Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

@2Earlgreysplease echo what others have says, sorry you find yourself here but you are in the right place. The support and advice here is immense!

I took my DD to A&E and she was admitted to the paed ward. The hospital did the referral to the CAMH’s ED team and it actually worked in our favour as there is a protocol in place to assess within 5 days if the referral is made from hospital (I think it’s 14 days if self-referred or GP referred). It cut out all the bullshit that’s for sure.

Hi earlgrey sorry you've had to find us though. I echo what everyone else said, read as much as you can about Family based therapy which is the main premise of treating EDs in young people. Do you know her current weight? It might be useful to know her weight for height to give you an idea of where she's at (kind people on this thread can work it out for you if you want them to.) Be warned that once you start FBT it is all consuming and you will need to think about work and school etc. There's a FB page called EDSUK which has some useful files on it about FBT and is another useful source of support.

I've been thinking about wfh actually, it has always annoyed me that my dd didn't get an official anorexia diagnosis as her wfh was deemed not sufficiently low enough 🙄 Given looking at past weights and heights my dd always bobbed along on the 75th percentile, I'm assuming naturally she would be around 110% wfh. So the fact she dropped to 90% wfh is a large drop and the equivalent to someone who has naturally sat on 90% wfh dropping to 70% wfh. It's all relative surely 🤷‍♀️

Would also explain why her thinking was so distorted at 90% wfh and it still feels like we're in the grips of it at 98% wfh.

Weight check Ystd, a tiny gain of 0.1kgs!! I'll take it though 😁

DD has actually seemed a little happier last night and today, dare I say it! It may be that she’s halfway through her exam week now and she’s done the exams she was most stressing about now (although she says she’s fucked them up) so the pressure is off now somewhat. Last night she came and did some revision sat at the kitchen table and was actually laughing and joking about with me and her Dad. Then she wanted me to read through her English lit writing revision on Macbeth and wanted my input. And then she wanted me to stay and play with her hair while she was working. I nearly fell off my chair with happiness!

She has an inset day on Friday and she is going out with friends and then there will be a sleepover. I’ve said she can go and I will facilitate her eating in whatever way is required. She doesn’t feel ready to eat in front of her friends yet so maybe she will come home for dinner and then I can drop her back again afterwards.

She also seemed relatively happy on our FaceTime earlier while she ate her snack. She finished much quicker and once again she was chatting and laughing with me before she went. Normally she is crying the whole way through, it takes ages and she ends the call without saying bye.

I’m sure this is just a momentary happy phase but I’ll take anything I can get. It’s been soo amazing to see a little glimpse of my DD. I want her back so much!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I think it's been proven over and over again that the stereotype of the super skinny white posh girl anorexic is a massive barrier to proper diagnosis for lots of people. It really shouldn't be about weight as opposed to what their weight should be.

@2Earlgreysplease - @SoTiredNeedHoliday is completely right about not going straight into the meal plan I've outlined. We were sent a document that broke it down into three.

Days 1-3
Breakfast of e.g. 2 weetabix
Lunch - carb, veg, protein
Supper - carb, veg, protein

Days 4-6
Cereal and fruit/juice
Snack of 200 cal
Lunch same as previous + yoghurt
Snack of 200cal
Supper as previous.

With lots of fluid (mostly water).

Of course this sort of eating plan is easier emailed than implemented. I wish we'd got some meal support earlier.

Oh and Girlfriend what you say about WFH makes sense. DD actually never dropped below 80% and I reckon she has probably always sat somewhere between 95 - 98% when healthy (small and petite). So her weight loss was nowhere near as significant as your DD’s.

Valley how are things with you? Is your DD at school?

rollergirl am beaming in joyful solidarity at your post - fabulous news!

@2Earlgreysplease so sorry you're facing the ED battle but am pleased you've found this thread. It is a great space for advice and support and for a hug when you are having a bad day and to whoop for those moments like rollergirl describes when it feels like you get your child back and there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

@Rollergirl11 excellent news, so glad you're having a happy period .

Roller that's fabulous news, im so pleased for you! It's amazing when we see glimpses of our girls, I can remember the first time dd rested her feet on my lap and doing a little happy dance in my head 😁

So I've just come out from a big MDT meeting between myself and the two camhs teams. Not sure how helpful it was tbh, the ED team strongly hinted that they think dd does fit an autism profile and the autism team were just 🤷‍♀️ saying she didn't score highly enough 🙄

Both teams said they feel all the behaviours are anxiety driver (well durr 😐) and the ED believe she is weight restored and therefore should be better than she is.

Anyway the long and short of it is that we're carrying on as we are!!

Lots if you're lurking how's your dd doing with her foot?

@Rollergirl11 our messages crossed so I hadn't read of your good news. It doesn't matter if it's momentary (and maybe it isn't), absolutely revel in it while you can. We need to really hold onto the moments when we can see them return to us. Really happy you had such a lovely evening and good luck with the sleepover.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies very frustrating about the autism. There's been a real spate of articles recently as well as a programme on the radio about women who've had a late diagnosis. They are suffused with a sense of relief. Let me know if you want me to post the links.

Very interesting about what a 'natural' WFH should be. DD put on a noticeable amount of weight in first lockdown, you could actually see it on her face, and the selfies were part of the trigger to restrict. However having found her My Fitness Pal updates, obviously the app now banned, at her very highest she was 89% WFH. I'm guessing she gained about 3kg in a couple of months to get there, though I've no idea but she was eating vast quantities of Reeces (happy days).

I've no idea what would be the right weight for her to get to.

DD is at school because she just about managed the meal plan on Monday and Tuesday. It's a great incentive. There was much screaming and 'fuck you both' at snack time yesterday but ten minutes later she apologised and we managed to make it up with some ice cream that I'd made that according to the recipe is 500 calories a scoop. God it's good.

