Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

sm701peei I think.5days of 3am waking,mind whirring but no actual and songs on loop in my head .I'm averaging 3-4 hours a night..I had 6months of it,then a "break" of 6hours a night for a month or two now here I am again...

It's awful isn't it. We have to take care of ourselves to care for our loved ones. I'm so cross with myself for not being able to sleep enough!
I have lots of songs going through my head. 'Do the next right thing' from frozen 2 is my soundtrack in my head all the time right now!

😂I’d take that over some of the miserable tunes coming out of my Ds’s bedroom at the moment.

Sorry for bad nights - insomnia, anxiety or menopause driven!
scr1bbly you've had such odd treatment I cant fathom how they're operating. Hold onto the benefit of the outreach team - having someone else take DD out to chat to her was really helpful for us.

The wobbly signs we'd seen over past few weeks erupted into night time snack refusal, head banging, meltdowns, screaming, being told to fuck off. I know it doesn't undo the progress she's made but it's so hard to be back there - even if (hopefully) it's temporary

sm701 back to black (Amy winehouse)and sleep (by the smiths) here..mainly I think because lil zoo learning to play on piano.....

scr1bblygum dd2 choices are "interesting"🤣
Myrtle I do keep everything crossed for you it's just temporary,and in meantime offer calm vibes

Myrtle hang on in there, you’ve battled through before and you’ll do it again. 💪

I, too, was up from the early hours. @myrtleWilson sorry you've had a step back. May it be short lived.

I'm trying to tackle drinking with DD1. So tedious, but I'm sure the dehydration is limiting progress with food.

It's all gone very wrong here. DD saying she won't eat until admitted. What do I do? Take her to hospital? Do I wait to speak to her ED clinic tomorrow? (We have a session booked by zoom at 5).
Anyone whose gone through admission... what do they do? Do they keep them in until the meal plan is embedded? Or weight restored? I'm feeling so broken

If she won't eat more than 500 calories per day for 2 days, you need to take her to A&E. She is basically asking for hospital admission, so she must know she's very poorly.

SM how are they going to do obs by Zoom? What has she been eating the past few days and what is her wfh? Normally with my dd they keep her in for 10 days. First time was 3 weeks. Sometimes a week. They follow the meal plan until her obs improve and she’s eating it all. Has to eat each meal in time or it’s Ensure and if it comes up she’s tube fed. To be honest it’s easier to get back on track after a stay as they start off in a healthy state.

Sending you hugs, honestly hospital gives you a bit of a break.

So I think I've found the answer (for now) to DD's drinking issue. She likes to stay in her room with the blinds down and a fan on (sensory). She has a bottle with times on it. She was very resistant to drinking until I said that if she didn't drink, she had to come downstairs. Now, as soon as I walk in the room, she grabs her bottle and starts drinking!

What a load of crap you are all dealing with. I can’t fathom your care @Scr1bblyGum it’s total madness. It’s awful to be made out to not be trying or ‘doing the right thing’ you have my sympathy. A second test a complaint is needed.
@sm701 that sounds terrifying. I am not sure I would wait for a 5pm zoom call....what will they say/do? If she hasn’t eaten for a couple of days I think I would go to A&E.
@myrtleWilson it is so hard when you feel you are getting somewhere and they take a step back. I think now I am not on hyper vigilance 24/7 when DD does something she shouldn’t I hardly have the energy to deal with it... her futsal was cancelled on Fri so I let her go in the garden for ‘some fun with a ball’ and got caught up with DS1 and dinner etc etc and the next thing I knew she was doing a full on fitness session... it took all my will power to get her in and face the ‘I hate you and I hate my life’ stuff...despite the fact her psychiatrist was quite clear only last Weds that this sort of exercise should not be allowed as it will feed her compulsive thoughts...
anyway DD did her first day of bronze d of e and was out for 7 hours. I had such a chilled day. Her KW had cleared it and even said if she lost weight it would be fine so I packed up her meal plan and extra and off she went,
I spent all day in the garden which I haven’t done since before this all started.
She ate everything (except the extras) but did have some sweets from someone else!!
Of course as soon as she got in and seeing the pork chops with roasts she pipes up that she was stuffed from the sweets. Too bad lovey. She ate tea but declined dessert so she’ll be getting her smoothie later.
Tomorrow is day 2 so I get out of picking up at lunchtime and can work and then have a couple of hours in the garden again!
I have already told her she is not going to footie training tomorrow which she is pushing against. She has 2 more Arsenal trial days this week. She’s nuts to be considering going tomorrow on top of an 18km walk with that on Tuesday and Thurs. But hey that’s exercise compulsion for you. No logic at all...

