#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 12

[ButtonMooooon]

New thread, hope you don't mind I started a new one Kwick

@K10f1 glad to hear that you are feeling better! Time has been flying by and you are right that Christmas has just crept up without me realising! I’ve been doing bits and bobs of shopping but I only just realised Xmas is only a few days away 😱 and I’m definitely not ready!
I hope the northisterone is going to work better for you than the provera did, despite its horrible current side effects! How long do you have to be on it for?
I feel like the metformin isn’t really causing me any major side effects apart from making me run to the loo! I’ve built it up slowly to reduce any side effects and to be honest with all the gonal f and ovitrelle injections, multivitamin tablets, folic acid tablets as well - I’m not really sure what is causing what any more!
As you say it is hard to schedule time off work when the IUI timeline is somewhat driven by our unpredictable bodies - I tried to predict my 2nd IUI day and book the day off but it didn’t really go to plan. My follicle grew too slowly again and so I ended up having the IUI later than I had planned so had to hand back my prior agreed day off at work then beg to have it again a day later in the week! I got pretty close to spilling the beans this time - it’s hard keeping it from everyone when I need to have time off at short notice and so many appointments! I think If I go through another cycle then I might have a meeting with my manager and say that I am having some medical treatment and try to keep it vague but let him know that I’ll need several appointments and short notice leave. I think you are right that letting people know will be less stressful and awkward. I also ended up a hormonal emotional wreck prior to my ovulation and burst into tears at work on my colleague which I vaguely explained by saying that I was having some health issues 🤦‍♀️🤣
So my 2nd IUI is done and I’m now 4 days into the dreaded 2ww! I’m feeling a LOT more relaxed and less anxious this time around, but definitely more pessimistic about the chances of it working! My official test date is New Years Eve but I feel like that might 1) ruin my new year and 2) be too late if AF turns up - so I think I’ll test a day or two earlier on 12days post IUI as that’s when my AF showed up last time and I found it helpful to know that I hadn’t had an implantation. Obviously if It’s a negative but AF doesn’t turn up soon after then I will retest on my official test date anyway just in case I’ve got lucky!
I am trying to keep busy in my Tww and I had my hair done today. The hair dresser asked me if my wife and I planned on having a family and how. I told her yes and via a clinic but it’s very expensive! So then she said haven’t you just thought about going out in town and getting pregnant for free 🤦‍♀️ I was flabbergasted how people think that is a sensible suggestion for so many reasons- the health of me and my future child, never mind the fact I’m in a committed relationship and am happily married and I’m a lesbian so why would I want to sleep with a man- but I tried not to tell her how she was talking utter crap 🙄👎 people can be so odd!
I also had my mum tell me to ‘hurry up with making a family as my wife is very broody’ whilst I was at a family Xmas party surrounded by my relatives babies and we were enjoying playing and cuddling with them. My wife had to drag me off to the toilets to dry my eyes as it seemed pretty thoughtless -but I guess that’s the price I pay for not letting my family know that we have already started trying. I still want to keep it to myself though as I really don’t want my mum to keep expecting good news every month and also being disappointed.
I hope you are looking forward to Xmas and you get some time off work. I’m lucky to have Xmas day and Boxing Day off but then back to work.

@TheAdventureStartsHere Merry Christmas, hows the 2ww going? Hope you survived further family exposure without crying in the bathroom. I was meant to finish the norethisterone tomorrow but am going to keep taking until the 30th. This is basically to try and make it so my baseline scan isn’t my first day back to work in the new year. That would feel like taking the piss a little... because yes I have 12 glorious days off this year. First time for 9 years that I’ve had any decent leave around Christmas, and it’s largely because of where the bank holidays fell in relation to my normal working pattern (for example I don’t work Fridays normally so today I wouldn’t be in work anyway). I have 12 days off but am only using 2 days annual leave. Glorious!
My cousins baby was born this morning. She went in to labour Christmas Eve, and it’s all been a bit traumatic from what I can tell. Eventually born at 5 something today by emergency c-section weighing in at 9lb9oz. So it’s been a very baby Christmas, and the family has been tense. Knowing she was in pain and struggling but not being able to help meant there was this overall feeling of anxiety through the whole Christmas period, we didn’t do presents with her mum/brother/step dad - we saw them both days (we do Christmas Day at my parents house and Boxing Day at my aunts house every year) but somehow it didn’t seem right to open anything until she and her partner (and the new addition) could be there. I’m delighted to say I didn’t feel jealous at all, just the normal concern that it is appropriate to feel. Going in to see them this afternoon and excited.
Good luck for your test, have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

