Almost 44 and would love another baby

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I was in a as relationship a few years ago and have a daughter who is 7. I’d always wanted more but split with her dad when she was 3. I met someone 2 years ago and we were trying for a baby. Rationship didn’t work out. I’ve found myself considering ivf or sperm donation. I’m almost 44 and feel like it’s now of never. I look after daughter mostly all alone. Dad sees her every other sat and sun.

I’ve spoken to a fertility clinic and I need testing done to determine my egg reserve. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by costs and worried it’s too late already. I’d been trying around 2 months with previous partner. Both times period was late but then came and was vv heavy and painful.

The costs of the ivf treatments are quite high. You can buy a package of 3. So it’s wondering if I give it one go and see. I can afford the package now. It’s just obviously a considerable amount of money so not sure if I’m best going down IUI route first to see

Families come in various shapes, sizes and forms.
I disagree with everyone who said it would be unfair to your daughter. They absolutely can't know that, she may absolutely love having a sibling.

Wow. How rude.

some people (like me) are pissed off to be only children.

Sorry, I've not had any IVF or donor conception treatments (your thread came up in active I think, that's how I ended up here) but I've heard that you need to be under a certain age, 36 or 37 to buy the three pack treatment if that's the one where you get a refund if cycles don't work?

I don’t feel I would be missing out on enjoying her when she’s young? I’ve focused on her fully until now. She’d still get lots of attention and I would have a friend or family move in after the birth for a few weeks. I have space.

Yeah I wouldn’t get the refund. It works out slightly cheaper if you buy a package rather than individual ones

I was quite taken aback by that comment 😆

The question I would be asking is how you would cope if the new baby had additional needs both your age ( assuming your own eggs) and assisted concetion are risk factors, supoosing you couldn't return to work ?

Do it op. She will be delighted, I’m 46 & had a baby this year.

IUI is amazing and closest to nature. Not to mention cheaper.

I dont think its unfair to your daughter i think it would be unfair to you op.
I mean you will be way in your 50s 60s maybe with kids around your feet doing school runs when tbh thats your time.
To go do you things have your time back.
I think you would be mad to do it no offence.

Potentially a few years of fertility treatment would be gruelling and emotional OP, you are being naive if you think the newborn weeks will be the hardest bit. All the medications will affect you and if you manage to get pregnant you have atleast a 50/50 chance of miscarriage each time. Also clearly a higher chance of the baby having additional needs if you are successful due to your age. I think you should be really honest and realistic about it and think of the real impact on your daughter as well as your desire to have another baby

If using an anonymous donor it would be unfair on the second child to have no father present in their life at all, when the first child does have one.

But I think going for this option - known donor with participation in their life - it would work well.

Go for it if it’s what you want.

Some of those first few replies are ridiculous and unkind...yes your age isn't ideal but life doesn't always go to plan and if you're able to conceive still and your daughter is on board with having a sibling, I don't really see why not.

I am an only child too and also hated not having a sibling.I had said for as long as I can remember I would never have wanted just one child because of my experience.I am lucky that I met DH and was able to have two with him, but life doesn't always work out so conventionally, and families come in all shapes and sizes.

Go for it, and best of luck.

I do second the comment that maybe using the male friend as a donor might be a good idea (as long as you think they would be a good dad) I do see the PP's point that the prospective 'younger sibling' might find it hard that her older sister has a daddy and she doesn't.And it's not like your together and he can take on both as his own.

It most likely is too late - at 44 you have about a 10% chance of success with IVF, and lower with IUI (which no reputable clinic would do at your age). Absolutely go for it if you want to say you've tried, but make sure to manage your expectations.

Thank you 😊 right now she’d love one. I imagine she won’t be a fan of the crying but that’s only temporary and I’d be giving her family that would go through life with her. I think it’s something that she’ll feel the benefit of when older more although I’m she’ll enjoy all parts.

You wont find a reputable clinic willing to do IUIs. At your age you'd be better to look into embryo adoption and do IVF if you're serious. But this would not be a path I was willing to take.

The chances are higher than that I’ve been told. I’m currently 43. 44 in a few months. If I use donor eggs much higher again. I haven’t had my egg tests yet so will know more then but my GP and the clinic have been quite encouraging. Gp said biggest issue at my age is weight and high blood pressure. I’m not overweight at all and don’t have high blood pressure. I guess I’m feeling optimistic right now but also know it may just not work and that’s ok as well

There's no guarantee that siblings will get on.

I don't know if I could do it at 44 but I'm not you and I already have two which definitely changes your perspective.

However I can give supportive words in terms of age gap siblings. Mine are opposite sex and nearly six years apart. Elder child doted on the baby from day one and they remain extremely close even into teenage years. Much more so than I had ever imagined/hoped for.

You know your circumstances best so only you know if this is the right decision for you. Honestly if you can afford it why not try if you want to. I have a DC from a previous relationship and then tried donor conception for a second. I was late 20s but only did rounds of IUI which was unsuccessful. My friends were very negative about it even though my age/health/finances etc was all good for having another so I think a lot of people are just very against donor conception/single parenthood by choice.

The comments on here are so vicious. Not what you need.
If you want another child then go for it. Get yourself checked out and then if you consider donor, come back on the board and chat it through. Lots of us on this board have had donor conceived children. And in mid 40's too.
I wouldn't assume your ex would be happy to step up for extra days/hours without talking to them first though, you never know if they have plans for some more children too. You should face the reality of being a single parent with two kids under 10,

So selfish

Aww this is lovely. Thanks for sharing. I do think if it doesn’t work out having my own again I’d be looking into adoption