TTC with a donor

[Waiting2BAMummy]

So it appears I posted the 1,000 message on our previous thread and now it's closed so I've opened us a new home!

@TimeIhadaNameChange
@LanieM87
@Freezerbump

I did go back on co parents @LanieM87, just to see who was around, but haven’t paid to rejoin yet as I’m hoping I won’t need to.

How are you feeling? How far gone are you now? Have you met with your midwife yet?

Yeah let's hope you don't need to rejoin!! @Waiting2BAMummy
I'm good thanks! I'm almost 12 weeks now, just waiting for my dating scan to come through. Finally starting to feel a little better though the tiredness and fatigue is not relenting just yet!!

Exciting stuff @LanieM87 can’t believe you’re almost 12 weeks already only seems like last week you were making your announcement.

I think I’m 5/6dpo today and have lower back ache. Last month I only had a 20 day cycle and today is CD21 so keep going to the bathroom to make sure AF isn’t arriving.

Bit if a random question, but have any of you guys had any sort of legal agreement drawn up between yourselves and your donor, I assume this only applies to those using fresh donations?
We are close to starting our journey and just want everything clear in our minds what we should have in place.

I did draw up a contract with one donor @KLO0224 but didn't end up using him as he didn't bother to turn up.

I haven't with the donor I have now but I trust him implicitly.

Hello! I hope you guys don’t mind me jumping in! Me and my partner John are going ahead with our donor this month, we are doing AI and I’m all over the place as we’ve never done this before.. we have male factor infertility. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice as to what is the most successful method for this?! Is it a calpol syringe? (Really?!) or do I need to order a kit off price angel or similar? Also I don’t temp I will be using test strips and a clear blue smiley monitor - ovulation is estimated 17th feb! Any advice would be massively appreciated! Thanks girls!

Pride angel sorry!

@Waiting2BAMummy did you have it drawn up with a solicitor? Or is there a template I could use online? What sort of things did your contract include? We trust our donor but I think more for his peace of mind we would want something in place. He may not feel it is necessary but just to cover all bases I'd be interested to know what your contract entailed.

Thanks everyone!

Nope, still haven't packed my hospital bag yet. Have vaguely thought about it, mind. Still need to wash all the baby stuff and sort out the bedroom. I'm sure there are a few bits and bobs to buy as well... I'm sure I'll get it all ready at some point.

It's really weird to think that in a matter of weeks I'll have my own baby in the house. Never thought I'd have the opportunity.

Hi

Can I ask a question to help me work out where to meet my donor?

Last time I booked an AirBnB and stayed the night before and we met in the morning before I had to check out.

He's only just confirmed that he's available to meet me tomorrow evening and the place is not available.

I don't need to stay over as I intend to drive home afterwards as I need to be at work on Wed.

I'm looking for places with meeting rooms to hire but they're all big conference venues as it's quite near an airport and I just want a small, quiet, discreet place with private bathroom facilities.

Has anyone done this and met up in a hotel and not booked a room? Has it worked with privacy? Any other suggestions for suitable places with privacy? I go to his area to inconvenience him less but it's two hours from home so I can't go home. Any ideas?

@bitheby the one time I met a donor I booked a hotel room and he came over on the afternoon and I went downstairs til he had finished. I didn't stay the night. Just for a few hours, had a shower etc. It cost me around £30.
It was the only way I could think of as he lived a couple of hours away as well!

Thanks Lanie

The place I booked before was self contained although the owners lived on-site but it felt quite private.

It just isn't available tomorrow but I don't know if that's because of the closeness of the date.

It's also so awkward with a family home on AirBnB to explain what the hell you're doing if I don't stay. An anonymous hotel would be better but because of the airport, they're really expensive.

It was something the donor had used before @KLO0224 if you PM me your email address I’ll forward it to you. It’s at least a framework you could use.

@bitheby I always stayed over in the hotel I used could you just book a cheap room in a travelodge or premier inn but not stay?

I've found a single room in a B&B for £40.

He lives south of a big city near a regional airport. No cheap hotels. There's a Holiday Inn but the rooms are over £100 per night.

Good luck @bitheby

Thanks. I'm just experimenting with the flex discs. I should've practised more. I'm not sure whether to go with the disc or the syringe method. I found the syringe method really tricky last year. I remember someone saying how easy the Softcups were and they didn't lose anything but I've just tried with some fertility gel and spilled some.

Argh. Any tips. I'm not dealing with this too well.

I use the soft cups @bitheby I used to get my donor to make his donation directly into the cup and then insert it but I started to worry that the sample was open to the air for too long between the time he finished and the time I was inserting. He now makes his donation into a sample pot I use a syringe and then put the cup in afterwards.

I guess you could always have him make his donation into the sample pot and then tip that into the cup. I used to do that when I first started trying and was using the stork but at £99 per kit, and you can only use it once, I gave that up very quickly.

If you are going to insert the cup with the sample in it my advice is don’t do it laying down. Of course you can lay down afterwards but I would recommend squatting over the toilet, as if you’re almost sitting on it, and insert it from there.

I personally found the syringe method to be the easiest. I would just lay down on the bed, insert pre seed about 5mins before hand. Stimulate myself (tmi I know) and then insert the syringe and just pull out really slowly to minimise leakage. I personally aimed to do it before bed, so then I was laid all night.
The key with a syringe is not to draw too quickly!

Fingers crossed for you @bitheby

I just found there wasn't enough to draw it into the syringe without loads of air bubbles. I don't know whether that was a one off because he didn't produce much on that occasion. I have limited experience with semen but I know my previous partner produces more!

So I think the exposure to air risk is much higher using the syringe method.

I'm worried. But I'm meeting him tonight and then Friday. Ovulation is best guess Saturday. So if it all goes wrong tonight then I have another chance.

The kit I bought said you should draw an extra 2ml of air into the syringe anyway to ensure that the entire sample is expelled otherwise you end up with some left in the syringe.

You’ll be fine @bitheby try not to overthink it as stress is no good for TTC. Good luck

That's useful to know.

It's so much effort and takes so much planning I'm beginning to see the attraction in sex with a stranger!!

I'm in the room. He's due in about 25 minutes. It's very anonymous. En-suite. Basic but hopefully everything required.

Still can't quite believe I'm doing this. Wish me luck.

Good luck @bitheby

He's here and he's doing the thing.

He's so nice. I'd actually like to have a friendship with him. I wouldn't. But he's someone I might choose if I wasn't doing this in such a strange way and that fills me with some confidence that some nature is at play.

I’m still waiting. I assume he’s struggling. All I can do is wait right? I don’t go in and check he hasn’t had a heart attack or something?