@TheAdventureStartsHere have been thinking about you over new year. I hope you’re ok, whatever the outcome of your test.
I’m finally in the game. Baseline scan was today (first day back at work despite my efforts to avoid it). Lining was 5.7, but as I’m still bleeding the consultant was happy for me to start treatment. When I get home tonight I will be starting my injections. Sort of weird to think of myself doing them in the kitchen with the dogs as an audience. Still I shall woman up and get it done. Next scan booked for Friday.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it bring everyone health and happiness!

@K10f1 hope you had a good long break over Christmas and had a nice time. I’m glad your cousin delivered her baby safely and hope he is settling in well! We had a very busy family filled Christmas and New Year interspersed with work hence my ‘radio silence’. We unfortunately had another BFN with our second attempt and found out just before New Year - so it made for a rather quiet, slightly disappointing start to the New Year. I used the excuse to stay in with the dogs to help them cope with the fireworks and I watched moulin rouge and ate Christmas chocolates whilst my wife went out to see more family! We are having a break from the fertility treatment this cycle whilst we consider our options. Have you made plans for your baseline this cycle - I’ve had my fingers crossed for good news for you!

@TheAdventureStartsHere I’m so sorry about your BFN but glad to hear from you, I was worried for you. Funny how you can worry for someone you’ve never met. Have you had a follow up apt with the consultant? I think we have to remember there’s about a 20% chance of success with each shot so luck plays a huge role. I keep telling myself this to try and stop me getting my hopes up. I’m not sure it’s working though. Taking a month off to gather your thoughts seems a good idea.
Well I had a follow up scan friday morning (day 5, but after 4 days gonal-f and buserelin as I inject in the evening). My biggest follicle was 11mm and then there were two others around the 7mm mark and the rest were two small to be of consequence. They left my doses as they were (super low) and plan to scan me again Monday. She told me she was happy with this as her primary concern had been ohss. So I’m crossing my fingers for a bit more growth by Monday. In the mean time I’m literally shattered all the time, though i think that’s just the January of it all and it’s been a stressful week at work for a variety of reasons. She’s hoping I’ll be ready for the iui Friday, that would work well for me as I’m not working anyway and I’m not in again until the Sunday.
Fingers crossed
X

@K10f1 I’m sorry that I didn’t reply earlier! I didnt see your post from the 6th January until after I’d posted yesterday and you had replied!
Such great news that all is well for you to proceed this cycle and I read that you have already had your baseline and several days of injections! How are you finding the injections? I found it weird when my dogs sat watching me do my injection too - I think they hoped it was something for them to eat or play with! 🤣 I think the medicines smell very strong and different, so it makes them very curious. I’m enjoying having no injections this cycle- my thighs were getting rather tender - I imagine that’s why some clinics don’t recommend back to back cycles. My clinic wasn’t able to give me an appointment for this cycle anyway as my day 1 fell just before New Year so the clinic was shut for my day 2 (new year’s day) and no available appointments for day 3. When I rang them they said I could have a day 1 appointment if I left work immediately and drive the 2 hours to the main clinic for an appointment in less than an hours time - I said that I physically couldn’t drive 2 hours in less than 1 hour- never mind having just arrived at work with no notice that I was going to need to have the morning off. So i would have needed to have this cycle off anyway even if I hadn’t wanted to.
Your follicle sounds like it’s making good progress to me - I think mine was woefully slow growing at that point in my previous cycles and was only getting to 9mm by day 7 so fingers crossed yours will continue to make good progress as I think growth increases faster towards maturation! Fingers crossed you are on track for Friday! It is rather tiring with all the medications and excitement/nerves and growing a little follicle. Listen to your body and properly rest and relax when you.
I agree that a lot of the IUI success is down to luck and probability! I take great hope in reading some people’s stories of their IUI success on the first or second attempt so I still think positively for a third attempt. My clinic predict me a more pessimistic 11% chance of success probably due to my age being soon to drop into the 35-40 category where success is even lower (but I prefer to think positively and hope that it’s probably in the range between 11-20%. My friend took 5 attempts when she was in the 30-35 year age bracket and that was without medication which I would say kind of roughly meets the 20% chance prediction but I’m not very good at maths 🤣 I was kind of hoping that taking the medication would increase my chances so that I would need less than 5 attempts to be successful. In my head I’ve said that I’ll do 3 IUI attempts before considering IVF but that scares me with the thought that I only have 1 IUI chance left before considering the increased medication, appointments and expense of the IVF regime! But in my heart I knew that the IUI attempts were to give myself a chance to come to terms with the medications and examinations to see if I could cope with doing IVF. I think even though the first two attempts were unsuccessful at making me pregnant I feel like I’ve gained a lot from the experience - particularly at getting better at giving myself the injections (which is a BIG step for me!).
Sending you good growing vibes for your follicle and try not to be too stressed at work! 😊

