#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 12

[ButtonMooooon]

New thread, hope you don't mind I started a new one Kwick

@TheAdventureStartsHere damn I’ve got bad at tagging

Hi is anyone still active on this thread? Just wondering if anyone is currently going through a cycle - FET here.

@K10f1 thinking of you today and hoping you are okay. Your clinic sounds nice and I hope they are supportive of you, whatever your result is!
I’m sure the sharp pains are pretty normal for post IUI no matter whether you lift bins or not. As long as you aren’t power lifting then I’m sure things progress as they were always going to do. I’ve spent so long overanalysing every little pain and pinch and weird sensation, but I am fairly sure that these are normal and mms or indicate or contra indicate pregnancy. Also I’m sure that no matter what I eat or supplements or exercise I take - I’m sure if it’s a sticky bean then it will stick and it’s pretty much in fates hands! Keeping my fingers crossed for sticky beans for everyone hoping to conceive x

@Autumn1985 hello and welcome to the chat! The thread is still active but not many current regulars so newbies and lurkers are always welcome! Feel free to introduce yourself and explain your journey! Wishing you luck with your FET!
So for introductions - I’m 35 (tomorrow), married to my wife, and trying to conceive since oct 19. I’m now in my third two week wait following my third IUI attempt with donor sperm. The first two attempts were unfortunately unsuccessful. I’m still considering my next move if this third attempt is unsuccessful. Anyone else here wish to introduce themselves or share their journey with us and autumn1985?

Hey @TheAdventureStartsHere thanks for the intro / update I have been on this thread before on another name but then got paranoid! It was quite a while ago though. So, I’m 34 and have had two failed ivf fresh cycles since Jan 2019 and this is my 3rd transfer/first FET. I’m doing this alone and didn’t have IUI before. Transfer is next week so not far off joining you in TWW, wishing you all the luck & baby dust that this is your time🤞Is it testing time soon?

@TheAdventureStartsHere When is your test day? Based on when you posted I’m guess next week? Hope you’re ok.

Hi @Autumn1985 I’m also 34 and another thing to do this on her own. It’s a decision I made because I had known fertility problems (pcos, endometrial polyps, I don’t ovulate) and I wasn’t prepared to get older without trying fertility treatment. And I certainly didn’t want to be linked to someone for the rest of my life without knowing them a good few years, so going solo and deciding to separate my dating life from my attempts to be a parent felt and continues to feel logical. Good luck for your transfer.

Well, time for an update. I tested a little early -Sunday and it was negative. I felt disheartened obviously. On Tuesday I had some brownish discharge and I thought AF was coming. Then it didn’t. Yesterday was test day and on the clinic test I had the faintest of faint positives. It was so faint that I showed it to my mum and she basically said there was no way it meant anything. But I could see it so I went and got a first response and two boots digitals (they were buy one get one half price). The first response gave me a pale slightly incomplete pink line, the digital was negative.

So I thought test again with a first response this morning, and it was no darker. I called the clinic and explained. They suggested a blood test, but they couldn’t do it at the satellite that day so I’d have had to drive to the main clinic, which would be 2.5 hours there and back. So I called my gp and they agreed to do a blood test (but the results won’t be back until Monday).

Then this afternoon I just thought “what’s the harm in another boots digital, just to see.” And it was positive. So I took a clear blue digital and it was positive (1-2 weeks), so I took the one in my work bag, and it was positive, and then first response was darker... and the upshot of it all is that whether this end up sticking, whether I will get to 40 or even 6 weeks I don’t know, but right now I appear to be a little bit pregnant. The next milestone is getting to my scan March 11th.

I think your right, there’s no exercise, or supplement, or diet that will change things. If it’s going to stick it will. Think of all the people who get pregnant without even trying, if eating a pineapple or using a hot water bottle, or any of the many old wives tales were real there wouldn’t be quite so many happy accidents.

So now I’m doing more waiting, and dog walking, and tea drinking and trying to think positive but not get carried away with myself as it’s such early days.

