TTC with a donor

[Waiting2BAMummy]

So it appears I posted the 1,000 message on our previous thread and now it's closed so I've opened us a new home!

@TimeIhadaNameChange
@LanieM87
@Freezerbump

It’s just the uncertainty isn’t it. I have so many regrets that I’ve put this on hold until now. Always for very good reasons. I spent a lot of years genuinely fearing that I could be mentally ill. My grandmother had a diagnosis of something considered to be serious (too outing) and I thought I might have something similar.

Anyway. Turns out I was always autistic. Maybe she was too. And I wasted my best fertile years worrying.

Still no AF. Due tomorrow. Having all sorts of cramping but I also had a (non fertility related) blood test before Christmas and the results have come back showing impaired kidney function. The doctor rang me a few weeks ago sounding pretty unconcerned but I got a letter with the results yesterday and I am concerned. So the cramping I’ve been putting down to TTC I now think could be an issue with my kidneys.

I’ll probably be off to the GP next week but just not for the reason I hoped it would be.

Everything go ok with the donor?

Absolutely @bitheby and trust me I regularly have the thought that I may need to accept that I just can’t get pregnant.

I know what you mean by feeling you’ve waited too long. I’ve known I wanted to do this for at least a decade back then I even paid a subscription to a website where you could order sperm from donors and it was collected by a courier from the donor and delivered to you but that site was closed down. Until a couple of years ago though I lived with a friend and could not have fulfilled my plans in those circumstances. I wish I had made the move to my own place and put my plans in motion back that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing though and there is no point in dissecting our decisions and being upset with ourselves for them. We can’t change what we did (or didn’t) do, we can only do all we can to make it happen now.

Donor was lovely last night as usual managed to get the sample into the syringe with a minimal amount of air bubbles- slowly is definitely the answer. He’s visiting again tomorrow and, if I haven’t got my positive before then, hopefully on Monday.

He sounds great.

I'm even having irrational thoughts that maybe my donor isn't even fertile. I think that stems from the fact that my last boyfriend knew how much I wanted a baby and didn't tell me he'd had a vasectomy.

We haven't spoken for 3 weeks so am assuming that's the end of that anyway. Happy Valentine's Day.

He has donated via a clinic in the past and has shown me his letter from the HFEA to say how many children have been born as a result. So that's why I went with him because he's had all the fertility and health checks and good results.

Keeping everything crossed.

Try not to overthink things I know it’s hard but all that stress isn’t going to help either @bitheby.

Try to remember that even women who are in the prime of their fertility, and have access to the goods on tap, would be lucky to fall pregnant within the first 2 months of trying. I know it happens but it certainly isn’t the norm.

I know you just want it to happen, trust me I do, but at this point there really is nothing to worry about.

Fingers crossed for you x

Bleeding this morning so that's that for this month. Will email the donor later and see how he feels about carrying on.

Sorry to hear that @bitheby hope he’s happy to help again.

He can't make the dates.

I don't think I can afford to miss a month so I'm thinking about calling the clinic. Although I don't know how quickly they could get me booked in for IUI. They might not be able to do it that quickly either.

I don't like the fact that you get so little information on the donor.

I don’t think you would get IUI that quickly, unfortunately, @bitheby could you not amend your dates at all? You did get your positive 2 days after you met him last time so a day later and you should still be okay. My donor only just got here I text him as it was getting late but he’d forgotten!

He’s due to visit again on Monday but I think I might get my positive opk tomorrow. Will have to see.

He’s said he can’t help at all. I only told him the predicted ovulation date and that I’d like to meet twice if we can and he said sorry but no he’s not available.

I had all the checks with the clinic about 2 years ago so I’m not sure how long they’d need. They were prepared to start me on my next cycle but a polyp was discovered during my HSG and then I went on an 18 month wait for an NHS op and never went back to them.

I’m back on the same app I found this guy just in case I find someone closer and younger. This is the second cycle (of the three I’ve had) this year that he can’t help. So my three attempts I allocated in my head before going to the clinic have only actually resulted in one go. I’m too old to wait.

The clinic would probably want to rerun the tests @bitheby as things can change in 2 years.

Your donor definitely doesn’t sound very reliable. Hope you manage to find someone else for this month.

I really hope not. That's £500 I'd rather spend on sperm or preferably raising a child.

Fuck. I'm so pissed off. I've been posting on the conception boards and I'm so jealous of women with partners who can just try. Life is not fair.

I visit the conception boards too but only post where I have something factual to add as they’re in such different situations.

It’s hard to have to be relying on someone else to make this happen and as good as my donor is he isn’t as invested in this as I am obviously.

My donor is moving up north so this is his last month of help.

I’ve been looking at clinics abroad @bitheby they’re much cheaper.

Morning Ladies,

My donor visited at 10pm last night and then just now I got a static smiley face!

I didn’t drink much yesterday so my urine was really dark this morning so worried this could be a false positive.

I’m attaching a pic of the test strip from my CB and my one step. I know you’re not supposed to read the lines on the CB test sticks but for me I always have 2 strong lines when I get my static. This month though the test line looks like it has even pulled dye from the control line!

My question is my donor visited last night and is due over again tomorrow night. Do I leave it at that or ask him if he can visit today instead?

I think I’d always err early rather than late so I’d be inclined to see if he can come today. Obvs there’s a trade off with the quality of sperm if it hasn’t had time to regenerate fully but there’s no point in the best quality sperm if it’s too late.

Very true @bitheby just messaged him he’s coming over around 9 tonight.

Got an emergency GP appointment. Only bled for two days. Nothing at all yesterday. That's never ever happened before. And have woken up this morning with shoulder pain. Am very concerned about an ectopic pregnancy.

How you getting on @bitheby?

Sent away with short shrift because I haven't had a positive pregnancy test. I've just arrived at work.

My shoulder is really painful and I'm definitely having a weird period but maybe it's all a coincidence.

I'll see how things progress. Going to A&E is a mission where I live but she said if I'm still worried in a few days, to go there.

Feels like my period is about to start again after a 48 hour hiatus. No idea what that was all about this morning. Still having shoulder pains but must've just slept weird. Am more stressed than I realised.

Bless you @bitheby easy to say, I know, but you need to try and find a way to relax a little as stress is no good for TTC.

I know. I'm having relationship troubles. Haven't seen each other for a month and barely spoken but he got back in touch on Sunday. Plus my donor not being available.

No wonder I woke up feeling awful.

It sounds like you need to make a decision @bitheby. I’m not one to tell people what to do, and it certainly isn’t my place here, but your relationship sounds really complicated.

You don’t need all that stress when TTC and you certainly don’t need that kind of uncertainty around any future child.

It doesn’t sound like he’d be on board and support the child and though I don’t know the situation completely he sounds like the sort of person that would make you feel bad for putting your child first.

It just doesn’t sound like a good relationship at all but you have to do what’s right for you.

High OPK. Peak expected tomorrow. No donor :(

What are your plans now @bitheby? Will you find another donor or are you looking at using a clinic?