Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Thanks sleep - lots to think about.

We pretty much always eat porridge (wouldn't buy the kids cereal and they either have porridge or toast). Occasionally husband does egg on toast... or croissants on a birthday. Happy to experiment though.

Thanks for all your positivity :)

Sleep - I was going by one of the healthy eating leaflets on "portion sizes" as I knew my gauge was obviously faulty.

I think I was still hungry. BUt then most of the time I think that or I wouldnt be so big. I'll write down what you've said and try to think through next time.

Today went well, it really helped having told you what I was planning to eat as it made me want to stick to it more. I did have another ribena and some appletiser to drink so my day wasn't as healthy as it could have been, but still a lot better than it has been. Just about to plan tomorrow's food, I think it'll be the same as today except will have breaded turkey steaks with potatoes and sweetcorn and peas for dinner, then Greek yogurt with lemon curd for dessert.

My issue is that I keep thinking about cake, chocolate, sweets, pastries etc. The thoughts get so vivid, I then give in when I'm passing a shop that sells them. Hopefully won't be tempted tomorrow. One day at a time.

Hope you have something nice goodasitgets. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Recovering I was being a little facetious . My aim with food is to get to a point where we trust our hunger and our bodies to tell us how much to eat, but I totally understand that we can get to a point where we aren't sure what a 'normal' portion of food is . There is certainly nothing wrong with eating when you are hungry!

violet - this process isn't about denying yourself things. If you feel you want cake, have it - think about which one you really want, buy it and take it home - then I would ask that you really take the time to enjoy it and feel what it does for you - sit down, anticipate it, smell it, enjoy the texture and taste, don't have distractions, make an occasion out of it! Also observe how you feel afterwards. Much better to do this and get maximum enjoyment out of it, making it ok than denying and denying yourself then end up cracking and demolishing several cakes in one go, without tasting or enjoying and also savouring a big helping of guilt and a sense of failure as a side dish .

goodas are you still feeling awful? Hope you are taking it easy - please eat some good things to help you get better

Yup. Had 4 nebs now in 2 days. Just not hungry at all. I had some cereal with FF milk, and some innocent smoothie (one with flax and stuff in it) and two pieces of pizza
No food in, not well enough to shop and no interest in food
Am drinking lots though (water, tea)

Thanks for your support here and I will keep coming back and will be happy to answer any questions about OA or my counselling, which I am just so happy to be able to re-start.

I have just started a thread for anyone who is also doing Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and if anyone is interested and wants to pop in and say hi, please do. It is called

Overeaters Anonymous - anyone anonymously out there want to share?!

and is at

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/2226309-Overeaters-Anonymous-anyone-anonymously-out-there-want-to-share?msgid=50499011#50499011

I just felt it was a good way to start a specific thread without de-railing any others and I will keep checking on here too.

Good luck to all.

Hi everyone,
Thanks for the welcome. I started writing a post yesterday evening but got a text halfway through from a friend saying she was in labour, so I got sidetracked running round with my tens machine! Maybe I should have given it to her earlier bit I was trying not to be pushy!

I have eaten better these last couple of days. I related to the things some of you were saying about grazing/snacking (I had written your names yesterday but on my phone and can't see them sorry). That's what I do, I snack a lot. In answer to some of your questions sleep, I love Mars bars! I usually overeat chocolate, crisps and cake, things that I enjoy, but I often enjoy them less while eating them than I will imagine I will. I have eaten a lot of Mars bars lately because they have been 4 for £1, I tend to buy food that is on offer, maybe because I can then justify buying that much. My view of normal has always been scewed (1 or 2 big bars of chocolate and maybe a bog bag of crisps in a day), but lately I keep pretending to myself I am buying for a few days so I can avoid the shops while living on a tighter budget, but then eat everything sweet that day. In general I am very happy at the moment, I'm loving being a parent. I eat when I am unhappy, but also while I am happy, and definitely when I am tired.

The last few days I have eaten less, but still I overeaten. I have a friend staying today for a week, and find that usually keeps my eating in check. I'm hoping she will do lots of healthy cooking for us too as she often likes to when she visits!