We have an emergency zoom at 1130 to discuss admission. I'm terrified. Will they take good care of her?? I know that sounds silly but I'm worried her MH would get even worse. I check on her all night long as I'm so scared but I won't know how she is in hospital. I wish I could turn back time to September and be better at catching her falling. I tried but it wasn't good enough

@sm701 I am sure they will take care of her and they will check on her. Would she go into an inpatient treatment or onto a kids ward to start with?

My DD was on a ward and I stayed with her, except for one night. There were 4 girls (all AN) in her room and the other 3 calls all had 1 to 1 carer appointed who were awake and watching the girls all night and all day. I think they were 'at risk' to themselves via self harm / suicidal thoughts.
Hopsital was our turning point tbh and in hindsight, I am glad we went in.

My Dd was in a week as she managed to eat the plan, she very much didn't want to be tube fed and if they don't eat they will tube feed, no ifs or buts. We're pretty much kept to the plan and added more higher value snacks since being out of hospital.

DD1 was in 9 days. She ate to plan immediately as she wanted to be let home.

@Scr1bblyGum what have you decided to do?

My DD has a big day today her first day back as school. She was pretty nervous but I am hoping that it will go ok. I'm worried it's too early, but being away from the classroom and her friends also has consequences.

I've told her in no uncertain terms if her recovery stops or plateaus then she has to stay home again. She's only going a couple of days a week to see how that goes first.

@sm701 so much good luck for your Zoom today. Really sorry it's had to come to this but sometimes things have to get bad to get better. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to turn back time - how I wish I'd pushed the GP in October when I called about DD's weight. It might have been different had it been in person. Yet another lockdown unintended consequence.

We had a crap weekend. It was really busy, like a pre-lockdown weekend. I had a commitment on Saturday morning which meant I breakfast and snack were left to my husband and then had a family commitment that meant I missed supper too (although of course had planned and prepared every meal in advance so I don't know why I feel so guilty). Husband couldn't cope at all and alternates between being upset and being angry. I feel lots of sympathy but also some irritation, I'm afraid, as I think, well we just have to get on with it.

First proper weight gain in ages (600g) but she saw and got upset although she knows that if she hadn't gained we'd have come into school every lunchtime. Accusations of wanting her to get fat etc. How do you deal with this reluctance to gain weight? It's all so repetitive and circular.

@sm701 good luck today.

@Valleyofthedollymix it's so hard, isn't it? DD1 says I'm trying to make her fat, and to be fair to her, she's gone from a size 4 being generous, to a size 8 being too tight, in just 15 weeks. So I can imagine she does feel fat, even though she's still only 87% WFH. I think the fact that it all goes on the tummy at first makes it harder for them. I just tell her that she's eating the food that her brain needs to get better.

@Lougle i'm dreading that time coming for us, it's so hard already to get her eating let alone if she moves up sizes in clothes. Going from a 4 to an 8 is pretty tough mentally I'd say, your DD is doing well to keep the battle going! Well Done!

Hello
So we are in a&e waiting for admission. Bloods all good despite hunger strike but at least they taking it seriously. Bit of a odd one aged 17 you can't go to a paed ward. Gap if you 16/17 you face to go on an adult ward.
Not sure whats next but as you can imagine I'm hoping and praying a few nights is the kick up the back side the ED needs to get it on its way back to hell.

I'd love to know how to handle the weight gains... think we are now here due to tiny 300g gain last week. I know she mustn't see the scales but she will def notice she's getting bigger eventually (I hope!!!). It's a nightmare.

Well done for getting her there. Sorry it's come to this, though.

DD1 did 1½ hours at school today, but now has been asleep for 5 hours. I can't see how we're going to be able to increase her timetable any time soon.

So sorry you're being admitted sm - it does feel scary but I felt actually it was the best place for her. I wonder if that rule re paeds is locally determined - DD was 17 & on the paeds ward... (once her age had been written up wrong on the admissions board as 16 and I did ask the staff if they'd had to bend the rules to get her onto the ward but it turned out to be a counting error..
You're right lougle re the weight gain going on tummy first seems an additional cruel joke the body is playing - but afaik it does redistribute itself after a while.. but fab effort on getting your DD to 87%wfh.

Re the fear of gaining weight - DD still has it but in her more cognitive moments she knows it is a process she has to go through. Also, she's decorated her room with affirmative statements about recovery as an aide memoir... That said a boy she knows (he likes her) pinched her legs the other day and said "thunder thighs" - I do think this was a contributing factor in her meltdown the other day. What possessed this lad to say anything of that nature to anyone is beyond me - he doesn't know she has an ED but regardless why feel free to comment on someone else's body in that way