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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

DP’s ex wife making it hard for him to have the kids

154 replies

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:19

My partner has 2 teens. They live with their mother full time. They’re allowed to come to his once or twice a week for tea but never really sleep over and she seems not happy about them coming to sleepover as I’ve suggested he initiates this properly and ex w seems upset by this.

He only has one spare room so it is difficult, but not impossible for them to stay.

I’ve told him to set boundaries with her and insist they should be having regular overnights.

For some reason he seems to struggle with this. Any idea what his rights are legally?

OP posts:
sciaticafanatica · 05/09/2025 19:26

If he wanted them he would fight for them
its as simple as that!

Cerialkiller · 05/09/2025 19:27

What do the teens want? They will get a say in contact at their age so there is no point going down any legal route without knowing they want to stay more then they do.

BoredZelda · 05/09/2025 19:29

Not your circus.

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:30

He struggles to ask to see his kids because if the "horrible ex stopping him"... That old yarn...

At least he's telling you the kind of father he will be to any kidsyou may have with him.

Summerhillsquare · 05/09/2025 19:31

Don't get involved, you're not his mother.

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:31

Are they the same sex?

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:31

Well they’ve always been ‘on good terms’ and so he hasn’t wanted to upset her, but seeing how things are I think that’s his way of manipulating them

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 05/09/2025 19:32

Has he gone to court for access? How long have you been with him?

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:32

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:31

Are they the same sex?

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:32

pinkyredrose · 05/09/2025 19:32

Has he gone to court for access? How long have you been with him?

No not court. They wanted things to be friendly but I think he’s been mugged off. What does it matter how long we have been together?

OP posts:
summitfever · 05/09/2025 19:33

No mother really doesn’t want a single night off op so I’m guessing there’s more to this than he’s telling you. I am utterly exhausted and would give a kidney for mine to be able to stay with their dad once a week, even just for some headspace. But he’s an absolute liability so I’d rather lose both my kidneys than send them there overnight. There’s a good chance there’s a reason she feels that way. Are you my exs girlfriend?? 🤔😂

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:33

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:31

Well they’ve always been ‘on good terms’ and so he hasn’t wanted to upset her, but seeing how things are I think that’s his way of manipulating them

😂

Why are you falling for this crap?

If he wanted to have them he would have put his big boy pants on years ago and gone to court for overnight visits etc

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:34

Do you have kids with him?

pinkyredrose · 05/09/2025 19:35

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:32

No not court. They wanted things to be friendly but I think he’s been mugged off. What does it matter how long we have been together?

Show quote history

Just that you seem very invested in finding out his rights which would be rather odd if you've just been dating a few months.

What's he doing to find out his rights?

DemonsandMosquitoes · 05/09/2025 19:35

She’s the one being mugged off? Why hasn’t he ever gone for 50/50?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/09/2025 19:35

He’s their father, he shouldn’t have a spare room, they should have a bedroom that belongs to them with a bed each, wardrobe space and drawers. From the sounds of it he hasn’t ever made the effort and no amount of blaming the ex wife can change that.

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:36

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/09/2025 19:35

He’s their father, he shouldn’t have a spare room, they should have a bedroom that belongs to them with a bed each, wardrobe space and drawers. From the sounds of it he hasn’t ever made the effort and no amount of blaming the ex wife can change that.

Quite.

MyAcornWood · 05/09/2025 19:37

You say they’re teens? How old is that exactly?
As for knowing his rights, well, he’d know that if he’d have pursued an actual custody agreement rather than going for the quiet life route. He isn’t overly bothered about seeing his kids more, or he’d have done that already. Don’t adopt a battle that isn’t your own!

Original poster
settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:39

It’s taken him a few years to recover from the separation/divorce and he’s only in the headspace now to see things as they really are. People are human. He did what he thought was right at the time. Now he is reassessing that.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 05/09/2025 19:40

No one here knows the circumstances
perhaps dad gave assets to ex so he can’t afford more bedrooms
perhaos he’s simply lower earner and housing costs high
perhaps he didn’t want to rock the boat
perhaps his ex is a cow

no one knows

reality is if they’re teens and don’t want to go no court in the land would force them

what he can do is try to encourage them and do all he can to be an involved, active dad

BusWankers · 05/09/2025 19:41

settingthestage · 05/09/2025 19:39

It’s taken him a few years to recover from the separation/divorce and he’s only in the headspace now to see things as they really are. People are human. He did what he thought was right at the time. Now he is reassessing that.

Well, too little too late.

He can just ask the kids if they want to stay overnight. But don't expect them to be thrilled about being in the spare room and having to share that...

BruFord · 05/09/2025 19:42

As young teenagers, they can certainly voice their opinions on whether they’d like to stay over.

Once they’re 16, a Child Arrangement Order typically ends anyway. Their Mum would need a very good reason to ban overnights then.

Jointhecircus · 05/09/2025 19:42

If they’re teens it’s up to them really. Maybe they don’t want to stay over? As they get older it becomes inappropriate to insist that they have to stay at certain times with the nrp in my experience. My dd and all her friends who have split parents generally don’t want to do it any more. She’s 16. They are happy to see their dads regularly for tea, or a planned day out, but teenagers want to be in their own space and don’t want mandates stating that they have to spend particular amounts of time with either parent!

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 19:42

They're teens. It's up to them at this point. That you called it the "spare room" rather than the kids room speaks volumes.

CopperWhite · 05/09/2025 19:44

Not your business.

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