Anyone so put off by marriage and living with a man that they plan on remaining single for the rest of their lives?!

[BlueTeaCups]

Planning on leaving DH after a toxic marriage where I know we would be both much better off in the long run.

The thought of meeting and sharing my life/living with another man fills me with horror!

Has anyone got divorced with no plans on basically EVER dating again? Are you much happier? I am used to living with someone and coming home after work chatting about my day, if anything goes wrong in the house it’s not just up to me and I do like having someone to share a meal with and watch a show together but I can’t imagine ever doing that again after divorce?

Me! I'm relatively young but I've been completely let down by men in the past and honestly I just don't feel like it's worth risking my happiness and peace and security at this point. I know there are lovely and kind men that exist out there but quite frankly I feel like the bad unfortunately outweigh the good and I don't want to risk bringing someone into my ds life if its just going to be another let down. I love the idea of romance and being in love with someone and having that team dynamic and being able to share things with someone but I'm completely disillusioned.

Yep.
Divorced.
Never dating again. Just not worth it.

Interesting replies, thanks all. Part of me just doesn’t trust my judgment when it comes to men as I seem to attract men with significant issues or general bad eggs! One boyfriend was a secret alcoholic, another heard voices and used to drive really fast muttering to himself! Another had a secret fiancé and when I dumped him proceeded to stalk me for months on end. Current husband has narcissistic traits and bipolar disorder, has a massive chip on his shoulder about the world and people in general. My therapist said that I could be trying to “save” them or “fix” them. Definitely would not trust myself not to attract another bad egg!

@JeanPaulGagtier

I could have written that myself.

I’m in my 40’s, have never been married and have no children. I don’t know if I’d want to get married now or live with a man (based on the ones I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ of meeting in my lifetime).

What a load of rubbish! I’d say it’s the other way round if you ask me.

It's definitely the other way round and proven by stats. After losing a spouse, men are 70% more likely to die within 12 months compared to 27% for women. Single women are also statistically the happiest group, more than single men or anybody in a relationship.

Urgh. Men. No thanks.

I have been let down and disappointed by men my whole life. I really wish I hadn’t spent so many of my younger years trying to attract and keep one.

The man I did marry is finally moving out this week and I can’t wait to have my life to myself. We have been separated but stuck living together for 18 months. I’ve been holding everything together for so long.

I want to find a community with awesome women.

Almost at the end of an utterly horrible divorce after 25 years of marriage to a total narcissist. My first marriage lasted 3 years and that divorce was a walk in the park compared to this one.

i will never ever marry or live with a man again. Having my own house, space and no one to answer to for the first time in 28 years is amazing. Plus there’s the financial implications of another marriage that I just am not prepared to take on. I have 3 children, one of whom is disabled. I need to protect them financially.

I am nowhere near wanting another relationship. Maybe in a few years once I’m over this, there could be scope for companionship, but from what I can see, even at my age (52) the dating scene is brutal and I’m not prepared to put myself through that. It would have to be a chance meeting.

I'm 67, never married or been in a relationship. When I was growing up in the 1970s, getting married by the time you were 24 was the only recognised achievement for a girl (or so I believed).I never had a boyfriend, as I had physical challenges and was not attractive. Pursued a career, made decent money. I dislike the cliche that I was career-driven, I wasn't. Tolerated work but didn't "love" it. Now happily retired. Have always lived simply and saved money. Now worth a fortune and very comfortable but live simply. Enjoy my own company and my dog. I would enjoy having adult children, having conversations with them and enjoying the insight they must give into how the younger generation tick. But I didn't do the hard work (very hard work!) of bringing up children through infancy, childhood and adolescence so I can't complain that I am missing out on the rewards. As I get older, I count my blessings more and more (yes, a cliche but very true).

Im at the beginning of separation/ divorce and very very upset. Weirdly I'm starting to feel glimmers of excitement at living without a man around, which is odd because I'm also overcome with grief at the thought of telling family, couples friends etc and having to have single holidays, Christmases etc
I am very sure I will not remarry or live with anyone again

I’m very relieved to be divorced and have absolutely no desire or plans to have a man in my life ever again. I can’t imagine anyone being interested in a short, fat 60-something woman anyway! But no, I’m very happy as I am.

I have a lot of divorced friends in their 50’s / 60’s and not one of them is actively looking for someone else or even to just date . Men of comparable age have just gone to seed , energy , looks , motivation etc and those that are looking seem to think they’ll attract women decades younger . We all lead full active solvent lives to do exactly what we want, when we want and with whom we want . We aren’t women needing to find a man for any old reason because we are totally self sufficient.

If I ever find myself single again then I al
certainly going to do exactly as you op!

oh the bliss!!!

That’s exactly what I did.

Never men again.

I found myself widowed 12 days before the decree nisi came through. Am 57, 8 years single and loving my life. I wouldn't date again even if Colin Firth knocked on the door and asked me out.

Clearly you don't know many older women.

Women stay single after divorce/being widowed. Men inevitably quickly replace their lost partner. Men can't cope alone. Women thrive.

My own house. Stable income. Peace and bliss!

I know loads. Where I live the women can be more needy. I don't come from here and used to live in London.

I'm sure there are particular groups and communities where the women would struggle if they were not in a relationship. Someone coming out of a fundamentalist marriage founded on male headship would struggle, for example. The solution would be to offer help and support and ultimately to teach women that male headship is not a model to aspire to. Everyone, men and women, should be able to live independently and cope with all the things life throws at people.

100% how i feel

Yep this is me. I lived with a few long term partners in my 20/30/40s but I broke up with my DCs dad over 10 years ago now and have absolutely no desire for another ‘living together’ relationship, let alone marriage.

I love being single and have never been with a partner who’s made my life less work, rather than more.

I've got around 15 friends I see regularly, and many more women who are acquaintances (Meet Up). The women are raring to go, socially and emotionally. If by needy you mean friendly and loving single life, then possibly they are. But I see that as joie de vivre. The men are either lonely, sad or serially trying it on with the uninterested women.

This thread is testament to your being entirely incorrect. I'd argue that it's men that can't manage on their own in the majority of cases, actually.

yes Me! Last relationship ended 8 years ago( violent alcoholic) previously married for 18 years
i gave on men and live very happily with my wonderful Westie!

Just to add, I’m disabled and definitely strong( willed) enough to cope on my own!!
@Augustus40 Speak for yourself

Women have to make a huge amount of sacrifices and they have to put up with so much just to cohabit with a man. if you think that price is worth paying then go ahead, most women do. But if you want to be truly free then you can't live with anybody.