Its really nice reading other people's thoughts on here, it definitely helps with my thought processes around food. I hope you are feeling better today goodas

I know what you mean about not denying myself the cake sleep, but it doesn't feel that simple. For example I would love to go out and buy a box of French Fancies tomorrow. Theoretically I could go back home and only eat one and leave the rest for other days. But in reality I'm likely to buy the box, eat one of them slowly and mindfully as you suggest, then scoff my way through the rest of the box in one sitting.

Today was pretty good, I cut down on the ribena but had a hot chocolate with marshmallows and some chocolate flapjacks which weren't on my planned foods list.

Tomorrow is a tricky day as I'm out for dinner. I plan to have: breakfast same as usual; lunch pasta with bacon and tomato sauce and a raspberry jelly for dessert; grapes and a Graze box to snack on; and maybe a no-bread burrito for dinner from a Mexican place. And a slice of cake for dessert. Fingers crossed I can be sensible with that...

I enjoyed today - the eating disorder monster certainly speaks less quietly when life is feeling good and connected.

I'd like to feel more positive about food - find some things I want to cook and enjoy cooking them and eating them.

Hi everyone. It's nice to see positive posts, it lifts my day reading them.

It's only early days but I've found a few breakfasts to add into my day (normally I'd skip it or eat a D.F. yogurt in a rush). So I have a choice of porridge, scrambled eggs and toast or museli with fruit and seeds.

The cold weather often makes me feel like eating lots of comfort food. Although I was eating a lot of take away (for convenience) I prefer home made soup and traditional home cooked dinners. I think I will try the soup carrie shared.

Snacks are a bit harder. I find getting motivated to spend time creating these hard. Protein balls sound like a plan though. Might see if I have enough ingredients to make some now while thinking about it...It's the fisrt time I have ever looked at my eating and felt excited about changing it, instead of pressure and self loathing.

I hope you all have a great day.x

Fighting I'm so pleased you are feeling so positive and looking at food in a different way .

violet - I know you are going to OA and I suspect the approach there is that you must not eat certain foods ever - if so then that is going to clash with the way Fighting is tackling BED (with the help of the book, Say Goodbye to Overeating) and the way I work with clients - ie removing the idea of restriction which we believe is what contributes significantly to overeating. I don't know if you'd prefer me to butt out of commenting/giving input so you can just chat here about what you are doing, without me confusing things for you , obviously that's fine, just let me know - or if you want to know my thoughts then of course that's fine too !

Recovering - great that you are feeling positive too. If you tell us what kind of food you like to eat perhaps I/we could suggest some easy recipes?

dragon - perhaps these next few days, when you do eat, just focus on slowing down and really tasting whatever it is and assessing how much you are really enjoying it and how it makes you feel before, during and also afterwards in terms of digestion, energy levels, whether you have any headaches or irritability.

The trouble is that when we are really tired we tend to crave sugar because that is what will boost our energy fastest, its a natural reaction, but when we respond to the craving and use sugar to keep going, you will get big rises and dips in blood sugar and it drives you to crave more and more - does that make sense? If you could try and make sure you have plenty of good fat and protein in the morning, say eggs on wholegrain toast for breakfast, a snack of banana spread with nut butter, maybe some smoked salmon and avocado or a hearty soup with some protein and low GI carbs for lunch and see how that affects your energy levels and cravings for the chocolate . Note - I'm not saying no chocolate, just maybe try and hold off til the afternoon in favour of other stuff, as an experiment .

Thanks sleep.

I made some protein balls. It was a case of grabbing what I had in and hoping for the best. They taste nice but look a little like they have been thrown about. I put a small amount of dark chilli chocolate on top for a kick. I think they will work well next time, when I actually follow the whole recipe.

They sound great - and never look pretty . Did you get the Slow Down book? It will definitely fit with your new approach of nourishment, positivity and enjoyment

Hey sleep, thanks for the message, I haven't started OA yet and I hope it's not about eliminating certain foods because that is not gonna work for me! Thought it was a more psychological approach. Anyway, would be glad to have your input if you're willing to give it.

Had a bad few days. Am on and it is hurting and heavy this month (TMI sorry!). I ended up in hysterical tears yesterday walking to collect DD in the rain, goodness knows what the nursery ladies thought!

Did talk to DH which helped a bit. Have booked an appt with the Dr. Am going to try the pill again. It definitely helped stabilize my hormones/moods last time and I managed to lose some weight.

