Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Sorry - long post! Hello all, I'm new to this but saw the thread and really identified with it. I've had disordered eating for as long as I can remember (I'm 32 now). I had a referral to an ed specialist about 9 months ago and was put on sertraline and put on a waiting list for cognitive analytic therapy (still not reached the front of the queue). In the meantime I've put on over a stone... Could be the sertraline (which I've now started to reduce) but also had exams, damaged my knee so can no longer run, and my scales broke so no more daily weighing! Also, I've history mainly binged on low cal food - e.g. Eating carrots till my tummy hurts! but seem to have moved on to Muesli, wholemeal bread etc (which sounds healthy but really isn't if you eat the whole loaf!). I'm still just about in the healthy bmi range, but definitely bigger than my natural weight given my frame etc... Swing between telling myself it's fine and doesn't matter and absolutely hating myself... I've hardcore dieted in the past and don't want to go back to that but if I don't do something I'll end up huge. Ug. Anyway, thanks for reading. Xxx

Hello Deerhound, nice to meet you. I've been lurking the past few days so I'll post my 'story' as well, although it's a little hard to write.

I've always had a bad relationship with food, I obsess about it constantly, my parents always fed me healthy food though so I was able to stay healthy until I left home. Since then my weight has been steadily increasing. I am now 28 years old, 5'10 and a size 20, I definitely fall into the obese category and will end up morbidly obese if I don't stop.

I binge on junk food a lot, I try to stop myself but feel like I can't control it, I'll eat and eat until I feel sick but no matter how much I get it never seems to satisfy me for very long. I can easily spend £100+ on food, that's just the junk not including the normal weekly shop. My husband tells me off all the time as I'm wasting money but still I can't control it. I get the cravings and order takeaways in the middle of the day or go to the local tesco and buy tons of junk. Any junk food I have always gets eaten in the same day no matter how much there is, I can't leave it alone.

This all absolutely terrifies me, sometimes I find it hard to get to sleep at night because I'm worrying I will just keep getting bigger and bigger and eat myself into an early grave. My wedding ring won't come off as it's now wedged on.

I really, really want to change but every attempt so far has failed. I'll start will things like weightwatchers and initially feel really positive, play silly montages in my head where I lose tons of weight and end up a success story, inspiring others to do the same. What happens in reality is I do well for a few weeks, then fall off the wagon and when I have a bad weigh in I get so depressed and think sod it, then back to square one. But it's not even back to square one because I always end up heavier than I started.

I just want to be like normal people! Not to think constantly about food and be able to make rational choices about what I eat. It's taken me a while to realise it's a psychological problem but I'm unsure about where to start with getting help. I've seen OA mentioned on here so may give that a try, there is one local to me.

Thanks for reading..

I really feel for you, EE. I spend tonnes of money on food as well, and it can't help having your dh telling you off about it.. I haven't tried OA but have thought about it also. Can anyone here recommend it?

Hi - sorry I've been a while - bit hectic and I never like to post anything here in a rush!

Italian - artificial sweeteners..hmm. Its a hotly argued subject! My personal feeling is, we all naturally crave sweet food and I think when we try to suppress that and ban everything sweet it usually leads to a sense of deprivation and for many people, eventually they will crack and overeat whatever they have been denying themselves. For me, if I want something sweet, it has to be the real thing or I feel slightly cheated/not satisified. Do you feel that the jelly/whatever really fills what you are seeking when you eat them? I think our own individual response is important

There is discussion about whether sweeteners are harmful and so far the evidence is varied - in the amounts you say you consume Italian, I wouldn't be overly concerned about that, if you were eating large quantities then I would.

There is a theory that the sweet flavour of artificial sweeteners kicks off the same insulin response in the body that actual sugar does. We know that unused insulin (and if there is no actual sugar to escort around the body then it has no use) gets stored as fat. So if this is true, then artificial sweetener doesn't help at all in terms of preventing weight gain/helping weight loss. What is pretty definite is that there is no evidence to show that people who consume artificially sweetened products are any slimmer than those who consume the real thing. For me then, the risk/reward is a pretty easy equation...no weight/health/nutritional benefit + potential health risk + not very enjoyable = why bother. I would prefer to just have a small, 'real' sweet something, but in order to keep the portion reasonable I know that one needs to have a balanced and 'permissive' relationship with food, which I think most people here are trying to work on . If you are thinking 'I shouldn't be eating this - I'll be good tomorrow' then there's a pretty good chance you will eat more than you really want or need....

Italian do you like dark chocolate?