Good luck with test days and transfers

Xxx

Hi @K10f1 👋 similar to you I’ve also had gynae issues and the consultant told me to get a wriggle on two years ago! I agree, there’s always time for a relationship later.
What rollercoaster of a few days 😬 but that’s so good to hear it’s now a stronger positive! 🤞🤞🤞 for blood test results on Monday

Hi all. Hoping this thread is still active! My partner and I are in a same-sex relationship and have our first bloods/scans/consultation coming up in the next few weeks. I'm hoping to carry but I have PCOS so feeling apprehensive about how this will affect things. We're hoping to have IUI (our chosen clinic has a three cycle package which is just about affordable!) so super nervous but excited to get started. We're with the London Women's Clinic – have read mixed reviews so would be great to hear some positive experiences!

@BananaHammock23 I’m a pcos a patient and have conceived with medicated iui. I do not ovulate naturally, well rarely. I did three times last year after starting metformin but not since. From what I can tell the main issue of pcos is your ovaries might over or under respond. I have an amh of 85, so they were super cautions and worried about over stimulations, therefore my medication dose was low to begin with and basically didn’t work. I ended up needing quite high doses (well for iui they were high anyway). The other problem i had is because I don’t ovulate I don’t get regular periods which means my lining was too thick on my first attempt to cycle and I had to use northisterone to induce a bleed to get control of it. I don’t use the LWC though so can’t comment on them. Good luck to you!

@Autumn1985 the rollercoaster continues for me! My first blood was only 18, but it’s going up. The next test was 59 which gave me a doubling time of 42 hours. The next 143 giving a doubling time of 39 hours. The numbers are low but going in the right direction at a reassuring rate. Unfortunately I’m having very light spotting. Have been for 6 days now. It’s reassuring that the numbers are rising despite this but essentially we don’t know how this will go. The earliest they can scan me and see anything is Wednesday so we’ll see. In the mean time I’m trying not to panic... When was your transfer? How are you feeling?

@TheAdventureStartsHere I hope you’re ok, have been thinking of you this week

@K10f1 wow it worked first time! That’s such brilliant news and you must be thrilled! I knew those three follicles were a great sign for you! Its great that your numbers are increasing and I hope that you are feeling okay. Do you feel any different yet? I think the light spotting is fairly common so long as it doesn’t get heavier(I’ll keep my fingers all crossed), and keep taking your progesterone to support your lining. I really hope that it all goes well and you have a sticky bean.

Sorry I’m slow to reply - we have been away for a few days on a staycation to celebrate my wife and I’s birthday’s, and hoping that it would have been good timing to relax during our two week wait. However we saw a different consultant this round at one of the further away satellite clinics (because the timing meant our useless local satellite was shut every time we needed it of course!) and she upped my dose of meds and the follicle grew much faster than previously and we triggered and inseminated much earlier than expected with only 1 follicle monitoring scan this time compared to my previous 4 scans. As I mentioned previously, the insemination by the nurse didn’t exactly go quickly or smoothly, and we have no idea if it affected the outcome, but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be again. We had another BFN on FMU at 12 days post IUI and I woke up bleeding 13 days post IUI. Obviously I’m totally gutted again but mostly because it felt really different this time and I guess I convinced myself that it had finally worked for us. So that leaves us unsure where to progress from here. We only have a few vials of magic potion left and we hope for my wife to also carry a pregnancy ideally from the potion we have already purchased (as our chosen donor has no vials left currently- although he is apparently still donating so there may be a chance we can get more in the future but honestly I doubt we can afford any more!) We have the option to either try me with IVF or try to do some IUI with my wife. It’s a hard choice because my wife is also desperate to carry a pregnancy and yet I’m going first as I am older, but every time I fail to get pregnant we are both getting older and I’m delaying her chance to get pregnant even further. It’s a dilemma and unfortunately we dont have unlimited funds, so we have already eaten a large chunk out of our savings and I worry that we will run out of money before either of us get pregnant! It’s pretty heartbreaking but I am keeping positive from the success stories and wonderful ‘against all odds’ pregnancies that I have read on this thread and I’m sure we will be blessed with a BFP one day 🤞

@BananaHammock23 welcome to the thread and I hope you and your partner will be successful with your IUI. There is lots of lovely IUI success stories on this thread so sending lots of positivity your way! As I myself are half of a same sex couple that has had the tests and procedures for IUI, I’m happy to answer any questions you might have, but we are not with London’s Women’s clinic so sorry I can’t comment on that clinic. Other ladies on here might have experience of LWC over the years though! Can anyone lurking offer any advice to BananaHammock?

