Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

Check out tavitha farrar OP
I found her book genuinely resonated

Tabitha farrar

Oh just posted about the cold but deleted

Anyone else suffer from extreme cold? It impacts me very badly. I suffer from raynards but being such a low BMI causes sensitivity, so the convo means that I suffer truly dreadfully

Anyone else?

Someone should do something. Just. It sure who "someone" is (bagsy: not me!) Not me either.

I don't have much hope in anything changing with the NHS. I think it's dying to be honest. I've always seen myself as being on my own anyway, because no one can make me do anything, they couldn't have when I was a teen, let alone as an adult. Ultimately it's up to me, no one is going to save me, there is no safety net. I know I have the privilege of this not being my whole life though, I considered myself recovered for most of my adult life, so it is not so established. I know if I pulled myself out without help once (when I was much younger and at a much lower bmi of 14) then I can do it again.

To clarify, I think there should be decent help, but I accept how it is.

I am always freezing cold, currently wearing 5 layers and two pairs of thick socks. Put hand warmers in my ski gloves to do dog walks but finger tips still get frozen!

I have one fingertip that goes white in the cold, always the same one, never any others so I don't know if I've somehow injured it before.

I get running induced Raynards in my fingers. Usually the 3rd and 4th finger on each hand and 1/2 of the finger. They go white and waxy looking (I call them corpse fingers). I warm them up under warm running water and they're fine in a short while.

I suffer from cold and tiredness too, recently had blood test to check there's no other cause, but I'm certain it's just that by evening my body has been exhausted and just shuts down. The cold isn't as bad ow I've put a bit of weight on.

I get runner's raynauds too, exactly the same fingers going white and numb. Well, I did when I was running lots but I've not done any for ages. I struggle with it in my toes sometimes though, and cramp in my feet and calf muscles.

I don't run but I get the waxy looking fingers and with dizziness and feeling sort off. I think it's linked to not eating enough. Seems to happen mostly when I'm losing weight.

How's everyone doing? A relatively sane day for me. Have been very productive. It's crazy how the scales determine how good a day it is!

Hi @DuckingMel
My industry is crazy in the run up to Xmas so I've had to work today. I was working right up to midnight last night. Knackered now.

If the scales have gone in the right direction it gives me a boost for the day. Never told anyone that before!

Things could be better this end.

If the scales go down I'm thinking 'this really isn't good, I need to deal with this and turn this around' but it puts me on a high for the day at the same time. Constant ambivalence.

I'm doing good I think. Aiming to gain 3 pounds to get back up to a bmi of 18. Ate half an individual Christmas pudding with 75ml of double cream today and plan on eating the other half tomorrow. Walked 5 miles but would have done that anyway.

I’ve struggled almost a year now, with severely limiting my food and drink to somewhere between 300-800 calories, average being 600-700 for most of the time. For a whole year.
I know exactly when it started, and I know I was both angry at myself and wanted perceived control. Restricting my food gave me that; but it also gave me something else I wasn't expecting: it numbed me, so I felt less and felt more distances from everyone and everything and life itself. For a while they felt good, but then I had some help with psychotherapy and to began to few better about my past, and how my past impacts me today, and I began to lose the need to starve myself, but wanted to be kinder to myself instead.

But now I'm left with feeling some kind of crazy rising panic if the scales show I'm gaining weight. I don't want to starve myself anymore but I also don't want to gain weight. I know! It makes no sense! But it's just how it is. And apart from the fact I’ve just bought a bunch of clothes to fit me (size 8 but probably should be size 6 for some clothes) and I don't want to go back to being size 10 and waste all my money spent on new clothes!

I think I did need to lose a few pounds a year ago but not as many as I have. I’ve always stayed in the normal BMI (just - sometimes I'd be underweight first thing and back in normal by then end of the day), but I was teetering on the top end and now I'm teetering on the bottom end, which is quite a good few kg difference. And I like feeling smaller and less self conscious, I didn't realise how much feeling the love handles got me down, but I think there's more to it than that. I just don't know whether it's still an issue of feeling better about building up my self esteem or just now a matter of bad habits being hard to break? I guess it's something I should ask my psychotherapist but I'm worried they'll say I need to get myself into the system and I know I'd be laughed out of down because I'm BMI 18, which is it's about normal for me. Oh, and, I haven't lost any more weight for the past 3 months. But like I said, I fear putting any on.

