Ex wants to reduce contact as our children no longer fit

[Threerandomword]

This is my first post on MN, long term reader however. I am genuinely looking to find people that may have gone through similar as I am so sad today and at a loss . I will try and be as brief as poss .

Divorced/separated 6 years now . Ex is a teacher. Our now 15 and 13 year old go to him one night and day every weekend and then there days a week on top in the school holidays . My set up is now a blended family with my husband who has 11 and 12 year old with us half the time. He has a toddler with his girlfriend and the have recently had another baby ((not planned). He has a 4 bedroom house and currently our two have their own rooms. My two are devastated by the second child and are already quite "others at the house . He is showing increasing disinterest in our children as they are getting less "fun" . He doesn't seem to understand that parenting at this age is all about those ten minutes where they engage with you . And then being in their rooms is ok. Yesterday I had a chat with him saying that I think it's the point where we need to reset school holidays as they can stay at mine more and dont need looking "after" even if I am working . This is in response to how the kids are feeling , they want to stay home more in the hols to be round most of their things and friends .He agreed but then said oh and when The baby is one I can no longer have them both at the same time ! As once our of their room the baby needs their own room. I said well I did assume that would be the case but for the few times our son is there couldn't the baby have a sleep over with his brother. No this is their permanent home and this is just where my kids "stay". He is now proposing either day visits only or one week they stay at his mum's and he visits the next day and the second weekend he only has one of them!.and that would be it. He then made a comment that he hadn't asked his mum and actually it would be super inconvenient for him to do that because he would get home late. I am just so sad for reference he lives about 45 minutes away and we meet half way

That is very sad. Unfortunately he will reap what he sows in terms of his future relationship with them.

Very sad - unfortunately shows where his priorities lie. You need to show them a stable, loving & reliable base as their father can’t provide that.

Ask him to research furniture that can divide the largest bedroom suitably for two children to have their own space and privacy.

Remind him that in four years the eldest will be off and away and that he has limited time left with his older two.

He will be tired with a baby right now. And not thinking clearly.

So the kids don’t want to spend time with him
and he does t want to spend time wit them
sounds like he is no great loss to them
does he pay cms?
why were your children devastated by him having a baby?
and how do they get on with your husband and his kids

what a bloody complicated set up

Poor kids.
Not one parent has put them first.

Sorry not quite sure why I haven't? Absolutely we need a reset but to go from what we have to basically nothing . This is not what the kids want/expect

Well at 15 (and maybe even 13) I think I’d be saying, let’s all talk about this together, rather than you and him talking and then telling the kids what they are doing. But sounds like the kids don’t want to be there and he doesn’t want them there so seems it will work out fine.

This sounds so complex. Can’t these two men keep their trousers on?! Really none of it is good for the kids involved is it. If he’s not interested in seeing his kids, I’d believe him and I’d reduce contact. Simplify it for the kids sake - he sounds like a crap dad anyway. He doesn’t have the resources to support all these children yet still had more- maybe he has cash but he doesn’t have enough beds for them. It doesn’t sound like the kids like him much either. I would focus on modeling them a healthy relationship with your partner and helping them feel secure in the family unit.

Sorry two men ? Not sure I understand your post X my husband has kids with his ex .