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Original poster

My DD has bulimia.

314 replies

StolenStollen · 02/02/2014 10:01

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 Sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/03/2014 07:16

I'm sure they'll be conditions relating to your dd's health before she can go home (like being a ceratain weight and able to feed herself) but there shouldn't be any on you, other than being willing and able to care for her.

When DD2 was in scbu, she wasn't allowed home until she was off the tube and being fed by me for a couple of weeks. The night before I had to sleep there and do a night feed. Before that I had to bath her after she was weighed, change all her nappies and so on. Even though the conditions were all about our babies, it really felt like (and some of the staff made it) we mothers were the ones being measured to see if we came up to scratch. If felt like a cruel institutional experiment at times. It wasn't, it was just we were becoming institutionalised and desparate to have our babies home and have some kind of normal family life again. So we were punishing ourselves trying to jump through imaginary hoops to bring them home. We became cowed and compliant and also angry and repressed. If you see something similar happening in the hospital among the parents, say something. Talk to the hospital staff and your counsellor and us here. You cannot afford to be in that frame of mind around an eating disorder.

Original poster
StolenStollen · 01/03/2014 08:55

DD was in scbu. She didn't need a tube then but she was on oxygen, and before she.could leave I had to show them I could cope like you did Ye. It did feel as though you were being watched to make are you were a fit parent in a way but it was all for the babies.
It will hopefully be like that when dds tube is out and she can come home. They will want her to be able to feed herself and all they should want me to be is caring. I'll do whatever is needed for her to get well.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/03/2014 09:14

Aww, there you are, you are a loving and caring mum. We passed the 'fit mother' scbu test all those years ago (not real thing, but ykwim) so we must be good enough! :D

I am guessing your DD will probably continue to gain about 1kg a week while she is being tube fed, then when she starts feeding herself it will depend on how she manages feeding herself after so long being tube fed. She'll need to learn to gain control from the ED, and get used to eating again which in itself must be hard (putting things in mouth, chewing, swallowing, when in your head it's screaming not to, and not being used to it.) So she won't gain 1 kg at first, she may just maintain or even lose weight. But then, if she will be brought up to a healthy weight by tube feeding, she won't need to keep gaining anymore, and maintaining will be enough.

Original poster
StolenStollen · 01/03/2014 16:19

We did pass the test Smile.
As long as she mantains her weight when the tube is out I'll be happy.
Off to see her now x

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/03/2014 16:28

:) Hope it goes well today, lovely. xx

Original poster
StolenStollen · 03/03/2014 17:24

DD has been fine this weekend. Verybubbly and typical teenage girl! She wants me to take the dog with me...

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 03/03/2014 22:01

That is great, so glad to hear that. :)

Original poster
StolenStollen · 03/03/2014 22:12

Not as good tonight. Very lethargic, silent - completely opposite to yesterday. I think she's finding some days a lot lot better than others and on the bad days it all gets to her.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 04/03/2014 07:29

So hard, but they do have lows and need to learn to cope with them. I so wish we could be rid of this!

ZingSweetMango · 04/03/2014 19:45

must read back, sorry for not posting (had a bad few days)

but thinking of you and fx for tomorrow.
(hugs) x

ZingSweetMango · 06/03/2014 21:03

how did it go today? are you ok?

Original poster
StolenStollen · 06/03/2014 21:47

No gain this time. It is expected though.
I am utterly exhausted but still managing Zing. Thanks for thinking about me x

OP posts:
duchesse · 06/03/2014 21:53

Her weight is still very, very low so there are bound to be days when she's got less energy, surely?

I am also cross that they were so reluctant to hospitalise such a desperately sick child.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 07/03/2014 06:52

Hope you can get some proper rest, Stollen. Do take care of your own needs, lovely. xx

Original poster
StolenStollen · 08/03/2014 08:22

I've been ill the last few days (ate something I'm allergic to) so have been in bed a lot and I feel better.for it.
Going to the unit this afternoon.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 08/03/2014 12:20

Glad you are rested, but sad about the reason!
Hope today's visit goes well. ((Stollen))

Original poster
StolenStollen · 11/03/2014 16:06

Allergies are terrible. I was dreadfully ill last week.
Weigh in tomorrow for DD.

OP posts:
ZingSweetMango · 12/03/2014 01:10

hope you are better and fx for weigh-in.
I think of you a lot.

(hugs)

yegodsandlittlefishes · 12/03/2014 06:06

Hoping for good news at weigh-in time.

xx

Branleuse · 12/03/2014 06:55

wishing your daughter and you lots of love and strength.
i had bulimia from the age of 15 or 16, and i feel im mostly over it now, in my 30s.
getting her weight up to a reasonable amount is only the first step. its taken a massive shift for me to feel normal about how i look.

i hope they haven't set her goal weight at a (relatively) scarily high figure, because that would have made me not want to comply at all ultimately

giraffesCantBoogie · 12/03/2014 07:33

hello, just seen this post. Not got much time to reply just now as need to get ready for work soon but will pop back tonight. Glad DD is getting help - saw someone up the thread mentioned BEAT - they used to be the EDA - and are fab.

If it is any help then I had anorexia and then bulimia in teens/early twenties. Probably from about 13/14 - 22. Worst years being 15/16/17. I never ever thought I would get better, I remember reading things about people getting better and thought it was all garbage and that they couldn't possibly have been as bad as me. Getting better was hard. (understatement) 1 step forward and 2 steps back at first! Then gradually 2 steps forward and only 1 back! I had to keep trying and trying.

I am now 29. I have a full time job, flat, car, volunteer counsellor for childline, have a teaching degree and am doing a post grad in play therapy.

I do still have issues around food, I won't lie. But no one would know unless I told them. I live a fairly normal life food wise, it doesn't preoccupy my thoughts. At times of stress it is my fall back coping thing and I need to be aware of that. BUT I function very well in life. Helping others is my drive forward - and I know I need to be well to do that. :)

Feel free to ask anything.

ZingSweetMango · 12/03/2014 09:02

bran and giraffe

I just want to say that it's so good to hear how you both progressed and now are very much on top of it.
(can I say I'm proud of you both?)

well done, it's amazing what you have achieved!Thanks

Stollen

fx for today, really hoping for good news again.
love you lots.

Original poster
StolenStollen · 12/03/2014 16:44

Giraffes and Bran, it is wonderful to hear how people have come out of the other side and not let it stop them.
Giraffes, wow! You've achieved all sorts. I do think she will struggle forever with food now. And I'm going to be ok with it. I'll feed her whatever she needs when she is home and I'll let her take her time..
bran, I know her body confidence will take years to restore. It'll.never be perfect either. What is a perfect body though? Is it what your happy with or what others want?
3st 10. A lb gained

OP posts:
ZingSweetMango · 12/03/2014 18:46

oh well done her!Smile Thanks

I think it's not about perfect body as seen by others but control of it and also how they see themselves.

my sister told me how it doesn't matter what others say, she sees herself differently.
kind of like the difference between a normal mirror (reality) and distorted image of funny mirrors in amusement parks (subjectivity)

yegodsandlittlefishes · 12/03/2014 20:57

It's just whether the body has what it needs to function properly, whether that be food, water, rest, relaxation, stimulous and education, friends and family and community etc. and exercise in moderation, medication when needed and so on. It is misleading and sometimes dangerous to use body image to decide what the right levels of these are (either our own or another's idea of that's right). But with EDs comes this drive to consider one's own body ans check it. It takes a lot to stop doing it.