@TheAdventureStartsHereI can just imagine that conversation with the clinic. I sometimes find myself having those sorts of conversations at work. I once uttered the phrase “I really wish I could, but I can’t bend time.”

Well this week has been upsetting. Went for my scan Monday and my nice big follicle had freaking shrunk. Indeed they all seemed to have done. It was day 7 and there was basically nothing bigger than a 6.9. And lots of little cysts. I was gutted. On Friday I had been prepared for this result, expecting it even, but after such a promising start I’d felt more optimistic. Anyway they increased my dose of Gonal f and scanned me again Wednesday. The follicles shrunk further. There was nothing even worth measuring.

So my cycle was cancelled, I went back to work and had a horrendously busy on call shift. I’m only today really getting to think about the whole thing. I know it’s the sensible decision. It’s better to call the cycle now than to chase something that just isn’t happening, but it’s hard. The last two weeks have been so disruptive with work etc. And now it’s just done, and once again I’m definitely not getting pregnant. Sometimes I think I’ll never get to the point of POAS.

Consultant has decided to increase my starting dose significantly next time, and to scan me earlier/monitor closely to try and protect from OHSS, or indeed the great follicle shrink occurring again. And I’m going to take northisterone again to bring on my period, so hopefully that will keep my lining in check. She is happy for me to go off my next period rather than skipping a cycle as we didn’t get to do a full cycle. I actually have the first two weeks in feb off work so with the northisterone I’m going to try and time it for then to hopefully make it an easier process next time.

Generally the injections haven’t been too bad. The buserelin itches like all hell, Gonal is fine but I think sometimes I don’t hold the plunger down far enough because I take it out and the number isn’t at zero. So you know, I re-stab myself until I finally get it to zero. It actually felt odd not stabbing myself last night.

Anyway today will be spent cuddling dogs, watching tv, eating comfort food and hell maybe even having a glass of wine.
x

Bit of an update. The day after my cycle was cancelled I started bleeding. It was a bit of a shock, less than 2 weeks since my last period. I called the clinic but thought they’d say that it didn’t count and to miss it. But they didn’t, they bought me down for a scan the next day. And it seems the follicle shrink was real, my lining was thin, my ovaries good to go. So two days after a cancelled cycle I started the next cycle. Had to call stork to get my medication delivered earlier than planned, and yesterday I started on the higher doses. My heads spinning if I’m honest, but off we go.

