My wife left me after checking my phone.

[Hipduptogphit9]

M35 married F38 together 9 years and married 2 years.
I confess to an 11 year porn addiction.
My wife found evidence on my phone and I came clean.
I hadn’t payed her attention for the last year. I haven’t wanted real sex. The porn was my obsession and the only way I’d have a libido. I used it several times a day. I’m desensitised and have death grip. It made me embarrassed so I avoided intimacy. I looked at porn that got my curiosity. Things I wouldn’t do in real life or expect my wife to experiment with. I didn’t see her like that.
now my wife has left me since finding my only fans account, I admit I spoke to some of the ladies for content. I didn’t care about them or cheat physically. It was sex talk and cams only. No feelings. She feels betrayed that it was only fans and the repeat subscriptions for the same ladies. I had no intention of meeting anyone. It was all digital fantasy I hid from shame.
Now she has left I miss her and our children so much and I understand what I did was wrong. I should have wanted sex with her instead. I told her I want to sort it out and work on my issues. I registered for therapy to show I’m serious. I deleted every porn account and bought a basic phone so no more smart phone or internet access to tempt me. I don’t want to use porn anymore. I’d do anything to have my family back instead. I regret it all. I don’t know why I did it so much but I never saw it as anything but fantasy.
I have low self esteem and never believed women liked me. I started the porn when I was single and it gave me an ego boost. If I needed a pick me up I would use it again even though we had a really good sex life in our first 4 years together. I took her for granted when she picked me as her husband because she is the best wife anyone could ask for and I thrown it away for nothing.
she doesn’t trust me and I understand that. I want to prove to her I love her and won’t do it again but she says she doesn’t believe me and wants space for 2 weeks. I want my family back. I miss putting my children to bed and having evenings with my wife.
What do I do to save my marriage? I can’t face the possibility of her never coming back to me. How do I regain her trust? Do I beg and pled? Write a letter? Or just give her space and wait for her? Please help

This pay day, save some money to see your kids rather than paying for porn. How are you getting to work then?

Good call, but actually it was the other option that happens on these kind of posts. The minute someone points out the OP hasn't come back up they pop within a couple of minutes.

It's like clockwork.

It would be fun to make up a bingo card for this sort of thread.

Certainly for the next 2 weeks you need to give her the space she's asked for.

You've treated her abysmally for years, don't disrespect her while she's trying to work out how she feels by ignoring her request.

Your post makes it clear you want her back but it doesn't indicate you know how to treat her well going forward or are capable of that. In fact it sounds quite head stuck in the sand. You at least aren't delusional about the fact it's you that's caused this, but that's only the very first step in changing things.

Spend the time getting started on the therapy and working out what you can do to improve your self esteem (note: your self esteem can't come from her or being in a relationship with her, it has to be internal or it isn't self esteem). Make sure you get rid of all the ways in which you cheated on her and learn to enjoy your life without objectifying women. Perhaps even find a way to like women as people. Work on making yourself the sort of man you can be proud of.

Maybe she'll eventually want you back and maybe she won't. But the point is to become someone you can live with being regardless.

Yes of course OP 🙄

OP you are in the grip of a serious addiction. The only reason, you miss your wife and children, is because they've left. Until then, you had absolutely no intention, of getting help. Get therapy, for yourself, not to try and get your wife back. That ship sailed a while ago. She deserves better.

I don’t think most men get how utterly gross and repulsive paying for access to women’s bodies is.

You can apologise all you like but it says so much about your character and what you think of women. And none of it good.

She had asked for space and you need to give her space. Then you need to show her you’re serious by committing to therapy and addressing your addiction. She’s going to want to see this over the long term so you need to get comfortable with this separation for a while because after everything that has gone on, two weeks is not going to be long enough to regain her trust.

He sounds American OR it's a copy and paste job from Reddit. They always start the posts with "M (23) married to F (22)". So we known it's a male posting about a female or vice versa

I think so!

Why would she want a porn addict, who has damaged his equipment so badly he can no longer get off from normal sex, and has refused intimacy with her for year. Who is also broke, can't drive, isn't parenting his children and presumably doesn't work if moving 2h away is even an option.

Even if she did forgive the betrayal of using sex workers (which most women wouldn't), you're not exactly a prise catch.

Best thing you can do is leave the woman alone, she'll have a much better life without you in it.

Mate this isn't a good post. You don't drive - why not? You don't have any money saved - why not? I'm thinking you need to get your shit together in a major way.

Why would any woman take back a man who will use their economic power to exploit vulnerable women?

You have absolutely no way of knowing that these women aren't trafficked or coerced into sex work.

And unless you'd be happy for your daughter to be a porn performer, you know that most women would not choose this if they had other decent choices.

Being a literal wanker is not very attractive especially when not having sex with your own wife.

Most addictions are always in the background like alcoholics and can she trust you wpuld never act on it again.

A passenger princess with a porn addiction....your poor wife.
Can you not work out how to book train or bus tickets? Pay someone to drive you?

No money as it all went on Only Fans...I guess

It’s not her problem that you miss the ease of your cozy domestic setup and now have to look after yourself.

Absolutely this. And you can and should still parent your children.

Well that’s a red flag when you had money for OF!!!

My uncle left my aunt for another woman.
Within a week he was back on my aunt's doorstep saying he wanted to come home because other woman's cooking was no good.
My aunt said - "You didn't leave me for her cooking" and closed the door.

A lesson in life for all men journeying through life using the compass in their trousers.

I suggest you take up a hobby or interest to take your mind off things and reduce the stress, music is very engaging

can you play an instrument?

If you have no money left until pay day, this must all be quite recent ie. within the last few weeks.

You've got to make some huge lifestyle changes, and make them permanent, for the literal rest of your life.

Posts like this are why I stay on MN despite all the AI bollocks.

But at least you've still got your dignity. Chin up.

🤣

Spent everything on OF

I deleted every porn account and bought a basic phone so no more smart phone or internet access to tempt me.

And yet here you are. Online...

I don’t drive.

Presumably because you'd need to have two hands free.