TTC with a donor

[Waiting2BAMummy]

So it appears I posted the 1,000 message on our previous thread and now it's closed so I've opened us a new home!

@TimeIhadaNameChange
@LanieM87
@Freezerbump

Hi ladies!!!
@VNAWENN good luck with your TWW, try and keep busy as much as you can....the days can honestly drag by! Also I totally agree with not testing till at least the day after expected period nothing worse then seeing that negative.
@Waiting2BAMummy shame your donor forgot the Sunday, but as you say you hadn't had positive OPK. Have you had it yet? Such a good idea you have bought all your baby things, I think it definitely makes more sense for you to do it that way round. When will you officially begin your TWW?
@TimeIhadaNameChange oooh so so lovely you got to hear the heartbeat that is fantastic ☺️ I'm sure not long till your dp can feel it too!!
@juneybean I'm so so sorry to hear your fertility issues, I really hope you find another route. I don't actually use soft cups as using frozen but thank you for offering.
@LanieM87 we really are going to be close with TWW as long as my body plays along I am looking to inseminate Sunday and Monday evening.
Best of Luck to us all on this crazy journey 💫

Symptom spotting is the worst @VNAWENN I’m sure we’ve all said we’re not going to do it but we all do. I think when you want something so much it’s impossible not to. Just try not to get too carried away and remember taking a test (or af arriving) is the only true way to know.

No positive yet @Pinkfamily but I didn’t test yesterday afternoon so I may have missed it. Donor is visiting again tomorrow night and every other day until my positive opk or if I don’t get it then I’ll just get him to visit tomorrow and Friday as that will be CD 17 and I’ve never had a positive later than that. If I did miss it yesterday I covered myself last night anyway.

🤞fingers crossed for all you lovely ladies can’t wait to be comparing bumps with you all xx

@Waiting2BAMummy yes it can be crazy how much you "feel" in this TWW 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don't know how everyone else feels but I've kind of made it my daily routine and it seems to be helping me.

I do a run through every morning (backache....no, nausea....yes) and so on lol and log down how I feel, in quite a clinical way, then that's all I allow myself to do that day.

Because I was so busy in my TTC journey with the clinic up to the point of insemination, then the TWW started and I had nothing to do or focus on! So I found giving myself a "task" each day helped.

But that's just my personality I think 🤣

Makes sense @VNAWENN, the other thing is if it doesn’t work this time (fingers crossed that it does, obviously) then you’ll have something to compare to on your next attempt.

The struggle is that early pregnancy symptoms are so close to PMS symptoms that it’s hard to tell. Some of the symptoms we experience we probably get every month but we’re far more aware of them than we would normally be because we wouldn’t normally be paying attention.

I remember the first month I tried I was convinced I was pregnant clearly I wasn’t! I’ve read many posts from women saying they thought they were pregnant practically every month of trying but the month they actually were was the one they had the least symptoms.

I definitely think allowing yourself a set time to obsess and they getting on with the rest of your day is a great idea. You’re going to be checking for symptoms, we all do, but not letting it take over your entire TWW is a good thing!

On that note.... are we pregnant yet?!.... 😂😂

@Waiting2BAMummy 🤣🤣🤣
6DPO today so I haven't tested yet but 🤞🏼 🤣

I just got my static smiley face and donor is via tonight! #HappyDays

Clearly too excited! Donor is visiting tonight not via!!

@VNAWENN any nice plans for the weekend to keep busy? I know what you mean, in the run up you are busy keeping tabs of things etc, in the TWW there is nothing to keep you "anchored" I like the idea of giving yourself a moment to write things down, I'm going to try that!

I'm expecting delivery on Friday 🙃

@Waiting2BAMummy yayyyy static smiley and donation tonight, that's fantastic honey you are well on your way 🤞🏽 🤞🏽 🤞🏽for you

Fantastic news @Waiting2BAMummy keeping everything crossed for you!!

Haha good luck with your 2WW @VNAWENN it's so hard not to test!

@Pinkfamily I'm ordering tonight and hopefully mine will arrive on Monday! Do you order two vials or just the one?

@LanieM87 this time I ordered one (but as you know they come in two vials) so will inseminate day off OPK and day after. DP and I found it a bit stressful handling two vials trying to defrost evenly at same time!!
How about you?

@Pinkfamily last time I ordered two as I didn't know then that they came in two bits anyway!