@K10f1 oh my goodness - what a roller coaster! I’m sorry to hear of your shrinking follicles but it all sounds like it turned out for the best so you can properly start again on the higher doses. I hope that this cycle will be luckier for you! It’s such a complex thing, trying to conceive - it makes me wonder how the heck people even ever conceive naturally without help as it’s such a fine balance of hormones and timing! But as everyone on these forums say you only need one good egg and one little sperm to get lucky!’. We maybe just need more luck than some! So fingers crossed for us all 🤞

Hi everyone, I’ve lurked a bit on this thread but this is my first post 😁 I’m 36, single and looking to start IVF with a sperm donor in the next few months. At the moment I am trying to choose a clinic. I’ve been to a few open evenings, some I liked and some I didn’t. How did everyone choose theirs? I’m in the countryside in the midlands so whichever I pick will be quite a way from me. I’ve had CARE Nottingham recommended to me, but I’ve not had time to go and visit it yet

Hello @MissHoney20 Glad you could join us! welcome to the chat!
Im 34 (nearly 35) and have had 2 unsuccessful medicated IUI cycles and currently having a bit of a break before possibly another IUI attempt then may go into IVF. My wife and I chose our clinic based on the fact that a new satellite clinic opened up close to where we both work which we thought would save us a bit of time and stress, plus they had a useful free information evening event that we attended which helped us feel comfortable with our choice. The main clinic of the company we chose seemed the closest to us and despite collecting info on lots of other places we never went to visit any of them or took any further steps. We looked at statistics and prices but soon our heads began swimming and it’s hard to compare directly as the information is always given in different ways. I think the best advice is to choose somewhere where you think you will feel relaxed, cared for, confident in the expertise of your chosen clinic and also consider reducing travel times to a minimum to try to reduce stress and time away from home/work. Good luck finding your clinic and hoping it brings you lots of baby dust! In the meantime feel free to chat about any of your thought/ worries/ anything as plenty of people here may have gone through the same process! It can be a bit of a bumpy ride and an emotional roller coaster so it’s nice to know that there are others out here willing to share the ride with you! :)

@MissHoney20 I’m also in the rural (ish) midlands. But that’s a big place... I was initially going to commute to Birmingham for the care clinic there. They’re lovely and at the time I thought I’d go straight for ivf. The care clinic offers access fertility packages which is why I favoured them over others. However I was then doing baby checks on a newborn and her mum mentioned she was conceived through ivf. I asked where she went and mum started raving about her clinic in Bristol (CRGW). She said “I know it sounds far away but because of the m5 and the traffic driving in to Birmingham it actually takes us less time to get to Bristol.” And she spoke about how nice the staff were and how reasonable the price was, and how this was her second baby conceived through the clinic. I decided I’d go for a consult. Once there they encouraged me to try iui a few times (they do offer ivf, and yes it was all cheaper than the care clinic). Anyway because I could have three rounds of iui for i think £1450 I decided to have a go with them. Obviously I am yet to get pregnant, and if I do have to switch to ivf I think I will struggle to decide between the very reasonable prices my current clinic offer and the relative security of an access fertility cycle at care. But that’s a question for a future version of me.

@TheAdventureStartsHere Thank you, it’s so nice to be able to speak with people who have been there and understand. That’s exactly where I’m at at the moment - my head is swimming with all the information I’ve collected and everywhere seems to have pros and cons and claim to have the best results!

@K10f1 That’s similar for me. I went to Care Birmingham, which should only be 45 mins from me and it took me almost two hours with the traffic! I did like the staff and found them really helpful and accommodating, but I hate being late and the drive was so stressful, even though it was closest in miles it would actually be the least convenient to get to!

@TheAdventureStartsHere one of the reasons I chose to go this alone is I knew for me getting pregnant wouldn’t be simple. I’d known for years that even with a partner I’d find myself in a fertility doctors office and eventually I decided I wasn’t prepared to wait longer to start rolling the dice. It takes it out of you though doesn’t it? Anyway tonight I am super nervous and that’s the main reason I’m posting. Tomorrow is scan day and I’m really apprehensive to find out if my follicles are... well... happening. I’m aching in my legs and pelvis and feel really sicky, but I think that’s just psychosomatic. I think because of how it went before I’m just... all of a dither. Still, onward...

