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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

DP’s ex wife making it hard for him to have the kids

154 replies

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:19

My partner has 2 teens. They live with their mother full time. They’re allowed to come to his once or twice a week for tea but never really sleep over and she seems not happy about them coming to sleepover as I’ve suggested he initiates this properly and ex w seems upset by this.

He only has one spare room so it is difficult, but not impossible for them to stay.

I’ve told him to set boundaries with her and insist they should be having regular overnights.

For some reason he seems to struggle with this. Any idea what his rights are legally?

OP posts:
friskery · 05/09/2025 20:06

If they're teens then it's up to them isn't it?

If their dad has a spare room set up for them he can invite them to stay over if they want.

MissAmbrosia · 05/09/2025 20:07

My dd is an adult now, but I cannot comprehend ever being a position where I did not see her / have arrangements and finances in place so that she was well looked after to the best of my abilities. Your dp seems to have not done this and now you are on the scene and feel he should "step up"? That ship might have sailed now they are teenagers and biologically speaking normally start to make a break from parents.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/09/2025 20:07

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:02

I’m not prepared to be misrepresented further on this thread. I posted with good intentions and am a single parent myself. I just want him to not be denied his rights.

But you’re not being very clear op.

you said after the divorce he left them alone for a few years.

they’re teenagers. They get to decide. Why would they WANT to spend any time with a parent who disappeared on them, and doesn’t have any slave for them? I’m not sure this is anything to do with the ex —like every single step parenting thread—

N0Tfunny · 05/09/2025 20:12

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:33

😂

Why are you falling for this crap?

If he wanted to have them he would have put his big boy pants on years ago and gone to court for overnight visits etc

Edited
Show quote history

This. I’m pretty sure that my ex tells everyone that I won’t let him see his kids. No doubt they feel sorry for the poor lamb and he will lap up the sympathy.

Whereas the truth is they are all old enough to choose and they don’t want to stay at his. They can’t even be bothered to see him as he shows no interest in their lives. Oh and pays no child support.

@settingthestage you are asking the wrong question. It’s not about your new partners “ rights “. It’s about the welfare of his children and his responsibilities as a parent.

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:14

He pays very ample maintenance!

OP posts:
BusWankers · 05/09/2025 20:16

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:01

I didn’t say she won’t let him have overnights I said she seems unhappy about it. He just tiptoes around it.

Oh so she hasn't actually said no...?

Besides what do the kids want?

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 20:18

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:14

He pays very ample maintenance!

As he should.

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:18

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 20:16

Oh so she hasn't actually said no...?

Besides what do the kids want?

Show quote history

Well he is going to ask them what they want but I am trying to help him mange his anxiety around it by working out what options might be available to him.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 20:19

Is the spare room at least properly set up for his kids?

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/09/2025 20:21

OP - people are asking how long you’ve been together, as it’s often the case that men who can’t be arsed making an effort with their dcs beyond the minimum suddenly start getting interested once they are in a new relationship, which is often down to the new woman asking why they aren’t seeing their dcs more. These men know saying they were happy to just do the minimum would look bad so they pretend it’s all the nasty ex’s fault.

A man who’s only prepared to fight for more time with his dcs when he’s in a new relationship- having not bothered for years - is not a good choice.

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 20:23

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:18

Well he is going to ask them what they want but I am trying to help him mange his anxiety around it by working out what options might be available to him.

Show quote history

Well, surely he has the ability to Google/ask a solicitor?

But all he can do is ask his boys if they want to stay over.

He won't though.

Anonymous23456 · 05/09/2025 20:25

They are teenagers. If they want to see him they will.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2025 20:31

He doesn’t have any rights. The children have rights, h has responsibilities. If he believes them having overnights is best for them, he should talk to them about it. Work slowly, make the room nice to their taste, make it liveable.

And a man needing ‘a few years’ to recover enough to effectively parent after a break-up from a non-abusive partner sounds cobblers. When something sounds cobblers, it normally is.

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 20:47

ok well thank you. I appreciate the perspectives although I’m not sure my DP’s has been understood

OP posts:
Endofyear · 05/09/2025 20:49

Sorry OP but he sounds like a bit of a wet blanket! You're helping him manage his anxiety around this? He hasn't even asked his teens to stay over? Frankly, he doesn't sound as though he is particularly bothered otherwise why on earth hasn't he a) spoken to his ex and b) consulted a solicitor? If I had tried to keep my DH away from his children, he would have fought me tooth & nail. How long have they been split up? He should have had a proper visitation schedule set up from the beginning.

Pices · 05/09/2025 20:51

Step back OP. This is entirely his circus and his monkeys. No one will thank you from helping, least of all him. Make supportive noises and leave it.

Bellyblueboy · 05/09/2025 20:59

This is such an odd thread.

it seems to be all about what you want and what you think should happen with little obvious regard for what the children and their father want?

this is maybe one you should stay out of. Leave it to the parents and the children. You aren’t related to any of them.

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 21:31

They have a right to overnights with their father, that was literally all I was saying

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 21:32

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 21:31

They have a right to overnights with their father, that was literally all I was saying

And he has a responsibility to facilitate them. So is the bedroom equipped for the kids and has he even asked?

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 21:34

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 21:31

They have a right to overnights with their father, that was literally all I was saying

We agree with that.

But he also needed to provide an actual room, not " the spare room" and he needed to get off his arse and sort it out years ago.

Morningswim · 05/09/2025 21:35

What do the kids want?

I would hate to share a room as a teenager if I didn't have to. Can he rent a bigger place?

Do you all live near each other or does coming to his mean being away from their friends?!

Did it suit him to not have them to stay when he was in the giddy first stages of his relationship with you?

Will he be looking to reduce the maintenance if he has them to stay?

If he is happy the way things are, why are you pushing for change?

Do you get on with the kids?

If they are teens would they have space to study separately?

Morningswim · 05/09/2025 21:36

Was there some guilt in him (apparently) letting his ex get a good settlement financially? Had he been playing away?

How long after he split with his ex did you meet him?

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 05/09/2025 21:37

Far too late for court now. It’s really up to the children.

Morningswim · 05/09/2025 21:48

Rosscameasdoody · 05/09/2025 20:04

I told you to run OP. You may not be married to him but you’re still viewed as the step parent and the vipers here will view you as that and rip the shit out of anything you say from now on. Get it taken down,

Show quote history

I'm a step parent. I still think there's a lot to unpack in ops posts

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 05/09/2025 21:52

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:39

It’s taken him a few years to recover from the separation/divorce and he’s only in the headspace now to see things as they really are. People are human. He did what he thought was right at the time. Now he is reassessing that.

How lucky for the children that his ex didn't need a few years away from being a parent to "recover."