Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

Waves a very nervous hello...
Just starting step 2 of the bible and feel like I need some extra support and to know that there are others out there battling too. Especially as it's the school holidays which sends my anxiety and overwhelmed feelings in to hyper drive!
Thank you xx

Hi Octopus. I've just started step 2 today, too. I've never actually tried this approach before. Whenever I've tried to enforce regular mealtimes in the past, it's been linked with trying to have long breaks inbetween meals and restricting. Now I'm aiming to have a meal or a snack every three hours.

Good luck to us!

D day for me today. Totally fed up with feeling controlled by this.

Planning on deleting all apps connected to weight tracking/loss and listening to my body.

I love running and want to run for the pleasure of it not for calories and generally just enjoy life without all this shit.

Good luck to you Octopus and Bursars. We can do this!

Um. Hello too! I'm here lurking, but not ready to talk/chat/join in just yet. I am taking courage from everyone though. I promise I will be back!

Hello Octopus, and welcome! You'll definitely find kindred spirits here; we might be at different stages of recovery, but will all have been through very similar experiences.

I'm slightly anxious about the holidays too. I tend to do well with structure, generally and with meals too. The less choice the better, as far as I'm concerned.

I also have a huge amount of work on at the moment (hopefully only for the next week or so, then it should calm down a bit), so I have sleep deprivation to contend with too.

Newyear I'm loving your positivity! That's a great idea to deprioritise weight loss for now - if your focus can just be on eating regular, nutritious meals and snacks, the rest will fall into place naturally. And definitely keep up the running - are you an ultra-marathoner type?!

Tiny wave to Chance - looking forward to hearing from you when you're ready...

Hi Bursars, newyearnewbrain, ironmaggie and chance - sorry no idea how to tag!!
Thank you it's great to hear from you all and in such a positive way. Think I got my snacks missed timed today and might have to load them more to the afternoon as kids climbing the walls and me feeling peckish around 4 led me astray but to be fair not as far as normal !!
Chance - well done for being grave enough to dip your toe in. Come join us when you are ready xx

Maggie not at all! I've done a couple of half marathons but that's as far as I'd want to go. It's difficult to fit training in around life.

I've noticed if I don't do regular exercise my brain really works against me. Even a walk is good. Do you notice that?

Chance good to know you're here. Come and chat when you're ready. No pressure.

Sounds very positive to remove all dieting stuff Newyear. I wish I could say I love running. I started Couch 2 10K earlier this year, and managed it for a couple of months, but can't say I ever enjoyed it at all. I keep thinking I need to get back into it, but just don't have the enthusiasm.

Welcome Chance whenever you feel able to join in.

I'm doing OK. Definitely very focused on food and thinking about it a lot, but I think that's inevitable (for me at least) when making any changes. It's interesting for me to feel/hear how my different inner parts are taking differently to enforced mealtimes. (I've got dissociation issues.) Child parts seem to like having the structure and being told when to do what, in a way, whereas some teenager feel quite rebellious about it. One part that I associate with depression and binging a lot is feeling quite down - as if she's being punished. Whereas yet another part is full of energy and optimism about it all.

Maggie, that is such a sad image re you sitting on the beach not joining in. I think it reminds us how cruel this illness is.

Are you feeling more positive for this summer, if it includes a beach/pool?

Is there a half-way house? Some sort of kimino/dress/shorts for when you are not actually in the pool?

I know last year I decided to just wear my stretchy harem trousers when I went to get drinks/walk around. I knew I'd probably be the only person doing it, but I knew it would help me feel comfortable. It also meant I didn't need to buy additional 'poolside' clothes.

There is a thread on Style & Beauty about bikinis. I admire the ladies on there who as well as embracing a bikini, even talk about looking 'sexy'. That idea is so foreign to me. I once wore bikinis on holiday when I was smaller, on one holiday. I am not keen on them for DD (3) either. Obv I need to get over it!

Away with v limited wifi, will be back to pick up other posts. Hope you all had a good Wed.

4G! Bursar that is really insightful how the different parts of you react to food etc.

Can you run with someone, if you want to run? I find I am more disciplined if someone else is relying on me. I know it lifts my mood too. But it can be a struggle getting out.

Bursar that's so interesting. Many, we'll all, of my food issues stem from early childhood. My counsellor talked about how, even at my great age, I still react to food like I did as a child.

I felt very sorry for myself after that but it was true. I hope you can use the information to make progress.

Cancelled all the various weight loss memberships and got rid of MFP. Feel a little wobbly and out of control but managing. Weighing in has increased but one step at a time.

Well done New. A big step. You might feel loss of control, but you are also loosing some unhelpful stuff too. Are you writing stuff down? Would that help?

Interesting about the child issue. I am away with DM & DF. They really load my DS' plate with food. I wonder if they did that with me too. I don't call conversations about my weight (was podgy child) but I do remember being hungry with my packed lunch and eating somebody else's.

Octapus well done on trying the 3 + 3. I still find it difficult to justify sometimes, but I focus on how I will feel if I don't eat. I know recognise 'a feeling' I get if I have left it too late. It is a sort of clutching feeling in my chest.

I do sometimes have an additional snack if the gap between meals is v long. My take on Fairburn is that 3+3 is his basic 'model' but we all need to adapt it to our lives. I like his comments that ppl with disordered eating cannot rely on hunger ques. I still find the idea of intuitive eating scary!

And welcome Chance hope to see you when you ready.