@K10f1 I know how you feel! It’s so nerve wrecking! It’s even harder when you have had a disappointment before, but try not to over worry! It’s easier to say than do though I know😩 But statistically just think that every time you do this it is stepping closer to where you want to be! I feel like the clinic needs a bit of time through trial and error to adjust the medication to get the right response for your exact body and condition BUT they will get there - they are the experts after all! At least from last time you learnt that you DO have follicles and they DO grow- now they just need to make sure they find the dose that keeps them growing without overstimulation! It’s a tough journey but I keep thinking that anything worth having is worth waiting for! Sending you happy follicle vibes and lots of good luck for your scan tomorrow! If in doubt think positively, visualise your dreams and hopefully the universe will deliver! x

@TheAdventureStartsHere thank you for your kind message. As it stands scan was a bit shit. I had a lovely lining but my ovaries aren’t doing much of anything. Nothing big enough to measure. I was hoping they would increase my dose but she spoke to the consultant and she has said for me to stay on this dose (75iu daily), rescan Friday, and then if still nothing to double to 150iu with a rescan Tuesday. As you say we have to trust them. And they know much better than I do about dose adjustments. Still, all a bit disheartening. Particularly when you consider I started on 25iu daily and seemed to actually have growth with that, before the big shrink. I know the doses are still small compared to some but I had hoped to see something. Anyway. Cup of tea...

@K10f1 sorry to hear that you didn’t have the news you wanted to hear at your scan but don’t give up on your follies yet! There is still time. Remember they seem to start off very slowly then can still catch up later on. I thought that my cycle would have to be abandoned due to slow growth on the first round but by day 17/18 it had caught up with where it needed to be. My medications were doubled in frequency on my second attempt but were still quite low dose as they didn’t want to overstimulate the ovaries so it’s probably the same for you - you just need a little nudge to help one follicle take the lead. I think the doctors need a bit of time to make sure the drug doses and combinations are right for your body but they will get there! It’s so frustrating though - I completely understand! Drink that cup of tea- or three - and that will definitely help with something! And in fact I think the general consensus of advice is to make sure you keep well hydrated to keep swelling those follicles! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you for some more juicy follicles (but not too many!).
I’m still considering whether to try another IUI next cycle or wait a bit longer as I’ve joined a slimming club to try and drop some of my extra Christmas pounds (I put on an extra half a stone over Christmas, on top of the half stone I put on after my first two failed attempts 🤦‍♀️) and to try to reduce my BMI in the hope that might help with TTC. I think it won’t make much difference in the short term but it’s good for me generally and helps me feel like I’m doing something useful to help the process along. Plus I can’t keep putting on weight or else pregnancy will be very hard for me and unhealthy for the baby too. My first week I lost a pound which is good - but it seems like such a long way to go to reach a healthier BMI! looks disappointingly at meagre snack of carrot and celery sticks

@MissHoney20 how is the decision making going? Are you any closer to making a decision? It’s a pretty big decision though so make sure you take your time and feel happy with your choice! I’m not sure that there is any vast differences between any clinic but it depends on what you value the most - be it price or statistics or personality of your consultant or distance from your clinic! Whatever you choose they will all be trying their hardest to get you the best result possible! I do feel like I might not have made the best decision for our clinic as I have started to feel like they can be a bit sloppy with their admin and I feel a bit like we are treated as less important patients as we are doing IUI (which is not very common at this clinic) and obviously the IVF costs a lot more. So we find our appointments are squeezed in around the IVF appointments and the appointments seem set by when the clinic is open/staff are back from annual leave more than they are focussed on my cycle. My consultant is great though and really goes out of his way to make us feel like we are important - it just sometimes the other staff don’t. Given the choice again I’d probably still use this clinic though as it’s the most convenient option with regards to travel and needing time off work.

