Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

newme you won't be painting this week with DP away? When he is back one of you can take the kids out, the other paints? That is what we tend to do. Sounds a bit stressful otherwise?

We had a yellow hall in our last house and it was lovely.

What about one room at a time. Try Pinterest for room ideas.

Re Fairburn. I am enjoying the idea that it is part of the programme to eat rather than approaching all food with a "I shouldn't really be eating" mindset.

I don't think baking is an issue. It is a shared experience with the DC and cooking is a life skill etc. I am sure those without "our" food issues happily bake. It is what we do with it after that differs.

I was really berating myself earlier for not responding to an email, so I was chased. I think I want to be the perfect organiser. But spoke to DH who helped me put it into context.

Thanks for all the links italian will try to have a listen. I like that Miley track.

Hoping you are all having a good w/end.

X cross on Pinterest suggestion!

There are lots of Mntter that swear by cooking double of batches and freezing. If you struggle with dinner maybe try that?

We have cut out having cakes and sweets in the week. DS (6) only seems to notice them when they are there...for now. It is so difficult. Esp with the news full of childhoo obesisty (sp) in the news all the time.

Hi Iron - i'm thinking I might need to not have crisps in teh house at all. They do seem to be my downfall if I'm doing the "just look in teh cupboard for instant food" thing.

I am absolutely NOT painting while he is away! I'm kind of in a "want to do it all now" mode while I'm motivated but I have a small one around most of the time and I'm already panickig that I'm going to be exhausted this week (she doesnt sleep)

I am so with you abotu wanting to be the perfect organiser (parent/wife/etc ;)) It's good to recognise it and let it go isnt it as it constantly sets me up for disappointment and failure!

Will read a bit more fairburn tonight. I've had a porridge breakfast and chicken veg curry and rice lunch and feel good/full. Will try and eat an aftenoon snack/tea/late snack. It feels counterintuative to intentionally snack but I guess it resets things while we're not in tune with hunger signals.

One tip I can offer is to definitely buy one coat wood paint! I spent what felt like half a life priming and then painting coat after coat. I nearly cried when I found the one coat stuff.

Margo I'm another one that shares the organisation thing. its so hard to change that approach so glad DH has helped. Like you I am a visual person too.x

I also was going to recommend a service called unroll.me - you can ask it to collect up all the marketing emails you get into a single daily version (or unsubscribe for you) - it's so much less distracting once you get the hang of it. Now, the only emails I get during the day are from real people.

Today I've been for a long-ish run (in the snow for a bit) and run some errands. Will probably stay in for the rest of the day as I have lots of decluttering still to do - kitchen next! On some days I'd be worried that might cause a binge, but I think I'll be ok today. I'll report back though.

Ooh unroll.me sounds great maggie, thanks for the tip. I think half the issue is the constant pinging on my phone all day.

Do you put any grips on your shoes for rough weather? Well done for going in the snow.

newme that is good to know you aren't painting without DH! Once paint sounds like a solution too fighting.

Good luck with the book. I haven't managed to print out the reflection form yet but will tonight.

I washed nets and windows today. Just the one room but it felt good, I told myself 1 was good enough so felt pleased with what I'd done.

Hello I'm new and have just decided I can't be in denial any longer. I've started the fairburn book and will work through the second part but wondered if anyone could recommend any other cbt resources? Either books or something online? If I go to my gp I'm not sure I'd be referred as am not overweight so perhaps better to try and deal with it myself. Thank you. Just come to the end of a particularly bad binge day and feel quite ill and hate this feeling and the feeling when I wake up the next day and remember that I ate so much. It never makes sense in the morning. Any help or signposting appreciated.

Welcome 2much . I would say it is always worth speaking to your GP. If you look at various eating disorders many of them present at various weights. (anorexia is one of the exception).

You sound ready to make some changes and that is a big part of the battle, wanting to change things. How are you finding Fairburn's book? sleep and perhaps others on the thread can direct you to more CBT sources.x

I think the book is really good. I like the pragmatic unemotional approach. For so long I've been trying to eat "as my body wants" but my mind is very good at tricking my body and I'm happy that it says to just plan meals regularly until I learn better. My mind is already trying to trick me into skipping lunch or supper today so I'm trying to ignore it!

How is everyone else today?

I'm glad that you're finding helpful. It will take time but your doing well already. Just remember to count and recap every success and keep focus on other stuff to a minimum.x

2much welcome. I find myself struggling to eat all the meals & snacks too re Fairburn! Never had that prob before!