@Rollergirl11 I'm so happy for you!

@Valleyofthedollymix that's so frustrating. I think sometimes they need to be a bit flexible and consider that they're basing their assessment on the presentation of people who can be quite good at masking!

A bit frustrating here, too. I had written an email to the psychiatrist, which she had read. Today's weigh in was 51.7kg, which is actually 0.1kg less than last week (she maintained from the week before), but because the last time the Psychiatrist weighed her was 3 weeks ago and she was 51kg, it's being recorded as a gain of 0.7kg over 3 weeks, not a loss of 0.1kg since last week and no gain the week before Similarly, yesterday I did her BP and it was 87 systolic. The psychiatrist did it today and it was 110 systolic. That's fine, but the psychiatrist lets her sit for 5-10 minutes (as recommended) but then walks her to another room to get her BP done. So it's not a true resting BP or HR. She spiked 25bpm in her HR, but the Psychiatrist said 'she always does that...'

So the upshot for us is no change to meds, no change to plan. Just see how she goes once she's feeling better and see you again in 4 weeks.

Well, I'm so excited to continue the battle

Valley 500 calorie scoop of ice cream you say?? Have you got the recipe?!

Lougle your meeting sounded about as productive as mine 😒 I think the kids that don't fit the typical mold for ED seem to fall between the gaps somewhat.

Ha - it was this one www.ocado.com/webshop/recipe/Fresh-mint-and-dark-choc-chip-no-churn-ice-cream/191476?selectedCategories
It doesn't have the calories online but when I first saw it in their magazine, I remember being awed by its calorific potential. Mind you, it's basically double cream and condensed milk so not surprising.

DH whined that it wasn't fresh strawberry so I've just invested in an ice cream maker - it's so much better to make things so there's no calorie values on display.

Hi all I am indeed lurking…. Sorry to hear if the frustrations and difficulties.
DDs foot is broken and she is in a walking boot. She has done really well with eating and resting and she is swimming and school are doing some one to one gym work with her.
I am nervous because I wanted to avoid gym work and ‘in your own head’ type activities like swimming as they are more likely to set off her compulsions again. Having said that she accomplished 10 days of absolutely nothing so that s a bonus.
And she got into Arsenal girls academy. We found out last Thursday. So they will take over her rehab once she comes out of the boot.
So all was good here some food flexibility has been happening too. But then I weighed her yest after 2 weeks and she has lost 1.4kg. I was flabbergasted as she has not lifted a finger.
So it seems I cut back the food a little too much. It is so hard to balance in maintenance. Her KW says the healing, anxiety over Arsenal, growing (I think she has put in about 1 cm), and puberty has increased her calorie needs. So it’s back to full smoothies and the larger afternoon snack. Which luckily I can sell as she is now exercising again.
Today we picked some home grown strawberries which she was v excited about….wouldn’t eat them tho….we have a way to go. But overall it’s positive I think.
She is still 100% wfh but I don’t want her lower than this as at 98% we were still struggling.

Hi lotts - firstly a MASSIVE congratulations to your DD for getting into the academy - that is awesome and whilst sport/exercise has its downsides on this thread... I hope the affirmation this gives your DD in terms of her ability, confidence etc is turbo charged!

Am sorry about the loss though and hope you're able to pack those calories back in...

Wow! Congratulations to @Lottsbiffandsmudge DD!

Thanks both…. Got the contract today, there is a residential trio in mid August….gulp….

Omg that recipe looks amazing valley! I'm def giving that a go.

Lots nice to hear from you, that's great your dd got into the arsenal academy and she's coped with not being able to do as much sport. It is crazy how much food they need just to maintain and scary how quickly they lose weight!

Wow congrats your Dd @Lottsbiffandsmudge ! What an achievement.

How lovely to hear positive news from some of you on here

That is brilliant news @Lottsbiffandsmudge - at least now Arsenal ladies have a chance of doing well! We know a boy at the academy and his mother was surprised to find that Mertesacker was more attractive than Ljungberg in the flesh. This is obviously very important to know.

But presumably the girls' academy is elsewhere anyway.

Congratulations Lotts DD on getting in to Arsenal! Are their training grounds near St Albans by any chance? DD had a friend who was playing in the U13 girls team for a year. It was a hell of a journey for her from Surrey 3 times a week after school. Now she is back at Chelsea and their training grounds are just down the road from us.

It’s at Hatfield. It’s about 55mins for us. Twice a week. Big commitment but it remains DDs dream to play prof football and Arsenal are a very well thought of girls academy.
I added double cream back onto my shopping list today…..

It's so reassuring too to hear that EDs don't stop ambition and chances. There's a way forward and lotts is showing that

Hi.
I think I have found the right thread but not too sure.

My DD age 18 has what I think is an eating disorder. She has always had issues through her teens with depressison, anxiety etc but we realy thought she had finally been issue free.
She has been losing weight since May but we put it down to the fact that she was working in a very busy job in a hotel . She is/was usually about 9.5 /10 stone and 5 foot 8 so was always quite slim. She got weighed in the doctors 2 months ago and was 9 stone and the doctor told her that was average and she was within the right weight for her height. However, she is now skin and bone and is not eating. Will skip meals all the time, and is literally eating about 400 calories a day.
It is causing huge concerns for me as she will not admit it and has told me to stop commenting on her appearance as it is toxic. She lies and says she ate in her dads and tell her dad she has eaten here. She has fainted at work too.
I am beyond worry as I cannot speak to her, she has shut me out completely and says she will move to her dads. He thinks we should stop pestering her about it and she will be ok.
How do I get her to see somebody when she won't even admit it to herself.