Conception with asexual partner

[happybutsad]

Hi everyone,
I've never written on a forum before but I'm not sure who else to ask - mumsnet always has such great answers.
My partner and I have a wonderfully happy relationship - nothing to complain about. The only 'unconventional' aspect is that we don't have sex. Sex was a tense issue at the beginning and eventually, after some very infrequent sex, a lot of fighting and blame, and much discussion, he admitted that he is asexual. We agreed that we love each other and didn't want to lose what we had for the sake of sex. I promised to be open with him if it every became too difficult for me to live without sex (I am not asexual).
That's just some background but not the actual problem... the issue is now we would like to start a family. We are both ready and excited at the prospect of raising a child together. However, sex is out of the question. At this point, the idea of sex seems unnatural for both of us as it hasn't been part of our relationship. We want our child to be conceived in joy - not during a sexual encounter that we both feel awkward and anxious in! Plus, there's no way we could achieve the frequency of sex needed to conceive a baby! In addition, we're in our late thirties and he's a heavy smoker so there's no guarantee that it would even be possible! We did have sex on or around my ovulation day several times, but it never came to anything.
We would like to approach a private fertility clinic so that we can discuss the possibility of artificial insemination (sorry if that isn't the proper term?), using his sperm. However, we haven't undergone any tests yet - we don't have anything to say it's medically necessary. It's a choice we're making because the 'traditional' route is not possible for us.
Has anyone done something similar with their partner? If we go to a private clinic asking to do this will they tell us to go away and try 'naturally' first? That is our fear.
Apologies for the long post and thank you in advance of any advice.

Have a OP

@Butterymuffin wish someone else had asked that question rather than judging with impunity!

@walkingchuckydoll thanks, I feel like that will clarify it for some people here... but does it doesn’t change my original question! Everyone has focused on the ‘asexuality’ and the smoking. Less than useful!

I’m like clockwork.

That's a good thing. Please take into account that your ovulation doesn't have to be exactly 14 days before your period. It could easily be 16 or 12 or around there. Try to use the turkey baster method a few times in the week of your ovulation so you can catch a slightly sooner or later ovulation. Every other day would be ideal.

Don't mess around too long, if ypu don't get pregnant within a year (which is a normal length of time to get pregnant) get your fertility tested. If your older than 35 lie after 6 months that you've already tried for a year.

Are you already taking prenatal vitamins? I would highly recommend that. Also, your pregnant for two weeks before you actually find out so best to not drink and eat healthily while TTC.

Do you have a cat? If yes then either let him clean the litter box or use marigolds.

Considering artificial insemination by a masturbating, asexual, heavy smoker. What could possibly go wrong?

@GarlicSoup a jammie dodger? I shall do 😂 it’s about equal to the input you’ve given, but much more enjoyable 😂

@walkingchuckydoll yes to the vitamins! No to the cat! Thank you for all of this though 🙂

@rossKemp could be worse. Could be a random dickhead posting on online forums

For what it's worth the wanking is probably just a release.
People shit stirring a happy relationship
Anyway good luck op, make sure you get a blaster different to the one in the kitchen. You don't want to mix those up

Baster. Not blaster. Although that could work

I do think that we all tend to focus on the mothers health around conception but the mans health does have impact on the baby as well. Can you try to get him to live healthier in some aspects? I get that it's not totally in your hands but you could try talking to him about it and maybe get some extra exercise together and cook extra healthy? I do think you can influence his health somewhat. Ideally everyone should be in best shape when they try to conceive but plenty of people who get pregnant naturally are overweight, don't quit drinking till they have a positive test and eat too much fat and salt. Most people do not live some perfect life. But all that do are on this thread

@rossKemp
🤣🤣🤣
Sounds a dream, because there’s no other men out there in the big wide world 🙄

To answer your original question about whether you can seek medical help tbh I would lie. I’m not sure I would want to get into discussing my asexual lack of sex life and as long as you have tried the moon up full of sperm regularly (every other day during fertile window) for a year theN I would feel justified to say I had been trying for a year.

@Sux2buthen 😂😂😂😂

@walkingchuckydoll I like your style! 😂 honestly, we’ve done well. His diet has improve so much and now we exercise regularly. But no one is perfect 😊 we all do the best we can!

@EasterBuns I’m sorry you feel that way about asexuality. Perhaps this wasn’t the thread for you? Asexuality was in the title.

@rossKemp I think you’ll find, you’ve obliterated the bar here 😂

I think that doing your best is the way to go. I spent the last 7 years in and out of the fertility clinic. Plenty of people there of all sizes, shapes, colour and creed. Even heroin junkies can conceive a baby, so you don't actually have to be healthy to conceive. However it does make the chance of success higher and of course when you actively plan a baby you want to give them the best start in life. That is what you are doing right now so keep it up.

Surely we are ALL random dickheads posting on an Internet forum?

@walkingchuckydollthank you ☺️

If the OP is happy to have a baby in a relationship without sex than what is it to you all? I've had arelationship with a man with erectile dysfunction for more than a decade. It was no less loving than one with sex.

You're welcome OP

I do wonder if this poster has read any mumsnet threads if she thinks the people posting here are random dickheads. Considering her attitude she has had some decent advice.

@borgl true, but some bell ends chime louder than others!