Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

This probably isn’t relevant but she’s always been a very slim girl, she’s probably usually a size 8 jeans at the moment she’s a size 6 and they fit nicely they don’t hang off her. She’s naturally very lean. I think that’s why I took so long to really notice a problem. I’d ask family if they thought she was losing weight and they say no that’s just her build.
She told them at the begging she used to be 9 stone but both me and DH have said we both think it was probably only 8 at the most and she’s 7 stone now.
She’s almost 45 now and she was 45 when I first took her to the GP back in June. That wasn’t because I though she looked thin, it was because she wasn’t eating and clearly struggling to eat what I gave her.
I will email the consultant tomorrow just to put my mind at rest. In the meantime, I’m going to do a massive push to get as much into her as I can.

Also the private psychologist we were seeing before camhs became involved, guidance was 80% wfh return to school.
Wish I’d sticky with her!

Would they actually know if she was in school?

I did wonder but school have said they have to follow camhs advice re being in school. The ED nurse has also written to school.

@Bettybarkalot123 it does matter that your DD has also was been of a slight build. Not everyone should be targeting 100%.

Have your Camhs paediatrician looked at DD's weights from her baby book and any other weights and heights you might have? From this they are then supposed to do an individual assessment of where your DD would sit on the WFH% chart.

Having done this my camhs team gave DD a WFH% aim of 85% as being fully weight restored. That means at 14 she's about 8kg lighter than me, to me that makes sense as she has a lot of growing to do between now and being an adult. If they made her get to 100% she'd be heavier than me when she's fully weight restored, which seems bonkers.

I think you need to push for a paed review via CAMHS, or at least give them the baby book data and ask for a personalized WFH% target for your DD. WE ARE NOT ALL AVERAGE.... this 100% thing really frustrates me.

For DD 100% wfh is not at all realistic. She's currently 86% and not far off her 'normal' weight. I took her red book along early on but no one has ever looked at it.

@DarkBlueEyes how are things today?

Thanks - I’ve emailed the ED nurse and set out the reasons why I think DD is well enough for school and why it will benefit her mental health.
I may be wrong and I do recognise the nurses concerns around starting school and then having to stop again if weight drops.
I feel a bit stuck about it all to be honest. I do think that we should trust our instincts as well. We know our children.

I'm very much of the opinion that you have to balance mental and physical health. DD was so much worse being away from college and it was having a huge detrimental effect on her overall.

I agree that although we should be guided by the ED experts ultimately we know our DC’s the best. We were lucky that DD only ended up having 3 weeks off school and it was and remains a huge driver for her eating and putting the weight on.

@Bettybarkalot123 will DD be supervised for break and lunch at school? I think this is really important to ensure that no ED behaviours sneak in.

@Rollergirl11 Yes, school have said she can eat either in pastoral or in the year 11 heads room, with a friend. I would send them an outline of what should be in the lunch so they can check nothing has been thrown away.

Either myself of dad can take morning snack to school and she can eat it in the car. I work from home and we live a few minutes drive from school. Work have been great and said that would be fine to do. Dad works shifts so has lots of time off in the week.
There would be no PE and we could even take and pick up, although it’s a ten minute walk from home.
She’s been crying this evening saying she doesn’t even have that excited Friday feeling anymore, everyday is just the same.

I feel that she’s gone down hill mentally over the past couple of weeks. She’s sad, very sad. My heart breaks for her. I wish I could do something to take the pain away. Her sister is going away to uni tomorrow and she’s going to miss her a lot.

My DD used to FaceTime me from a teachers office at break time so I could see her eat her snack. That worked well for us and meant I didn’t have to go up to school twice during the day. One thing I would say is don’t underestimate how hard it will be initially and she might be slow eating. You might need to speak to her HOY and tell them to factor in the potential for being late back to lessons following break and lunch and ensure there are no sanctions.

And yes I think the initial extreme distress and anger gives way to immense sadness. I actually find the sadness harder to bear. I think it’s all to do with them being deficient in serotonin. Hopefully once they are nourished and weight restored their mood will restore.

I think for us lockdown coincided with getting refeeding started so school wasn't even an option.

When dd did go back to school she was so desperate to keep going and she didn't want to be supervised that we actually saw some really decent weight gains.

Betty you definitely know your dd best and I think Camhs should be looking to at least find a compromise. I think I'd ask can she go part time for a few weeks and as long on the weight is still going in the right direction then look to increase the hours.