@TheAdventureStartsHere how’s the diet going? I’m sort of rubbish at those slimming groups. I have this odd mentality where the more someone tries to motivate me the more cynical I become. Plus last time I went to one a woman cried because she’d eaten a curry.... I just... can’t. I really hope it works for you though, my aunt lost 10 stone with slimming world and my mum lost 4. I think they really do work for a lot of people. I’m overweight and keep thinking I shouldn’t be if I want to get pregnant. Part of the problem is I look in the mirror and like what I see. I had an eating disorder as a teenager. I lived off coffee and a mouthful of rice every day. I was so skinny but thought I was the size of a house. It’s hard to look at pictures from that time now, I was so unhappy. Now I’m overweight and happy. I’ve decided to just keep on top of it, not get bigger, if I gain a couple of pounds then be good for a week or two and get it off. But not to pursue a body shape I’m not even sure I want.
Well my scan last Friday showed no improvement so they upped me to 150. On Tuesday I had something going on... not a lot... but something. I had three measurable follicles at 10.4, 9.8 and 9.4. So we’ve carried on at 150 and am being scanned again tomorrow- which will be day 14. I’m fully prepared to be told I’m experiencing a second big shrink... although I won’t deny there’s a tiny glimmer of hope. Trying to not get carried away with that though. I’m nervous for tomorrow’s scan. Just typing this gave me actual butterflies. Oh well... we will see.

@TheAdventureStartsHere I’m now on my tww, although my clinic said to test after 16 days so more of a two and bit week wait. In the end I had thee follicles measuring 18-22, so despite the bumpy ride getting there i was pleased. Am feeling a little uncertain over the sperm sample though. They said post wash there was 2.9 million motile sperm. I had no context for this but the doctor said it was “ok” with a sort of head wobble/shrug/mouth twist which made me think maybe it wasn’t that ok. I asked what that meant and was told it was normal but the lower end of normal. They don’t do it if it’s less than 2 Million, so now I’m obviously obsessing over the sample. I mean I know it only takes one and clearly it meets the minimum requirements... but I wanted amazing, brilliant sperm, not minimum requirement sperm. But fingers crossed. I found the actual procedure predictably painful but I told them to crack on and just ignore me, which they did and at least it didn’t take long. So now I’m wishing away the next 16 days...

@K10f1 wow you did brilliantly! Three follicles is amazing!!!! I’ve only ever grown one! That’s three times the chance of success for one IUI attempt surely!! Sorry that you found it painful - it seems that I have been lucky to not have too much pain but it’s not much fun is it?! hopefully it will all be worth it! It seems a bit unfair to have to have pain to get the baby in there, then have to painfully deliver it again 9 months later doesn’t it - but nature is a funny thing and the joy will overcome all the troubles!

And sperm that’s a funny thing too - I think it’s very variable between samples but I agree when you purchase the goods you want them to be super sperm not snoozy ones! But I’m sure despite being at the lower end of normal it still means that it’s well above the minimum by 900,000 swimmers! That still sounds like a LOT of spare swimmers to me but when they say 2.9 versus 2 it sounds a lot less! Like they say it only takes ONE and you also have three little follicles ready for action so don’t worry - the doctors wouldn’t do it if they didn’t think it was worthwhile and I’m sure it’s plenty to have an excellent go at the statistical game of trying to conceive! Good luck - I’ve got my fingers crossed for you! The two week wait is awful but it’s pretty much out of your hands now. Just try to distract your mind and relax when you can. It will be the longest wait of your life but take each day at a time and try not to overthink everything- easier said than done I know!
How did you choose your donor in the end? That was the hardest decision for my wife and I and I’m still not sure if we’ve made the right choice but only time will tell. We have started our third attempt at IUI and I had my baseline scan last week. They have upped my medication dose again and we are gambling to see if I can get more than one follicle this time with a high risk of overstimulation and cancelling the cycle. I’m excited but nervous! We scan again on Friday for an update - hopefully it isn’t bad news or time for insemination on Saturday as my parents are visiting for the weekend and I couldn’t hide either of those. Fingers crossed for more than one healthy follicle but not too many!

I chose my donor from the options available through the clinic. It was cheaper through the clinic (£490 I think) which was one motivator but also I liked that they gave me less information than the sperm banks, I found I was reading information and not liking one thing so discounting them. Less information meant less opportunity to not like them. If it doesn’t work though I might reconsider this approach, or might see if they have any other options through the clinic (there were only two options when I was choosing and I went for the one who sounded like the closest physical match to me). 900,000 above the minimum does sound better than 2.9. I will try to think of it that way. Where did you get your donor from?

