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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Anyone so put off by marriage and living with a man that they plan on remaining single for the rest of their lives?!

133 replies

BlueTeaCups · 17/03/2025 09:03

Planning on leaving DH after a toxic marriage where I know we would be both much better off in the long run.

The thought of meeting and sharing my life/living with another man fills me with horror!

Has anyone got divorced with no plans on basically EVER dating again? Are you much happier? I am used to living with someone and coming home after work chatting about my day, if anything goes wrong in the house it’s not just up to me and I do like having someone to share a meal with and watch a show together but I can’t imagine ever doing that again after divorce?

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 20/03/2025 07:49

I was widowed last year aged 60. It was an unhappy marriage for the most part as he was extremely selfish, emotionally and financially abusive. I have no plans to share my life with another man. As I've aged I've become quite intolerant of people. I don't want to be someone's cook/housekeeper/sex toy/carer, or have to put up with snoring/noises/icky habits (delete as appropriate). Give me a dog or a cat for company any day!

bifurCAT · 20/03/2025 07:55

I think the independence is fun when you're young, but by the time you reach my age, it gets old (pun intended) very quickly.

No kids, no support network (all off, living a life with their families), so you're literally alone all day, every day. The worst part is that by that point, it really IS too kate for kids and family, all the 'good ones' are taken, and all the rest probably would be going for someone younger if they had the choice anyway.

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 07:58

Single is bliss. Aged 61 no desire to move in with somebody.

Spooky2000 · 20/03/2025 09:51

I'm much, much happier as a single person than I've been in my relationships tbh. Very much so. I eat what I want when I feel like it, stay out or in for as long as I want, etc - aside from all of the benefits from being free to do whatever I want whenever I feel like it, I have good friends to do stuff with and I joined a group where I can go on holiday with them. I love my life and never feel lonely.

The other thing is that I am very protective of my house and finances now. I'm 53 and can't take a chance on being tricked into a nurse with a purse type relationship or anything else and will happily stay single for the rest of my life.

offmynut · 20/03/2025 10:31

Ive never been married never saw the point of it.
I live alone and love it i dont date at all i do have one night stands when im on holiday.
But to live with someone or date anyone just no to much drama.
We are given time to be single after a break up and i use this time for me and turns out i loved it its been 11 years now.
I do what i want when i want no drama no faffing.

TheAmusedQuail · 20/03/2025 10:46

Definitely. Except fool that I am, I nearly got myself into a 2nd LTR/living with someone. It was also a total fluke that it didn't work out and I thank my lucky stars on an almost daily basis that I didn't fall into that trap for a 2nd time.

My ex-husband (and to a lesser extent) man number 2, have put me off relationships for life.

I love the empty house. I love the peace. The quiet. The way, when I clean and tidy, it stays clean and tidy for at least 3 or 4 days. I like eating what I want, when I want. Being about to go where I want (around work/childcare but...) when I want. I love making all the decor / furniture / DIY decisions myself. I like sleeping, knowing no ar*ehole is going to snore, slam a door, need a nocturnal pee. No one asks me where I've put something that THEY have lost.

So, so, so many positives. I honestly wish I hadn't wasted 2/3 of my life in relationships. Being single is absolutely the way to go. We're sold coupledom as the ultimate state of existence, and actually, being a single woman is where it is at.

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

FaithFables · 20/03/2025 14:36

When my parents divorced 30 years ago my dad said he'd never remarry/have another relationship. He's remained happily single ever since.

FaithFables · 20/03/2025 14:37

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

Oh FGS!

hiredandsqueak · 20/03/2025 14:43

Me separated from Exh almost eight years been happily single since and will be remaining so for the rest of my days. The last 8 years have been the happiest of my adult life and so no plans to alter that ever.

ShouldIEvenBother · 20/03/2025 14:53

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

Hard disagree.

Women (and men) think that women can't, however, we can and we do. Much to the chagrin of men...

reesewithoutaspoon · 20/03/2025 15:44

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

Actually I think its men that have difficulty being single. I can't think of one man I personally know who wasn't in a relationship within a year of a breakup or bereavement.
Whereas the women I know who lost a partner are coming into their own and embracing a single life and have no intention of changing that

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 20/03/2025 17:02

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

Are you a man by any chance?
Regardless this gave me a good chuckle thanks

jsku · 20/03/2025 17:08

@BlueTeaCups
One thing at a time, one step at a time.
If you are ready to divorce because you don’t see yourself in this relationship in the future - sort that out first.
Getting divorced to meet someone better is always a bad idea - as dating at mid-life is crap. And most ‘good’ ones are married anyway…

You don’t need to decide to be in your own; to date or not; etc - at this point. When you get to the other side you’ll know what is right for you. And - currently your main drive is getting out of your relationship and from this particular man. He is not ALL men.

I do now have a partner. So does exH. I will not be marrying again as i have no reason to - and to preserve my assets/to pass them to kids. If partner and I get to our old age together - I may re-consider, or make adjustments.