@Autumn1985 have you had your transfer yet? How are you feeling? I hope all is going well for you - we’re keeping our finger crossed for you :)

@MissHoney20 have you made any decisions on your clinic yet? Let us know if you start any treatment as we are all happy to share experiences and help support each other!

Hey @K10f1 so glad to hear the numbers are doubling, a late planter?! Good luck for the scan on Weds. Transfer went well 😌, probably the easiest one that I’ve had. Trying to just forget about it for now though!

Hi @BananaHammock23 👋 welcome to the thread! I didn’t have iui or use that clinic I’m afraid but I hope the initial tests and consultation go well.

Hi @TheAdventureStartsHere I’m so sorry to hear lovely, it’s such a difficult process with no certainties. How are you feeling? It’s such a tough process, take sometime to yourself before you make any big decisions. This is my 3rd transfer from 2 cycles of IVF and it’s been tough going, my last in a long while if it doesn’t work. Could you consider you doing the ivf but if you had any frozen embryos left your wife could transfer in the future? Transfer has happened so the dreaded TWW now, currently pretending everything is fine and that I’ve not even had a transfer!

@TheAdventureStartsHere Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, I was really hoping for better news for you. That sounds like a difficult decision to make and I suppose the only two people who can make that decision are you and your wife. Has she expressed that she would like to try iui now rather than try IVF with you? Or is it more a worry in your head? It would be a hard thing I guess for her to say and a hard conversation to have. Have you spoken about your/her preference in all this?Whoever ends up carrying your child(ren) your going to love them and you will be their mum, but you already know that. I wish you luck making your decision regarding the next steps.

@Autumn1985 Good luck for the 2ww, it’s not fun is it? trying to ignore it is probably the best plan... if you find a way of doing that let me know....

You know I’d love to be excited and I was for the 48 hours before I started bleeding, but since then I’m actually a wreck. The bleeding isn’t stopping and if anything it’s getting heavier, it’s now red rather than a pale pink and I’ve passed clots. I’m getting odd pains, not cramps. Sometimes in my right side, sometimes in my left, sometimes both at once. And there’s a general heavy feeling in my pelvis that I associate with a period. I’m pretty certain it’s a miscarriage - but they won’t be able to see anything on a scan until Wednesday. I’m off work because they tell you to rest but “resting” really just means having an unstimulated brain free to dwell. I was going to go in yesterday but the bleeding was heavier and the clots showed up so instead I fell apart and haven’t stopped crying for more than an hour since. Every time I think I’ve got myself together the crying starts again. I kept it together pretty well until now but it seems 8 days of uncertainty is about all I can take. I keep feeling like I should be handling it better, 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and I know that, I’ve known that all along. So if it’s a miscarriage it is not surprising. But you get that positive and immediately imagine this whole life. Anyway, struggling.

I also feel like I’m not a very nice person today. My dad tried to tell me I just knew too much, if I hadn’t known I was pregnant this wouldn’t be a problem. He said “you seemed to know after about 3 hours” and I just lost it. Obviously it’s factually incorrect, by the time you take a pregnancy test you’re 4 weeks pregnant according to the way they calculate pregnancy, and I’d just done a 16 day “2 week wait.” But he was just being clumsy, I know that. He’s not a bad man and actually he’s supportive of the whole thing. But at the time it felt like he was saying this pregnancy didn’t count, and after all the injections and waiting, the surgery, cancelled cycles and everything else, to me it really does count. So I told him to piss off because he wasn’t being helpful and now I feel guilty.

We’ll see what Wednesday brings but I don’t see how I can loose this much and still have a viable pregnancy.

