Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies looks lovely there!!! peaceful.

That sounds positive lougle although annoying that the nurse is having to repeat herself to school - hopefully they'll pick it up this time...

girlie how lovely, all that sky and space!

DD is doing well here - yesterday evening she went out for dinner with friends and had three courses and didn't gravitate to 'lighter/lower calorie options'. Was super proud of her. I know recovery will have blips but on nights like last night it does give me hope that she's on the right road. I think her friends finishing school means there are more opportunities to be together and thats spurring her on - which is awesome today am choosing to ignore that in September many of them will be leaving

Looks gorgeous @Girliefriendlikespuppies .
Hoping the sunshine is lifting everyone's spirits. We have one bad day one good day. Still no weight gain after 7 weeks only loss. Stories from @myrtleWilson giving me hope.

Aww@sm701 that must be so disheartening. I assume there were gains at the start?

Sadly no. She has never done a full week of meal plan. She's lost 4kg since starting with the clinic!! She has not committed to recovery yet. It's desperately hard.

Gosh @sm701 that must be so difficult to deal with. Is she doing it on purpose? From that I mean my DD at the start said she needed to lose more weight to get 'proper' help..... Strange way the illness works. Do you think your DD is thinking that way?

Surely CAMHS must be concerned with a 4kg weight loss?

Oh sm as much as it was truly awful, the best thing for dd was to be admitted to hospital as it gave her that realisation of how serious things were and gave her body quite literally a jump start.
Is that something possible to do for her?

We've been to A&E that worked for two days then she regressed. She's convinced she's not ill enough to recover yet. She wouldn't get admitted as BMI 17.5. She's very poorly, her BMI disguised this. Stupid NHS website BMI guide has a lot to answer for.

Oh @sm701 that's just horrible. BMI has such a lot to answer for.

sm701 thats really bad for you and her and not great in terms of best practice at all - focusing on BMI alone is not good. The 'not ill enough to recover' is a common theme for many with an ED, it also sits alongside a fear that 'recovery' will invalidate the illness, that "people" will think they weren't that ill to begin with. It is massively frustrating from a logic point of view...

We repeatedly calmly said things like "You are very ill" "You have a team of medical staff supporting you - would they do that if you were not very ill" "if you sprained your ankle you wouldn't wait until you'd broken your leg before trying to heal" "do you think that if someone has broken their leg but gets better didn't really have a broken leg at all" - most of the time it was either inflammatory to the ED or brushed off but calm broken record technique does land in the right place some of the time.

We've had a really hard day, wasn't too bad this morning but our dog was really poorly this afternoon and we had to find a local vet to take him to. He then became more unwell and we had to drive him miles to the nearest oohs vets.

After all that they think he injured his back and then had a reaction to the meds the first vet gave him 😩 after paying out a load of money they basically said he needs to sleep it off!!

It was all very stressful and dd was obviously stressed out and started pacing the Carpark at the vets. Luckily she'd already eaten her dinner but was upset that I hadn't (my mum and I were planning on eating later at the restaurant.)

Plus she's really overdone it on the exercise front, been swimming twice, walked loads etc so I imagine is feeling exhausted. Then my mum was a bit short with her as stressed out.

So we've had tears and despair just now when she went to bed 😢

Not sure whether it will be better to go home tomorrow then try and keep going for another day....

oh girlie sounds so stressful... I'd imagine a good nights sleep if you can sort that and see how the morning looks...

Hope caninegirlie is fighting fit tomorrow

Oh @Girliefriendlikespuppies hope the pup is fine now? Pet stuff is so stressful. DD was upset last eve as she thinks she has had too much fun and not thought about her dead guinea pig enough this holiday....I am imagining a difficult time with that when we get home.
Still struggling on here....finally think I have the hot water fixed....we go tomorrow....so a bit late....
DH, DS2 and DD have gone up Kinder Scout today. I demurred. DD has done loads this week but not eaten anymore and as she has had a pack up each day her lunch cals are down on her usual weekly average (it’s not a high cal lunch compared to some of mine). Today I asked her to take a choc bar in addition to her normal lunch as Kinder is a tough hike...you can prob imagine her reaction.
Still waking up each morning with an intense feeling of dread.
The ‘not ill enough thing’ is really tough. BMI should be scrapped. It is so unhelpful...

Ddog came to at 2.30am and seemed fine!!

We decided that my mum could take the dog home with her today and we'll follow on tomorrow. My mum was planning on going home today anyway and she can keep him quiet at hers if he is a bit sore.

It makes life a bit easier as can have a quieter day and we're planning on stopping at a zoo type place on the way home tomorrow (all being well.)

I'm completely exhausted though so not much of a holiday really. It's bought it home how far we still have to go with dd who is chucking away more food and drink than I realised. I'm going to have to get much stricter with her but not going to do it on holiday.

Glad the dog is ok. I cleared out the lunch bags yest and found all DDs sandwich crusts in her foil..... so,I am with you on the strictness once back home thing...although dreading it.

Hello. Yes 'I'm not sick enough to get better yet' presses alll my desperately anxious mum buttons.
Glad the dog is little better @Lottsbiffandsmudge , and you get a little zoo trip on hol.
It's been stressful here with hot weather and a DD who doesn't want to see her legs .
Let's hope all this vit D is helping our kids get better. X

Oh gosh I'm m rubbish at @ people getting it wrong all the time. Sorry it was @Girliefriendlikespuppies and the poorly pup on holiday.

Hello all, we've similarly just got back from being away. Really reminded me of when they were babies and toddlers, you know, different place same old shit. It doesn't feel like a holiday so much as merely a change of locale and one in which you don't know where they keep the wooden spoons.