Okish fighting have coldy thing so been in bed a lot. So poor DH has had to deal with the DC on his own. Got up now.

Tried to make cake pops with DS yesterday. They were a disaster!! They taste like cookie dough and the chocolate didn't cling to them. They tasted ok, but nothing like I guess they should! He didn't seem too concerned!

How was everyone else's weekend?

Not sure why I bolded struggling!

Welcome 2much - sounds like you're making a good start already. I've just bought the Fairburn book as well so will read it over the course of this week.

My weekend has been mixed - food wise it was terrible, as I effectively overate solidly from Friday night until lunch time today. There was definitely some of my usual 'you've started so you might as well continue until it's all gone' reasoning. But I also caught up with a newish but good friend who reminded me, although we didn't talk about my eating at all, that there's lots more to life than my BED, even though it feels like it occupies 97% of my brain power sometimes!

Sleep I've been thinking about your questions - about whether my eating is caused by a physical addiction or emotional urges. When I overeat, it's nothing to do with physical hunger - if I'm honest I'm very rarely hungry, because I don't allow myself to be. I realise it sounds absolutely terrible, but I'm not convinced I know what hunger actually feels like (which is linked to the anger I feel about having this problem in the first place, if that makes any sense). Practically, I don't know if that means I should be giving my body the opportunity to get hungry, or the opposite.

And thinking about what a 'good' food day looks like, I don't really have any strict criteria, other than not bingeing. When I was at my heaviest, post DC2 I think I tried low-carbing for a bit, but never lasted more than a couple of days. Nutritionally I don't have any rules I follow or foods that are banned, other than I generally try not to eat a lot of refined sugar, and I might aim towards a higher protein % than most - I do a lot of quite high-intensity exercise so it's something I'm mindful of. Bread is probably the one thing I would say I try to eat less of.

But I'm lucky that I like all fruits and vegetables. My work canteen has a really good salad bar and does good soups so I tend to have pretty much the same lunch every weekday - boring, but yummy. Looking through my food diaries (when I've kept them), I'd say I tend to binge on sweet foods, so maybe that means I should work more into my day. It would feel strange doing that though. Actually I think I'll delay making any plans until I've read the book, as clearly my random experiments are getting me nowhere so far!

Margo, sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well, there's definitely something going round at the moment. Well done for doing heavy duty housework though - my windows are desperately in need of a clean, but that's way down my list. We managed to halfway declutter the kitchen and even though it doesn't really look any different, it feels good to know that things are slightly more in order. Still have lots to do though.

NewMe how's the house looking - have you made any decisions on colours yet? Interested to hear how it turns out!

Much more contented recently
9lbs down, no binges and eating following my plan exactly. Knee is nearly healed after more ultrasound and acupuncture so I can get back to the gym shortly
It's been interesting seeing how I feel etc and what I crave

good I'm pleased that things are going so well for you - not long now till you're back in the gym too! Are you weighing yourself every day at the moment?

Maggie, I will start reading the book again this week, so I am refreshing myself and also 'on the same page' (so to speak) as those of you following it.

It sounds wonderful that you had time out with a friend. Those times are so precious to have. It is great that you felt reminded of other things. Do you think you could add meet ups more frequently into the diary? Also putting in any other activities to help occupy your mind with positive things?

I hope the book does help you. I found it brilliant and ideal for me. I understand it may not work for everyone but it sounds like it may for you.

Eating wise, the book will help with letting go of times, like your weekend, where you can't stop eating. A year ago I binged every day and punished myself equally. This weekend I ate very much like you did. I felt the need for binging all last week and decided on Friday rather than fight it (sleep you were the voice of reason in my head) I went with it. I gave myself permission to eat what ever I wanted and as much as I wanted while I needed it. I ate until I felt uncomfortable, had lots of cakes and sweets, McDonald's and did a shop for munchies. I also decided that no matter what I wouldn't let the self loathing come in. This was my time to relax and let go.

It has worked the binge lasted Friday-Sunday which is great. Previously while trying to keep tight control and not binging with permission, rather rebellion and giving up, it could last weeks or months.

Today I ate out choosing soup instead of other items. The cake I bought went uneaten and I actually cooked for the first time in over a week. We had a relatively healthy dinner and my craving for sweets has gone.

