, she feels sick, her throat hurts, she's coughing and she's feeling faint and dizzy. I took her for a PCR test this morning which has just come back negative.

My BP machine isn't working - batteries I think. Her Sats and HR are ok. She has lost 2kg since she was weighed 2 weeks ago, which is puzzling and slightly worrying, but I'm trying not to stress and I'll re-weigh her tomorrow to double check. She ate breakfast and lunch. Dinner was a washout, although she ate 2 cobbler scones, just no meat/veg, but not surprising as she's clearly feeling unwell.

Our other dilemma is that DD1 does performing arts at school and they're having an inter-schools competition. School is concerned because DD1 isn't yet joining in fully (or at times at all) in PA classes. The competition would require after school rehearsals each week. They are concerned that she won't manage physically. Also, she's been very erratic emotionally at school and tried to abscond last week, so they're concerned about her safety off-site. We've suggested that she could do a support role, helping with makeup and costume, under the care of her pastoral lead, but that's gone down like a lead balloon with her. If she does the competition, I think she'll struggle with attendance and emotionally, etc. If she doesn't do it, she'll be hearing about the competition several times a week in class, knowing she can't do it.

That is a dilemma @Lougle - obviously the nature of the PA will depend on the answer to this but could she be crafted a role that requires minimal rehearsal - like a narrator or introducer or epilogue type role..? Am sorry she's under the weather and the weight loss is a worry...

girlie she's not moved off 3+3 but the supervision aspect is a challenge. School have been great - she's to go to her HOY to pick up her morning snack and the kitchen have a pre-plated meal for her at lunch which she eats in the dining hall and if she struggles she can eat with HOY. Weekend is more of a challenge as she's at work so the 3+3 is irregular in timing- but its swings and roundabouts isn't it - the benefit she gets from being at work v the nutritional intake on a set pattern...

Plus the ex boyfriend has been a total dick tonight. Am hoping that despite her hurt, his behaviour fuels her anger to move on safe in the knowledge that he's not worth her attention

Realised tonight that dd has scratched the word FAT into her thigh 😭 💔

@Girliefriendlikespuppies oh no what a shock for you - did you talk to your dd about it? @myrtleWilson sorry to hear about the relapse - I fear we will face the same at some point.

We are also suffering with low level self harm here too - one of the lingering behaviours that we can't shake off despite weight restoration. I don't suppose anyone has any advice on how to deal with it? I think dd does it at school with compass etc but flatly denies it. Does it help forcing them to admit it and talk about it or should I leave it and hope it subsides over time?

Myrtle sorry to hear that your DD is struggling again. But it sounds like even though she is she is still trying to make good choices and I think there’s comfort and hope to be taken from that.

Betty does she have to be weighed at the CAMH’s clinic? Could you not just weigh on your scales at home and you email them the figure? This is what we agreed with our CAMH’s as it was really stressful for DD being weighed twice a week (I have weighed her at home first thing in the morning unclothed right from the start of her ED). Then you don’t have to worry about there being a discrepancy?

Girlfriend ahhh gosh that’s so sad. Your poor DD. Does she know that you know?

DD has just texted me from a toilet at school to say she’s having a panic attack. She has an assessment in her double Spanish lesson right now and she’s been stressing about it. She has a friend with her. I’ve told her to do her breathing exercises until she’s a bit calmer and then she can decide if she wants to try her lessons or I can go and get her. I wonder if it’s the meds have stepped up her anxiety?

I’m going to find out about that. We have to make a thirty minute car journey to the clinic whereas it might be possible to just do the checks through our own surgery.
It’s incredibly stressful for her, she gets very distressed at being weighed even if she doesn’t know the results.
She does know she’s had a small loss 300g I think,

Hi all

Just to say that yesterday was a hell of a day and my perception of rock bottom is changing daily.

I had to take DD1 to CAMHS for a mental health assessment. My bestie sat with DD2 and discovered she'd hidden some fruisli bar in her knickers.

Lunch was ok ish (though I forgot a biscuit) although we still had spitting etc.

Afternoon snack was a milkshake and a chocolate rice cake. She scraped off the chocolate, so I fed that to her on a teaspoon. Then I noticed the rice cake had gone down suspiciously quickly so I frisked her... and found a big chunk of rice cake.... in her sock. I made her eat it. Apparently that was the bit that she HAS to leave.

Dinner was roast chicken, (no gravy) 1 parsnip, 3 roast pototates, carrot and broccoli with a muffin for pudding. I had to leave to go to defib training (there's one across the road at my tennis club and I may need to use it on DD at this rate) but DH said she did ok.

Evening snack was a jammie dodger and a juice. I found some biscuit in her knickers and she went batshit at me. Then refused to drink her juice, holding it in her mouth for 20 minutes during a standoff. Then she spat it into a cushion (I suppose at least the cushion was navy blue and will survive).

How do we ever come out of this with behaviour like that?

She's lost her phone and she has to eat a meal or snack to earn it for 30 minutes. She's not at school. She doesn't see her friends. She's not allowed out. She doesn't seem to care.

How the hell can we get her better?

God Dark that sounds like hell. I honestly don’t know what the answer is. She sounds really unwell. 😱 The folks on the EDUK Facebook page would say that you have to make not eating harder than eating. So literally take everything away. But it sounds like you already have. Some of them go to ridiculous lengths, following their DC’s around with food until they eat, not letting them sleep, taking the doors off their bedrooms. But I think that’s pretty extreme.

Have you spoken to the crisis guy in the last few days?

Oh I keep meaning to ask, did you say you managed to get some meds for her Dark?

Hi @Rollergirl11 yes we got sertraline but only 25mg at the moment. Back for a review on the 28th.

Back at camhs tomorrow.