Think the trigger was general work stress (still ) and I saw some friends the other evening. They started talking about an overweight child of a one of their friend's. And they sort of trailed off when they looked over at me. So my mind starts racing: 'Do they think my DS is overweight and I cannot see it?', 'Do they think I don't know I am fat?', 'Do they think I am a terrible person for being overweight in front of my DS?'.

I thought back to this thread and the idea of not being able to talk about our eating disorder. I just wanted to shout at them (in my mind, wouldn't have shouted or even told them!) 'I have an eating disorder'....but I didn't.

I guess they were trying to be polite/kind but I felt like I'd be punched in the stomach.

And to top it all off I then got on the scales in the middle of the afternoon, fully clothed & mid period. It was almost like I was punishing myself for the binging.

Deep breath.......tomorrow will be a better day I hope.

Hope you are all ok.

Oh Mrs . You know we feel everything so much more intensely when its that time of the month. In some cultures historically women stayed indoors, it was considered a sacred time when we were at our most intuitive, it was honoured. Today we treat it as something to dread and endure, when perhaps if we listened to our instinctive need to turn inwards and take care of ourselves more than we do at any other time of the month, I think we would suffer a lot less. More than any other time I think we should slow down, tune in to what our bodies and emotions are saying.

You have identified yourself that you have a tendency to block emotions - when the emotions are more intense because of your period, it makes sense that you feel that difficult 'clash'...perhaps what led you to the scales as a focus/distraction from it all?

What would it be like if you took a bit of time out - went to bed for an hour or two, to rest and feel whatever it is you are feeling, cry, shout, write letters you will never send, whatever you need to do and then afterwards eat whatever you feel like eating? I often feel an unbelievable tiredness for a day or so and I try and get a nap in where I can, also take myself off for coffee and cake - a little celebration for one .

Although your feeling crap Margo have you noticed.....you have already spoken to DH and you're sharing with us, identifying the problem and looking for a solution. You have worked really hard and it's showing. The hormones will bugger off soon but until then I agree with Sleep, take care of you.x

Sorry to hear about your friends' actions Margo, gossiping like that is horrible and they should feel ashamed of themselves. You should have nothing to feel ashamed of, you're strong and seeking help for the eating disorder so everyone who is negative can just piss off.

Eating wise today was OK, mainly stuck to the plan except had a hot chocolate with marshmallows in the afternoon and a Danish pastry instead of a slice of cake. Didn't have the graze box though.

Tomorrow it's muesli & fruit for brekkie, poached eggs, tomatoes, beans and toast for lunch with jelly for dessert, grapes as a snack, and will factor in a hot choc since it's so cold at the mo and it makes me feel all warm and cosy. Dinner is a tricky one, tend to overeat at my parents'. Will stick to one helping rather than the usual seconds/thirds. Fingers crossed I can do it!

Buffet party at a friends tonight - overate tons. I seem to find it hard to not compulsively eat when its there.

I know I didn't always have access to food as a kid which may trigger it but don't know why I cant control it now.

I was emotionally struggling socially (feeling like I've failed in life a bit amongst successful people) which didn't help.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh. Yesterday was so good too.

I've had a night without going to out of hours for a nebuliser - yay!!
Feeling slightly better, still drained but getting there
Tesco order in, have ordered my new favourite which is ready cooked grains, I have them with feta and roasted veg. Also got berries for breakfasts, eggs, salad bits so stocked up

margo hope you are feeling better today. As fighting says you are doing really well.

This thread moving so quickly now it is hard to keep up with everyone! Nice to see some new people on here.

I have more news. I start my new job on Monday! I worked my last shift yesterday but didn't find out until yesterday it was my last shift. I had to do the final bit of the process yesterday - hearing and drug test and the vetting stuff came back too so I went back to work and told them it was my last day. It feels really weird. Got my new uniform too, the tops are much more clingy so will struggle with that but it will be ok when the weight comes off which I think it is slowly starting to do.

I am really hoping that I won't binge at work in my new job. I am sure I won't as I won't be working alone like I have been so I will find it easier.

I have noticed that when I eat out if I am full up I stop eating - I used to eat constantly if I was on a day off the diet to make the most of it but I no longer feel the need for it.

Off for a boozy goodbye lunch today with a friend who is being made redundant from my old job and is moving away so will enjoy that.

Hope everyone else has a good day.

I pressed the wrong button on the app - didn't mean to cross out the names! It's too early!!!