Post childbearing and divorce - i view marriage as more of a practical arrangement. For my personal circumstances - it does not make sense.

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 17:56

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 20/03/2025 17:02

Are you a man by any chance?
Regardless this gave me a good chuckle thanks

Show quote history

No been on here for years as this name. Am definitely a woman!

livelovelough24 · 20/03/2025 19:10

I ended my twenty five years long marriage few years ago. It took me years to work up a courage to do so. Now that I am free I have no intention to jeopardize it by getting into another relationship.

If I ever do get a partner, I would definitely not be moving in with him and a marriage is out of question.

livelovelough24 · 20/03/2025 19:12

TheAmusedQuail · 20/03/2025 10:46

Definitely. Except fool that I am, I nearly got myself into a 2nd LTR/living with someone. It was also a total fluke that it didn't work out and I thank my lucky stars on an almost daily basis that I didn't fall into that trap for a 2nd time.

My ex-husband (and to a lesser extent) man number 2, have put me off relationships for life.

I love the empty house. I love the peace. The quiet. The way, when I clean and tidy, it stays clean and tidy for at least 3 or 4 days. I like eating what I want, when I want. Being about to go where I want (around work/childcare but...) when I want. I love making all the decor / furniture / DIY decisions myself. I like sleeping, knowing no ar*ehole is going to snore, slam a door, need a nocturnal pee. No one asks me where I've put something that THEY have lost.

So, so, so many positives. I honestly wish I hadn't wasted 2/3 of my life in relationships. Being single is absolutely the way to go. We're sold coupledom as the ultimate state of existence, and actually, being a single woman is where it is at.

This 100%.

AllrightNowBaby · 20/03/2025 19:25

Two marriages and one long term relationship put me off living with a man ever again.
I’ve lived alone for for 20 years and have all I need….my lovely family, gorgeous grandkids, friends and my little dog.
Have you ever heard of the rude saying?
”I wouldn’t have another man, even if his dick was studded with diamonds”.. 😂

thiswilloutme · 20/03/2025 19:29

15 yrs post divorce after 25yr marriage. Moved to my own house, with my choice of location, style, size, colours, furniture, food, activities, dogs..... all the things I used to have to negotiate with the Ex over. BLISS.

I haven't dated since and have no intention of doing so, why risk spoiling perfection?

Eyerollexpert · 20/03/2025 19:32

Me. Single for 16 years ish absolutely no interest in giving up my freedom to do exactly what I want when I want. I am never lonely but have big family, 4 grown kids, great neighbours and work full time in a job I love and mostly lovely colleagues 😀.

LondonLass61 · 20/03/2025 20:02

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 17/03/2025 11:24

I felt like you and I went through with it, and now there’s nothing i wouldn’t give to turn back time and give myself the chance to listen to my gut feeling. The marriage is costing me my sanity and an unspeakable amount of money.
Marriage is a con for women.
Don’t be me, call it off. It’ll be hard but never as hard as facing the consequences of getting married.
Hugs

Show quote history

This happened to me - I had lots of headaches and unexplained allergies as I was love bombed into marriage in the 80’s - now I know that I should have listened to my gut. It was a terrible mistake that took me 20 years to escape from. I haven’t wanted to be with anyone since.
Also most marriages that I have seen are imbalanced in some way.
I also believe that marriage is a con.

SophiaRose91 · 20/03/2025 20:44

Been single for years through choice, and I will never live with a man again! Lol. I love my freedom and I have ‘friends’ who i can call whenever I want! I shudder when i think back to when i was engaged and living with a man!

ThymeScent · 21/03/2025 02:28

Came through a toxic divorce after years of being unhappily married.
Enjoying dating and now do feel ready to have a more serious relationship but do not want to live full time with a man again as don’t need to for economic reasons and no more kids planned.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/03/2025 02:42

Augustus40 · 20/03/2025 14:15

I think most women are sadly not strong enough to cope on their own.

That's hilarious. I know lots of strong women who happily cope really well on their own after divorce and most of them did the same during their marriage. Vast majority of people with SN kids it's women who carry the burden of 24/7 care on their own. The men either can't or don't want to cope. Where relationships have fallen apart for my friends its the men who couldn't manage being involved fathers alongside full time work and it's the men who do very little parenting post separation. It's the divorced men I know who are the one's rushing into new relationships not the women, but I certainly wouldn't tar them all and say men can't cope on their own. Mostly these men didn't feel they should have to compromise their quality of life and were stressed and angry about having to support their kids on top of working. I know many strong women and a lot less truly strong resilient men.

I can't imagine ever wanting to even date let alone live with a man again. Very much happy on my own, happy doing it all on my own including raising 3 kids with SN. My ex didn't even want to cope and became increasingly abusive.

PlummyPlumPlum · 21/03/2025 02:54

I have DH but what a load of energy and effort to be in a relationship. I would never have a serious relationship again. I would be single the rest of my life.