I wonder if anyone else has every felt the same way about this? I know it can really set the tone to the day to weigh myself and either see weight gain or weight loss, and the ironic thing is, if I lose weight I feel I can afford to eat (or drink) more that day, but if I gained weight, I feel I have to cut down again to keep it all stable.

I never use exercise or laxatives though. It's all about purely controlling what's going in my mouth.

I think I feel similarly @Scales2020. I was at a bmi of 24 two or so years ago and I wasn't happy. I lost weight then was maintaining at bmi 18 last summer. I was doing the same, just eating to keep my weight at a certain number. It started to slip though, and then I was 'maintaining' at a lower number and not wanting to gain weight up to the previous one, until I got down to bmi 16 last winter.

When my period stopped I decided I had to do something, and got back up to bmi 18, which is where I'm aiming for now. I know that's still too light, but I feel healthy, strong and confident at that weight.

Thanks for the cuppa, @thesootherfairyhesootherfairy . I hope you have a better day, today

I am big boned, muscly and not very hardy, so lost my periods at a BMI of around 20. I'm now around 10 kg bigger. I'm trying to remember that I'm now at a healthy weight and shouldn't try to restrict very much, but it's hard when even the NHS BMI calculator tells you to mind your weight at this weight. Do they not realise that it's not helpful? I mean, is it? To anyone?

The evidence came out today about Boris's appeal for the nation to slim because of Covid. It basically said that nothing had changed. Just telling people to lose weight won't do a jot of difference. Unless you are already eating disordered, in which case this kind of "intervention" will only make them restrict more or binge while trying to restrict more.

When I was bigger, I hardly binged. Now that I'm maintaining my weight artificially low (below my set point of BMi 25), I binge and purge several times a day. Oh the joys!

Sorry for typos and pronoun confusion, there. I appeal to my excuses of being quite fervent about this, and a foreigner, to boot.

Do they not realise that it's not helpful? I mean, is it? To anyone?
I don't think so really. I do use it to talk about weight because it takes height out of the equation. It's an extremely blunt instrument when determining what is healthy though. I don't lose muscle easily but I have a small build and don't think I am healthy at a bmi of 23 or higher. A healthy weight for others may be at the higher end or just into the overweight range.

Yes, BMI has its blunt uses (like in to this thread) - I was more referring to telling people to lose weight or "keep an eye on [their] weight", like in the paragraph my BMI yields on the NHS website ("You are in the healthy weight range, but at the higher end. Keep an eye on your weight and try to stay in the healthy range."). Just telling people to lose weight is not helpful, even with the threat of a more likely death of Covid, as seen with Boris' plea to the nation. Environmental supports need to be in place (also, some obese people cannot lose weight without bariatric surgery. This should be more readily available for those who need and want it).

I guess I'm just annoyed that I'm still told to keep an eye on my weight, when that's all that I do. All. All day. Every day.

I do find it useful because it tells me that I am underweight and should gain weight even though I feel physically fine. My periods didn't stop until I was under a bmi of 16.5, I have low-normal blood pressure but rarely get the drop when I stand up, my bloods are normal. I completely understand how it wouldn't be helpful for a person who is underweight (for their body) at a bmi of 20 and healthy at the upper end though.

What environmental supports do you think we need?

I read this recently and found it helpful.sites.google.com/view/the-no-nonsense-guide/

Environmental supports for overweight people could include cheaper fresh food, affordable or free gym and swimming passes, optional affordable or free counselling/therapy, better cycling route network, financial incentives related to carbon reduced commuting (cheaper electric bikes), etc.

For those with eating disorders, there should be affordable or free (according to income) counselling/therapy. I'm at loss to think of more, apart from a healthier conversation of how a range of weights can be ok and how each person has their own healthy weight. So, less generic statements.

And thanks for the link - I'll have a look right now.

Environmental supports for overweight people could include cheaper fresh food, affordable or free gym and swimming passes, optional affordable or free counselling/therapy, better cycling route network, financial incentives related to carbon reduced commuting (cheaper electric bikes), etc.
I think this would improve everyone's health, not just overweight people. It would be a real investment and save the cost of trying to fix problems later.