Sorry - all that was to Maggie as well. I have to dash off again now but will be back soon.

Welcome newbies !

Thanks for popping in Sleep, it's always good to hear from you.

In an effort to curb sugar, I'm attempting to go 'Paleo' at the moment, however all that means is that I binge on fruit and nuts, rather than biccies and chocolate. I know that it's not really any better, but until I find a strategy that actually works to resolve my disordered eating, I can at least minimise the damage (that's my current theory anyway)??

The other day I went to at least 5 different shops / newsagents, buying bits here and there, making excuses to the lady at the till, pretending the chocolates were gifts / I was having people over etc. It's ridiculous. I feel like I come on to this thread every few days and spout off about my current strategy, thinking it'll work, then realising after a couple of days that it was all hopeless because I've slipped again and eaten everything in sight. Fighting I know you've said in the past that the road to recovery isn't linear, but I don't even think I'm remotely going in the right direction.

For some reason I've convinced myself that come the new year I'll be all fixed (obviously my main new year's resolution is to 'eat like a normal person'), but I do know that there's no way that can realistically happen. Rubbish.

Sorry to bring everyone down. On a positive note, welcome deerhound, very pleased to have you here! I haven't tried OA myself, I think Italian is your expert there.

Deerhound I have found OA helpful.

Maggie re The other day I went to at least 5 different shops / newsagents, buying bits here and there, making excuses to the lady at the till, pretending the chocolates were gifts / I was having people over etc. It's ridiculous.

Please do not beat yourself up. You can stop this destructive behaviour. I do think it needs to be a mental exercise to work out why you feel the need to do it. Maybe sleep and others can help you with that. For me my eating is OCD related and I am having counselling and going to Overeaters Anonymous.

I think even the fact you realise how ridiculous it is, is good. Please put any chocolate you have left over either in the bin, or out of reach or give to a friend to look after or give to a friend as a gift. It won't stop you buying it again but maybe if your inner mind works out, when I come to my senses I will just waste all this chocolate in the bin, instead of wasting it in my tummy you will know it really is a waste of money and time, and energy. Also, please (if you can afford it) buy yourself a bunch of flowers and a tube of lovely hand cream and say to yourself, these are gifts that I am worth! Honestly, you need to love yourself not ridicule yourself.

deerhound pop over to www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/2226309-Overeaters-Anonymous-anyone-anonymously-out-there-want-to-share and ask whatever you like, or ask it here too. I don't like to crowd this thread with OA stuff so I post on both, general on this, and asking advice from wise people like sleep!

but I keep most of the OA stuff for the thread I started.

Sleep that is very worrying about artificial sugar.

Actually now I really cannot taste the difference so it does taste good. It is limiting also in that it is usually - smaller portions, more expensive, has the added 'incentive' that if you eat too much it has a laxative effect!

But I am worried as these products are marketed as 'diabetic'.

Actually it is all very scary and I am now on a tablet as well. I know of all the things I could have this is the least worst, for me, but still it feel shit. Sorry ladies. Just finding it hard. My kids are actually getting on this afternoon so there is light at the end of the tunnel! [grin

Hugs to everyone else.

Oh and new year is (excuse the language bullshit. Too much pressure. Little changes and little steps work better (IMHO) than a massive effort on one day a year when house if full of goodies and resolve is low! Just my humble opinion. Sleep would you agree? There are probably a few people it works for, new leaf and all that, but for me it was always a massive let down.

Welcome Deerhound, well done for sharing. If you are like me it isn't easy to 'talk about it'.

EEVVEE I think the issue is for people like "us" dieting just plays to our demons and makes it worse. I too dream about returning to WW or SW, but I just cannot put myself through the cycle of loosing a little, putting on a bit. It is such a rollercoaster. For me it just reminds me that I am not a good/worthwhile person. I also tell others about it, unlike BED, so they are there to share in my failure too. :(

It has been shared on here before (by Sleep) but I'd urge you to watch this Ted Talk about dieting not working. www.ted.com/talks/sandra_aamodt_why_dieting_doesn_t_usually_work?language=en

Maggie I hear you. I feel like you, "This is it, this will work" and then it doesn't. However, when I am feeling more positive I do think that whilst I am not thinner (a little fatter infact :() that trying to understand my issues/behaviour is better than not. I also think that for me at least it needs to be a cumalative effect of doing lots of different things to make a difference. That sort of light blub moment isn't going to happen to me...

When I think about when I first joined the thread (in the summer) I was dreading my holiday as I felt so disappointed at being fat for another holiday. I was also worried about my health and being a bad role model for the DC etc. I was so full of self loathing.

