Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

OMG Dark I’m so sorry. Have they taken bloods and done an ECG?

Yes roller they have. All normal. Of course she passed the squat test. Refusing food. I'm so angry with her.

Oh @DarkBlueEyes I'm so sorry. That's rubbish from them. I wish I could offer advice. My only thought is to go to a different a&e?

Can you ask them to put it in writing that she's fit for discharge?

We saw the consultant. Still here waiting for the psychiatrist 3 hours later. But I have no hope of anything happening.

Make the nurse and consultant aware she's refusing to eat.

Good for demanding the psychiatrist look at her

I think you have to say you can't keep her safe at home, you are concerned she will die, she will not eat at home etc. If they send you home that is a massive safeguarding issue and a shocking service.

Say to them you will return with her every single time she refuses food...

I can't believe they're not helping you more, it's appalling 😪

Really sorry Dark that you have been so let down by everyone! What was the outcome in the end?

DD has been in really good spirits this weekend. I wonder whether the fluoxetine is starting to gave the required effect. She should have made her confirmation yesterday. She missed all the preparatory lessons as that was when she was really ill. Ordinarily I think she would have been quite upset but she wasn’t particularly fussed. Probably helped that she is very ambivalent about Catholicism these days so might have chosen not to do it anyway.

She feels like she is due her period any day now. That will be her third since they came back. CAMH’s initially said that she should aim for 2kg above the weight she was when they can back. But now they are saying that once they have seen 3 regular periods return that this is a sign that the body is healthy and weight is stable and they would be looking for DD to maintain at this point. Of course DD has latched on to this. It contradicts their initial statement and means it is unlikely that DD will gain the further 1.5kg that would put her at 100% wfh and the 2kg over her periods starting back. At the moment though, with DD seeming relatively happy, I’m struggling to get too worked up about it. I feel like the weight she is at the moment (48kg) is where she would naturally be. This is the most she has ever weighed.

@DarkBlueEyes how’s things this morning?

@Rollergirl11 DD is compliant on the whole. She still has plenty of fear foods that we’ve yet to tackle but she eats reasonably well. She’s still very controlling, for example they way I make her breakfast has to be done in a set way. Banana on first then the milk.
I wonder if medication would help my DD, I’ve only ever spoken to the nurse over Teams. Her mood is extremely low at the moment.
Your DD sounds like she’s doing really well. 🙂

And also her group of friends do know and I guess wider friends may now know too as she’s missed two weeks of school. She doesn’t seem too bothered about them knowing. They’ve been very supportive.

We got home at 10. She saw the mental health crisis guy who gave her a talking to and explained what she’d face in a residential unit. And said he wouldn’t discharge her until she’d eaten a sandwich as she’d refused food all day and had only eaten 3 orange segments and a pack of mini party rings all day. 😢. It took 3 hours and she destroyed three sandwiches before she did it as we started to make up the bed. He’s ringing today and if she refuses food again today we’ll be going back there. I took a sleeping pill when I got home so at least I slept. She ate breakfast at least. I cannot get over that this is our life.

@Bettybarkalot123 oh don’t get me wrong, DD still has plenty of fear foods too. The majority of them are illogical. She can’t cope eating sandwiches but will eat wraps and pita bread. She will even have bread as toast or with some soup but just not as a sandwich. She will eat pasta but can’t deal with lasagne. I think it’s the bechamal sauce. And she still won’t eat chocolate or sweets or fizzy drinks. She is still not eating outside of dedicated meal times but then how can I expect her to when she’s pretty much eating something every 2 hours or so as it is. But all in all I think she’s doing okay with room for improvement.

@DarkBlueEyes hats off to you for sticking to your guns and waiting to see the crisis team. Did he observe your DD destroying the sandwiches? How did she take the talking to? Has it scared her do you think?

@Rollergirl11 DD is exactly the same! She will eat wraps but not pittas, she will also have bread with soup but no butter. She won’t eat pasta but will eat couscous and rice. She’s a little fearful of cows milk but not oak milk. Quavers and pop chips but not walkers.

It’s the snacks I’m finding tricky- we’re in a bit of a rut to be honest. We’ve started having a smoothie for morning snack then she has the rest for afternoon snack with smithing else. Usually quavers or a cake bar.
She will have cheese with her jacket potato and beans but only a certain amount.