For me increasing the dose was the key. This cycle ended up being 75 gonal f for 7 days (nothing), 150 for 7 days (I think I had 5 follicles between 10 and 15 at that point) then they reduced me to 75 for 3 days (3 follicles 18-22, and a couple at 13). They said they follicle reduce if more the 3 follicles over 14 so I felt pretty pleased with that outcome. I like that way of thinking about it -3 times the chance of success. Also hopefully moving forward they’ll just go straight for the higher dose to get things going if I need to cycle again. Good luck with your scan Friday, I really hope your follicles are responding. How soon after you trigger do they inseminate you? For me it’s 36 hours so if it’s the same for you then you at least shouldn’t be inseminated on Saturday.

I had worried I’d f’ed up the trigger. It was 2:30 am and frankly at 2:30 am I was not firing on all my cylinders. So I injected the medication but then immediately removed the needle rather than counting to 5. As a result some leaked out. So I had a sleepless night worrying about this. Next day I went and bought a pregnancy test, because I know you get false positives if the trigger is in your system so I figured if it were positive then I didn’t need to worry. It was, and I relaxed.

I start pessaries tonight. I’m oddly pleased about this. Not having anything to inject the last 2 days has felt weird (I basically injected for the whole of January but for one day because of the cancelled cycle). It’ll be good to feel like I’m doing something.

I don’t think the actual insemination hurt me. It’s the speculum. Speculum exams always hurt me, and it’s getting worse. My first smear wasn’t too bad, my second surprised me by being sore and my third was abandoned by the nurse because she wasn’t happy with how uncomfortable I was (I didn’t ask her to stop). The GP ended up doing it for me. It hurt still but she was happy to ignore that I was uncomfortable. I think it’s karma. I do a lot of speculum exams in my job so of course they bloody hurt me! Before they started I said “i find speculum exams very uncomfortable, I will likely be in visible pain. Do not feel guilty or worry about this. Ignore me and get the job done.” And to their credit they did.

Right I have to take two dogs to the groomers and then walk a third. Time to do Thursday.

@TheAdventureStartsHere I forgot to tag you! Message above...

@K10f1 how is the two week wait treating you? Hope you haven’t been overthinking too much! It’s a long wait isn’t it! Sounds like your dogs will keep you busy anyway.

We chose a donor from abroad it the end - expensive but we found the limited clinic supply didn’t really have anyone that we really wanted. But the clinics abroad have SO much more choice it’s then generally overwhelming -so we put together a criteria list of what we hoped to find and then filtered down the donors that way until we found our donor and we hopefully bought enough to consider a second child by the same donor in the future if all goes well. If we use up all our straws to get one child then hopefully we will have priority access to further straws in the future as our donor is still active. It’s a very weird thing to ‘shop’ for the other half of the DNA of a potential child. I think you are right that in some ways it is a lot easier to have less information to put you off a donor as I found myself rejecting donors for some odd reasons e.g that they said they didn’t like dogs 🤣 I was worried that our future child wouldn’t get on with our fur babies (which is probably ridiculous) but I also just couldn’t see myself reproducing with someone who didn’t like dogs 🤣

My scan went okay in that I have one decent follicle again but I was really hoping for two. I had two smaller ones but they probably won’t have been big enough to mature by the time of trigger. But one is still great so I shouldn’t be disappointed as we could still go ahead. So the medication dose was higher than I’ve had before and the single egg grew a lot faster so the trigger was sooner than I expected and the insemination was scheduled for 24hours post trigger which seemed pretty early to me. But i gave myself the trigger slightly early so there will have been about 26/27 hours between trigger and insemination, and the insemination went ahead yesterday!

I totally agree with you about speculum’s though - my insemination didn’t really go to plan for several different reasons including the sperm being put in the wrong vial which meant a delay whilst they tried to find a sensible way to get it back out, the sperms stats were already not as good as last with the volume being a lot less and they only had one test tube of sample rather than the three they had had previously, and then I ended up having a nurse try to do the insemination several uncomfortable unsuccessful times before they had to leave me to look for an available consultant to quickly come and try to do the procedure. The consultant changed the hideously uncomfortable ‘normal’ speculum to a ‘long and narrow’ speculum and it was instantly a completely different experience- totally pain free and the catheter slipped in first try! This was a relief as I thought they might have to abandon due to my discomfort. I’m not sure if it was the speculum that was better or just the more experienced consultants skills.