So, kind of relieved to be home. I don't think DD ate less than she does at school but certainly not more. We fail with the morning snack every day and I hoped that pub lunches might help her to gain (they certainly help DH and me to). Still endless looking at calories and panicking if she doesn't know how much something has. And we seem to have swapped the weetabix and two slices of toast for two thick slices of French toast - am really hoping that the two yolks I put in and the butter I fried it in will help as she didn't add anything normal like syrup, only berries.

Oh and we bicycled 17 miles on day (what was I thinking?).

@Girliefriendlikespuppies and @Lottsbiffandsmudge really, really sorry to hear about sick dog and deceased guinea pig. These things are so upsetting at the best of times, which these aren't.

@Valleyofthedollymix that analogy to when they were babies/ toddlers made me smile. I remember going away when DD was 3 months old and DS1 was 3 and DS2 just 2 and sitting on the landing of our cottage crying and wondering what the hell I was doing there.... quite similar to now tbh...DH told me to just chill then too...and I may have lost it then too...
anyway after walking 13 miles and then swimming in the river at the campsite I made DD eat some naan with her curry. She then tried to leave some of the curry as ‘she had had millions of raisins’.... I held my ground.,..
Today whilst they were hiking I went to Morrison’s (over an hours round trip in these parts) and cooked. Oh and emptied the loo. DH asked me if I had had a good day.
Not really tbh.
Spoke to DS1 as well. He had a girl round until 1 in the morning. Oh god I hope nothing untoward or unprotected happened.
I need to go home

Sorry to hear of doggy dramas. How stressful.

DD1 went to the Psychiatrist today. 0.8kg gain this week on 2300 calories. The psych isn't sure what to do with DD1 because she doesn't think the usual approach will work with her. She thinks DD1 may need an ARFID assessment, but it was skipped because she was so ill when first seen. Now she's not sure if it would just be a paper exercise because she's not sure what they'll do with her anyway.

DD1 didn't eat dinner tonight. She had a big lunch, but still, I think we're slipping.

0.8kg is more than DD has ever gained in a week! It really doesn't sound like it's slipping. At a certain point they will stop gaining, or at least the gain will slow down to normal adolescent levels. I guess it's just hard to know when that is. I know I'm in a minority on this, but I'm still not convinced that DD needs to be more than 90% but time will tell.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge jeez your three-kid age gaps are even worse than ours! No wonder you were sobbing in the holiday cottage with two toddlers and a baby!

@Valleyofthedollymix I think 90% is where dd needs to get to. I really don't think she's ever been more than that.
It's so hard to get them to eat in this heat though. I know I don't want to. I'd love a salad but that's just not enough!

Hi ladies
Dd continuing to restrict. She got her ASC diagnosis this week. She’s not happy. Ran off yesterday, upset about it. Says she won’t ever accept it as hasn’t met the person who gave it to her( there was a meeting as they had enough evidence). I totally support it but see her point.Only thing is we’re not meeting the ASC guy or anybody from the CAMHs ASC team. All the recommendations will be done by CAMHs outreach team she sees and family therapist. No professional individual therapy of the type the ASC bloke recommended.They will just incorporate it. No plans to help her access individual therapy. The people working with her will adapt the way they do things I guess. So no idea what to focus on in the hour of family therapy we have each week which is the only therapy she’ll get-restriction, dairy refusal, ASC denial, boosting her belief in other things she’s good at, finding her core values, helping he’d find ways to self sooth( ASC guy recommendations and things we’ve tried and failed at previously)....🤷‍♀️ Just feels as if she’s not getting professional therapy for her MH issues because of the ASC. She gets to weight restored but she gets nothing.How on Earth is all that going to be treated in an hour a week? Do Dh and I just button any struggles we’re having re the ED to maximise the use of time?

I met with friends yesterday which was nice, was also starting to switch off with garden/ reading etc but starting to feel the all consuming grind of all this again so struggling to focus. So worried that the causes of her MH struggles just won’t ever get treated.😩

I don't know whether we've been having 'family therapy' but the Psych tends to ask how things have been, and I normally talk to DD1 so that the Psych gets the information she needs. So I'll say "It's been quite hard for you, hasn't it DD1? You've been quite cross when I'm asking you to eat." Then DD1 answers me, which gives the psych an insight into how she's thinking. If the psych asks questions directly to DD1, she just shrugs, looks at the floor and says "Don't know."

I don't think you can possibly tackle all the issues at once. I'd view the ASD denial as a low priority. She can accept it when she finds it useful to understand her difficulties, but until then, it's irrelevant to her, but useful for people working with her. Her self-esteem will take time. The restriction probably needs working on as a priority and dairy refusal is only a real problem if she also refuses the things that you would replace dairy with.

Will your DD take supplements? E.g. if you said 'because you won't have dairy products, your bones need some help, so you need to take vitamin D and calcium tablets.' would she accept that?

Hi @Scr1bblyGum glad you are back! I am not faced with ASC so cant really advise on that... is your D wr now? If not our experience is therapy isnt offered. Now my Dd is wr she has been offered therapy to deal with her major issue. It will only scratch the surface I am sure. I am doing it with her. The KW has recognised DDs reluctance to engage so really it will be me learning the strategies to prompt her when needed.
I guess it's a question of priorities as @Lougle says. It does seem that ED teams focus on food first and then look at other stuff. It certainly has been our experience.
Like @lougle again when DD came to our 1 hour per week catch up she didnt engage unless I rephrased the questions and she isnt ASC! She isnt coming to those catch ups at the moment. It has taken until now for her mind to even contemplate therapy.
I have to say I have done most of the therapsing (not a word I know) with strategies KW and I discuss when DD not there. Is there anyway they can provide you with support without your DD there? It's really helpful. I found the meetings tortuous with DD there tbh