@Bettybarkalot123 it is such a tough situation for you. It is clear your DD is missing school and it seems like she is suffering through the lack of it.
But similarly this is fuel for the ‘What has anorexia ever done for me’ fire. There need to be more downsides to remaining ill than upsides of keeping her AN going ….and it seems the illness preventing her from going to school is a massive downside for her.
2kgs is doable in 4/6 weeks so by after half term if she is really really motivated to go for it.
What is her weight gain per week at the moment?
Whilst I think your ED nurse is being a bit of a stickler for the ‘rules’ it is true that going physically to school does require more energy and it also makes it harder to ensure they get it. With winter coming as well the cold well ventilated classrooms will only increasing that energy requirement.
Having some ‘wriggle’ room is probably wise.
The sadness is normal. But it is the illness making her sad and making her miss school not her nurse. IYSWIM. That is what I would be focusing on with her. Otherwise there is a danger that her AN believes it is winning ie ‘I can go to school at this weight so why bother putting anymore on…’

@Lottsbiffandsmudge hi, yes that’s how the nurse explained it too and I do totally get that. It’s as of the ED will say
“See life’s normal, you don’t need to gain anymore” when it’s not!
I’m completely torn as
To what’s best at the moment. Really good advice though, thank you so much.
I could scream most days to be honest, it seems an impossible battle. She’s so controlling all the time.

How is she eating Betty? Is she totally compliant or is there still some resistance? Because I think her attitude to eating will tell you a lot about how ready she really is to return to school. There are other considerations too. Do any of her friends know about the ED? If not is she happy for them to know? What will she tell people that ask her where she’s going for break/lunch? These are all things DD had to face as she has only told her closest friends about her ED. All of this brought about a big rise in DD’s anxiety. So although she desperately wanted to be at school she didn’t enjoy it because she was so anxious. And there was no down time for her as she then had to go and eat which made her even more anxious. And she had her end of year exams going on so she was a total nervous wreck!

DarkBlueEyes hope you’re doing okay. Thinking of you and your DD.

Hi all thanks for asking after me. Things aren't great. DD ate a reasonable breakfast yesterday, and her snack with the nurse. But lunch with me was spitting/sneaking/hiding food and it took 1.5 hours. We even had teachers coming as they had a report of someone sitting on the grass in the school grounds, and we had to move as there were kids spotting her. The only way I got her to eat was to threaten that if she spat out again I would take her home right there and then. I got up to do it three times and made her put what she'd spat out back in her mouth. Still only 80% of lunch eaten I think.

Then for afternoon snack (chocolate milkshake) she drank 100ml of the 250 ml given, in 1.5 hours. So I cancelled her participation in the school open day, she really wanted to do it (had been asked to bake muffins in the foodtech hall).

This morning she refused to get out of bed and went completely zombie. So we told her we were taking her to A and E and that DH and I would have some breakfast and then we would go. She's just appeared, asked me to leave the table as it was too intimidating to have both of us there (my heart is breaking). And now appears to be eating.

We'll weigh on Monday, and if any loss AT ALL then no school. CAMHS ED is ringing at 11.30 CAMHS with DD1. OMFG my life. My bestie has offered to sit with DD2 while I take DD1 as I can't do both, and DH is working (self employed so I don't think we need bankruptcy to add to our stress).

FML

Well we weighed her after hiding amd spitting at morning snack. 700g down since Wednesday ffs so currently open route to a and e. Wish us luck.

I’m really sorry Dark I know it’s not what you want to hear but I think your DD should come out of school now regardless of her weight on Monday. And I think you should take to A&E asap regardless of whether she eats the next meal. ED is completely calling the shots at the moment. You need to change the status quo. Unfortunately I feel like you’re putting off the inevitable.

X-post. Good luck DarkBlueEyes, put your big girl pants on and really lay it on thick with A&E. Make sure they follow the marsipan assesment. Which hospital are you going to?

Fingers crossed you get the help you need and we are on thinking of you!! 🤞🙏❤️

Just looked back at your past post and it looks like DD has lost 1kg since last Saturday. You are definitely doing the right thing!!!

We're at Epsom. Already been told there are no beds. So who knows how this will pan out.

Good luck @DarkBlueEyes hopefully you get put onto a kids ward with refeeding help. Does Epsom have a ED unit attached or a camhs unit? We went to St Georges (despite being in Surrey) for this very reason.

Just don't take no for an answer, your DD and your family is in desperate need for help.

No clinical reason to admit her. I am
Saying all the words and getting nowhere. No beds available and nothing they can do. I've taken the name of the doctor and told her it's like telling a stage 1 cancer patient to go away and come back when they are sicker. I've asked fir a psychiatrist assessment. No one on duty. I broke down and cried and said we can't cope. Too bad apparently.

@DarkBlueEyes have you spoken to the most senior Dr you can? not just the juniors in A&E.
I'm so sorry this is so hard and you aren't getting the help you need.