However, fighting and sleep have made me realise that I need to change this, as it is unlikely I will 'move' forward if I still feel like that. Hating myself features heavily in my BED.

And whilst I am not completely accepting of myself, I do notice I am kinder to myself. As an eg I organised xmas drinks for the parents in my DS's class. Only 2 of them turned up, out of c8 that said they'd come . And previously I would have berated myself for my organisation skills, worried that it was because they didn't want to spend time with me & lots of other things that was probably nothing to do with it!

However, I just felt accepting that it is a busy time of year, with lots of illness about and that I tried my best. I have decided it is the last time I spend organising something similar! It was a marked difference for me.

How can you be kinder to self to reduce the self-loathing?

Err cumulative...

Italian I agree completely about the New Year thing. If you want some resolutions then I would make them NOT dieting again and finding/starting something that brings you joy/a sense of peace/pride/fun/exhilaration and doing it regularly. Do you have anything like that Maggie and Eevee?

MrsM well done on not beating yourself up about the drinks, it really is a busy time of year and I'm sure people wouldn't have said they would come in the first place if there was any issue at all to do with you . As you say, there is no magic remedy to change habits that have been ingrained for years and years, it is a practice that will eventually feel natural but of course that takes commitment, time and effort and you have to find that belief that you, and the things you care about (eg how much pleasure you find in life, the example you set your DC's) are really worth it.

Italian have you considered a Paleo style diet, it can be fantastic for many diabetics.

Deerhound do you have any idea of what triggers your binges?

Fighting you are very quiet, hope you are ok?

Purple - you haven't been on for ages , are you still around? How are you and how is the job working out?

Hi, I haven't read through the whole thread yet but I just wanted to ask a question about the difference between Mindful Eating and Intuitive Eating. Is there one? Is one better for people wanting to recover from BED?

Many thanks,

Denny

I would describe mindful eating as being 'present' and aware of everything about whatever it is you are consuming. Anticipating it, really looking at it and then savouring each mouthful in a relaxed and observant way. Ideally we would always eat this way (though of course in reality life is too crazy so it's not likely to happen 100% of the time). The benefits of mindful eating are the relaxation aspect (which optimises digestion and metabolism), the enjoyment we get from food and the message our brain fully gets ie that we have eaten, unlike when we gobble something on the run and pay no attention-we are more likely to feel hungry again later. It also allows us to feel our hunger and satiety levels better, which means we can stop overeating when we have had enough it aren't really hungry (again-most of the time, occasionally you will overeat even knowing you have had enough but that is fairly normal human behaviour ).

For me, intuitive eating is a step beyond mindful eating as it requires a stronger sense of awareness of your body and what you are craving/what certain foods do for your individual body (eg kale may be a 'superfood' but you know it gives you a bad stomach). It is being able to respond to your body's cue for any food. Sometimes you will feel like a plate of salad, sometimes a slice of cake-but you are relaxed and can trust it, also knowing that it will tell you when you have had enough.

With BED, initially I think intuitive eating will be too much of a challenge, but aiming to eat mindfully as often as you can (start with just slowing down when you eat and preferably removing distractions like TV) is a great start. Even better if you can try to do it when you binge!

Thanks for that.

Thanks Mrsmargo and sleep, that's given me some food for thought. I'm currently a SAHM for my 8 month old (left work when I was pregnant due to health concerns) so it's hard sometimes fitting things in that I used to do, but little things like walking the dog bring me enjoyment and I do want to take up language learning again, I was doing Rosetta Stone while pregnant with DD but it fell by the wayside when she arrived!

OA is on tonight, I've chickened out of going so far telling myself that I'm too tired to go out after putting DD to bed but really I'm just scared. Perhaps tonight will be the night...

EEVVEE OA wasn't for me but the meetings were good. It is 'nice' to be in a room with likeminded people. Everyone was really friendly. They welcome new people. And you don't have to say anything if you don't want to.

Hope you manage to get there if you think it will be helpful.

Thanks for all the welcomes.

Sleep: triggers are feeling panicked, agitated, tired, unsure.. Basically any feeling or emotion that makes me uncomfortable and I want to block out/avoid, and when I don't feel like i have the strength (physical or emotional) to deal with it in another way. Does that make sense?

Re artificial sweeteners, I have heard (not sure how scientifically correct this is) that overuse can be bad for you as the sweet taste makes your brain think that there is a sugar rush coming and so the body produces insulin, but then no sugar appears in the blood stream so the body gets confused. I use far too many artificial sweeteners and my dp is forever warning me about the diabetes risk. Like I said: no idea if this is scientifically sound, but it does seem to make sense.