@K10f1 I. Sorry to hear that you are still struggling with the worry of the bleeding. I really hope that this is just a scare and that you will have a good outcome. I know sometimes it’s not helpful when people make suggestions - but in the absence of being able to help in any tangible way - try to distract yourself with a good absorbing book to read or a happy film to watch or listen to some uplifting music- sorry it won’t take the worry away but I would hope it will bring you some moments where you have some peace to rest and relax! Also take advantage of all the doggie cuddles you can get- as I have found they are really good for licking up tears and they give the best hugs!
Talk with whoever you think is most suitable - be it friends, family or maybe reach out to a counsellor from the clinic if you are struggling. You shouldn’t have to feel alone and cry all the time- make sure you get some support for your worries! You are not a bad person today - you are stressed and worried and no doubt hormonal, so feeling grumpy is understandable! Anyone else in your position would be the same, and sometimes people who aren’t going through it just don’t understand and make silly thoughtless comments. I think I’ve said before that my mum and dad suggested that we ‘don’t waste more money on fertility and one of us just goes into town and sleeps with a man in a bar!’. I was horrified at them but I think they thought it was either a bit of a joke or was just spoken insensitively!
Every cycle counts to all of us ladies waiting for a child - every cycle brings with it new hopes, new fears and unfortunately sometimes that terrible feeling of loss even though it may have only been a tiny ball of a few cells or maybe just a baby that existed only in our dreams- it’s still valid feelings so I completely understand! It’s a horrible rollercoaster especially when you add in the hormones and injections and time and expense and getting poked and prodded n your privates by all manner of people on top of it all - so be kind to yourself and maybe you can apologise or explain your feelings to your dad some time- he will probably be mortified that he carelessly upset you! My sister in law is a doctor and she found trying to co Clive and pregnancy so hard as she knew far too much about everything that could go wrong- it really spoilt her experience at the time so you must feel similarly. I feel lucky in some ways about how ignorant I am of the whole process - but you try to keep focusing on being positive and think of all the good things you know that can happen too!

Thanks @TheAdventureStartsHere –great to find another same-sex couple on here! So sorry to hear about your recent BFN, and totally get where you're coming from about deciding whether to start trying with your wife carrying! My partner is older but has never been heart-set on carrying like I am; but I fear we might have to make the decision to move on to her if my PCOS gets in the way.

Hi, I'm new to this site and on the ttc journey.
How is everyone?
I'm 33, married to my wife, waiting for our referral to an NHS clinic and meanwhile trying out a local private fertility clinic.
We got all the tests for IUI done and have an appointment next week to sign all the consent papers and hopefully we will be given a date for the treatment as well.

Hi @K10f1, how did today go? Have everything crossed for you. I’m still in TWW and not yet tested... still a bit too early but will probably test before OTD. People are so insensitive aren't they, I hope your Dad has apologised. Either they don’t think or don’t know what to say so the complete wrong thing comes out.

@TheAdventureStartsHere
how are you doing? Hope you’re ok 💐 have you made any decisions for moving forward?

@lillibeth86 hi and welcome to the thread 👋 how are you feeling about starting? Will it be you or your wife having treatment?

Hi @lillibeth86 welcome to the thread

@TheAdventureStartsHere Thanks for your kind words. They confirmed today I am having a miscarriage. So I’m to stop the pessaries and it should all come away naturally. If I’m honest I haven’t cried since they told me. Saturday-Monday I was a mess but by then the bleeding was so heavy I knew what was happening. I sort of made my peace with it and felt calmer since yesterday. I’m sad but I did my crying/wailing earlier in the week. I’m ready to move on. The cramping is pretty bad now and I’m curled up in pjs with a hot water bottle.

They’ve booked me a review with the doctor in a couple of weeks to check everything has resolved although if I get ill in that time I’m to present to ED, we can also discuss if we need to change anything. They’re going to give me a call to discuss sperm as I have a few questions before deciding what to do next. They say we can go again after my next normal period if I feel ready to do so, and if I’m honest I already know I do. I want a child, that hasn’t changed, and I paid for 3 cycles up front so I was to get cracking as soon as I can again.

@Autumn1985 thanks. I will be having the treatment. We are both super excited and anxious but also so ready to finally start. We've been wanting a family for a while (been together almost 11 years) and now is the time, hopefully...

Sorry @Autumn1985 I think we cross posted. He didn’t apologise but when I was picking mum up this morning (she came to the scan with me) he gave me a hug and told me he loved me, which is probably as close as dad will get. Not great news today, see my update above. I feel surprisingly calm about it. Think I accepted it yesterday and today was just confirmation. When’s your test day?