The whole process took much longer than usual and I’m worried how it will have negatively affected our sperm to have been sat in the catheter which was repeatedly put in and out of me and then laid back on the sterile tray whilst they ran around the building trying to find the consultant. I’m worried that the sperm will have wasted their vital energy swimming around in the catheter waiting for the procedure or got too cold in the tube and died 😫 Either way despite the slightly shambolic performance and the possibly half dead sperm- the magic potion is now where it needs to be and i join you in the two weeks of torture - but I feel a bit downtrodden about it. I think it’s normal after the excitement of gearing up for the insemination and then you are left with the nerves of worrying if anything/everything has gone wrong and ruined your chances! I’ll keep trying to be hopeful, though I am also a little concerned that they haven’t offered me any further tests or progesterone support in any of my attempts. I’m worried there might be more that they can do to help this be successful but I’m trying to trust in their expertise whilst also wondering if my trust is valid.
Anyway when is your official test date? How are you feeling? I’ve got my fingers crossed for those three follicles to do their best!

Oh I’m you know... slowly loosing my mind. I looked up the half life of the trigger shot and calculated based on the dose I was given that it should be out of my system yesterday. Plus my boobs stopped hurting. So I took a test to see if I was right. It’s too early for a true positive result and I wasn’t doing it in the hope of a positive, I just wanted to know if my math was right. It was. The test was negative and it’s officially gone from my system. I think I have to view this as a science experiment a little, in order to cling on to some sanity.

I’m feeling pretty shattered but I think that’s the emotional tole. I had a sudden sharp pain yesterday in my right pelvis. I had been picking up a bin and the pain came on as I lifted. I immediately thought “shit what if I’ve just ruined it.” But I’m a single person, if I don’t empty the bin nobody will, and surely you’re not going to shake an embryo free by doing that. It’s just one of those irrational thoughts that creep in during this wait. I think I probably just over extended myself and pulled a muscle.

It’s funny you mention discounting a donor for not liking dogs. When I was looking at the banks I remember I liked one profile because he mentioned camping with his dog.. I’m fully aware a love of camping and furry friends is not genetically inherited but you know...just in case. I tried looking at the banks again earlier this week, and once again I found it like wading through treacle so stopped looking and crossed my fingers it wouldn’t be an issue.

One follicle is certainly good. As with the sperm it literally only takes one. Plus naturally I’d have bugger all follicles so all the way through my cycle I was just worried about getting one over the line. It sounds like your procedure was a bit traumatic, at least it’s done now.

I agree it’s easy to feel deflated after the fact and focus on all the reasons it might not work. For me I’ve focused on the less than perfect sperm numbers a lot which has left me with a general feeling that this just isn’t going to happen this month. I think once all the injections and scans stop your left with remarkable inactivity and it’s easy to focus on negatives/concerns.

That’s interesting about the progesterone - so you’re not doing pessaries? I just assumed that was what people did. Between your cycles that haven’t worked have you had any sort of review with your doctor to discuss your concerns? With my clinic if it works you get a 6 and 9 week scan included in your package. If it doesn’t you get booked for review with the doctor to discuss if there’s any changes that should be made before your next cycle. They don’t do back to back cycles (unless you just don’t stimulate like what happened with me last time). Hopefully this time just works but if it doesn’t it might be worth asking for a review to discuss if anything else is needed.

My test day is feb 20th. Yours? Today it’s been a week since the procedure and is CD28. It feels like it’s been much longer but I guess that’s to be expected. No spotting/AF as yet although it feels like it’s right around the corner. Having said that I spent a month thinking AF was on her way before Christmas and nothing showed up so maybe I’m not the best judge. The clinic just called me (as I was about to click post) to check I was ok which I thought was nice.