Hi everyone & a big welcome to the new posters! It's wonderful to see more and more of us finding a place to get support and share stories.

I have been a bit quiet lately as I have been struggling. My eating has been a bit chaotic and that has unsettled me a bit. I am grateful to be at the stage where my instinct is to analyse whats going on and talk to DH honestly about my worries. I have had to push myself to eat each day. my appetite has returned a bit this week. It's a bit odd to have had this issue when dealing with overcoming BED. I know its purely a chemical change and the underlying issues of relying on food to soothe my emotions are still there (albeit much more under control).

For me my anxiety has been a huge problem. I pushed so hard with work and achieved what I wanted to but probably didn't take time out for me. Christmas and lots to do presents a difficult time for me as I do not cope well with a full diary. Being home with DH and DC is my comfort and safe place.

To keep the stress to a minimum I have arranged to stay at home and avoid situations that would trigger binges over th Christmas period. Ultimately I am trying to look after myself and put what I need first for once. I have things to look forward to and couldn't be more excited to see my DC faces on Christmas morning. Also I got my one wish this year, extra time with some people very close to me. Getting that news was a huge deal for me, so excited to see them.

Although (this epic post) seems quite negative I have been doing a lot of reflecting....

had to post before lost it...

Looking back over the year, thinking of all the changes I have made in my life has been nice. Although I have been careful not to read my posts, it would fill me with negative emotions and set me way back. I need to do a post on the blog to wind up where I have got to over the 12 month challenge I set myself. I am a much happier person and life is very good. I just have to separate the anxiety out as otherwise it would cloud everything. I am incredibly grateful for all that I have.

In a small sum up I would say I have learnt that this will be a very long journey but one that I am and we are all capable of achieving. No matter how tough things are I have the tools to get out of it and most importantly change my life to be happier. BED no longer controls my entire life. Also the blog and the journey will continue next year and I will look to explore new ventures, get to know me a bit more and help all you lovely ladies reach your own goals. It has been a wonderful experience sharing our journeys together

Ah Fighting it's good to hear from you. And it's funny that your version of 'struggling' sounds like where I'd like to end up - it's all relative isn't it? I always find Christmas a difficult time of year too, with all the expectation around what you're supposed to do & how you're supposed to feel.

What I take from your posts is that even though you might not be completely happy with your situation, you're clearly taking charge of it, which is something I aspire to at the moment. At the moment I feel like a victim of my BED, without any kind of control over what I put in my body. If nothing else, you should be proud of your progress.

Quick update - I've had another few terrible days, and am now at the point where I can see that I'm putting on weight. None of my skirts / pairs of jeans do up so I've had to get a box of bigger clothes down from above my wardrobe. (It's mostly down to all the mince pies). Also the legal situation that I thought would be resolved soon definitely won't be, and it's caused a lot of sleepless nights, going over and over in my head what the outcome might be, and how I might get past it. DP is supportive but has a very different way of thinking to me, so it does sometimes feel like I'm alone in my anguish.

AND I've gone from exercising 5-6 days a week to doing nothing at all, which is very out of character. I've had texts from my team mates asking where I am but I'm just hiding at the moment, praying that the new year will make it easier to restart my good habits.

Sorry this has also turned into a long one, I'm just a bit desperate at the moment, and really wishing I liked my life and myself better. My one thing to smile about is the prospect of spending a few days with my family; the DCs are just so excited about Xmas, it's lovely to see.

Is anyone else resigned to the fact that they'll be forced to watch Frozen about 17 million times before the new year!? :)

Hi Maggie, It sound slike hwre is an awful lot going round in your head. When its like that, I can completely understand wanting to hide. Although it is nice that your team mates are asking after you. The legal situation must be very hard to cope with. We are always here to listen and feel free to pm me any time you need a listening ear.

Perhaps with the clothes, could looking at it as a temp situation due to Christmas help? Very few people don't gain some weight at this time. Food really is everywhere. I don't say that as in 'eat it all" but the more pressure we pile on ourselves, the more we eat. A tiny bit of acceptance may even reduce the appeal of it all? I find asking myself, 'will I never eat it again?' 'if I miss this time will there be other opportunities?' often the answer means I pass something up. When I can't resist, I go for something that I really really love. If I'm eating extra it's far better to enjoy it. Do you think it would help at all?x

Oh and Frozen, dare I say I'm looking forward to it That may well change after the first time.x