Good to see a UK paper featuring an article on BED and in detail. Often it is glossed over.

metro.co.uk/2016/07/28/binge-eating-disorder-what-is-it-and-where-can-you-get-help-6031089/

Hello again. I've been a bit on and off recently. But after a proper talk with my partner, we've decided to focus on being a little healthier. Rather than buying lots of food that wouldn't really satisfy, we went out and got some lovely fresh products and I've made an effort to eat three meals and three snacks. It is only one day but I also managed to work out for the first time in ages. I've not felt okay enough to bother for a long time. Depression kicked me hard with working shifts and being tired. I used food for energy and to make me feel better but of course I was using foods that made me feel worse long term. One step at a time but I'm feeling supported and positive today.

Margot I'm not sure; I obsess so much that I wonder if I'd be swapping one obsessive behaviour for another. Today has been ok. We don't have much food in at the moment and that made me panic a bit but I went for a run and felt a bit more level headed.

Fairy, hi. Good that you're talking. Is DP up to speed with your situation?

newyear yes, I told him after coming across this thread. I've struggled for a long time and I didn't know how to explain it. This has helped enormously. He doesn't know what it's like to experience BED but he's being supportive and is trying to help me by keeping to what I am trying to. He's one of these people who can eat whatever whenever and never has to work for it so it's a bit less important for him to be eating as regularly or exercising to feel better but he's doing it for me so I can't complain

New ok. Only do what will help. I think there is a theme with 'us' of doing what others say/ignoring our instincts, so trust yours.

Morning everyone.

Thank you for the article Margo, it's very nice to see one out. I don't know about running with anyone else. The couple of local friends are not really sporty! I'm most comfortable exercising on my own at home really, sadly.

Newyear well done getting rid of all the diet stuff. I'm the same in that I think my issues with food come from childhood. In fact I think my mum has eating issues of her own. She was very very slim when I was a child and prided herself in us never having treats, and I just grew up knowing that eating "too much" was bad etc. She still has lots of issues with it, and my parents always comment on my weight... Still, it rings true to me that while I didn't ask for these problems, it's only upto me to fix them for myself.

Fairy talking with your DP and you both aiming to be more healthy sounds really positive.

I've been having a bad few days with my mental health, and it's affected my eating, too. After a very difficult night and struggling in the morning I did give myself a permission to have a binge! It didn't feel compulsive, and I didn't end up eating as much as I usually would. That must be good, right? I'm back to my mealtimes now and recording what I eat, while trying not to count calories in my head.

Bursar yes I think it's been helpful. My friends came over yesterday for takeaway and cocktails and I ate till I was comfortable but not too full and we didn't drink excessively either. We've also booked a holiday in Spain in November so that's something to look forward to so overall that was a positive.

Definitely good that you didn't eat as much as usual. I do find if you allow yourself permission as such it does tend to work that way. I'd likely eat more if I was feeling really really guilty about it.

I think any reduction in binging behaviour is good. From my own experience I think reduction is a path to recovery. I think "lightbulb moment and then I stopped" are probably how the media like to portray recovery....

Please see this as a step forward Bursar.

A holiday sounds great to look forward to Fairy.

A small step forward here. A friend invited me inpromptu to the theatre. I had concerns about fitting into the seat, the fact I wasn't fake tanned enough etc. I went and enjoyed. I think sometimes it is easier to do the thing that doesn't challenge you but actually that just fuels the cycle...

Hi everyone. I'm feeling more positive than I did this time last week, and that's because you were all super welcoming to me. I felt strengthened that you are all rooting for me, and in turn had an alright week. Thank you!

Here is me - stay at home mum to a primary school age DC, preschool age DC and a 1 year old DC. I have my hands full and definitely think my eating habits are a stress/coping mechanism, just not a helpful one.

Hello chance great you had a good week.

How do you feel about the school hols? I find them a faff (as working & we use a day camp for DS which means a different routine) but I wonder how they are for SAHPs. I can imagine I'd find it good in lots of ways but also stressful.

I read this heartening article myth busting about 'fat people being doomed'. www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1126694/fat-acceptance-health

We went on a 6 mile (!!!) bike ride today as a family. It was too much considering we haven't been out for a while. I was a bit anxious about the fact I got off and walked a bit. I felt like I should model determination for DS. But actually I am just not one of those people that can 'dig deep' and find more motivation and actually that is ok.

Hope you all had a good weekend?

Hello Chance, good to hear from you. Well done for sharing - taking that first step of acknowledging that it's an issue is a big big deal. You certainly do have a lot on your plate - have you noticed that there are any particular situations, or times that usually lead to binge urges?

Margo I think I'd struggle with a 6 mile bike ride too - I haven't ridden a bike for years, since we moved to the bottom of quite a steep hill! I don't see a problem with DCs seeing you recognise your limitations, and managing various priorities - mine know there are certain things that mummy just doesn't do!

Fairy, glad to hear you're looking forward to your holiday - is that with the same group of friends, or with family? November is a great time to go - weather's still great, but not too busy.

Bursars I think exercising at home is not a bad thing - I have a few YouTube videos I do when I can't get out, but running outdoors is good too, if you've got the weather for it?

I think you've got the right idea about 'permission' - anything that takes away this sense of guilt about eating is a step in the right direction. We need food for nourishment (and sometimes comfort), no matter what weight we're at.

Would you be able to tell your parents that their comments about your weight aren't welcome? In an appropriate way, of course? My DF is extremely weight conscious, and often makes disparaging comments about people who he feels aren't at the 'right' weight (could be too high or too low). I've asked him to stop doing it enough times that he knows that it makes me feel uncomfortable. My mother on the other hand although slim, still comments on her weight after every single meal. I don't have the best relationship with her so have to tread carefully, but find it very draining.

New how was your weekend with no calorie counting? Do you feel like you'll get to the point where you can weigh in less often?

Weekend was good over here - an active one, and with a good amount of sleep too, which is always nice. I've had a few big events to focus on for the last couple of weeks and have been binge-free. I'd love for that to continue, it's such a feeling of freedom.