It’s weigh day tomorrow and I’m not convinced we’ll have much of a gain but keeping our fingers crossed.

Betty hah hah I think we are practically keeping Pop chips in business!! Yep same here not actual crisps just yet (she’s never liked Walkers but used to eat Tyrrels). But she’ll eat pop chips, pretzels, bread sticks.
Snacks wise we have a few things that she rotates. Morning snack she’ll have a smoothie and then something like mini bag of party rings/Jammie dodgers/mini cookies/special k bar/Frosties bar/fibre one flapjack and some fruit. Then afternoon snack she’ll have some fruit juice with a bag of pretzels, twiglets, bread sticks and some more fruit. Then evening snack is a glass of milk with a mini bag of popcorn. It’s the evening snack she is desperate to do away with. Her care coordinator has said that once she has had her next period then we can stop with the milk as the milk is more for their bones when they don’t have their periods.

Hi all, me again, are you sick of me yet?

Just an update. The MH crisis guy rang again this morning, can't fault him actually poor man, he was due to finish at 5 and because of DD's refusal to eat he said he wouldn't discharge her as she wasn't safe - until she ate the bloody sandwich. Which took 3 hours.

Anyway, he advised us she should move schools as there's definitely a toxic thin culture there amongst her friends, so we are considering this.

This morning she ate her breakfast. Then she had two rice cakes for snack (DH gave her and I told her that wasn't enough and she wouldn't be getting them again) but there was a massive meltdown over the last 20 mls or so of juice. I held firm amongst all the tears and running away and she drank to the level I said she had to. Apparently she HAS to leave something.

Then she ate her lunch! Only left a bit of ham and a small bit of wrap. She had:

1 wrap with 2 slices of turkey, scraping of butter and hummous, with iceberg. 5 grapes. 6 tortilla chips. 1 babybel, 1 packet animal biscuits. 160ml cranberry juice (I am now measuring everything). I have no idea how many calories that is, probably not enough, but better than yesterday.

IF she eats her snack today (fortified milkshake which is her biggest nightmare, worse than peanut butter apparently), then she can go to the cinema with her dad.

No school until she gains at least a kilo. CAMHS weigh in on Wednesday.

I have emailed the school, outlined our concerns and told them about the advice that she should move schools, although we haven't yet given formal notice as I wanted to sound them out to see if we gave it, and she got better, if they'd let us withdraw. Probably the only option for her is a state school nearby as I don't want to send her to a single sex school (Surbiton High School or Notre Dame would be our only options) and I can't think of a mixed school nearby that isn't ridiculously academic. The CAMHS guy did say that self harming was endemic in state schools at the moment but I think i'd take that over an ED having had my eldest self harm until recently.

I'm also giving her CBD oil as well from today (will order the gummies but I do already have the tincture).

Any views on any of this? you are all so wise and I am so emotionally involved I can't see the woods for the trees.

Thank you all SO
MUCH for your support yesterday.

DBE

PS he did tell me the things I was saying and how I was with her was "perfect" so at least that's something.

Knowing you’re doing the right thing is worth such a lot. You are doing your absolute best in a situation which is incredibly serious and absolutely heartbreaking for us as parents.

She sounds like she ate a good lunch, maybe this will be the turning point for her. I hope so.

I just caught her hiding a ritz cracker in her knickers. Fuxache that really does bring us to a new low. She hates me so much as I'm mean and she only wants to eat with her father. I just had to tell him not to look at his phone and not to take his eyes off her.

So sorry you're having such a shit time @darkblueeyes. The only thing I can say is that there are ups and downs (terrible ones) and we've had some times that have been surreally awful, but they do pass.

I think it seems a bit reductive to blame a school culture for eating disorders. DD goes to a school of the type associated with anorexia (i.e. high achieving girls' school) and it was something we worried about before she went, given that her cousin (and then another cousin) have had severe eating disorders. We asked the girl showing us around and she said that if it were the case that there were greater numbers of ED, it might have something to do with the type of girl who goes to this school, rather than the school itself. Both cousins, for example, are very high achieving girls who attend/ed very normal co-ed comprehensives.

Personally, and perhaps I would say this, I think it's a combination of genetics and a triggering event, a bit like schizophrenia. I can't think of a more triggering event than lockdown with its removal of normal life, sense of the world being out of control and too much time on social media.