When I first 'met' sleep she had mentioned sometimes this was ok to do (perhaps not meaning that length of time, I just needed it). It worried the hell out of me and I couldn't imagine letting go. A year on I can see what she was saying wasn't so scary. It took all the energy out of ED controlling me. By learning to trust myself and allowing my idea of 'perfection' to be loosened, I have managed to stay in control far more than before. I so hope that you and everyone else knows you have it within you to get to this stage too, just give it time. I believe in all of you.x

I was then I realised I was doing it if that makes sense! So I've backed off now

Margo how are you feeling now? Better hopefully. Hard enough being ill when DH can take DC but minday rolling round is always a bit worse.

I had the dame issue as you mentioned with eating all the snacks. It seems odd doesn't it, that we can binge and yet findthat part hard. Its all progress though. I found a brilliant quote that I think may help us all to keep going.x

'Failure is success in progress'

Oh dear, I forgot to proof read, sorry.x

Wow, so much to catch up with! I have lots to say and I'm feeling frustrated to have to type on an iPad as desktop not yet replaced . I will do,lots of short posts probably and in no particularly order to different posters...

Fighting it sounds like your weekend represented a huge step forward, well done , your quote is spot on in the 'success in progress' but I would try not to label a binge as a failure but as a learning process as this one seems to have been for you. Fighting and fighting to avoid a binge uses up so much emotional energy as you say, and also it has an almost inevitable conclusion but if you can find the wherewithal to try and relax and work with it, be curious, then it stops being as scary and the drop off the cliff not as bad as you thought , by not resisting as hard you are well on the way to truly believing that you can eat what you want and stop when you've had enough, all food is 'just food' as you saw the cake today! There may well be other binges but the next one may be even shorter and so it can continue - I'm so pleased for you!

I will be back later but also wanted to add that I was reading the wrong book too, I bought the Gillian Riley one with same title but have now started the Fairburn one , only on 1st section but all very much in line with my approach/perceptions so far.

sleep I'm so sorry that you are in that situation. I do hope the DC are coping better and you & DH too. I know it takes a long time to get past it all.

Your right, perhaps we could use 'every step is sucess in progress' instead.

I did have a little wobble this evening. I wanted to stop myself having a biscuit as I knew I'd want to keep going. I ate one and did indeed fight to stop myself. DC2 called for cuddles and by doing that and moving rooms and engaing in something else, the urge to eat more left. I really must remember to not sit and fret but busy myself. Thank you, as always, for the support. it means a lot. You have helped so much in getting me here, learning and changing. I am looking forward to getting help in Feb with how to eat better. I think RL support is what I need to do it and not stray with BED or stopping eating. In the mean time I will be happy with my progress so far.x

It's so helpful to read other peoples experiences here. I feel so alone and abnormal (and ashamed). Another bad day again on Sunday but today has been much better and I feel more positive. Although am the heaviest I've ever been and am not sure what to wear at the moment. My main problem is being consistent with any food plan because as soon as doubts creep into my head I blow it all on another binge. The doubts have been coming thick and fast since around Xmas time which I guess is why I'm in this state now. Previously my weight was creeping up but I was able to control it better.

Welcome toomuch please know that you are very far from alone in this . Wrt reading, I'd highly recommend 'Eating in the light of the moon', it's not CBT but it should help you stop feeling like BED is a failing on your part, it isn't. There are many, many reasons behind it and very often it is a coping mechanism that is very understandable, the problem is, too often we try and and battle it by dieting and restricting food and it makes the whole situation worse. That is why the most useful first step to recovery is a move away from dieting.

The other big step is to accept that a binge is not 'wrong'. There can be biological causes - restrict your nutrient intake enough on diets and your body will demand that you eat, or if you have an 'addictive response' to certain foods (which will invariably be highly processed, high sugar foods that are often manufactured with the express goal of hitting your 'bliss point and making you want more). We might also overeat due to boredom or habit, in which case finding distractions can be useful. But more often, a binge will be a 'place holder' for something else in your life that needs to change. Often it could be that you are maintaining a strong level of control in other areas, or you have learned to stuff down certain (or even all) emotions or things you really need to speak out loud. It could be a way of filling a gap elsewhere, a lack of affection, of intellectual stimulation, creative expression, sexual intimacy, living authentically, letting go of the idea of perfection (whether physical or generally), physical expression....so in this sense it is a way of learning about yourself. It could be seen as a good thing - rather than food, you could be turning to drugs or alcohol, you could become severely depressed, or by completely 'switching off' and succeeding in denying the urge to binge, physical illness in some form may emerge. I really believe that our bodies have an innate wisdom to tell us what we really need and we must practice tuning into it and listening.