Almost 44 and would love another baby

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I was in a as relationship a few years ago and have a daughter who is 7. I’d always wanted more but split with her dad when she was 3. I met someone 2 years ago and we were trying for a baby. Rationship didn’t work out. I’ve found myself considering ivf or sperm donation. I’m almost 44 and feel like it’s now of never. I look after daughter mostly all alone. Dad sees her every other sat and sun.

I’ve spoken to a fertility clinic and I need testing done to determine my egg reserve. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by costs and worried it’s too late already. I’d been trying around 2 months with previous partner. Both times period was late but then came and was vv heavy and painful.

Yes, you’re right. It’s what I am expecting. Daughters dad can help out more and has if needed. I guess I need to talk to him first and family. I don’t want to jinx it though. I keep just thinking if it happens it will all work out somehow

If you can afford IVF and having two children then go for it! I will say though, having gone through IVF a couple of times to have my daughter, it is really hard physically and emotionally and I was early 30’s when I first started. Sending all the luck your way if you go for it xx

Oh wow, thanks! Congratulations! This is very encouraging. I’m having the scan for my egg reserve soon so will know if to chance it or go straight to donor eggs. Do you mind telling me if you conceived naturally?

Thank you. I think I’m hoping it will work first time and that’s probably very naive of me. It happened first time with my son but I was 35 then. I don’t have peri signs yet so 🤞

Your son?

It may well do! Most of the other ladies that I’m in a group with have babies from their first transfers, it’s a lot more common than you’re led to believe unless there’s an underlaying fertility issue :). If you do want to do it and have any questions about it, I’m happy to share my experience with you. Send me a message or something :)

Are you thinking of the resultant child at all?

I’ve said if ivf doesn’t work I’d look into adoption. I’d like to bring another child into my family to be loved and cared for and compete our family even if it’s in an unconventional way. I don’t think that’s not thinking about the child?

Really?? She didn’t mention chromosomal syndromes? Have you seriously considered the risk, as a single mum with a daughter, of a child who needs additional care and may always?

So you've got a son as well?

No, I tried to change info to keep anonymity and messed up 😅

Congratulations! Do you mind me asking if you conceived naturally? Ignore if you do mind, I’m 46 and baby curious. 🤨

They didn’t mention this at all. GP was really encouraging tbh and I left feeling much better. She said women have pregnancies well into their 40s and that weight and high blood pressure is the main factor that goes against them if they don’t have any other underlying issues.

Sorry, I don’t understand? Was it offensive I asked if it was a natural conception?

Pregnancy and parenting a small child is entirely different in your 40s to your 30s. Doing it alone is wild also considering your daughter still very much needs your support. When the kid is 16 you will be 60. As hard as it is there is a reason we can’t keep having babies until we are 70.

I’m confused - did you ask the pp the same question? I missed if so. I don’t think it’s an offensive question but aware others may disagree.

Of course it would.
How are you going to do 'big girl things' with her with a baby or toddler in tow. Your days will be dictated by bedtimes, naps, nappies, not being able to walk far, being too small to do things, feeding schedules - what 7 year old wants that in their life when they have been used to growing up. She might think she wants a baby sibling but a baby isn't a doll!

I did yes. Sorry. Your emoji threw me

I understand things would change. Isn’t that what happens when a family expands though. Don’t all kids who have siblings have to adjust?

Are you thinking of the child at all? Don't you think it's unfair to choose to have a child without a father and have you looked into the issues that causes for most children later in life? That also means they miss out on a whole side of that side of a family, and that's without even considering your age.

I did it all on my own with my first though tbh. Dad didn’t help much. I don’t know. I understand the first few months will be really hard but then it will get easier. I wish I wasn’t contemplating doing it alone. That’s the situation I’m in though unfortunately

and why should she have to just because it's what you want? She's 7, not 3. She is growing up, and will want to do things appropriate to her age, not be held back by a baby/toddler.

I know someone who has gone it alone and had a baby at 41, IVF worked first time and she has frozen embryos to try for a sibling later. There's very few normal/perfect/average (sorry not sure which adjective I won't get picked up on😂) families these days, everybody seems to have step or half siblings or single parent households, so i don't see what difference it makes so long as you can afford it and the child is wanted and loved😍

You seem to be looking at things in a binary way - either you have a baby (great!) or you miscarry / don't conceive (well at least I tried). There is a very real 3rd option of having a child with significant additional needs if you use your own eggs. This happened to a friend who had a baby at your age. Not everything can be screened out. If you do decide to go for it, I would strongly recommend embryo donation.

My experienced obstetrician said take the number of kids you have, subtract it from 40, and that’s the age you should stop trying. My age at 38 was by far the biggest risk factor for chromosomal conditions.