@K10f1 I’m so sorry take extra care good care of yourself these next few days. I’ve not been through that but have had failed cycles and I know that’s tough enough but I can only imagine this is much worse. I’m glad you have a plan going forward and next steps to focus on 💐
As for me, OTD is next week but I’m sure I’ll cave before then.

@K10f1 I’m so sorry to hear your sad news! I really had hoped that it was just a scare for you. I hope that you are looking after yourself, I can’t imagine how sad you must feel, but I also hope that it will be helpful for you to start making plans to move forward and try again.

@Autumn1985 hope you are doing okay in your TWW - it’s so nerve wrecking! Fingers crossed for your test next week - I hope you get good news!

@lillibeth86 hello and welcome! Good luck with your consenting appointment - that’s when it all feels really exciting and real! How are you feeling? I send you baby dust and hope you get your longed for baby!

We are having a month off treatment whilst we try to make our mind up on our next move. In the meantime my wife is getting her thyroid sorted out so that she will be in good health and able to carry a pregnancy if we choose for her to try. I’m finding the failure of our last IUI cycle harder than I expected. I just had a colleague announce her pregnancy and I found it really hard to congratulate her without bursting into tears. Obviously she more than deserves her child and I don’t begrudge her a child at all, its so lovely for her - it’s more just a slightly painful reminder of what I haven’t managed to get yet that makes me sad. I’m sure you ladies all know and understand what I mean and maybe even feel similarly, but I feel like I’m being weird and I can’t talk to anyone about it as they don’t understand. I hope it’s okay to discuss here with you ladies. Anyway I have a lot to be grateful for in my life already and I’m very lucky so I’m going to try to be positive and hopefully the future will bring us and all you ladies the good news that we want! ❤️

@theadventurestartshere thank you. I totally know the feeling. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I literally can't wait for the appointment. I already know what kinda treatment we are going for but next week we will be learning about the when and how.
Also I worry about everything and anything at the moment. The doctor said all good and we can start but I read on the internet ( yeah never google symptoms or results) that my high AMH could indicate that I have PCOS even though I never thought I had any problems .

Oh @TheAdventureStartsHere I get that. I feel like everybody is bloody pregnant and it stings. Two people I work with, every other celebrity, even the fecking prime minister is having another. I can’t avoid pregnancy in my job. I did my first shift since the news on Saturday. Physically it was difficult. I’m cramping quite badly too and continue to bleed heavily, but I wanted to try and do normal so I went. I was ok with the children/babies I saw, but struggled with the pregnant people. They’d never have known, I was professional etc but emotionally it was a struggle. Still I managed, and that’s important. Quite simply if I want a child I’m going to need money so not working isn’t an option.

@Autumn1985 How are you holding up? It’s so hard not to test isn’t it. I hope you’re well and not going too nuts with all the waiting.

@lillibeth86 My high AMH (85) is because I have pcos but I also had symptoms/an ultrasound consistent with pcos. If your hormone levels are normal, your scans ok and you don’t have any symptoms then it seems unlikely. A diagnosis of PCOS is usually made if you meet at least 2 of the following 3 criteria:

1. you have irregular or infrequent periods.
2. blood tests showing you havehormonal irregularities
3. scans showing you have polycystic ovaries

And even if you have it you can get pregnant. Women do. I did. Granted it hasn’t worked out for me but I still responded to the treatment. Try not to worry about this. You can’t change it. If you have it then you do but there’s no reason to think you won’t respond to treatment and if you haven’t then a high AMH is great news. You could talk to your clinic about it if your worried.

@K10f1I'm so sorry
Thanks for the reply. I talked to the clinic yesterday and they seem not to worry about it. So I try to forget about it too. The appointment went really fast and they asked me if I wanted to start the treatment this month . I have family round this week so I am hoping they won't find the Ovitrelle in the fridge since we haven't told anyone yet.

How is everyone doing?

My IUI treatment got cancelled due to Covid-19 which was to be expected. I'm heartbroken and a bit lost at the moment.
I really thought 2020 would be the year I would get pregnant and everything I have done was with that goal in mind. Changed job, adapted my exercise routine, food, drink, vitamins the whole lot.
This adds a whole new waiting game to the waiting game...