I can't decide whether to do one or two. I'm a bit tempted to do as you say and just use the one vial over the two days, save a bit of money!

@LanieM87 exactly my thinking- saves money plus it comes in two vials= 2 inseminations!!!

Did you choose anonymous or non? @Pinkfamily

Mine is the one where it's donors decision in 18years....how about you?

I've gone for anon this time! I've thought about it a lot @Pinkfamily and gone backwards and forwards, I think it's the right decision!

This has to be a good sign that we’re all around the same time @VNAWENN @LanieM87 @Pinkfamily.

I order 4 BFP’s this month please!!

@LanieM87 I honestly think these things are personal to each situation you know. We all have our own journey/reason and have to do what's right for us 😊

I hear that @Waiting2BAMummy !!!

Exactly. It's such a big decision, but ultimately you just have to do what feels right and hope it works out! @Pinkfamily

What do you plan to tell your rugrats @Pinkfamily @LanieM87?

I think my donor would be happy for the child to contact them at 18 but I worry about that. His life will have moved on by then and what if he gets to that point and doesn’t want to know. I’d rather they not have to go through that. I don’t think he would as he’s a genuinely nice human but 18 years is a long time.

Tbh I'm not entirely sure! I plan on being open from the start in an age appropriate way of course. I think families are so different now to what they used to be that it shouldn't be too much of a big deal that they don't have contact with a biological father. I also thought that with using frozen sperm from Denmark the odds of even having a meaningful relationship with the donor would be small. However i appreciate the child would have a curiosity. It's so hard!

@Waiting2BAMummy I'm sure your donor has put thought into what may happen down the line, hopefully he will be open if he moves into a new relationship or has other children and will be open to contact should your child want that!

It's a minefield!

It’s funny @LanieM87 because I was adamant I didn’t want the child to contact him or anything but I’m slowly changing my mind. He’s a good guy and I feel like I owe them the opportunity to try and figure out the other half of where they came from.

As you say it is an absolute minefield, so hard to know if you’re doing the right thing.

@Waiting2BAMummy @LanieM87 @Pinkfamily

It certainly does seem like we are all around the same sort of time this cycle. 🤞🏼 to use all for some BFP. How is everyone doing today?

I definitely feel a little "different" today but holding out to test still 😬😬😬

@Waiting2BAMummy @LanieM87

Myself and Wife have talked about what we tell a child about the donor. I think I will start telling little ones as soon as they are able to understand.

In another life a long time ago I worked as a nursery nurse and had two gay mums who had used a donor for their little one. They told them from about 2 years old and they seemed so sweet when they explained to their friends in preschool that he didn't have a "daddy" just a "very nice man" who helped their mummies make them. Because "they wanted me very much" 🤣😍

I understand it's such a hard choice though xxxx

@Waiting2BAMummy @Pinkfamily, @LanieM87 -
I used sperm from Cryos, and went for the non-anonymous route, partly because that's the standard required of UK clinics so I thought I'd stick with that. Plus I do like the child having the option of finding out about their birth father when they come of age. I wouldn't want to take that away from them.

I'm planning on telling the child from birth, if that doesn't seem too weird. The Donor Conception Network do storybooks which explain it in a child-friendly way, so I'll get one of them in preparation. Only thing is I don't know whether to go for the Solo Mum version or the Mum and Dad one, as the situation with 'DP' is complicated, to say the least!

I'm telling people who need to know, but am not shouting it from the rooftops, unlike my mother who thinks it's great that everyone can still believe I'm still a virgin. I'm not. If things go the way I hope they will DP will still be around for years to come, so even those who know he's not the father will not make that big deal out of it. The last thing I want is for this child to be bullied due to the facts surrounding its conception.

As for the number of straws, I think we only got two most times, but the last we got three, MOT 20 (instead of 10 - I pushed the boat out) and did it the evening of smiley face, the next morning, and that evening. I'd compiled a wonderful Excel diagram which is basically a Venn diagram, showing how LH surge, egg release and life and sperm life overlap, and calculated the best times to attempt it. I've just realised I only created it the last month we tried, so maybe it did help. If anyone wants a copy PM me your email address and I'll email it to you. I can't guarantee it'll do anything, but it seemed to give me the best chance.

CD 21/ 7DPO The waiting is killing me! How is everyone doing xxxx