Hang in there @DarkBlueEyes - you're doing all the right stuff. There was a poster on thread 1 or 2 I think who had an ED as a child and she came on the thread to say that despite what she said to her parents as a child she didn't really mean it.... I'll try to dig it out for you as it really helped me at the time.

Found it @DarkBlueEyes- way back on thread 1...

Hi everyone. I hope you don’t mind me posting on here but I just wanted to give you all a virtual hug and a high five for the incredible support you are giving your children.
I had anorexia in late teens an early twenties and I’m ashamed to say I put my poor parents through hell. So much of what I’ve read on here resonates with me. However, I wasn’t really me if that makes sense? It was definitely the ED that was dominating my thoughts that made me behave so horribly towards them. But I assure you , throughout it all I completely loved my parents. I was just too ill to show it. I just wanted to let you all know that. Sadly my parents are no longer alive but I couldn’t have done it without them.

@myrtleWilson how lovely to read that.
@DarkBlueEyes you're doing the right thing. At least your daughter knows you mean business.

Thanks @myrtlewilson I'll try to remember that xx

@DarkBlueEyes I'm glad you had someone take interest and that they followed up with you. Will they keep contacting you? Do you have his details? It might be very useful to have as a recommendation from them to admit goes a long way even when presenting at A&E. He might also be able to get you into CAMHS properly?

I agree with @Valleyofthedollymix that I would worry about how much emphasis is given to the schools and the development of ED's. It is commonly thought that a lot of AN cases are among those that a have "Personality traits such as neuroticism (emotional stability), obsessiveness, and perfectionism play a large role in facilitating some eating disorders" full link

Also Dark I would highlight that its an epidemic of ED's at the moment, all the schools have cases. You mentioned Surbiton, I know of 3 in my DD's year there and my DD doesn't even go to that school. Self-harming is all over the private schools too unfortunately, these kids have been through so much with Covid - I think it triggered a lot more mental health cases than usual.
Equally, you will find it hard to find places, I rang around a lot of schools thinking a change might help and there were no spots.

There is also some thought to be given to your DD's version of how things are at the moment, she's very ill and she might be giving her version of the truth through the ED's eyes. I know when my DD was very very ill she made her school sound like an absolute nightmare, now though, she WR and the same school is all rainbows and unicorns again and the best place she's ever been educated.

@DarkBlueEyes you're doing great and your DD will be feeling safer under all the anger.

We're trying a new thing this week. Last week DD1 told me that she didn't want to take a snack and she'd take money for tuck. Then she told her teacher that she didn't want to spend the money on tuck. Then she got angry because other kids had 'loads of stuff for tuck'. Then she told several other teachers that they needed to make her toast because....she hadn't had tuck. So she's doing a bit of divide and conquer, it seems.

Overall, her behaviour at school is quite challenging. I had two phone calls about her tricky day on Monday. Emails on other days, etc.

We've decided that I'll send in a box of snack items that her teacher can help her choose from. I'm hoping that this will stop her giving various stories to different people to justify her demands.

Dark I'm glad you've finally got someone who is helping you a bit and it sounds like that talking to might have got through to your dd? That lunch sounds brilliant, what I would say (from experience) is keep pushing it and do not allow her to leave a scrap more than she did the day before. My dd finds it very hard to eat more than she did the day before iyswim so I have to constantly push it or we lose ground.

I think putting any kind of restrictions of the weight to aim for is really unhelpful. No professional can possibly know what a child's ideal weight is, it is not an exact science!! I think state not weight is what you have to go by, once they can eat without fear and the anorexic behaviours are minimal then you might be getting near to the right weight.

The 2kg higher than when their period came back comment has given me the rage tbh, how ridiculous!! My dds period came back 6kgs ago!! Had I stopped adding fats etc dd was still be v v unwell.

I only started to see an improvement in dds mood and ability to tackle fear foods when she got to 99% wfh.

We had a good day today 😊 I told dd we could do a beach walk she likes doing as long as she had a drink at the cafe. We had lunch before we went and she didn't have to have her usual smoothie with it so theoretically it wasn't an extra but.... she sat in the cafe and chose a rose lemonade to drink!! It was so nice and felt like a glimpse of normality.

We got dinner at a pub on the way home and she did well that as well.

On the downside I noticed some scratches to her thigh that I'm assuming are self inflicted 😕 she denied they existed when I asked about them 🙄